fighting4

Thank you for all your replies. I have been thinking a lot since I wrote this last night and I have realized something I didn't want to realize- I have a void in my life and I have been trying to get other people to fill it. I kept telling myself that if I had more friends and/or a girlfriend that it would make me happy. I don't believe this is true. Instead of going around always trying to make friends, I am going to work on filling that void in my life. And hopefully friends will follow. danigurlx90x, I suggest you do the same. Try different clubs and interest groups and sports *that require you to leave your home* Stop looking for other people to make you happy and make yourself happy, by keeping busy with things you enjoy. If you're not really sure what you enjoy, don't worry. I don't either, but I'm going to go find out. Again, thank you everyone. You really helped me get something off my chest.

Yeah, thanks for your advice. I can't have a dog in my apartment, but maybe I'll try dogsitting for someone. I definitly think you are right, Kurodashi. I've been trying to become more extroverted for a while, but I guess I always have an excuse not to. I have been wanting to take dance lessons for a long time. I think I will now. It will be a start.

I've known lots of girls with boyfriends that will still flirt with other guys. I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as you don't become intimate in any kind of way while you're doing. I mean, not even extended eye contact, or touching a guy anywhere than his arm.

I am going to be really honest here and say that I am afraid to talk to people. Like it scares the crap out of me. It's like this weird thing where if I want to talk to people I become afraid that I will become afraid. I mean that if I go to talk to someone I start thinking about how I will not be able to keep eye contact and I might blush, or I will get nervous and say something I don't mean to say (to be more accurate, I say things in ways I don't mean to say them) or any other sign of shyness that could come to your mind. I have tried many things and though some of them have worked a little bit I am still not able to start conversations with people easily, and most of the time I never start them at all. Can anyone help me, please? Any advice or any tricks that help? I have tried many of them, and I know some them work, but I need something that will help me in the long run.

Yeah, I can't agree with Jillybean anymore. Fake it till you make it. It feels really weird and fake at first, but after a while your own personality takes over. One thing to add is that probably your worst enemy is trying to think your way out of shyness. When you go into a situation try to distract yourself with thoughts about incredibly unimportant things. Like some stupid aspect of some stupid movie you saw. I'm not saying become an idiot, just to know when thinking is useful to you and when it's not. Why do you think football players are always so popular, but the really smart guys aren't. It's because football players are in the moment, and not really thinking about the moment. Another thing is to smile, hold your chest up, and your head back. You wouldn't believe how much a difference this can make. Keep going because girls definitley find a man that can overcome his shyness attractive. You can still be the shy guy as long as you don't let it stop you from meeting someone. Try saying something like, "Hey, I'm really shy so this is kind of hard for me, but I think you are beautiful and I had to find out what you were like."

I'm pretty sure they can tell your parents. But if you tell them that you are trying to quit and just explain your situation they probably won't. Honestly, you might even try telling your parents in the same way you just explained it. They might be more understanding than you would think, especially if you told them not to come down hard on you. It's something I would have never believed to be possible in high school but it really is. They just might understand you.

You definitley shouldn't feel bad about not knowing exactly who you are. That is very, very common. As for the gender confusion, you sound like you actually like feeling like a lady in the presense of a man, but don't like competing with other women b/c it makes you feel inferior. Don't sweat it. I mean, women are incredibly, incredibly competitive. There is no need for you to play that game. You probably like dressing like a boy because you don't feel any pressure when you do. I think if you found a happy medium it could help you find yourself. Try wearing a dress and not wearing any makeup or wering jeans and a T-shirt and getting your hair highlited and wear lipstick. Try different things until you find something that not only makes you feel comfartable, but also makes you feel beautiful, and makes men think you are beautiful. It sounds like that's what you really want. It's just an idea but it might be worth a shot.

I think you should totally keep wrestling. But you have to keep in mind the sport you play and the fact that you are in high school. Kids are immature. That's just the way they are, it's just life. And I know that if I was wrestling with a gay guy in high school it porbably would have made me a little uncomfartable. I think your best bet is to take a pill of humility with the guys that won't give you as much crap about it and face the guys that do give you crap about it head on. What I'm trying to say is that the guys that don't seem to be too concerned about it but maybe still have some hesitations, you should joke around with so they feel more comfartable. The guys that are gonna be jerks to you (and if your school is anything like mine was there will definitly be a couple of those guys) make them face their fear by calling it out. Just remember, that the problem lies in them and the fear they have inside, but it will be up to you to solve the problem because you are the one bringing it into their world. What I'm trying to say is don't blame yourself and don't blame the other kids. Just look at it as one life's many problem's that you have to face like a man. There is no one to blame, only a solution you can help produce. Also, try to be patient. And probably more important, is just avoid the problem as much as you can. Unless someone forces you to deal with it (like humiliates you or says something you can't ignore) just pretend like it's not an issue. That is probably what a lot of your teammates will be trying to do. And keep training and good luck with next season.

Maybe your friend is so frustrated with his lack of a love life with women that he is entertaining the idea of being gay. Leaving a dildo out and joking about being maybe a sign he is confused on the situation. Talk it out with him, but be careful not to lead him on in any kind of way. He might want to figure things out with you and I'm guessing that you don't want that. People get very confused when they are frustrated, especially with their sex life. But that's just another idea I thought I would throw out there. I agree with everyone else's posts.

Hey I'm pretty new to the whole dating scene. My biggest thing is that I want to find some other guys (or girls) to go out with and meet women. My problem is that I move around a lot and I have a hard time making friends. I have lots of friends but they are states away. I think it is incredibly hard to meet women alone, but it seems that if you have a friend to help you and support you and yes, even make fun of you a little ( to keep it all in context), that my fear of women becomes manageable. Any help about making friends (men or women) that can help me with my dating and social life in general?

Watch the movie Swingers over and over until you understand exactly how to move on. And if you're wondering why she doesn't seem to miss you as much as you miss her, it's b/c she had control of the relationship and you didn't. If you don't want to feel so bad after future breakups you need to learn to take control of the realtionship (which coincidentally turns women on when you do).

I am only a few years older than you, but I have got to say that it is a few years that have changed me more than any others. Looking back at my high school years I got to say I really wish that I would have gone after some of the girls I only thought about going after, so if nothing else you definitly need to just "go after it." As for girl A, I think you need to stop thinking about wether she likes you or not. I heard a great quote, although I don't remember from where: "It is none of your business what other people think of you." If you like her you should make your move and forget trying to figure out what she's thinking. I mean, you said yourself you were trying not to make it obvious that you liked her, so it's kind of pointless trying to figure out if she likes you or not, b/c she might be doing the same thing with you or she might be doing the exact opposite. Just tell her that you want to get to know her better. The worst thing she can do is reject you (which, you have to trust me, is not a bad thing at all). As for girl B, she likes you. I could be wrong, but even if I was it wouldn't matter, so do yourself a favor and stop worrying about it either of these girls don't like you, b/c you have nothing to lose. Trust me, you will feel ten times better if both of these girls reject you than if you don't ever challenge yourself to go and find out. Ask both of them out for some pizza or a milkshake or whatever and tell them you would like to get know them better. If they reject you, no worries because there are literally billions of other girls out there and at least you know that these two aren't interested. If they say yes than you get to move your relationship with them to the next level.

I am kind of in the same boat as you are but in a very different way. I am 21 and for the first time in my life I am really dating. I have noticed that it is very hard for you to click with someone you don't know. I have realized that like most guys out there (but definitly not all) that it seemed like I was getting nervous and "holding back" and being a "nice guy" to try and compensate for it when I was going out. I started reading a lot about it and researching it. What I have been finding out is that you have to first treat a girl like a "guy" friend and then treat her like a lady on top of that. And what I have been hearing is that if you can't do that then you need to make "just" friends with the kind of girls you like and then you can really start to connect better with other girls. My advice to you is that you should go make "just" friends with some guys and connect with them without the sex. Find guys that have the same interests as you, so you can have a fun time with them regardless if you hit it off. Just try to pay a little attention to how your relationships form. I know with girls, especially with attractive girls like you so candidly described yourself as, it's not so easy to make friends with guys because guys are so one-track minded (guilty), but I think it would be worth a shot. Also, you shouldn't feel so bad about telling guys you are not interested, b/c if you are looking for that one in a million person you are obviously going to have to go through quite a few people before you get to them. If guys take that kind of stuff personally than they probably shouldn't be dating.