You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[Dogg]

what should I say if she DOES try to make contact. Do you think that she will??????

[lonelyfish]

Dogg,

 

I think it's fine to send her a birthday and Xmas card but do not write too much in it and do not tell her you miss her! As far as the holidays go, I would not worry about doing anything for her family. They are only an extension of your ex and to do anything for them would only come accross as trying to get back with her. Keep up the N/C. Holidays are going to be hard for all us on Enotalone but they will also be hard on our ex's. They can get lonely too. If we've doing good N/C for some time maybe the holidays will even get our ex's mind thinking about us and what we are up to?

[Dogg]

But I Am Trying To Get Her Back...

[lonelyfish]

Besides sending her a birthday/Xmas card, I would just sit back and wait for her to contact you.

[Dogg]

thanks for the advice Lonelyfish, I do appreciate it. Where is Dave?

[sukerbut]

i was thinking of sending a card for x-mas but thats it...she has started calling again..i am not going to lie i pick up and we chat for a bit..but after the 6 min mark i cut her off and tell her i have to go..i m pretty confused as to why she is calling..but we will never know unless they tell us...just be cool. if and when she calls..i try to be caring but thats it..no i love yous, no i miss yous and i never ever ask to see her..lets see what happens..i do miss her alot but so far this system has been working for me..whAT do you guys think..should i not even pik up the phone..i dot want to be her bench warmer either..just in case the starter goes down she still has the shmuck that loves her and cares for herto the rescue..until the next starter comes into the game ..you know what i mean..pretty confused

[SuperDave71]

Sukerbut,

 

I am glad that it is working for you so far. I think you need to pull back a bit more. Please don't get me wrong, you doing fine..but if you pull back even further and let her call 3 times without answering...and when she calls the 3rd time...say you are walking out the door as soon as you answer and smile when you say it.....I BET she will be calling you 2wice as much. Make sure you walk out the door when you tell her you are leaving. ( We do not want to lie )

 

 

 

 

--SuperDave71

[Dogg]

hey dave, good to see you around today, I've been waiting for you. did you see my questions that I wrote above? I'm asking you because I trust your opinion and I really need advice on how to go about this...thnx

[AC874]

She's Dating Somebody Else.

 

1 Month After A 4 Yr Relantionship.

 

This Sucks

[SuperDave71]

Dogg,

 

 

Look in the Thanksgiving advice post for your answers.

 

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

[coooolsome]

Superdave, when do you know if you have pushed your ex to far?

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

[quote=SuperDave71

 

Put these women in a room by themselves at night before they go to sleep and what happens....they begin to wonder what is going on with you. That is EXACTLY what we want them to do.. THe more you NC...the more and more the begin to think. You must break the pattern of calling, Texting, IM'ing blah blah blah....why? Because not only does it give you false hope....It gives them the security ( almost like a leash ) to hold you close to them incase the new relationship..or the loneliness is too much. They try and pull the leash to pull you back.....SNAP THE LEASH GUYS!!!

 

 

 

 

---SuperDave71

 

this is interesting , i've been broke up with my love for nearly 1 month now, she hasn't contacted me, i met her 2 weeks ago and had a short conversation, funny thing is sometimes i used to fall asleep downstairs or go downstairs and sleep on the couch and she used to hate that, used to come down and didn't look happy and bring me upstairs... she was wondering what was going on with me but then decided to seemingly pull the plug and just completely break it off... hopefully not just over sleeping on the couch!

[SuperDave71]

Brain,

 

I am sure there has to be something else involved.... ( I hope )

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Hawk]

There have been a few requests for how to do NC when you either see that person every day (work) or for whatever reason you are still living under the same roof.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[SuperDave71]

Hawk,

 

That is a toughy...I have to agree.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[keefy1972]

Hawk I'm trying to figure that one out for myself. I can't tell you how you should handle it, but I can certainly give you tips on how NOT to. I've made these mistakes...Trying to discuss the relationship, being a clingy and needy vine, going out of my way to be where I knew I'd "run" into her, going overboard on the compliments, trying to be her friend, calling her after work "just to chat" and always ending up talking about the relationship, and finally, over-analyzing her every move to death.

 

All of that stuff is big no-nos and I did them all. I know they don't work and won't work for anyone. Try just being cordial. Acknowledge them without making a big deal out of it. Smile, say hello, and move on with your day.

[pinksweater]

wow just wow. super dave. you are amazingly wise, im steping up and taking control of what i cant control. its NC for me!

its time i stopped trying so hard.. it just makes me feel like im going no where, i get fustrated and still dont want to give up.

thanks for being so amazing, keep it up!

[MelaleucaMan]

Hi SuperDave,

first of all I want to say your forum ROCKS, I certainly could have used the advice herein many many times over.

 

I have a question for you based on the advice though: What do you do when you've been dumped by your woman, she's cut all contact with you, blocked mobile phone emails, text messages, internet emails, telephone numbers etc...but she's pregnant with your baby?

 

My girl just dumped me 8 days ago, and stupidly#-o I did all the WRONG things: emailed her, texted her, called her, etc...and she has since done all the above. She's asking for money for an abortion, which I've said no way to!

I'm worried sick not knowing if she's having our baby or not, but I can't even go round to her apartment, as it has security doors where she can refuse entry. Besides which, I don't want to have her call the cops on me.

She was angry with me for staying out late with my friends on the weekend, and yet didn't say anything at first.

I asked her on the Sunday what she would like to do that day, and she said she'd like to go watch a movie. Great! Or so I thought. Next thing that came out of her mouth was abuse after abuse, asking me why I come round to see her, why I ask her to go out on dates, etc!!! Well erm...because I'm your boyfriend!? I then mentioned how we'd made the decision to live together, which she then retracted ever saying!

I left the apartment feeling both angry and perplexed and since then she's not spoken to me other than a few abusive text messages that same day, telling me to go to hell pay her money, I'm the worst boyfriend she's ever had etc...you get the picture.

 

After finding this site today I'm going to STOP all contact with her and hope she contacts me. I realise that I need to do NC for ME, as I'm a better person than the one that sent emails out this week, to her. After I sent one long email the other day, I cringed after reading it back and pretending it was from me to me! I then wrote another one saying that I realise she's probably scared right now, but I'm here for her.

She's also not happy because I'm still waiting on a divorce to come through. My soon to be ex-wife is making it very difficult for us right now, but doesn't contact the girlfriend at all.

 

I'm going crazy underneath, but trying to keep a cool image on top. It ain't easy! Especially as I have no idea what's going on or if she's even okay!

Your advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

[MelaleucaMan]

SuperDave and all....no need to reply to this post now... I have just been told by the (ex)girlfriend, that she had an abortion without my knowledge...it hasn't sunk in yet...I don't know what to say...

[SuperDave71]

OH MelaleucaMan,

 

 

I am sooo sorry my friend! We are here if you need us ok?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Hawk]

Keefy, thanks for the advice on that one - particularly about over-analyzing every move. Have made that msitake and I think it just makes me look like a crazy stalker.

[lonelyfish]

I liked this quote that I recently saw, Good one in regards to keeping N/C!

 

"If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life, and when it comes, hold your head high. Look it squarely in the eye, and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me."

-Ann Landers

[OCD]

I think you just answered your own question there OCD.

 

The fact she dumped you makes it just that little bit harder for her to approach you emotionally. She doesn't know what to expect if she lays her soul bare before you - that's why you have to make yourself vulnerable when you do meet to talk by opening up about what you have learnt about yourself. But remember: no 'let's get back together', no 'You did this to me', and no pressuring her to make a decision.

 

For the moment keep up the NC and feel for the 'nibbles.'

 

Myrddin gave me some good advice that I was going through...I'm keeping up NC, but I do see nibbles. 5 phone calls last week. My question is do I ever answer her again? Or just watch the calls keep coming in? I know I shouldn't call her, but she does call. When do I pick up? Thanks.

 

OCD

[keefy1972]

OCD...5 calls in a week? That's good but it's still only a week no matter how many calls. She will never fear she's lost you if she never feels that you're gone for good. Give it more time buddy, you're doing OUTSTANDING!!!

[OCD]

Thanks Keefy....I'm hanging in there. I felt bad thinking about it yesterday, but better today. I am trying to make a point to her and not break. I've kept it cool this whole time. I'm not sure when to answer her calls, but the next time I think I should tell her that I'm not interested in a friendship. I've already told her that too, but she's still calling. Thanks Keefy.

 

OCD