should I call?

[juls28]

before everyone says ,"no" in unison,listen...my BF of 5 years broke up with me and I was in terrible pain . I had to have my phone number changed and email changed becasue he wouldn't stop contacting. he wanted to call and talk about whatever but he knew I wanted to get back together and he didn't.

it's been a week and I feel bad that he is going to hear/already heard about the number change from the operator messege. I am feeling a little better and have a clearer head on me. I won't give him the new number if I call , but should I give him a goodbye at least from another phone?

[darkblue]

What would it achieve?

[annie24]

No - I don't think so. Just focus on your healing.

 

Once you are healed, some months or years down the road, I think that you can say hi to him sometime, so I don't really see a use in "goodbye forever." I think that your telling him to stop calling was enough of a "goodbye for now..."

[chai714]

Juls,

I think what you're asking is whether or not calling him and saying "goodbye" will give you more closure.

 

The answer is that it won't, because closure comes from within. You would be better off writing him a letter, telling him how you feel and then burning the letter.

[Mstyiyd]

I agree with the posts above. I think that at this point the emotions are too fresh and you would be better off giving yourself and him time apart. It is really really hard, and I have been having to do this myself recently but at the very least you build up some of your own inner strength and will be better equipped to handle any interactions down the road.

[juicyfruitmama]

I agree with what others are saying here. IYou probably don't want to feel "severed" from him and well, if he gets the message saying your number has been changed, there's a good possibility that he will not pursue it further. That probably is hurting you because of course you still want contact obviously. 5 years is a long time to be dating someone, but you said that he doesn't want to pursue the relationship... - well get mad sister... if a guy really wants a girl, he'll go to the ends of the earth for her. I know for a fact, that he could get your new number if he really tried and wanted to pursue something further with you. Right now, it's too hard. What are you going to get from that connection? Hope... right? Just read as many posts as you can on this board. They will seriously help you put things into perspective and know that you're not in this alone. You will gain more strength by no contact and if this guy REALLY wants to talk to you, he can put 2 and 2 together...

[Blue Skittles]

You won't get over him if you don't break the contact. (Man i should tell myself this over and over). The first little while you will be thinking about him and missing him all the time, but the only way to get better is to go out there on your own and embrace the world. Don't worry about contacting him. You don't need to, it will make you feel worse. You are both about to start a brand new life, so just leave him out of it and be strong! You will do just fine. Just DON'T call him... I know its hard, but force yourself not to. Its really not worth it.

[jenny_mcs]

If you are going to call, make sure all you really, honestly want is a good-bye. I think lots of times people break NC, saying to themselves things like -I just want to say good-bye, or I just wanted to say happy birthday, or I just need to know if he/she wants this sweater/CD/book back. But in reality they have expectations of what will happen w/ the ex. In reality they are hoping that the ex will tell them how much they miss them, or still love them, or want them back.

 

And these expectations rarely get met, which leads to more heartache. Be really, brutally honest with yourself. If you have any other expectations other than you & your ex saying goodbye, don't call. It will only bring you down.

[Copperhead]

I understand how hard it is not to call. My situation is different in that my ex doesn't want me to contact him as he wants to get back I'm not too sure. For his sake I haven't called, not because I don't want to. I find it a bit easier thinking only one day at a time. Concentrating on not contacting him for only makes it a bit less painful than thinking about never talking to him again. I'm sure a day will come when I don't think about it as much or the pain isn't there when I do. It's hard, but a last goodbye can be more painful in the longrun. Hope you're feeling better

[juicyfruitmama]

I made contact with my ex yesterday to give him back some things he left at my place. We have been broken up for a month and you know... I regret doing it. I thought it would be a final closure for me, but sitting there "casually" having coffee with him, I realized that my feelings were still pretty strong yet he looked as though he was moving ON and well, that hurt. Thankfully, I was able to hide it but had to cut our coffee short because I didn't want to say or do anything I'd regret later. I mean, I wanted to hang out with him, talk, laugh, hug, kiss... I kept it together until we said goodbye and then I cried. Before we parted, I asked if he wanted to hang out again (just to see what he'd say I guess) and he said yes, he'd like that but didnt' know how to broach it since he's never been in this situation before (being friends with an ex). After he left, I gave myself a mental slap. What the hell am I doing? I can't be his friend?! Do I want to be his friend? No... I want more and he doesn't. I didn't end it there... later on in the evening, I sent a message saying that I had a good time. That's it. No response back...

 

I feel really angry with myself for losing my dignity and self-control. It hurts that someone whom I care about wants nothing to do with me romantically but on the other hand... it's time for me to start realizing what makes me tick and to focus on myself...not why this didn't work out anymore...

 

NC is definitely the key to moving on. I feel I've regressed by having contact... just feel absolutely gross about it.

 

So... NC all the way. Otherwise, you'll have a heck of a time moving on.