age matters... frustrated

[BlueCoconut]

I've got a problem with age. age age age. i still remember being told as a kid,"you'll understand when you grow up". Now I'm a university student and it still baffles me as i'm younger than the average age here.

 

I'm 20. Most of my friends (98%) age somewhere between 21 and 26. A couple are my age or younger. Most people I meet are older than me. What's the problem? None so far! I don't look my age, generally I noticed women give me a year older than they are. Numbers vary from 23 to 27. Most I got was 30!

 

I eventually got over the fact that I actually prefer those older women and avoided the topic of age for a while. My last girlfriend was 6 years older than me (she didn't look it!) and didn't know my age until we were already dating. and Neither did I. Now the ick is... whenever I meet a gorgeous, drop dead beautiful girl, the moment they find out my age, even though we ahve a had a dazzlinly hilarious and fun time, they seem to suddenly fade and diseappear in thin air.

 

So you tell me, am I going to have to lie? I'm usually very honest and straight forward. It upsets me because a couple days ago I met a girl who probabl y fitted 96% of the dream girl characteristics, fun, crazier than me, but she just didn't find it so ok than she was a couple years older than me.

 

Come to think about it... none of the girls I have ever actually dated knew my age until later...

[avman]

Don't feel bad about something you can't change. You are 20. Thats just the way it is. If a potential partner can't handle it, that is nothing against you. Just be who you are, you'll find someone who is a good match.

 

Now if you lie about your age and your partner discovers it - that DOES say something about you. That makes you deceptive and manipulative. Thats not what you want I'm sure.

[Meow18]

Don't make it so hard on yourself. Age is something you can't change and you shouldn't worry about changing who you are, especially when it's something you can't change. Girls need to like you for the whole you. Lying won't work because they will find out eventually and then that would just make things worse. Better to just not get involved with them than lie about something to make them like you.

 

What kind of girl would, after having a great time with you, reject you because of your age? That's kind of shallow (or maybe there's a better word). If these girls care so much about something as stupid as age, especially when you get a long so well, then they probably care a lot about other stupid things too, so maybe it's better that you don't get more involved with them.

 

Age should not be important to people. Of course it would be different if you were like 13 or something, but you are an adult. What should be important is how good you get a long. I'm sorry so many girls seem to have a problem with it. That's not right.

 

The only thing I could think of is, being older, maybe they might think they are at a different place in life. Maybe they are looking to settle down, but think that at your age, you probably aren't. That's not really anyones fault and still isn't that great of an excuse for not still giving it a try.

 

Just give it time. You will find someone who either doesn't care about your age, or someone who closer to your age, who also doesn't care.

[lisica]

I am 28 and my bf is 21. I sometimes joke "why don't you have an older brother?" ;-) but I never ever considered not being in a relationship with him simply because of the age difference. This is to give you an example that not all girls are that stupid ;-)

 

I would not lie to a girl about your age, but if the topic does not come up in the conversation, you don't have to bring it up either. It will probably get easier when you get older, e.g. when you pass the treshold of 21.

[thewriterslife]

If people think you're older than you really are, I'm thinking that it also has a lot to do with how you carry yourself and that's highly commendable. No, I wouldn't lie. I'd be proud of the fact that others thought I was older (of course, you'll hate it when you get older, lol). Just be yourself. Don't be something you're not and you'll attract the ones you are meant to be with.

[leap]

Not caring about your age, or the age gap, comes with maturity. I'm not neccessarily saying you're immature, but the older you get, the less age will matter.

Just make genuine comments about how close you feel to her, how much fun she is, how you love how well you two get along and so on.

I suggest just being confindent and secure about who you are. That's what will make you attractive to her. She might have to think it over and face her own fears about what other's think, but keep pursuing the friendship and eventually, you'll win her heart.

[volution]

Its a truly pathetic world that we live in, my friend, but 95% of people are age prejudiced (when it comes to relationships, anyway). It's sick, it's wrong, it's evil, it's cruel, it's stupid... But there isn't anything you can do about it...

 

I believe age prejudice is worse than racism - because you can't change the colour of your skin, but you do get older, and then people take you more seriously - what hypocrisy...

[OceanEyes]

I believe age prejudice is worse than racism

 

This is a bold statement. Are you sure about that?

 

Age is important to some people. I don't understand why it's necessary to refer to people as "shallow" just because they are interested in meeting/ dating people of their own age.

 

However, that being said, it doesn't seem right that after having a great time with someone, they would still seemed turned off at the fact that you're a bit younger. Women tend to have more of a preference to date men a bit older than them. It could be that she assumes that your age difference will start to show eventually. And speaking from experience, it ususally does (whether the person is older or younger).

 

Lying about your age to 'get' a girl will actually make you seem immature. A girl who is really into you, and right for you, won't judge you based on your age. She will give you a chance to open up and show her who you really are, inside and out.

[southpaw]

Don't lie.

 

My boyfriend is 21 and I'm 24. The right girl for you isn't going to care how old you are...who knows, maybe you'll fall for a younger girl next time. Hopefully you'd give them a shot in the same way you want older women to give you a chance.

[volution]

It's fine for people to say "The 'RIGHT ONE' won't mind about your age" - but it's limp comfort for those who believe that compatibility is based on interests and beliefs rather than just physical age.

 

For example - If you're 20, but you don't give a damn about partying, meaningless sex and all the stereotypical traits associated with that age, and instead prefer commitment, old films, real music, old buildings, the countryside, etc., then you've got little chance of having a relationship AT ALL for a long time (until those of your age mature, but why should you have to wait for them, or have to put up with prostitutes or 'fun' unserious relationships?)

Let me say that around 90% of people think Age is a factor in relationships (AT ANY AGE - eg: 90% of 20 yr olds and 90% of 40 yr olds will think age matters).

So you've got 90% less chance than people who just settle for someone of their own age, even if they are totally incompatible with them.

 

The only communication I have ever received from older women has been rude, insulting and downright humiliating with regards to relationships. I've been told "Oh I thought it was a misprint... I thought you were 32 not 23...", "I'm older than you, but I have a young heart and like partying and stuff", "Oi... I think you're too young for me, but I'm still sending you this message...".

 

This really does my self-esteem and confidence the world of wonders...

[SexySadie7]

Well.. bluecoconut.. maybe they really like you but you got to remember one thing.. It seems the whole world seems to frown on couples where the woman is much older than the man...

I know it's all about biology.. but really who's to say that a younger man/older woman couldn't be happy and compatible..

It's a prejudice i fight myself.. because i happen to like guys who are at least a bit younger than me.. They tend to have a better attitude, are more active and aren't so stuck in their ruts yet.

Maybe the Demi Moore's/Ashton Kutchner will teach the world something...

Age is just a number..

I would tell them though.. it's going to come out sooner or later.

[atomic]

I have the complete reverse problem! I feel for you. I'm 25 and look 21 (tops) - never been out with a girl over 21 either. Hang on.... am I complaining?

[blueberrypie]

My ex was 21 and I was 26 when we began to date. After we broke up, people kept saying that I should have seen it coming mostly because of our age difference. (I'm an asian born asian and he is a white american, so we have race issue, too.) Even my parents say that I shouldn't have get into a relationship with him, that I should have known better because I was older than him, so supposedly wiser than him. People saying that hurts me more than the breakup itself. Anyways, my point is that maybe those women was afraid of how people think. Or they thought that they shouldn't get into a relationship with a person way younger than them. If that's the case, I don't think lying about your age would be a good way to get rid of that problem.

I have a question for you. When you were in a relationship with an older women, did it give you a pressure on you?

[langford]

These girls that can't get past your age might just be rational instead of romantic - there are realities about age gap relationships that they may just not want to deal with e.g their friend's/family reaction,differences in life experience/maturity,doubts about your intentions.I know I went through it.

 

I definitely believe age is'nt indicative of a person's character but for some people the other things that go along with an age gap relationship are enough to make them put their feelings aside.