bf that hits me =/

[nychick]

i have been in a relantionship for 4 1/2 years and had a bf who beat me up and i had a guy friend who i met while my bf and me were still going out so he knew what was going on.. that he beat me up and he said to me "any guy who hits a girl is a punk" and i asked him if hew would ever do it he said "never" well i broke up recently with my bf to go out with this guy becasue i liked him alot and wanted to be with him. im in a realntionship with him for 4 1/2 months and he beats me up! yesterday he literally beat the crap out of me because i didnt let him eat cuz i wanted something that he ruefused to give. and the funny thing is, is when we made up yest i asked him "why do u hit me like my ex bf hit me" and he said "cuz i realized ur not a girl ur a stupid *beep* who deserves it" funny thing is, is that my ex bf said the SAME THING. so we have 2 guys here who would never hit girls and are really against it but only ended up hitting me and saying the same response on why they hit me. that is sooo strange

[coolchick]

You know exactly what you have to do. Get out of there! Just like you did with your ex boyfriend. If he does this now then whats your future going to be like? A punchbag who is right under his thumb and probably brags about it to his pals that your "stupid". The only thing stupid about you is that you are still with this guy. Get away from the whole group of people related to these two. You made a mistake by getting involved with his friend, now you have to get clear air and concentrate on yourself and do whatever and whenever you want without the fear of being punched. If you stay with him then im sorry, but you are stupid and proving to him and everyone else that you are.

[nychick]

no no no, its not his friend it is my friend. it is a guy a met and liked right away wen i was stil with my ex well basically the guy i dumped for my ex. but other than the fact he hits me he really is a nice guy

[DN]

no no no, its not his friend it is my friend. it is a guy a met and liked right away wen i was stil with my ex well basically the guy i dumped for my ex. but other than the fact he hits me he really is a nice guy

 

Nice guys don't hit. Leave him, it will only get worse.

[darkblue]

other than the fact he hits me he really is a nice guy

 

Other than the fact, Hitler hated jews and wanted to kill them all, the German's seemed to put up with it!

 

Get out of the relationship now, before you it's too late.

[volution]

There used to be someone on here that I knew that was very much like you - they kept linking up with men that would hurt and hit them, and didn't know how to escape. She seemed to keep being attracted to men that would seem nice on the surface but treat her like crap.

Yet she still stayed with them, hoping to somehow retrieve them.

Did a male family member leave or hurt you at an early age?

[UT]

"cuz i realized ur not a girl ur a stupid bi*ch who deserves it" funny thing is, is that my ex bf said the SAME THING.

 

Well, that because it's an easy get away for people like that. Leave him. He lured you with false promises of security.

 

It's not your fault that they hit you. It's because they too stupid to do anything else. Using violence is only proof of his inability to settle thing in a civilised manner. Get away from him. Don't wait till the end of this month just move in with one of your friends for the time being. Just get away from anyone like that ASAP. He isn't worth it, he isn't worth your pain, your suffering. Don't exchange happiness for mere existence. To live in a abusive home is living in constant fear. Think about the future. You deserve someone better. Take action, break free.

[UT]

Honey, what does your current and ex BF work with/as?

 

(I think I might have a theory)

[Bethany]

Walk away now while you still can, otherwise the other ways out are through paramedics or funerel directors carrying you away.

Dont try to reason with a man like that, he will make you feel like its your fault and in the end you will Feel like it is YOUR fault.

He will grind you down and make you feel like you are not worthy of love and somehow deserve to be beaten. It will NEVER be your fault. Nobody deserves to be treated like a dog and kicked and punched like they are nothing. You are someone who is loved by other people, your parents, your friends but most definitely you NOT loved by anyone who would want to hurt you. Love is not about being beaten. Its ABUSE AND NOTHING BUT ABUSE.

RUN, FOREST, RUN.

[redandblack]

Violence is NEVER acceptable in a loving, committed and respectable relationship. Dump him NOW and find someone who is up to your standards. DO NOT settle for this, you truly deserve much much better.

[TiredMan]

I think there is more to this than you are telling.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

"why do u hit me like my ex bf hit me" and he said "cuz i realized ur not a girl ur a stupid *beep* who deserves it" funny thing is, is that my ex bf said the SAME THING.

 

I think the phrase "the lady doth protest too much" covers that. If you don't get that allusion, I'll explain. This guy had the fact that he hits women on his mind so much that he had to denounce it in order to look innocent. In order to lure you to him. It's so hard to understand, when you love someone, why they would do such things. I had a boyfriend who was like this and I had the worst time leaving him, but I am so glad I did.

 

He would profess how women shouldn't be disrespected, he would profess to be SUCH a gentleman, and then he would treat me like proverbial human waste.

 

You mentioned that he is such a nice guy otherwise. I bet the good times are really good, aren't they? Well, that's how these things work --- that is the pattern of them. Basically, the good times are so much better than the bad times that you feel artificially wonderful when times are good. Know what I mean? It's like a high...and it's addictive. My guy was like that...the good times were SOOOOOO good that it made it hard to write him off, because 'he'll change!' Well, they don't change.

 

So the only thing you can do is leave this guy. There are relationships where you can have a great guy who does everything for you that he's supposed to and you don't get hit. I'm in one now. You can find that. Believe me, abuse only gets worse...and god forbid you have children with this waste of flesh...then they will learn that this is normal and you'll have to sit and watch them either beat their girlfriend or take their own beatings...

 

Just leave...there are much better things out there for you if you will open yourself to them by getting rid of this punk.

[Miss M]

"why do u hit me like my ex bf hit me" and he said "cuz i realized ur not a girl ur a stupid *beep* who deserves it" funny thing is, is that my ex bf said the SAME THING.

 

I think the phrase "the lady doth protest too much" covers that. If you don't get that allusion, I'll explain. This guy had the fact that he hits women on his mind so much that he had to denounce it in order to look innocent. In order to lure you to him. It's so hard to understand, when you love someone, why they would do such things. I had a boyfriend who was like this and I had the worst time leaving him, but I am so glad I did.

 

He would profess how women shouldn't be disrespected, he would profess to be SUCH a gentleman, and then he would treat me like proverbial human waste.

Phrecklesrsesy, I was struck by the clarity in your post. Understanding and explaining this kind of confusion is difficult, but you described it well.

 

It's also such a typical strategy for abusive guys to get into relationships by rescuing an abused woman from her abuser. He starts off by validating her, endearing her, but he also already knows she's susceptible to abuse. He'll gladly tell her what a louse her bf is, that she needs to get away from him. But he's the same exact kind of louse, only she doesn't find that out until later. And for an abused woman this is an awful cycle to get stuck in over and over.

 

When a guy like this sees a woman who's been beat up, he actually lights up with excitement because he knows he's found someone who he can also beat up. All he has to do is get her away from the other guy. And when this new one hits her, he suddenly agrees with the previous bf that she deserves to be hit. This is just the worst kind of bait and switch, but sadly it happens a lot.

[RandomAdvisor]

I think there is more to this than you are telling.

 

Seconded.

 

Reading through her old posts it's clear she's left out some details, and when she spoke of problems with her ex when she was with him, she never mentioned he was hitting her. However, that doesn't change that fact that she should leave this loser. She deserves better.

[metallicachica247]

completely unhealthy relationship. you need to leave it and get help.

[blueydchica]

you need to give sometime for yourself and stop thinkin that you need a man, stop jumping from man to man, take sometime for you, and get know you,and what you want...and get rid of this foo, because you deserve man who is not going to hit you, or treat you like crap in any way...take it from me, i was exactly like you, i was with 3 differnt men who beat the crap out of me...2 tried to kill me.. and now i have a awesome man who treats me like gold and he doesnt talk down to me or treat me like an animal... so those men are out there, keep ur head up, and be by yourself for a while, and when you least expect it, the right person will come along..so dont trip babygirl, theres always a brighter day.

[blueydchica]

I think there is more to this than you are telling.

 

i kinda have a feeling that you are a wife beater urself, no woman desesrves that kind of treatment, no matter what she does...if a man lets himself get to that point, then he needs help. and of a woman hits him first then he needs to leave her alone.

[snowgirl]

no woman desesrves that kind of treatment, no matter what she does...if a man lets himself get to that point, then he needs help.

Seconded.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Yes, this is exactly what my previous bf did. I had mentioned that my ex H used to verbally/mentally abuse me and he told me how that guy was such a louse blah blah, "I'm going to take you away from all that." Yeah right.

 

Thanks for the compliment.

 

For the other posters -- whether she's leaving something out or not is not really germane -- the bottom line is that if she's being slapped around, she should leave, because no matter what the cause, it's just not healthy and will escalate.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Your post almost made me cry. One person hitting you is downright awful. Two "boyfriends" hitting you is absurd! You do not deserve to be hit by anyone. My question to you is, do you think you deserved to be hit by them? If not then I cannot understand why you are even considering staying in this "relationship" one more iota.

 

but other than the fact he hits me he really is a nice guy

This statement is alarming. Ok, if you were to list all of these "nice" qualities in your boyfriend, do they make up for you being beaten? The answer is no. I don't care if he donated 10 gajillion dollars to charities accross the globe. Or if he is sweet to you on "most days", or if he is the best sex you've ever had. Nothing is worth taking beatings at all because beatings don't stop. If he can get away with it again and again, he will do it again and again. And then there will be no reason as to why you are being hit. First it'll be because you did such and such, then because you did so and so, then it'll be just because. Beatings don't subside, they intensify. He has problems he needs to deal with and you need to get away now. Not tomorrow, now. After this post.

 

And one more piece of advice. Please work on your self esteem. You need to search deep down in your soul and ask yourself why you allow two guys to beat you, let alone one. I say this because there is a pattern where you could meet yet another guy who will beat on you. And the weird thing is, you may not even realize it until it's too late.

 

Whatever happens to you, I wish you good luck.

[yeawutever]

What a pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Using that lame excuse of why he hits u, cuz ur not a gal, lol. No No and No its never right to hit a partner in a relation. Wut he needs is a soap in his mouth and ur ur feet kicking him in the a** out the door. He's full of Bs with false promises.