Falling out of love

[eddie500]

I was or felt that I was in love with this girl. But she would just complain about the most rediculous things, and just be completely rediculous.. like saying your not treating me nice etc.

WHen in reality I was, .. and she would just get mad over the most stupidest things. LIke that "leave me alone" mad.

The worst thing she did was stop in the middle of sex... and didn't want to continue to spite me.. SHe did this once.. and this just kind of did it in for me.

 

This really pissed me off so bad that I just lost more feelings for her.

 

This drove me to a point where I just didn't love her anymore..

 

Was I really ever in Love with this girl? It felt like I was.. I just don't know.

If was true love, could someone just drive you out of love?

[DN]

If was true love, could someone just drive you out of love?

 

Yes, it partly explains the divorce rate. Sometimes people misjudge their feelings or the other person. Sometimes their true personality doesn't emerge until later. Sometimes they change, or you change.

[Süsser Tod]

My ex did exactly that to me. At the end, when we broke up, I had no feelings for her. In fact, all I could do was to remember the old times, but at the present I felt nothign for her.

 

When I think about her, I don't miss her, miss the good times, but not her.

[Caldus]

She sounds like she is being a whiney ***** to me.

 

Have you communicated these issues with her yet (the constant complaining, etc.)?

[eddie500]

DO you think these girls are not in LOVE, that is why they can do these things to drive us out of love?

[lady00]

Maybe you are just too different from each other? Maybe the things that seemed ridiculous to you were important to her and she just wasn't able to communicate that in a healthy way. It sounds like when she got mad at you she would take it out on you in other ways just to hurt you rather than talking about what was wrong. I think that sort of behavior can definitely turn you off someone and yes, make you fall out of love. Initially when you fall in love, you don't always have all the info on a person and the sides that you do see are what you love but then eventually all facets of their personality come out and you find out that the bad outweighs the good and that can kill your feelings for somebody.

[loveydovey]

Well I feel that fortunately or unfortunately, love is blind--better put, the things that would normally make you high tail it out of there with any other person, are the same things you would weather out with the person you love. I say that to mean. Once the 'true' selves emerge, I think this is the true test--is it love or is it just deep infatuation. Its one thing if you two are going through something right now and your just extremely upset and frustrated....but it's another thing if your feelings for her went from love to zilch in a matter of a couple of days (or weeks, did you say?)

Just my opinion, though.

[pchellak]

I dont think a lot of people who claim to be in love are actually in love. I believe that if two people are really in love they will share their life together till one of them dies.

Its funny ... There was this one girl whom i met on the internet who claimed to be in love with me after a week of talking to me. How can a person be in love without even meeting or spending quality time with me? I think love is rare; Lust is more common.

[Caldus]

I dont think a lot of people who claim to be in love are actually in love. I believe that if two people are really in love they will share their life together till one of them dies.

Its funny ... There was this one girl whom i met on the internet who claimed to be in love with me after a week of talking to me. How can a person be in love without even meeting or spending quality time with me? I think love is rare; Lust is more common.

 

Sounds like a desperate girl to me.

[pchellak]

Sounds like a desperate girl to me.

 

 

Yup ... It seemed like that to me too. It was a big turnoff for me and i stopped talking to her. Maybe if i was in touch with her for another week she would have asked me to marry her .

Obviously that girl has no clue what love is ....

I think a lot of people mistake infactuation and attraction to be love. I believe when a person is truly in love their lovers imperfections shouldn't matter much at all. Sometimes only 1 person is in love then the relationship is in trouble too.

[Caldus]

Sounds like a desperate girl to me.

 

 

Yup ... It seemed like that to me too. It was a big turnoff for me and i stopped talking to her. Maybe if i was in touch with her for another week she would have asked me to marry her .

Obviously that girl has no clue what love is ....

I think a lot of people mistake infactuation and attraction to be love. I believe when a person is truly in love their lovers imperfections shouldn't matter much at all. Sometimes only 1 person is in love then the relationship is in trouble too.

 

Yeah a lot of people just toss around the word love like it's not all that serious (more commonplace in teenagers and adolescents from my experience). I mean you either love love them or you don't love them. There's no meter bar that indicates 'how much' in love you are. I think some people think that way because they will say "I am almost in love with him/her" or "I am almost not in love anymore".

[DancingHamster]

I don't think you "fall in love" after 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, or even after 2 months. At that point you're "in lust" or "in hormones"...especially if you're under 30. You have to know something about the other person beyond the superficial. Until you achieve that, you're entranced with whatever you're projecting upon that person, not the person.

 

Moral of the story? Don't be so quick to believe you're in love. In fact, I'd say the safest thing to do, when you start having those giddy, exciting feelings, is to wait it out until you get to know the person better. Check with yourself in 3-6 months. If you still feel that way, it's a safer bet that it's deeper than infatuation.

[ShySoul]

Eddie, you are way oversimplyfing things. I don't think its that she drove you out of love, you never really loved her to begin with. You may have loved certain things about her... her mind, her eyes, etc... but you didn't really love her. If you did you wouldn't have got so upset with her and dump her, you would have tried harder to see things from her perspective. Given the things she has gone through in the past, from your previous posts, she wasn't being rediculous, her actions and behaviour are easily explained.

 

She got mad in the middle of sex and stopped? Ever thought that you said something to offend her? Or more likely, she was worried that giving you sex so easily would make you respect her less. She felt bad about herself for giving into you so quickly, and was worried that she was just repeating her past mistakes. But instead of understanding this and wanting to take it slow and work through her issues (and yours too for that matter) you got mad at her and left her. You were too eager to have that sex then to show sympathy for what she was feeling. Her past relationship messed with her mind and heart, and so did you. Boy, I hope the next guy that comes along will respect her more and treat her better.

 

If you really loved her, you would have tried alot harder then you did to understand where she was coming from and do everything in your power to help her out and make her feel more comfortable and loved. You didn't love her, and I question if you really understand what love is all about. Sorry if this seems harsh, but I look at you bashing this girl and have to wonder how she is right now. Is she hurting, is she blaming herself because of everything you said? That can't be helping her self esteem. Instead of saying she messed up, start looking inside you and wondering what you did wrong.

[eddie500]

Shysoul, actually we are back together again.

 

I did what seem to fall out of love, but I fall back into love just as quickly . weird huh?

[DN]

Not necessarily weird but certainly not good for either of you in the long term. What happens the next time you fall out of love? Maybe you should find out the reason for that pattern of behaviour before both of you are permanently scarred by it.

[ShySoul]

Not necessarily weird but certainly not good for either of you in the long term. What happens the next time you fall out of love? Maybe you should find out the reason for that pattern of behaviour before both of you are permanently scarred by it.

 

Agreed, you seriously need to address the issues you guys have, and honestly make efforts to work on it, both of you. Right now the two of you are attached to each other, afriad of letting go. This situation could end up scarring both of you and take along time to recover from. I know a girl who was in the same situation, she was hung up on a guy when it only caused them both problems and they knew it wouldn't last. That seriously played with her emotions.

 

If the situation is similar, I think you see something in each other that you wished you had. But neither is willing at the moment to change and embrace that part. She sees a strength in you that she doesn't see in herself. You see a tenderness you want in yourself. And you both want to feel the warmth and connection from being with someone who cares about you.

 

Trying to make it work is good, but if you don't devote yourself completely to that and the same things keep happening, its best to go your separate ways before you hurt yourself more.