Do not understand my boyfriend...What should I do?

[long_for_me]

I gues I need to vent.

 

My boyfriend of three years is going on a hike for a week with his exgirlfriend and two of her friends. I am not invited to go along.

I am not jealous of her. However, he did not tell me about the hike until yesterday amd he is leaving tomorrow. I feel left out. He claims that he did not tell me because he was concerned that we will have an argument?!!! I am seriously annoyed and worried about such a claim and his behaviour. Do you think that that's OK behaviour?

 

I do not want to appear controlling, but I do feel left out.

 

 

Thanks

[slave2love]

UNBELIEVABLE...............sorry, but UNBELIEVABLE

 

Well, don't know about that, clearly 3 years is a long time, way too long for that kind of behaviour to be acceptable......she is an ex for a reason and you not finding out about this till the day before the trip shows that he has 'zilch' respect for you.

 

first of all, you are clearly not happy about that and you don't need to hide your feelings as he clearly didn't hide his about why he neglected to tell you about the inpending trip......so I suggest you find a way to vent your hurt (the way you know best) and don't be a doormat!

 

Secondly, the excuse he used about not wanting an argument shows that he knows that you will not be happy about the trip, yet he chooses to hurt your feelings to go on a trip with his ex????? UNBELIEVABLE......sorry to say, but he probably wouldn't let you go off with your ex on any kind of date, talkless of a hike......PLLEEASSEEE! Is anyone else feeling me??????????????? Sounds like you need to react, but not by argument but 'with your female intuition......get it???

 

Peace

[djedix]

He has no respect for you.

[lunatic]

Let him go but, let him know that when he comes back your not going to be there. I agree with the other posts here that he has no respect for you. He knew that you would not be happy about this trip and thats why he did not tell you till the zero hour.

Personally, I would have told him that it is over if he goes. Plus a week long hike?

You have every right to be pissed and feel left out.

[Willow_Moon]

This is a toughie!! How can I say anything constructive to you when all I want to do is say, "dump his [censored]."

 

Earlier post pointed out the obvious... there is only one situation that I can think of that might make this acceptable, and that is if this is some sort of school or church activity. If this is just him and his pals going on a camping trip just 'cause; then he needs to excuse himself from the activity - period. Even if his ex is a master hiker and you have no interest in hiking at all, this is simply not appropriate. His keeping it from you until the very last minute just sucks and is the main reason you should - IMHO - send him packing.

[lunatic]

*clears throat* I agree with Willow_Moon!

[WildChild]

I readily concur with the others

[shes2smart]

No matter WHO he was going with, to wait until the last minute to tell you he was going on this trip was just rude. His excuse about not wanting to argue is lame....and it says to me two things: 1. on some level he realizes it's inappropriate and 2. he's kinda wimpy...that's a really spineless way to deal with things.

 

I agree with the above poster who said let him go, but don't be there when he gets back.

[love_is_key]

Babygirl... dump his heine... and tell him under no uncertain terms is he to insult your intelligence like that! There is no rationalization acceptable to explain why he's chosen to take a hike with an ex-girlfriend... and my thinking is... why did he not "just" go ahead... what made him tell you at the last minute... was he looking for a nasty argument to fuel his intentions on going... or to take some slack off of his guilt? Either way, what he's doing is a major no-no... and certainly a situation warranting you putting your foot down. Three years is a long time... I know you love him... so realistically... I don't really expect you to end it just like that. But... act in a way that will cause him to do one of two things... either he'll leave you (if he does you'll be better off... believe me), or he'll never do this again. I'd even venture to say... "DO YOU"... meaning... whatever or whoever you find pleasure in... have some fun without shame or guilt...

[dancesinquicksand]

I'm not sure stooping to his level is going to help you cope.

 

I agree that you should not on any level believe that this is a harmless hike. I also agree that it would be a bad idea to start an argument. He really is just looking for a reason not to feel guilty. You need to not give him that reason.

 

Maybe this is a good time to take a long look at the last 3 years. If he is treating you like this now. He probably hasn't been all that great of a bf. In the past. Do you really want to invest anymore of your time with someone that obviously thinks so little of your feelings

[long_for_me]

Thanks for your replies, I agree with them. He has been gone now for a cople of days. Before he went

I confronted him and we had a long talk. It is time for me to reassess the situation...

 

Thanks a lot! Good luck