I’ve ruined my reputation, any ideas on how to fix it?

[GeekyPokémon]

Hello everyone, I am new to this platform and this is a rather long-winded story so thank you for your patience.

I may have ruined my reputation at school. I am a 19 year old woman who goes to a small and close-knit college. I only have 3 close friends in real life, especially one who I can credit for saving my life in the first place. I have known him since middle school and we both trust each other very much. Around yesterday, I took him aside and politely asked him if he can do me a favor and give me a foot massage because my feet hurt; I was lying about my feet hurting but I really wanted a massage. He thought about it and then asked me what will “I get in return?”, I offered 20$ and he graciously accepted my favor.

Later that day, I asked if after classes are over tommorow is an okay time to enact said favor. All of a sudden he switched and screamed infront of everyone “I am not rubbing your feet! Leave me alone!” which incredibly embarrassed me in front of the class. Then he proceeded to tell everyone in that room what I had asked for which made the class disgusted and hailed angry words at me. I left school early and later cried on the way home.

In recent days, (this may be a little T.M.I. ) I have started to think I have a foot fetish. I’ve secretly started watching foot p*rn and buying various socks/stockings to wear. I have always thought about it since it is common in my family but the concept of liking feet never clicked until recently especially with the p*rnography. I haven’t told anyone about this at all. And I feel as my attraction towards feet is growing more by day (I mean my own feet for reference).

I thought I could trust my close friend because we can chat about anything without judgement/be there for each other, we have gotten initimate a few times before and couple of months prior he asked me if he can give me a foot massage and though I really wanted it but I had to decline because me and him were in public. I don’t know what switched in him to make him say that and embarass me, I still feel very upset my this because he’s never acted like this before. I feel as if he is going to tell more people tomorrow (my friend doesn’t have a cell phone) and make my low reputation even worse.

Any tips on how to fix what I have done? I don’t care about what others may think of me now but I really want to keep my best friend in my life.
 

TLDR: I have ruined my reputation and possibly my friendship, I thought I could trust my close friend with a foot massage. He embarassed me infront of everyone. I recent think I have a foot fetish and it is escalating by the day. How can I fix my friendship & this fetish?

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, GeekyPokémon said:

Any tips on how to fix what I have done?

You haven't done anything. 

This "friend" of yours has. He made what he probably thought was a joke but it was rude and insensitive. I can't fathom why people in your class are angry about this - do you live in a very conservative culture or something?

In any case, you need to rethink this friendship. He sounds like an immature jerk. 

7 minutes ago, GeekyPokémon said:

I have always thought about it since it is common in my family

What's common, a foot fetish? How do you know this about family members? 

[GeekyPokémon]

6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What's common, a foot fetish? How do you know this aboutfamily members? 

Yes,  that I what I meant sorry if it was misinterpreted. My mother, father and all three of my siblings have a foot fetish and I have known for a couple of years now so it has been in my thoughts. They have each told me (not at the same time) when having a conversation on topics as such.

[Kwothe28]

Eh, everyone would forgot about it by next week. Maybe they even already forgot. Probably watched new Tik Tok trend or something and already dont even know what happened yesterday lol

Its often to teenagers that over exaggerate what happens. Your reputation isnt “ruined”. You probably dont have that high reputation in the first place to be ruined. Most of people just dont care too much unless you are somebody of the importance. Which, I am sorry, you dont seem to be.

You do have a bad friend that you shouldnt hang out with. Also, I am sorry, but asking him to do that sounds like a sexual innuendo. Please avoid that with people.

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, GeekyPokémon said:

My mother, father and all three of my siblings have a foot fetish and I have known for a couple of years now

What sort of family conversations are you having where sexual fetishes are discussed, especially when you were just 17 years old when you found out about this? 

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, GeekyPokémon said:

, we have gotten initimate a few times before and couple of months prior he asked me if he can give me a foot massage and though I really wanted it but  I thought I could trust my close friend with a foot massage. 

Please try to step back and give your friend some space.  School isn't the place for foot massages. There are spas for pedicures. 

Is this more than a friend if you've been intimate before? 

 

[Andrina]

12 hours ago, GeekyPokémon said:

but I really want to keep my best friend in my life.

You say you've been intimate with him, so how do you picture your future with a new man in your life when you tell him your best friend is a guy you diddled with? It's not gonna fly.

And you really need to reflect on why you even want to stay friends with someone who sought to embarrass you and yell at you in front of others? Are you really that desperate to cling onto him, thinking he's better than nothing since you say you have very few friends? Whatever good used to happen in the friendship shouldn't outweigh his present verbal abuse.

Some think there is nothing wrong with fetishes, as long as they don't take over a huge majority of your time where you're neglecting work, relationships, etc. Mostly everyone loves a good foot massage, so that does not fall into fetish activity. But the other part you mentioned involved sites might. If you're uncomfortable by your own activity, then stop "feeding" the interest and perhaps it will fade.

As far as your classmates go, bullies get bored if their prey doesn't wriggle around, so act like what they say to you doesn't bother you and they will eventually get bored and stop.

Back to the "friendship," realize very few friendships remain for a lifetime, so never put all your eggs in one basket. It's best to keep up with hobbies, school clubs, sports, etc. to expand your social life. That way, if you choose to end a friendship or someone drifts away from you, other people can fill the role for your social needs.

[yogacat]

Your supposed best friend sounds like an absolute tool.

I’m sorry, but he does.

You should feel perfectly free to pursue an interest in feet. But you need a new friend. He could have pulled you aside in private and just explained to you that it makes him uncomfortable, he could have done a million things, but instead he publicly humiliated you.

Yet...

Your request about your feet hurting but secretly wanting a massage... might be the thing that “switched” him. I know you thought you were being clever, but it wasn’t a respectful way to treat him. Maybe he thought to himself, “she’s trying to use my sexual interests to get a favor out of me?”

Even if that’s the most charitable read on it, it still wouldn’t excuse what he did.

Again, I think you’re perfectly fine to like feet, and to like any part of someone’s body really. You absolutely could find a better way of expressing these things than to tell people, “My feet hurt.” 

Forget about your reputation, 2 months from now, nobody will remember that. And just, do what you want, in the appropriate spaces. 

[catfeeder]

I'm glad you wrote that you don't care what these people think, as that is the key thing that will help you through this. The friend is not a friend, and I'm so sorry he chose this way of showing himself to be disloyal. I'd distance myself from him, and I'd treat myself to a nice pedicure. I wouldn't complicate my own pain from the loss of this friend with concerns about the foot fetish. That harms nobody.

[smackie9]

It's kid's stuff. He mentioned it to some guys and got the s%^& teased out of him, so he publicly made sure everyone knew he didn't like doing it and deflected his involvement with the outburst. Make sense? He's going to be ignoring you to save his own reputation. So leave him be. Maybe after high school he will come around.

Now fetishes are private and mostly harmless unless you lack control over it. Seek out some counselling in how to do so. You can enjoy it and later meet others who like the same experience, no harm done...just don't let it interfere with your social life or your relationships.

[ShySoul]

You didn't do anything wrong and have nothing to fix. You asked a friend who you trusted for something. Said friend had already asked for the very thing you wanted. Anyone in your shoes would have thought just as you did, that it was no big deal. This "friend" is the one who turned it into something else. 

The question to ask yourself is rather or not this person is really your friend and if you really want to continue to associate with him. If you do, then you need to confront him about his actions and let him know it hurt you. He embarrassed you and betrayed your trust. He needs to know that's not acceptable and sincerely apoligize.  If he won't, he's not worth your time. 

As for the fetish, if it's what you like then it's what you like. I doubt it's going to cause anyone any harm, so there is nothing to fix there either. There are a lot more distrubing things you could be into, so feet is no big deal. If you get enjoyment, it's no one else's business. Just maybe be a little more careful on who you let in on it. 

[sheera]

Start by acknowledging your mistakes and offering sincere apologies to those affected, demonstrating your commitment to making things right. Take proactive steps to address the issues that led to your reputation being tarnished, seeking feedback and actively working on personal growth and improvement.  Focus on consistently demonstrating integrity, honesty, and positive contributions, allowing time for others to recognize your efforts and rebuild trust in you.