I might be going a bit gaga

[jul-els]

I met this woman recently through a matchmaking service. I’m a little bit smitten, which is pretty unlike me. She’s eight years my junior and honestly I feel like she’s out of my league, very classy and has more money than me. Also very beautiful and seems like a nice person.

We initially met through the service and had a drink and a bite to eat. At the end, we both said we wanted to meet again. I called her twice the next week and got no response. A week later, she texted me and asked me if I wanted to attend her networking group event (She’s an entrepreneur, and I’m new to the field of self employment, and this is one of the things we talked about when we met). 
 

I took this as a sign that she was maybe not interested in me, but interested in getting me to buy a membership to her group. I said I couldn’t make it that day, and asked her if she wanted to go to a concert. She said yes, and we went and had a nice time. During the second date, she brought up the possibility of me attend her group meeting again. I said yeah, sure, and then quickly changed the subject. 
 

At the end of our second date, I asked her if she wanted to go out again, and she said yes.

So what do you think? Does she sound interested in me? Or does she sound interested in selling me a membership to her group? 

[yogacat]

I would just decline the networking invitations and see if she is still interested in going on dates with you.

Keep in mind that since you're new to the field of self-employment, she could be trying to be nice by inviting you to her group meeting(s) to help you network and make connections. But if she keeps pushing it and doesn't seem as interested in going on traditional dates, then yes, she could be using you for business purposes.

Just be cautious and see how things play out. 

[Kwothe28]

10 hours ago, jul-els said:

So what do you think? Does she sound interested in me? Or does she sound interested in selling me a membership to her group? 

The second one.

If she hasnt expressed any interest in you then buying her membership(which I do have a feeling its a pyramid scheme kind of thing) than she doesnt have an interest in dating you no matter how many dates you manage to squeeze there.

I would also ask myself what is somebody like her even doing on a dating market. And also why is somebody way younger, way more successful and probably more physically attractive(no offence jul-els, I know beauty is subjective but from your story I gathered she is) doing with somebody like you. You are getting "hustled" there. And she probably uses "matchmaking" to network and not to date.

[jul-els]

17 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

The second one.

If she hasnt expressed any interest in you then buying her membership(which I do have a feeling its a pyramid scheme kind of thing) than she doesnt have an interest in dating you no matter how many dates you manage to squeeze there.

I would also ask myself what is somebody like her even doing on a dating market. And also why is somebody way younger, way more successful and probably more physically attractive(no offence jul-els, I know beauty is subjective but from your story I gathered she is) doing with somebody like you. You are getting "hustled" there. And she probably uses "matchmaking" to network and not to date.

No, it’s not a pyramid scheme. It’s a networking group. Hers is actually the biggest one in my local networking community. I’ve been to a couple of their events. They have free events and also ones you can attend for a fee. Members get a discounted rate plus other benefits to help them grow their business. It’s the standard model for a networking group, that’s how they operate. 

I’m not trying to brag, but in the looks department, I’m certainly no slouch. I can attract women pretty easily when it comes to that. 

There’s no concern of her trying to scam me, at least not when it comes to her group. I’m more concerned with the possibility that she might be on board to get a few free meals and a commission. But like the other poster here said, maybe her intentions are genuine and she’s trying to help. Could go either way, I guess. 

[Batya33]

I would keep both entirely separate.  If you really want to get involved in a networking group don't connect it up with this woman.  And tell her that nicely -don't mix business with pleasure.  My sense is if she's bringing this up this early her main motivation is business. I'm sorry.

I had one date many years ago with one of the very very successful members of a popular MLM - very few people were successful -he was one of them -and someone I knew confirmed this.  I had zero interest in his business.  I decided not to see him again anyway but my friend thought I was crazy since he was so wealthy. I didn't respect how he made his money -do you respect how she makes hers?

About 5 years ago I met a woman through a FB mom group and we had scary stuff in common.  She was involved in an MLM popular with SAHM and extremely focused on it. I was honest with her and direct "I will never buy anything from you, I have no interest in getting involved, if we get to know each other I'm happy to recommend to a friend who tells me she wants to be involved that you would be a good person to partner with."

We met with our kids -had a good time - she started talking about her MLM, I repeated what I'd said.  She later tried to add me to her MLM group and asked me to watch a video of it. I watched a very little bit, then removed myself from the group.  I was able to mostly keep her away from trying her sales pitch on me while I watched her over the couple of years soon start not doing well financially in this MLM (and spending her own $ going to "conventions"). 

It did affect our friendship from getting too close -she was so intense and involved in the business plus it certainly was a motivation in trying to befriend me.  So for you I would tell her "no thank you" (with no backstory so she can't do a sales pitch) and see if she's still into you.  If you choose on your own to attend a meeting without her referral tell her it's the no business/pleasure reason.

[DarkCh0c0]

Was there any flirting during the date? From either of you?  Did you discuss what you want of the dating?

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

tell her that nicely -don't mix business with pleasure. 

That's a good way to stop her from asking you to go again. It's a good way to lay that boundary.

[jul-els]

15 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Was there any flirting during the date? From either of you?  Did you discuss what you want of the dating?

That's a good way to stop her from asking you to go again. It's a good way to lay that boundary.

Not much flirting, but we did talk about what we’re looking for when it comes to dating. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, jul-els said:

Not much flirting, but we did talk about what we’re looking for when it comes to dating. 

Good.  Your response to her will give you all the information you need as far as her motivation in getting to know you. 

[jul-els]

29 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would keep both entirely separate.  If you really want to get involved in a networking group don't connect it up with this woman.  And tell her that nicely -don't mix business with pleasure.  My sense is if she's bringing this up this early her main motivation is business. I'm sorry.

I had one date many years ago with one of the very very successful members of a popular MLM - very few people were successful -he was one of them -and someone I knew confirmed this.  I had zero interest in his business.  I decided not to see him again anyway but my friend thought I was crazy since he was so wealthy. I didn't respect how he made his money -do you respect how she makes hers?

About 5 years ago I met a woman through a FB mom group and we had scary stuff in common.  She was involved in an MLM popular with SAHM and extremely focused on it. I was honest with her and direct "I will never buy anything from you, I have no interest in getting involved, if we get to know each other I'm happy to recommend to a friend who tells me she wants to be involved that you would be a good person to partner with."

We met with our kids -had a good time - she started talking about her MLM, I repeated what I'd said.  She later tried to add me to her MLM group and asked me to watch a video of it. I watched a very little bit, then removed myself from the group.  I was able to mostly keep her away from trying her sales pitch on me while I watched her over the couple of years soon start not doing well financially in this MLM (and spending her own $ going to "conventions"). 

It did affect our friendship from getting too close -she was so intense and involved in the business plus it certainly was a motivation in trying to befriend me.  So for you I would tell her "no thank you" (with no backstory so she can't do a sales pitch) and see if she's still into you.  If you choose on your own to attend a meeting without her referral tell her it's the no business/pleasure reason.

Just to reiterate, this is not a MLM scheme. It’s a legitimate business group. It’s a venue for small businesses to network, give and receive referrals, and to close business. 

On the subject of telling her I don’t want to mix business and pleasure, what’s a good way to word it? 

[DarkCh0c0]

11 hours ago, jul-els said:

At the end, we both said we wanted to meet again. I called her twice the next week and got no response. A week later, she texted me and asked me if I wanted to attend her networking group event

It comes off as if she wants to meet you on her own terms. Why did she only text you when she was free?

And then she brings up the event on each date? 

I wouldn't go to the upcoming event, and honestly I'd be turned off by her behaviour. She's sending mixed signals, which means she's not that into you.

I would have personally not be tempted to see her after she ignored your calls the first time around.

11 hours ago, yogacat said:

I would just decline the networking invitations and see if she is still interested in going on dates with you.

Agreed.

[jul-els]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Good.  Your response to her will give you all the information you need as far as her motivation in getting to know you. 

What do you mean? I’m not following you. 

[Batya33]

Just now, jul-els said:

Just to reiterate, this is not a MLM scheme. It’s a legitimate business group. It’s a venue for small businesses to network, give and receive referrals, and to close business. 

On the subject of telling her I don’t want to mix business and pleasure, what’s a good way to word it? 

It's similar in this sense - she might be motivated to date you to earn a commission for bringing you in as a member so even if it is legitimate I'd see potential flags in her trying to get someone she just met -and apparently wants to date - to spend $ so she can make $.  The group might be entirely legitimate.  Her motives might not be.

As I wrote above -simple and direct.  "Thank you for the invitation and it sounds like you're really enjoying your new business venture!.  I might look into joining this group at some point and I am not comfortable joining now or through your referral."

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, jul-els said:

What do you mean? I’m not following you. 

You will know her motives in getting to know you by her response to your declining her "invitation."

[jul-els]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

It's similar in this sense - she might be motivated to date you to earn a commission for bringing you in as a member so even if it is legitimate I'd see potential flags in her trying to get someone she just met -and apparently wants to date - to spend $ so she can make $.  The group might be entirely legitimate.  Her motives might not be.

As I wrote above -simple and direct.  "Thank you for the invitation and it sounds like you're really enjoying your new business venture!.  I might look into joining this group at some point and I am not comfortable joining now or through your referral."

Again, it’s not a scam/MLM group. Can we let go of this idea? That’s not what’s going on here. 

[jul-els]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You will know her motives in getting to know you by her response to your declining her "invitation."

What do you mean? I’m not following you. 

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Again, it’s not a scam/MLM group. Can we let go of this idea? That’s not what’s going on here. 

I don't think it is at all. I think her approach to you in this context is potentially very very scammy.  A simple question -if you can put aside how attracted you are to her in these early days -would resolve that issue.  In fact I suggested you join the group -separately -which I wouldn't have done if it were an MLM.  It's a similar context -a person who you're meeting for dating or friendship trying to get you involved in a business where she will make $.  Kind of icky unless she totally backs off and still is enthusiastic about dating you.

Will she make $ if you attend? Or benefit professionally if you attend? If so that's fine -as long as she is fine with you declining.  If I had good motives I would say "I am a member of X group.  We are having a meeting next week.  Do you want to come? I will make a commission/get professional accolades if you do but it's totally up to you - I hope it's ok to ask and it's not awkward - I can't wait to see you again for our date!"

[MissCanuck]

OP, let me ask you this: 

Does she get some of benefit (personally) if you sign up for a membership? 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, jul-els said:

Members get a discounted rate plus other benefits to help them grow their business. It’s the standard model for a networking group, that’s how they operate. 

What does she get? Let me guess, a nice commission based on how much of you she managed to get to buy membership? Maybe on the event she organizes? If it isnt MLS then its something pretty close to it if you ask me. 

Anyway, my point for what you asked is

36 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Not much flirting, but we did talk about what we’re looking for when it comes to dating. 

thats not her expressing an interest in you. As a man, as somebody who she would date etc. And i would be very warry about somebody who didnt express any interest other than you attending her "business" event.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, jul-els said:

I’m more concerned with the possibility that she might be on board to get a few free meals and a commission.

This is what I was responding to as well which he added later on in this thread.

[yogacat]

How about this?

Next time don't mention that you're new to the field of self-employment. Because now it creates confusion. She may wonder if you asked her out because you like her or because you're interested in her group. Maybe it's a test on her part to see what your intentions are. I hope not, but still.

Because it could be considered a faux pas bringing it up on the date that you're "new to the field."

She has gone on two dates with you and agreed to go out again. She brought up the idea of you attending her group again, which could either mean she wants to connect with you in a professional capacity, or she genuinely wants to introduce you to her network because she thinks you would benefit from it.

The one thing I would be concerned about here is that she is mixing business with pleasure - she doesn't know you --- and if she is genuinely interested in you, she should stick to regular dates.

[smackie9]

I get it her looks are keeping you there, but something doesn't feel right. You are a grown a$$ man, just tell her you are not interested in going to these events, you already have attended a few. If that scares her away then you just found out her motivation.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, jul-els said:

Just to reiterate, this is not a MLM scheme. It’s a legitimate business group. It’s a venue for small businesses to network, give and receive referrals, and to close business. 

How did you two meet? What type of service was this? A dating app or matchmaking situation?  Definitely mention that you don't mix business with pleasure. 

She seems really into networking. However she can't sell you anything you're not interested in and it doesn't sound like a marketing scam.  All you can do is decide what you want out of this and not be seduced by charm and looks into something you're not interested in. 

 

[Andrina]

18 hours ago, jul-els said:

A week later, she texted me and asked me if I wanted to attend her networking group event (She’s an entrepreneur, and I’m new to the field of self employment, and this is one of the things we talked about when we met). 

Strange that you found out she has more money than you when you've only been on a few dates. Is this something she broadcasted or is that divulged in the matchmaking business's rules?

If she's such a successful entrepreneur, isn't that a stupid move to invite a new dating prospect to join a group she's a part of, knowing that more new relationships tank versus working out? And then you two would have the awkwardness of seeing each other at the group meetings.

Or, is the awkwardness something she's counting on? That she gets the money first and then counts on the guy not showing up to the meetings he already paid for? Her joining the matchmaking site could be working out well for her for an ulterior motive. You never know, since she's a stranger and that's a possibility. 

As said, you can always reject the business side of this to see if she still accepts another date. Although after a third date of you paying, I think it's her turn to start asking you for a date and start paying and also to go dutch sometimes. If she doesn't, her good looks and youth won't make up for what she's lacking as a human being and dating prospect.

[Batya33]

40 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Strange that you found out she has more money than you when you've only been on a few dates. Is this something she broadcasted or is that divulged in the matchmaking business's rules?

If she's such a successful entrepreneur, isn't that a stupid move to invite a new dating prospect to join a group she's a part of, knowing that more new relationships tank versus working out? And then you two would have the awkwardness of seeing each other at the group meetings.

Or, is the awkwardness something she's counting on? That she gets the money first and then counts on the guy not showing up to the meetings he already paid for? Her joining the matchmaking site could be working out well for her for an ulterior motive. You never know, since she's a stranger and that's a possibility. 

As said, you can always reject the business side of this to see if she still accepts another date. Although after a third date of you paying, I think it's her turn to start asking you for a date and start paying and also to go dutch sometimes. If she doesn't, her good looks and youth won't make up for what she's lacking as a human being and dating prospect.

This is why I compared it to an MLM - this group is perfectly legit, presumably and perhaps this may motivate you in the future to get involved, on your own (and maybe even help a genuine friend get a commission or perks -and genuine friends then likely split it with you or pay it forward).  Her approach to meeting you through a dating site, and then focusing on what's in it for her business wise is a suspicious bait and switch - to me that is analogous to people who befriend people on FB to the lure them into joining their MLM (which might be perfectly legit and not a ponzi scheme but it's the same ulterior motive -and the MLM example is very common and analogous in a broader sense).

 

[itsallgrand]

I agree with the others. This doesn't pass the sniff test.