Please answer...

[ImInLove232]

My boyfriend and I rarely get enough time with one another. We both work and go to school. Whenever he's at home, he likes to relax by playing video games...at first it bugged me but im used to it now. Lately all we do when we talk on the phone is say 'how the day was' and maybe a couple of texts. I just feel so down lately. I used to try to get a conversation out of him over the phone but then he would whine, and i would whine bc i would want to talk instead of listening to the clicking of his computer keyboard bc of all the silence over the phone.

 

To add to my dilemma, my parents are strict, and i cant get out much over the weekends. he also happens to have friends that i personally think are a bad influence on him. everytime he hangs out with them, he turns into this stuck-up person i dont like to see =(

 

Tonight he's with his friends, hanging out bc he says he doesnt want to 'neglect' them....if anything i feel neglected =( The only thing his friends do is party and go out to clubs...it really makes me worry bc i havent met all of them, so it makes me worry even more. The last time he went out, he was out till 4 am, and all i could do was cry and not go to sleep. Is it bad that i feel like CRAP everytime he hangs out with his friends? Is it normal to feel jealous to the point where I just feel like bawling non-stop? Do you find it fair that he can just go out like that and not be sincere about how i feel about him going out tonight?(Because if he was in my shoes and told me about his feelings, i wouldnt go.)

 

He was going to see them next weekend either way bc of a halloween party we were going to be at with them. I dont understand why he's in such need to see them tonight either =( I'm just really upset and I need someones opinion about this =(

 

-thanks.

[jna35]

I think what you are feeling is normal since you feel he is neglecting you. Do you think you would be bothered if you got more quality time with him or do you just not want him to see is friends? I think it's important that he goes out with his friends and have fun and so should you. Maybe you are more invested in the relationship than he is. Are you both pretty young?

[DN]

Is he with his friends because your parents are strict and won't let you go out? Surely you don't expect him to stay home just because you have to stay home. Perhaps I misunderstood?

[ImInLove232]

I hate to say this, but I used to not care about him hanging out with his friends, but I jsut dont like what they turn him into. We both care very much about eachother, and i trust him, but its my jealousy...you know?.....he's just like me though, and i GUARANTEE he would feel the same way if he were in my shoes. Im 19, he's 21. I'm just not the 'getting drunk kind of girl' so when he has friends that hang out with those kind of ppl, it bothers me and makes me wonder.

[ImInLove232]

no, if i was able to go out tonight, he'd be hanging out with me. he wouldnt even think about hanging out with them.

[ImInLove232]

it just sucks....because he will play his video games for HOURS...and barely talk to me.....bc if i do talk to him, he's not in the mood to talk. yet when he playin his video games and his friends call to hang out hes up and out of that computer chair like lightning. I really love giving and receiving alot of attention, and sometimes i dont feel like im getting as much as im giving

[DN]

I am sending you a pm about how to communicate what you want from him. It may help you - it was a message I sent to someone and have re-sent to a few more people who have found the suggestions in it useful.

[Smarie]

I know exactly how you feel, in a way. My boyfriend is the video game type too and he sits at his computer about 3/4 of the day. But if one of us isnt working, we are constantly together. So I have grown quite accustomed to the computer being around as his second girlfriend. The only time that we are not together is when we are working or when I go home to sleep at night and he comes back and picks me up in the morning. And trust me, its not all its cracked out to be. I mean, dont get me wrong, I like to spend time with him. But every single day we are together and in the rare aoccasion that one of has to do something else it feels really weird because it leaves that empty hole.....what do I do now? Alot of times we end up bickering because it makes you ponder....All of a sudden you have this to do?..... I think that you do have a rite to be upset that he can make time to hang out with his friends but cant make time away from the computer to spend a few choice moments with you. Although, dont be mad at him for going out with his friends when you are not allowed to go.

[stratguy620]

DN, could you send me that message too? I'm in a similar situation myself, and any kind of advice would help...

[jna35]

Just out of curiosity, you are an adult, so why do you allow your parents to control when you go out??????

[sweetheart230]

Its really good that you aren't the drinking type and all, but if thats how he is, then don't try to change him. He is 21 years old and most the guys who are that age that I know go out and drink and party. Its pretty normal. And if he doesn't do it now because you don't like it, he may resent you for it later.