how can i show him i've changed?

[plasticheartsandsmiles]

in order to get back together with me, my ex has, in a roundabout way, said he has to SEE that i've changed and not just hear it from me. i need to SHOW him that i care adn that i'm not selfish anymore. does anyone have any ideas on what i can do (not SAY) to show him i've changed? i buy him random stuff i think he'll like or stuff that reminds me of him, but i dotn want everything i do to be monetary.

 

suggestions would be greatly appreciated

[DiscipleOfChange]

that's a tough one. The thing is, people have to meet each other half way. Your ex can't remain fixated on the past "you." There isn't anything specific you can do except to be yourself. It sounds cliche and maybe it is, but by consciously trying to be different, one often ends up running in circles. Change is one of those quirky things in life that just happens and the harder you try to prove you've changed the harder you "show" rather than say it, the harder it will be for him to come around. The weird thing is, a person who is obviously trying is often perceived as not making progress by those they most desperately want to convince otherwise

 

~Mark

[DN]

It seems that you spemd some time with him - so think of what he like to do and arrange something along those lines. Especially if it's something he knows you are not particularly keen on.

 

It doesn't have to be expensive - something simple like watching football with him, or going to see something he really likes.

[annie24]

Maybe you should start volunteering at a soup kitchen - that will definitely show that you are not selfish.

[chimeraz]

i need to SHOW him that i care adn that i'm not selfish anymore

 

Well... U have either changed or you have not... I'm not sure how you can prove it to someone. If you've changed, your ex would notice.

 

I'm worried that somehow he seems to come out as superior in this relationship... U changing may not help... you both need to change and accept one another if you want to make your relationship work.

[jigsaw]

One thing to consider is that he's going to need time to be open to the idea that you changed. You could change completley, and he's still seeing you as the person he broke up with.. until he's ready to see you in a new light.

 

This is a concern that I have with my ex, I'm keeping no contact until I feel that not only have I changed, but that she is going to be receptive to my changes. Anything too soon will come off as desperate, or fake.

 

I suggest no contact so you can really figure your stuff out and change (grow). The time away will make him approach you differently as well.

 

Good luck!

[caasiopia68]

do something to help a whole group of other people... maybe donations or make him something thats creative and takes up time fofr his birthday or something.

good luck

[caasiopia68]

yea listen to jigsaw

[nataliejulie]

in order to get back together with me, my ex has, in a roundabout way, said he has to SEE that i've changed and not just hear it from me. i need to SHOW him that i care adn that i'm not selfish anymore. does anyone have any ideas on what i can do (not SAY) to show him i've changed? i buy him random stuff i think he'll like or stuff that reminds me of him, but i dotn want everything i do to be monetary.

 

suggestions would be greatly appreciated

 

 

That's what I had/have to do in order for my whatever-he-is-right-now to consider another try.

 

If you want, take a browse through my threads.

 

Showing him you have changed doesn't involve BUYING him things. You have to come to a realization of what you have done wrong, what you didn't like about yourself, what he didn't like about you, what might have caused problems and work on them!

 

For example..... when my ex was cranky, or in a bad mood, I made it worse. I dug and dug and dug and caused fights. Now.. I just let him be. I give him time to cool off.

Or.. I was selfish and always wanted him with ME and never his friends. The other day I asked him to hang out.. he said he had plans with his friend but said, "I could cancel?? I'd feel bad but I dont know?" I told him "Oh, I'm sorry. Go hang out with him, you already made plans! I'll see you tomorrow?"

 

and REMEMBER.. don't ACT! You TRULY HAVE TO CHANGE. The biggest problem with me was me and my impatience. Well, nothing puts me more to the test than waiting for that moment he calls it official. I used to be a mess, wanted all the answers... but I'm learning more and more each day to just go with the flow and let things just happen.

[jigsaw]

yea listen to jigsaw

 

A question I'd love the answer to is, "how do I know if they are ready to see that I've changed?"

[plasticheartsandsmiles]

thanks so much for all of your advice. its true that he's gonna have to do his part too...in trying to see me as a different person and not seeing me as the the same person i was when we dated.

 

i really appreciate all of your advice! thankyou soo much!!!

[SuperDave71]

Are you KIDDING???

 

 

What kind of question is this ??? Why do you have to prove a THING to him..Change for yourself. By asking this question, you are telling me that you HAVEN'T changed at all. You are looking for a desperate way of convincing ( SHowing) you ex that you have. Until you address the problem(S), the solution will never be because you will only be postponing the inevitable. Learn to be happy with yourself. WHat has he done to show you how much he cares? Ask yourself..if I convince him within the next 2 weeks will it ACTUALLY make a real difference?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71 ( Sorry to be a bit harsh here ..I don't mean to be )

[SuperDave71]

I also believe that people are NOT different than when you dated..I believe you are able to see him for what he truly is rather than what he has convinced you he was from the beginning.

 

 

I however could be wrong,,,,

 

 

 

-SuperDave71