Why can girls move on easier then Guys?

[Stump]

I have been broken up now with my G/f for about 4months and we have dated for 4yrs. Now i know i did things wrong and i know i hurt her but we still talk on the phone atleast once a week. We agreed that when things were great they were like unbeatable but when we had problems, we hit rock bottom. Now sense we have been broken up, shes gone out on dates one was 2weeks after. Like it seems like everyone is trying to hook her up with someone they know, her mom, her cousin and friends. So now shes going out on dates with other guys and im not around to talk to her. I am in FL for the summer and she's in Maine. I am not going home until August and i am afraid when i get home things will be hard because she could be dating someone. Shes told me shes not IN love with me anymore but loves me, this is after her most recent date. Now whats that mean? Does she like this guy she went out on a date with? I ask her if she thinks we can have another shot and she says "no i dont think so" and the tone of voice is mean. She feels thats the only thing to do now is to just go our separate ways. I hurt her because 4 months ago i told her i didnt feel like i was in love with her all the time, and i thought taking the summer to ourselves would make things easier and test our true feelings for one another. But i didnt say that, the words "i dont think im in love with you all the time" devistated her. I want to work things out so bad with her because being away for the summers made me realise how much she means to me and my life. I ROYALLY MESSED UP! However, I went home in June because of the passing of my grandfather and while i was home we saw one another almost everyday, we kissed, fooled around but no sex, and had a good time. Now im back in FL and she acts totally diffrent like she hates how she let her guard down and let me inside and get close to her again, but now she has a totally diffrent outlook.

I dont know if im trying to hard and not giving her enough space but it just seems like shes so confused on how she feels. We argue alot to when we are on the phone and of course shes always threatening to hang up on me and then she does. She says im just pushing her away more and more. So i dont know what to do anymore maybe someone else can make sense of this because i cant. I try and give her time and not talk to her and she calls me crying asking why this has to be so hard.

So anyway i guess the real question i have is why is it so easy for her to date other guys and i am down here in FL with plenty of choices but i choose to work, come home, and hang out with new friends. I am always thinking about her, is she doing the same? I feel i dont even matter in her life anymore. If i drink i HAVE to call her and when i know shes out with friends she never calls me... why doesnt she want to call me when shes drunk? Thats the best time to really tell someone how you feel because you speak whatevers on your mind, and its always the truth.

any advice?

[ehm doubleyou]

My advice is to move on and do some dating for yourself. I know its sooo hard to do so, but she said it to you....she loves you ...but not romantically...and I believe, when a woman says that, they mean it. I know its sad and all, but whats probably best is to have no more contact for awhile cause its gonna hurt you more when you find out that she is dating someone else...what you dont know can not hurt you. Take care bro...hang in there...there are plenty of fish in the sea and even a few that will be worth it. you just have to fish for them.

 

mw

[Jinx]

Far as the title goes - It depends on the person, not the sex of the person. That is a vast generalization. For me, my ex-bf's have moved on a lot faster than I ever have. Give them a couple weeks to a month or two and they're already back on the scene without problem. Just depends on the person. Now for the question portion.

 

Shes told me shes not IN love with me anymore but loves me, this is after her most recent date.

 

I believe this is her way of stating there is no romantic interest. Period. It reminds me more of a friendly love sort not a romantic love statement. It probably is making a generalized statement she isn't interested in a relationship.

 

I ask her if she thinks we can have another shot and she says "no i dont think so" and the tone of voice is mean. She feels thats the only thing to do now is to just go our separate ways.

 

This sums it up in a nutshell, the above comments she isn't interested. She isn't interested in a second chance, and she is attempting to express the need for you both to move onto others and situations. Pushing it any further will just chase her away. Suffication of please please take me back method just pulls farther apart not closer.

 

I suppose if she later becomes interested, she'll let you know outright. For right now, she too is trying to mend. She might be dating to help cope. You both need to give each other space and time. If No Contact is the answer to move along and heal over wounds then do so. If you two continue contact and the spark or interest is knowingly not there, then you're just dragging out the pain which will need to heal over eventually.

[arwen]

I don't think you can generalize this. My ex was already emotionally attached with the girl he is still with when we were still sort of together but officially broken up (it is now like 3 years ago we officially broke up, and we messed around uptil the beginning of 2003, in retrospect he was trying to get over her then because she was engaged at that time).

 

So he moved on really fast, and I had three short term relationships since. No big the love of my life kind of thing. My time will come, and I am free!

 

I think you should move on on your own time frame. Your life and happiness does not depend on her, it depends on YOU.

 

Ilse.

[moonunit]

I think that should be..why do the "dumpers" tend to move on easier than the dumpees (in most cases) that is. I've found that a lot of guys post here BUT a lot of women post at other sites on the web - so it's pretty equal and yeah depends on the person for sure.

[heloladies21]

If she still really loved you, then why would she act like that??? Friend, life is too short to keep pining after some girl has rejected your love and started dating other guys so soon after breaking up with you. That shows she never really ever cared about you anyways.

 

She probably seldom thinks about you, and when she does she might feel a little guilty but that's all. That's why she gets mad when you ask about getting back together with her. She actually gets mad at you cause you make her feel guilty!

 

Best course of action is to No Contact her from now on. If she realizes how much you meant to her, she'll come back to you, but i'd have a hard time trusting someone who started moving on so quick. Talk to other girls, as many as you can. Wouldn't that be the best if you found someone better than her and who cares more than she ever did? You can do it, all you have to do is try.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

What makes you presume she has moved on? If she had moved on totally she would be utterly ambivalent to you and not at all angry opr bitter. She is looking for a rebound.

That being said, I disagree. The Dumpers often regret their choices as well.

[apollocreed71]

I believe the person that loved the most in the relationship has the hardest time dealing with a breakup. maybe you loved her more than she loved you. that being said, she is dating, so you should see whats out there, if you have the chance to date, go for it. i know people who would die just to have an opportunity to date, not everyone has the same options. if someone is interested in you, give it a shot. thing is people do not know how to keep a relationship on good terms, hence a break up, and when they start a new relationship, its all good, all new realtionhips are good, you are in the learning and excitement stage. as relationhips grow older, you know that person, and interest decreases, etc. this is where skill and communication come into play, to keep a relationship strong. if you never accomplish this, you will be doomed to have ending relationship.

have fun, date. you just might meet someone better.

[fighting4]

Watch the movie Swingers over and over until you understand exactly how to move on. And if you're wondering why she doesn't seem to miss you as much as you miss her, it's b/c she had control of the relationship and you didn't. If you don't want to feel so bad after future breakups you need to learn to take control of the realtionship (which coincidentally turns women on when you do).

[moonunit]

I believe the person that loved the most in the relationship has the hardest time dealing with a breakup

 

oooh - i like this.

[xnikkix]

Believe me its really not easy for girls to move on, i can never do it i find it so hard whereas to me its always the guy that moves on quickly, too quickly. it just depends on the person.