Age vs. Experience

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Hi,

 

I am wondering ladies, say you meet a guy in his late 20s or early 30s and you date him, and later down the road he tells you that he's a virgin and never had a girlfriend because he is incredibly shy. Would this turn you off. Please be honest. Thanks!

[RayKay]

Hi,

 

I am wondering ladies, say you meet a guy in his late 20s or early 30s and you date him, and later down the road he tells you that he's a virgin and never had a girlfriend because he is incredibly shy. Would this turn you off. Please be honest. Thanks!

 

I don't think it would turn me off, though I think it would seem "different"....if I was dating him and liked him, it would not make me run away or something I would not be turned off, I assume if I knew you I would already know you were shyer and might not be surprised or could understand...

 

Just say that you were not comfortable with anyone until this point, you don't have to explain that you have never had a girlfriend or anything, though you can if you choose...

 

Also, talk about it earlier on, ie don't wait until AFTER you have had sex to tell her.....

[sara-pezzini]

this would absolutely NOT turn me off!!!!!!!!!because i am in that situation with someone right now too,he has never had a girlfriend or has any experience,and he is 32,and neither have i....so i find this very beautiful that we will be each other's first!!!but of course it also makes it a bit complicated because we are both inexperienced and shy.......so we are still at the hand holding stage but that can also be much fun and much tension!!!and I'm sure that there are many girls out there who feel the same as I

[Day_Walker]

I think that if you were the guy in this situation and were still a virgin at that age then you need to have some idea that people are going to wonder exactly how you could have gone so long without a relationship and sex for that long.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I think that if you were the guy in this situation and were still a virgin at that age then you need to have some idea that people are going to wonder exactly how you could have gone so long without a relationship and sex for that long.

Shyness, that's why. It's not that I wanted to go without a relationship and sex, it's just that I'm shy and the women aren't exactly lined up at my doorstep. I wouldn't put it that way to make me look bad, but shyness is the reason.

[Mysterious Gurl]

No I would not feel turned off at all. But shy guys are sweet! I think soo! I know what it's like to be shy because I have that problem too. I find it soooo hard to start a convo with someone! I never know what to say or what to talk about!!

 

You sound really nice, Hope things work out!

 

Miya

[lillady898]

It completely depends on the situation and the person.

 

If you both are virgins, I highly doubt that you being a virgin would be a problem. Unless she wanted someone who could show her the reins. That's not usually the case, however. Virgins are usually more understanding of other virgins.

 

Some people may be turned off by having sex with a virgin because of the responsibility that comes along with it. Some have that fear that after having sex, the deflowered virgin will become clingy. Others feel the pressure that they have to make it special for the virgin. Make sure you communicate your reasons for why you waited so long, otherwise she may think you were waiting for "The One," and thus, you two will be moving into the next stage (marriage) soon. That is pressure.

 

Other people are not turned off by this by any means though. Some people even get a sense of control from it. People love feeling like they're teaching someone else. Especially in sex. And if the other person truly cares about you, I don't think your virginity will be an issue.

 

My exboyfriend was a virgin before I met him, and me not being a virgin, didn't mind at all.

[Dre_7]

I think it should be okay, as long as you don't throw a pity party, saying how much your shyness stopped you from having sex or a relationship. The self-defacing bit gets old pretty fast. Just be proud of the fact that you didn't resort to anything drastic, like getting a prostitute or something of that sort. And like everyone says, if you find a smart, mature girl, virgin or non-virgin, she will respect you and love you regardless.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thank you everyone for your responses thus far!

 

Some people may be turned off by having sex with a virgin because of the responsibility that comes along with it. Some have that fear that after having sex, the deflowered virgin will become clingy. Others feel the pressure that they have to make it special for the virgin. Make sure you communicate your reasons for why you waited so long, otherwise she may think you were waiting for "The One," and thus, you two will be moving into the next stage (marriage) soon. That is pressure.

I think it should be okay, as long as you don't throw a pity party, saying how much your shyness stopped you from having sex or a relationship. The self-defacing bit gets old pretty fast. Just be proud of the fact that you didn't resort to anything drastic, like getting a prostitute or something of that sort. And like everyone says, if you find a smart, mature girl, virgin or non-virgin, she will respect you and love you regardless.

These two opened my eyes and will be something I post-it on my forehead when I get a date. It's just that blowup dolls are so hard to practice on, they just sit their with their mouths open, shocked with nothing to say. Joking, but I really needed the advice, thanks to all who have responded and will respond.

[btbt]

It all depends on the individual. If he's a thrity-something, shy, virgin because he's a real jerk or has some serious issues, that's one thing, but if he's a nice guy who wasn't trying to catch up in the rat race, maybe you've got a real gem. You've got to do what you're comfortable with. If it bothers you, then maybe he's not the one for you, but I wouldn't immediately dismiss him based on this.

[Cecelius]

Any quality woman will not care much BUT you cannot make a huge deal about it (I wouldn't bother mentioning it anyway).

[wlfpack81]

Despite what most girls will say here most women when confronted w/this situation will be turned off by a guy in our age bracket (24-32) who've had little to no experience. I would just make up excuses that you've had a few dates in the past but never really had a relationship b/c of shyness or being worried about going further for whatever reason. Think of something LOL.

[ShySoul]

That's 6 out of 6 girls so far (is Cecelius female cause that would make it 7 for 7), and they are all ok with it. So I think your getting a pretty resounding answer. Once you get out of the peer pressure period of high school, it shouldn't matter to people. Virgins tend to be more insecure about it themselves and make it out to be a bigger deal then others.

 

It's just that blowup dolls are so hard to practice on, they just sit their with their mouths open, shocked with nothing to say.

 

I hear that they are working on making them more realistic: blinking, sounds, and more flexibility. Um, wait a sec... you didn't hear that from me.

 

Private joke for Kyo: Remember, virginity... that's cool.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Despite what most girls will say here most women when confronted w/this situation will be turned off by a guy in our age bracket (24-32) who've had little to no experience. I would just make up excuses that you've had a few dates in the past but never really had a relationship b/c of shyness or being worried about going further for whatever reason. Think of something LOL.

That's a pretty wide age bracket. A 24 year old virgin is far different than a 32 year old one. I don't think you have much you worry about Wolfie. In fact when I was your age this question didn't bother me, but the older I got, maybe at 27, I became paranoid that women would think I was a Babe Repellent. And no shysoul, that's not cool.

[ShySoul]

It's all in the attitude. If you think that it makes you repellent, it most likely will. If you think its a plus or simple don't care, then it won't be a problem. I know, say that again in 5 years. Should I still be in this position in 5 years, I will. Until then, it's being tossed out of the ol noggin. And Kyo, it's not my fault.