BlueCoconut

I think I'm suffering from a trauma, a terrible trauma that I need to ... get over with.... so I'm asking for your help. I broke up with my ex girlfriend two years ago. Add or take a couple months. I'm well over her, I made the decision after all. That was a traumatizing relationship... big time. She used to cry rivers, and never in my life have I ever felt bad, hated myself that much,for being the cause of another's tear. (main reason I broke up with her). She would cry for many things, and getting her to tell me about it was another struggle... and it'd be ok, and then again. At a point, I felt I caused her more tears and pain than joy. Hence I left... So that was two years ago, I haven't had any meaningful relationship since. So today, while I think about this attractive lady I know, and would love to date, and realize she has the same birthdate as my ex, and one of my best friends. I can't help but to think... what if, this happens again? What if I cause her pain and make her unhappy? What if she cries rivers too because of me?! I never want to go through that again.... but with very new person, I can't help but to wonder... then usually I won't date them. And I'll go look for someone there's little chance I'll get anywhere with. (You know... like dating someone, I'm nearly sure has little to no interest in me..., and letting all the good ones get away). I know, that's crazy... Fix me now. please...?

from the self proclaimed attractive guy: Of course looks are advantageous, silly, who'd deny it? But if you think they matter more than 50% of the decision, then .... (****). ok do you agree or disagree with this statement "BAD LOOKS ARE NOT ENOUGH TO STOP ME FROM MEETING HOT AND ATTRACTIVE WOMEN, MAYBE EVEN SOME REALLY INTERESTING AND INTELLIGENT ONE" I don't care how bad your smile is, unless you scare stone statues and wall portraits , it can't be that bad Don't portray confidence, be confidence. women have an eye we don't for seeing through that stuff. Uh-oh, the North American, ego-centric "me first" individualism is returning... I'd better brace myself here. Ugh. And what kind of attitude walks around thinking, "Well, I can't get attached to anyone, lest they leave me...?" Horrible. I thought I was cynical and cautious...! And I shouldn't have to move just to meet a woman, that's a bit much. You should not have to move to meet a woman, only if you can't find one you like enough. Move to a bigger city, being the foreign guy is hot. (don't ask me why, female psychology ) If I did what you suggested the next time I saw a good looking female, she'd give me a dirty look, tell me to drop dead and walk off. This type of thing may work for you (a self-proclaimed attractive guy), but if I tried it, I'm pretty sure I would get the reaction I just mentioned. What do you have to lose? Now, another thing... assuming you were really ugly (which by my judgment you are not, then again... i'm a guy) ... and assuming that God was somewhat fair. If you don't have the looks, then God must have given you another talent/ gift. So really, first step attractiveness isn't that helpful. Take it from someone who looks good enough to attract them, and is still working on developing a more interesting personality to keep them. Good looks really help if you are looking for one night stands. Now put a smile on that face! You can fake that if you want to. but do it. P'ce and Good luck. Keep looking to the sky, for tomorrow holds a brighter day.

Aaaaah!! lol For a pretty smart guy, you are actually quite funny. Really... lol. Though it might be time to divert that energy to more.... positive means. So allow me to start my reply from now on.... Well, I was going to agree that for the ugly, antisocial person, there are not too many chances. Add being christian and not drunk, chances get slimmer... It's all true. BUT ... ugliness is NOT attractiveness. Take my word for it. Ugliness does not even equate sexiness. I have a friend, big guy, not exactly what you'd call top shape model, but maaan... the girls I see him date are quite outstandingly beautiful (last I spoke to him, he broke up with his stripper gf). Looks don't matter that much. really. I'll confirm that for myself. I think, I'm a pretty good looking guy, and I'm told so every once and then. "You should try modeling" . Now, you might think I get all the girls and have no problem whatsoever, but not so. (Although that might be an entire discussion problem). I have been single for the past two yearss now. (Mostly my fault, I'm pickier than the average supermodel, or I'm just crazy... out of topic anyway) Are you convinced? Looks don't matter. Take it from a guy who used to find himself pretty unattractive. ~And in the worst case, most looks can be fixed to at least average. Sociability. You are shy? No kidding! I used to be too. I still think I am (though a few people will contest that statment) I used to be the man that read books all the time, played videogames, and stayed home all the time. Then things happened and I was found knowing a lot of people on every block. I still maintain that I'm shy. Screw it if you are shy, you don't have to remain shy. here's my question : Do you want to stop being shy? The first step , starts with a smile. Next time you go out there, put a smile on your face. Just a natural, ( "I look like I'm happy " smile). Smiles are very attractive. Smile at strangers... and walk on. I'm not even telling you to start a conversation, but a smile is a wonderful thing. Screw your weight, your muscles and all that physical appearance. It doesn't matter enough. (Do I sound convincing enough or am I repeating myself?) What attracts is the way you carry yourself, that confident vibe you give out, that turns heads around. Here's my offer: Why don't you STOP looking for a girl. yea, STOP. STOOOP. I'm telling, you don't need a girlfriend. You definetely DON'T need one. What you need, is to be happy. So stop looking, wanting one for sometime. Call it a break. And then go find the things that make you happy, follow your dreams. Ignore the woman factor, focus on the you factor. Two reasons I'm saying this: 1.a Your happiness should be independent of anyone else. Because if you are too reliant on a gf to provide you with all the joy you need in life, the moment she walks out, you'll shatter. Pursuing your own desires, and doing things for yourself to love your life. and the h*ll with love and passion and all that. (Say a six month break?) Find the things in life that you love, and live your life for yourself. b. if you want to meet someone, you have to be out there. I have yet to see someone meet the love of their life while staying home. But don't go out there to meet someone, but to have fun. Take music classes, cooking classes, go hike, ski, whatever. Enjoy life, because it's a lot shorter than it looks. (unless u live a century or so...) 2. It's amazing how things appear when you stop looking for them. and if nothing works, well you can always move out of town! For the guy who doesn't like clubs, or bars or hotline dating... well, I find there are the worst places to meet people. Clubs are too loud, bars often seem to lead to drunkeness and online dating ... not my thing. But if there are hundreds of hot women walking by you on a daily basis... why go so far? well try this: Next time a pretty girl walks by you, try stopping her and asking her if she's single. Most likely she'll be in surprised. And if she is, ask her for a number and tell her exactly what you think. You'd like to talk to her again. Keep it short, keep it sweet and mysterious (not too mysterious though). Shows off as confidence. I've tried a few times myself, and it took me a few tries and some practice before I succeeded almost every other time. bah...

This question is for ladies... How do I keep your attention, once we have broken the ice?

I concur... ain't no painless way. But the longer you'll drag on, the worst it will be. The best thing you can do is be honest with him and tell him, the sooner the better.

Before you get started and all that... Jack off.

It's a beautiful day outside. The image you have of yourself is the one you project. Comes down to that if you view yourself as a worthless creature, you will be seen as a worthless creature (more or less). So you don't have the confidence to exude, and appeal...? By the way, attraction isn't so much about looks. Physical Attraction will get you to talk to the girl, after those 3 mns, you 're on your own. (that's where you get the opportunity to shine with your persona). I agree with pretty much what everyone else said. Now to get the girl, stand straight and if really you don't think you have a single chance then stop caring so much about it. Put a smile on your face and live your life for yourself. Put sex and love out of your mind and live your life for yourself, do things that make you happy. When you can have fun, with your friends and just live to enjoy the moment NOT caring if a girl is crazy about you or not, it comes off as confidence. In less terms, work at being happier with who you are, and the unexplainable auras of confidence that you will have in the things you do, the way you behave will surely turn some heads your way. So work at meeting people, on a perfectly platonic basis, and if she turns out to be somewhat very interesting to you, you could ask her for a date then. But let's keep it platonic now and meet more women. Then you could also try "The System" (google that) --- Sex is good usually. depends of how you feel relating with your partner. sex can be bad, if you stop being attracted to your partner (or if you're doing favors). everyone is stimulated differently, so the wrong partner could be unable to fulfill your desires and bring satisfaction. (like they are doing it all wrong-- that's where communication becomes really important.

They are things about myself, that I want to change. But I don't know where nor how to start. Per example I need to stop being so undecisive... Any advice or suggestions?

i can't stop thinking about you... hmm... in guy language. it probably just means that he has developed an interest in you, big enough for you to disturb his regular go abouts and set itself in his thoughts. in a much simpler gibberish: Let's spend more time together?

If itches so much in me, it can't keep the words to myself and I feel I must speak to someone of it. I met this lady, beautiful, attractive magnetic at my friend's house. She came with a girl and a guy. Somewhere along the night, the guy was saying : this guy is dancing with my girl! (i'm the guy in question) Anyway, I only realized way after the party and don't remember which of the two i danced with. I was in one of those good moods of mine where I could hit on your girlfriend without intending it at all. Anyway after the party I was speaking to my friend who organized the party and she told me that girl B was going out with the guy. Oops... oh well. I had gotten both their numbers. SO a couple weeks later I called girl A. We hung around together and studied together once. It was quite pleasureable and I grew a strong desire for her. Then the next day, I speak to my guy friend (also at the party) who tells me that girl A is the guy's girlfriend! Think about my confusion? Did my friend make a mistake? I sincerely hoped so, but which of them? Anyway, a week later, I have done all in my power to clean my heart out of any attraction I have felt.but that week later, a couple days ago, I speak to girl A and we laugh as we always do. She's quite likeable, even loveable. but i don't know if she has a boyfriend of mine. We spoke three hours at least that night, and at a point we find ourselves with her telling me that she wants to go out with me, that she is afraid to be falling in love with me. And i don't know, because I'm thinking, doesn't she have a boyfriend. At a point I asked her and she told me she did not. Later on the night, she tells me she does. See this entire conversation was done while joking, so I 'm not too sure if she meant what she said. We spoke a lot, and she starts saying that the two of us, it couldn't work. And i don't know if it's because she has a boyfriend (if she does) or she just wants me to tell her otherwise. i'm starting to hope she does not love another and that i would be able to freely fall again for her.... this morning, she calls me and visits me twenty minutes or so later. Quite a surprise! But i was not in the best of my energy and she grew bored after a bit. We were supposed to hang out later on that day, maybe. I hoped so, so much , I canceled plans with other friends. When I call her back that night, she's watching a movie and says she'll call me back. End result, she doesn't feel like going out anymore. Pisses me off, because I was so eager to see her. I call her back when I get home, 1 am ish... and we talk and she tells me we'd be best of as friends. she tells me it couldn't work out because she's taken and others. (but is she really??!!?) I have trouble believing that she is when I find her home by herself on a weekend ( what kind of man would let that be?) I feel she wants me to tell her otherwise. I think she wanted me to kiss her when she visited me. I think she wanted more. but i don't know...! I know I want ... her... We end up speaking of how friendship is easier than love. It's 6 am and she haunts my dream (perfect for halloween ) and i woke up and came her to tell you all this. I'm not sure what to do... maybe take a week away and hang out, see if i can calm this desire. or... ???? moments like this, I hate it how I can grow strong feelings for people. All at the same I'm afraid to fall to deep if it cannot be (she loves another)... it's one obstacles for me. And all at the same I want to take the time to get to know her, it's too easy to go so fast. but i'm not sure i would be able to be just "friends" with her.

I've got a problem with age. age age age. i still remember being told as a kid,"you'll understand when you grow up". Now I'm a university student and it still baffles me as i'm younger than the average age here. I'm 20. Most of my friends (98%) age somewhere between 21 and 26. A couple are my age or younger. Most people I meet are older than me. What's the problem? None so far! I don't look my age, generally I noticed women give me a year older than they are. Numbers vary from 23 to 27. Most I got was 30! I eventually got over the fact that I actually prefer those older women and avoided the topic of age for a while. My last girlfriend was 6 years older than me (she didn't look it!) and didn't know my age until we were already dating. and Neither did I. Now the ick is... whenever I meet a gorgeous, drop dead beautiful girl, the moment they find out my age, even though we ahve a had a dazzlinly hilarious and fun time, they seem to suddenly fade and diseappear in thin air. So you tell me, am I going to have to lie? I'm usually very honest and straight forward. It upsets me because a couple days ago I met a girl who probabl y fitted 96% of the dream girl characteristics, fun, crazier than me, but she just didn't find it so ok than she was a couple years older than me. Come to think about it... none of the girls I have ever actually dated knew my age until later...

break up with him. break up break up does not love u enough to trust you again don't even wait till june 4th, heack break up now. he does not deserve you. the june 4th, is the only excuse he figured out and if it helps, i don't think it would be healthy in the long run for you, I feel your mate should make you feel good about yourself. Your bestfriend is more important than this man, and I'm sure, when it will get ugly, when it got ugly, she was there for you. So go to that wedding and live happy. Please don't let your fear of being alone control your decisions. May you find a greater love who can respect and appreciate you.

well I didn't go. I know she had invited me for lunch. Anyways, she was not very happy about it when i told her i couldn't come. i'm not ready to see her, and i think it would have been a huge step back to see her again. now i will just have to figure out, when and if I should see her again before she departs.... I think I should. I can already feel the luggage of emtions she will throw at me.... eeh I hate it. Maybe I should just avoid her and simply lose all connections.

My ex girlfriend has invited me over for tomorrow. She said she wanted to keep a promise she made a long time ago. though i really appreciate what she wants to do, I don't feel comfortable about it. I initially said I would come but.... now I'm not sure it is a good idea. I just don't feel comfortable about it. The strangeness of being at her place on a totally different basis... We have agreed to remain friends. I'm not sure I'm ready to see her again yet.... ... specially not at her place, with all the memories of the past returning... I know it is just for dinner. It is just, me & her, at her place with no one else but her roommate... does not put me at ease. Am I over reacting or something...

yes... so clear it up... i don't think he s serious anywayz, otherwise would be begging you to move with you. move on...

Sounds like you really like each other, or just can't keep your hands to yourselves together. lol. Things like that make me wonder... if she would be your ONE... Well as a supporter and student of the no long distance rule, I say remain friends. You are falling in love woth her, funny how distances amplify emotions. Surely if they were no distance, it would a duty for the two of you to be together in the name of happiness. don't know what to tell you either, but may the best of luck be with you. Now, IF she is the ONE, well time will bring her around again. I suggest, you remain great friends, talk a bit less, and see other people, get together every once then, keep in touch. and if she is, time can wait till you are done with school. Until then, enjoy life and know other people... Best of luck!

well... mm because your sisters are friends. sounds to me like a lame last second excuse. If she was crazy enough about you, it really should not matter. Anyway, cheer up man! The way I see it, the fun you HAD was good, but is now over. So pick it, go off charm so other ladies and give them a few calls. I think there is a hint she does not want to date you anymore and just does not want to hurt you. So when you tell her you have feelings for her, it upsets her because in a way, she can not find a nicer way to tell you to just stop. So really, I think that is the truth, she just does not want you like that anymore. Move on and carry no hope of returning to her, --- > go seduce, charm and get to know some other hot girls!

So there was this girl I had a crush on in High School, that was at least three years ago. I tried getting together with her, she stopped returning my calls. It stopped there, we occasionally talked together when we met. That was it. University, ending my third year... She just transfered here. I ran to her a few times, I still think she has pretty eyes. Anyhow, we just had a friendly talk. Now although I think she is pretty hot and all that, considering my previous failure, I'm sure I would much rather be no more than a friend now. I do admit that years ago, I day dreamed of what it would be like if she moved hereand I dated her. lol... Anyhow, last time as I was talking to her, the strangest thing occurred, not that the conversation was incredible or anything, but I started hearing my heart beat faster. Does she make me nervous? Or do I have the bad luck of having feelings for her? If you ask me if I would date her now, I'm pretty indifferent, at least so I think,... Opinions?

i guess opinions are divided. But for me, taller girls are no turn on. you could say i'm average height, about 5' 11 and mm the idea of dating girls taller than me is not appealing. Sure I'll take a girl at most a couple of inches taller than me. Now do I find shorter girls more attractive? Not really... Specially when they are really short, I mean... I'm not big fan of having to bend all the way down, I would simply prefer someone close to my own height, So I can just look straight into those eyes... Besides, the taller they are.. the more places there are to caress and tease

THANKS A LOT EVERYONE, FOR THE ADVICE!!

I broke up with my girlfriend almost a week ago. details are in a previous post. my question is, is it impossible to be friend with someone after a break up? I still care for her and I seldom run into her on campus. A couple days ago we went to a coffee shop together, we had a good time together. And today she comes to me at work, and i can see in her eyes that she wants to be back with me, but I know I do not want that. And she cries and says that i do not care for her and leaves off in a rush... she still wants to hang out together, and i would like that too except that i'm a bit worried. She still loves me very much, but do you think I should cut and stop all contact with her? I don't want to do that, but I'm afraid I'm just prolonging her pain... I'm also afraid of what is going to happen if she finds me going out with another girl, not that she is the type to be aggressive, but she would hurt quite a lot. So... advice, please help! Should i remove her out of my life? or for a while? One of the reasons I broke up with her is that she was my lover, she was not my friend...

hmm... as a general rule... I would suggest never getting a girls number form her friends because it implies : --> you have no guts to ask yourself --> ok that 's scary. somekind of psycho? And even if you don't have the courage to, it would be best if she does not know that. In the future, just go ahead and say "Hello" and introduce yourself. Then you can run off and get her number from other people. But it would be great to meet her first. And if that can't wait, a call is indeed better than text messaging.... my point is.. sending her a message when she does not even know who exactly you are may not make her very comfortable.

Yup, I used to get hit on a lot then. Now that we broke up, I still get hit on, but a lot less. I think as everyone else said, when you are dating some you display a lot more confidence, and you pay very little or no attention to all those trillion women. Results is you appear to them as a challenge, and seeing your girl's happiness... jeaousy? Or could it be just because you are not looking for their attention. I noticed that on those days where I cared little for women around me, they hit on me a lot more, and when another i would be in the mood to flirt around it would reverse. Oh well... but I would like to know too if it happens to women too. Though I doubt it, because most guys I know won't hit an attached woman, and if they will it really won't make a difference whether or not she is attached. They probably get hit on as much as before or less.

LOL.... i could argue, that although the 12th house.. pisces aree over sensitive. I'm definetely avoiding any girls that can't stop crying for no reasons or so. my fav water sign is undoubtetly scorpio. but after all... who cares, this is not a competition

Gemini taslking here too. I don't know many scorpios, I do know a scorpio girl. i admit to have been attracted to her.... and she does have those eyes. but then she appears to be very passionate and afraid of relationships, she was hurt years ago and is not really over it. very very passionate. scorpio are water signs indeed, no fire there, just plain passion. They are also the most jealous signs, so if you scorpios find yourselves to be awfully jealous of your mates... don't be surprised One thing I realize is that I should never be on the bad side of scorpios, they might have an attempt to make your life... unpleaseant. And ah yea they are a bit abusive, meaning they will keep you around while they need you.... and once they don't... ciao. scorpios are the sexiest lovers and are often known to be awfully attractive people with lots of pretenders. that girl I know must be wanted by at least 10 guys. As a gemini... I'm not crazy enough about her to stick around... But i do like conversations with scorpios, they can be quite interesting for our quickly bored gemini minds. Those two signs are said to awfully attract each other but to be quite opposite in their visions of life. Have any scorpios here dated geminis?