Boyfriend is financially struggling and said he would rather kill himself

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, JaneShin said:

I just don’t want to trigger him as he’s been very sensitive and vulnerable lately

@JaneShinI understand this^ but at the same time, it's important that you don't treat him like child.  I don't mean to be harsh but you are not his therapist OR his mother.  

2 hours ago, JaneShin said:

Ok I will sit down and suggest therapy next time I see him. I’m just scared honestly he would get angry and shut me down immediately. I will try to be careful when I bring it up. 

I'm sorry but this^ is no way to live.  Walking on eggshells afraid to discuss a topic of GREAT concern for fear he may get angry and shut you down?   What is that?  

Your boyfriend has TWO suicide attempts under his belt, the man is chronically depressed. Which is why he didn't wish to pursue a career as a pharmacist and why what's happening now is happening.

Meaning he's not depressed because of what's happening now, what's happening now is happening because he is chronically depressed.

He needs medical assistance NOW.  Like yesterday.

And you're worried if you bring it up, he may get mad at you? Again I am sorry but there is something seriously wrong with this type of mindset and dynamic.

YOU need to be strong, REALLY strong.  If this were me, I would not just "suggest" therapy but I would make it a condition of you staying or leaving.  

I had to do same many years ago with a boyfriend/fiancé who had become seriously addicted to meth and coke.  I was understanding and patient for awhile, but then I just got PISSED OFF.   Because he wasn't doing a damn thing about it, he just continued to go down and he was taking me right along with him.

I LOVED this man to death, I would have taken a bullet for him!  He was GOD to me (at the time).  I have since learned no man is GOD but my point is I loved him deeply however I was not going to stand around and wait for him to OD or destroy his life and mine.

I may get flack for saying this but STOP coddling him.  He is a grown man.  

You are co-dependent, clearly.  But you're not actually helping him, you are hurting him by "fixing" everything for him (buying groceries, giving him money etc.).  That is not helping, it's allowing him to remain in this ambiguous depressed state.

I dunno Jane, if me I would be furious at his lack of his concern for his own life.  And since you're IN his life, for yours as well.

It's time for you to get strong and get tough.  Depression is a serious illness and he needs medical assistance NOW.  Today.

I apologize if this was harsh but you say you care and I believe you.  But you're going about helping him in the wrong way imo.

I'm sorry.

 

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@JaneShinI understand this^ but at the same time, it's important that you don't treat him like child.  I don't mean to be harsh but you are not his therapist OR his mother.  

I'm sorry but this^ is no way to live.  Walking on eggshells afraid to discuss a topic of GREAT concern for fear he may get angry and shut you down?   What is that?  

Your boyfriend has TWO suicide attempts under his belt, the man is seriously depressed.  He needs medical assistance NOW.

And you're worried if you bring it up, he may get mad at you? Again I am sorry but there is something seriously wrong with this type of mindset and dynamic.

YOU need to be strong, REALLY strong.  If this were me, I would not just "suggest" therapy but I would make it a condition of you staying or leaving.  

I had to do the same many years ago with a boyfriend/fiancé who had become seriously addicted to meth and coke.  I was understanding and patient for awhile, but then I just got PISSED OFF.   Because he wasn't doing a damn thing about it, he just continued to go down and he was taking me right along with him.

I LOVED this man to death, I would have taken a bullet for him!  He was GOD to me (at the time).  I have since learned no man is GOD but my point is I loved him deeply however I was not going to stand around and wait for him to OD or destroy his life and mine.

I may get flack for saying this but STOP coddling him.  He is a grown man.  

You are co-dependent, clearly.  But you're not actually helping him, you are hurting him by "fixing" everything for him (buying groceries, giving him money etc.).  That is not helping, it's allowing him to remain in this ambiguous depressed state.

I dunno Jane, if me I would be furious at his lack of his concern for his own life.  And since you're IN his life, for yours as well.

It's time for you to get strong and get tough.  Depression is a serious illness and he needs medical assistance NOW.  Today.

I apologize if this was harsh but you say you care and I believe you.  But you're going about helping him in the wrong way imo.

I'm sorry.

 

I agree , it requires serious medical attention. I am so glad my husband got mental health support and proper medications for him . He is a thousand percent better . I am so so glad both times last year I took him to the hospital. They were outstanding with him and made him feel secure and safe and not judged . 

[JaneShin]

8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@JaneShinI understand this^ but at the same time, it's important that you don't treat him like child.  I don't mean to be harsh but you are not his therapist OR his mother.  

I'm sorry but this^ is no way to live.  Walking on eggshells afraid to discuss a topic of GREAT concern for fear he may get angry and shut you down?   What is that?  

Your boyfriend has TWO suicide attempts under his belt, the man is chronically depressed. Which is why he didn't wish to pursue a career as a pharmacist and why what's happening now is happening.

Meaning he's not depressed because of what's happening now, what's happening now is happening because he is chronically depressed.

He needs medical assistance NOW.  Like yesterday.

And you're worried if you bring it up, he may get mad at you? Again I am sorry but there is something seriously wrong with this type of mindset and dynamic.

YOU need to be strong, REALLY strong.  If this were me, I would not just "suggest" therapy but I would make it a condition of you staying or leaving.  

I had to do same many years ago with a boyfriend/fiancé who had become seriously addicted to meth and coke.  I was understanding and patient for awhile, but then I just got PISSED OFF.   Because he wasn't doing a damn thing about it, he just continued to go down and he was taking me right along with him.

I LOVED this man to death, I would have taken a bullet for him!  He was GOD to me (at the time).  I have since learned no man is GOD but my point is I loved him deeply however I was not going to stand around and wait for him to OD or destroy his life and mine.

I may get flack for saying this but STOP coddling him.  He is a grown man.  

You are co-dependent, clearly.  But you're not actually helping him, you are hurting him by "fixing" everything for him (buying groceries, giving him money etc.).  That is not helping, it's allowing him to remain in this ambiguous depressed state.

I dunno Jane, if me I would be furious at his lack of his concern for his own life.  And since you're IN his life, for yours as well.

It's time for you to get strong and get tough.  Depression is a serious illness and he needs medical assistance NOW.  Today.

I apologize if this was harsh but you say you care and I believe you.  But you're going about helping him in the wrong way imo.

I'm sorry.

 

This is the reality check I needed. I've been scared and walking on eggshells, and if anything i've actually told him before I walk on eggshell around him and he was confused to why. I treat him like how my mom treats my brother, like a child even though I hate how she treats my older brother, but here I am copying her ways on my partner. I get scared of him not eating and not taking care of himself and so I give quick fixes instead of thinking long term. Everything you said is right.

[JaneShin]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I agree , it requires serious medical attention. I am so glad my husband got mental health support and proper medications for him . He is a thousand percent better . I am so so glad both times last year I took him to the hospital. They were outstanding with him and made him feel secure and safe and not judged . 

I'm really glad to hear that this is really reassuring. This is probably not the place to ask but by any chance do you know if there are clinics that help people with no health insurance or if you have any resources I can use? I live in Texas btw.

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

I'm really glad to hear that this is really reassuring. This is probably not the place to ask but by any chance do you know if there are clinics that help people with no health insurance or if you have any resources I can use? I live in Texas btw.

I have no idea. I am sorry. I am Canadian. Also all my husband’s medical bills and concerns are paid for by the government because he is a government employee. 

[JaneShin]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have no idea. I am sorry. I am Canadian. Also all my husband’s medical bills and concerns are paid for by the government because he is a government employee. 

got you I'm glad he was taken care of. Thanks a lot 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

 i've actually told him before I walk on eggshell around him and he was confused to why.. I get scared of him not eating and not taking care of himself and so I give quick fixes instead of thinking long term. 

Exactly. He is making horrible decisions and burdening you with it. He is invited to live his mother.

Also there are social services where you live where he can get food stamps as well as Medicaid and appropriate mental healthcare. Mental health is not a do-it-yourself situation.  Please stop playing doctor.

Unfortunately he has solutions but refuses to get help.  It's almost like he's holding you hostage to his rebellion and refusal to get what he needs. 

Mothering and fixing men is something you could look at for your own mental health and well-being. It's good you have insight into how enabling bad choices is not good for anyone involved. 

[boltnrun]

I have mental health issues and I would have responded to a "get help or else!" ultimatum by shutting down even more. And becoming even more anxious and depressed.

 I responded much more positively when people simply said "I'm sorry, that has to be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?"

You can't force your boyfriend to get help. Please rein in the tendency to want to "fix" this NOW! If you're having a hard time with it, how do you think he feels?

[JaneShin]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I have mental health issues and I would have responded to a "get help or else!" ultimatum by shutting down even more. And becoming even more anxious and depressed.

 I responded much more positively when people simply said "I'm sorry, that has to be tough. Is there anything I can do to help?"

You can't force your boyfriend to get help. Please rein in the tendency to want to "fix" this NOW! If you're having a hard time with it, how do you think he feels?

I did tell him that yesterday after not knowing how to respond. I said "is there anything I can help with?" and didn't talk much as I know he wanted to vent. His response was basically this "can you work 12 hour shifts from evening to morning in the food truck alone and have to carry 80 lbs? I need to do men *** and figure it out this is real problem" I didn't say anything and then he said how he wants to be alone and "if there was an isolated tree somewhere in the neighborhood he would hang himself" and how he is just gonna keep driving to work at 4am until a car hits him and he dies, I didn't say anything so we left it there and we parted way. That's why I'm trying to figure out how to best approach this from now on. As the others suggested I shouldn't try to fix him or coddle him. But I want him to know I'm here for him as a partner and that he needs to consider getting serious help soon as this is not good for either of us.

[yogacat]

I'm used to men taking care of me, with the exception now of my elderly father but I've always been on my own. With that piss poor attitude and the lack of effort to improve on his situation, I think it is more appropriate to label him a ***obligation***.

He's 35! Most 24 year olds are still figuring out what their careers bring; he has two!!

Imagine a guy at the same stage of your life...say, he's roughly a college senior. So now he's talking bout dating a high school senior. Everyone would boo him, rightly so.?

It's not about the age gap, but the fact that he is not actively working towards a stable future and is relying on you for support.  It’s almost predatory of him.

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, JaneShin said:

he need to consider getting serious help. 

Again, you can't force him.

If he expresses suicidal ideation in your presence or over the phone (voice call or messages) you are advised to call 911. They can get him immediate help.

If he's venting to you and doesn't seem.open to "suggestions", you can decide if you want to remain present or not. That's especially true if he starts taking his frustrations out on you.

You can simply say "It seems you don't feel up to talking about this right now. If you want to be left alone I'll respect that. But I want you to know I do care and I hope if you get to the point where you want help, you'll contact whoever you think can help you."

You can Google mental health resources in Texas and find contact info for resources in case he does want to explore that. 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

I did tell him that yesterday after not knowing how to respond. I said "is there anything I can help with?" and didn't talk much as I know he wanted to vent. His response was basically this "can you work 12 hour shifts from evening to morning in the food truck alone and have to carry 80 lbs? I need to do men *** and figure it out this is real problem" I didn't say anything and then he said how he wants to be alone and "if there was an isolated tree somewhere in the neighborhood he would hang himself" and left it there and we parted way. That's why I'm trying to figure out how to best approach this from now on. As the others suggested I shouldn't try to fix him or coddle him. But I want him to know I'm here for him as a partner and that he needs to consider getting serious help soon as this is not good for either of us.

Bolded, exactly.   I think men and women (generally speaking) may have different responses to "tough love."  Reason being Jane, how you treat him now by fixing, coddling and fearful of taking a hard stance, is emasculating.  It's deflating.

Which is why IMO he responded as he did when you asked "is there anything I can help with?" It gets annoying sometimes to be constantly coddled, again especially for a man, JMO on that.  

My ex-fiancé ended up going into rehab and getting sober and later when he was clean and we talked, he thanked me PROFUSELY for taking the hard stance that I did.

It was just the kick in the rear he needed and may have possibly saved his life.

 

[JaneShin]

1 minute ago, yogacat said:

I'm used to men taking care of me, with the exception now of my elderly father but I've always been on my own. With that piss poor attitude and the lack of effort to improve on his situation, I think it is more appropriate to label him a ***obligation***.

He's 35! Most 24 year olds are still figuring out what their careers bring; he has two!!

Imagine a guy at the same stage of your life...say, he's roughly a college senior. So now he's talking bout dating a high school senior. Everyone would boo him, rightly so.?

It's not about the age gap, but the fact that he is not actively working towards a stable future and is relying on you for support.  It’s almost predatory of him.

I understand where you are coming from but also please understand he has never relied on me for support or ever asked me anything. The only time he did was to drive him to work because of parking. I unfortunately had to grow up and get a stable job because of my situation (going to grad school in two months) so I'm probably where most 30 year olds are at in life. I'm not trying to justify for him, but blaming him is the least thing I want to do as it's not gonna get us anywhere. I bought his groceries and offer help because I couldn't watch him there suffer. I understnad now maybe I coddled him too much but I want you to understnad where I'm coming from.

[yogacat]

1 minute ago, JaneShin said:

I understand where you are coming from but also please understand he has never relied on me for support or ever asked me anything. The only time he did was to drive him to work because of parking. I unfortunately had to grow up and get a stable job because of my situation (going to grad school in two months) so I'm probably where most 30 year olds are at in life. I'm not trying to justify for him, but blaming him is the least thing I want to do as it's not gonna get us anywhere. I bought his groceries and offer help because I couldn't watch him there suffer. I understnad now maybe I coddled him too much but I want you to understnad where I'm coming from.

I don't even think it's a matter of you coddling or not, so much as understanding the situation and how feelings of failure and desperation can lead to vulnerability as you pointed out.

It sounds like he felt backed into a corner and acted out, that's why I say that there's going to be a turning point when he either proves himself willing to do everything in his power to fix the situation, or even if he doesn't get a job in his target field a willingness to be realistic about what his options are and not let himself drown. 

No, you aren't the only life buoy and you shouldn't take on guilt if things are out of your control, but if his hopelessness was at all sincere then he is likely at the very edge right now.

The good news is that if he is that vulnerable things will probably come to a head and the attitude necessary to dig out of this place will show itself.

[Batya33]

I was reading the responses and nodding along with Bolt and Seraphim and thinking- this man suffers from depression. Likely for many years. So I was glad to see Rainbow and Seraphim in particular chime in to that effect. 
I really don’t think this is about an entitled man child. He has a mental illness. I like a lot how rainbow pit it and seraphim experienced this - unfortunately- with her husband. I experienced this for about 35 years with my father and my mom experienced it for 66 years. Please step aside now as a romantic partner. Stay involved to help him get professional resources. I strongly believe that even without insurance there are mental health resources. Yes I’d if it will help at ag all reach out to his parents. But for your health - stop thinking you should hang in as a romantic partner.
 

My mom had such a hard life with my dad. She was his hero from 1950s till he died in 2016. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. She loved him. He loved her and also really affected her health - I can’t imagine the stress she endured. I know if I’d picked a serious partner who had a mental illness she’d have advised against it. Strongly. I mean a serious mental illness like your partner seems to have. Yes for sure be supportive. But step aside from the romantic relationship. 

[JaneShin]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Exactly.   I think men and women (generally speaking) may have different responses to "tough love."  Reason being Jane, how you treat him now by fixing, coddling and fearful of taking a hard stance, is emasculating.  It's deflating.

Which is why IMO he responded as he did when you asked  "is there anything I can help with?" It gets annoying sometimes to be constantly coddled, again especially for a man, JMO on that.  

My ex-fiancé ended up going into rehab and getting sober and later when he was clean and we talked he thanked me PROFUSELY for taking the hard stance that I did.

It was just the kick in the rear he needed and may have possibly saved his life.

 

I'm sorry I know I keep going back and forth on this, but I'm not sure how to approach it now. Some people are saying to not force him while others saying he needs serious help. There are just a mix of answers at this point.

What's your advice on how to open up a conversation with him?

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Bolded, exactly.   I think men and women (generally speaking) may have different responses to "tough love."  Reason being Jane, how you treat him now by fixing, coddling and fearful of taking a hard stance, is emasculating.  It's deflating.

Which is why IMO he responded as he did when you asked "is there anything I can help with?" It gets annoying sometimes to be constantly coddled, again especially for a man, JMO on that.  

My ex-fiancé ended up going into rehab and getting sober and later when he was clean and we talked, he thanked me PROFUSELY for taking the hard stance that I did.

It was just the kick in the rear he needed and may have possibly saved his life.

 

To add to this^, I did not force him.   I allowed him to make the decision for himself.

But by standing up for myself and my own life (because of course what was happening was negatively impacting my life as well), he gained a respect for me he had never had (six years together) and it also sent him the very powerful message how much I cared and loved him (he told me this).

[yogacat]

8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

To add to this^, I did not force him.   I allowed him to make the decision for himself.

But by standing up for myself and my own life (because of course what was happening was negatively impacting my life as well), he gained a respect for me he had never had (six years together) and it also sent him the very powerful message how much I cared and loved him (he told me this).

But wasn't that after he was verbally cruel towards you? I think your story is beautiful (not the verbally cruel part but how you handled it after the fact), but the fact that he said those things means that he actually crossed a line. After those things are said, it's a tough pill to swallow.

Anytime after that you would know that's he's capable of such notions so it's important to take care of yourself. Whose to say he won't resort back to those urges if he's in a bad place somewhere else. 

If someone is this depressed and suicidal, you’re not going to help them by talking about how he can be insensitive or selfish at times – he likely already knows, and this will just add to the feelings of failure.

You sound like a good person and I think you’ll figure out the balance between coddling and helpful.

Good luck 🙂

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

. I said "is there anything I can help with?"  and then he said how he wants to be alone and "if there was an isolated tree somewhere in the neighborhood he would hang himself" 

If he wants to be left alone, that's ok, please stop playing therapist. Especially when he is eligible for social services and Medicaid. But simply refuses

. It seems like he enjoys terrorizing you with his threats. He also rebelled against his parents pissing away an expensive education to run away from home and go live in his car. These are choices.

He may very well be profoundly depressed but ultimatums and coddling won't help. Give him the contact info for social services and the national mental health hotline. 

There is a national mental health helpline he can call 24,/and talk to someone who'll listen and direct him to the help he needs. 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I think your story is beautiful (not the verbally cruel part but how you handled it after the fact), but the fact that he said those things means that he actually crossed a line. After those things are said, it's a tough pill to swallow.

Yes we went through A LOT.  I confronted him, he got angry, verbally abused me (he was high as a kite when he did), I LEFT.

After I left, he immediately went into rehab so in retrospect, my confronting him and taking a hard stance was the right thing to do.  For HIM.  May have saved his life.

And after he got clean and was healed, he thanked me profusely for it.  As well as apologizing for being an a-hole.

Jane, your boyfriend may have a completely different response, you know him best.  All we know is that all your efforts to be understanding, kind, nice, generous aren't helping.

He is still in the same exact place he has been.

Something's gotta give otherwise I really fear for him (and you).

Good luck keep us posted.

[JaneShin]

24 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I was reading the responses and nodding along with Bolt and Seraphim and thinking- this man suffers from depression. Likely for many years. So I was glad to see Rainbow and Seraphim in particular chime in to that effect. 
I really don’t think this is about an entitled man child. He has a mental illness. I like a lot how rainbow pit it and seraphim experienced this - unfortunately- with her husband. I experienced this for about 35 years with my father and my mom experienced it for 66 years. Please step aside now as a romantic partner. Stay involved to help him get professional resources. I strongly believe that even without insurance there are mental health resources. Yes I’d if it will help at ag all reach out to his parents. But for your health - stop thinking you should hang in as a romantic partner.
 

My mom had such a hard life with my dad. She was his hero from 1950s till he died in 2016. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. She loved him. He loved her and also really affected her health - I can’t imagine the stress she endured. I know if I’d picked a serious partner who had a mental illness she’d have advised against it. Strongly. I mean a serious mental illness like your partner seems to have. Yes for sure be supportive. But step aside from the romantic relationship. 

Thanks for you reply. He is definitely not a man child like some said, as I've been with him and see his actions, and one of the reasons I love him is he is manly and always wants to provide and protect and I respect him a lot. He is very prideful though. I won't reach out to his mom because i know how rocky his relationship with her is, even though she's trying to rebuild it.

 

[itsallgrand]

He is right that he isn't in a position to date though. He needs to be focusing on his mental health and basics of survival on his own. You can be supportive of him, but that's about it.

If someone mentions plans of killing themselves like he has to you, for me that's an automatic call to 911. I'm not playing. That is beyond "let's chat and I'm hold your hand and listen, hon". Thats serious business. 

I think too you need to consider why you chose this, you knew this person was not in a stable point in his life when you got together (living in his car!) yet you dived in anyways. Why? Is it because you are living at home and are scared if you date someone who is standing on their own feet they will expect that of you too?  Time to get real with yourself here too.  

 

 

[JaneShin]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yes we went through A LOT.  I confronted him, he got angry, verbally abused me, I LEFT.

After I left, he immediately went into rehab so in retrospect, my confronting him and taking a hard stance was the right thing to do.  For HIM.  May have saved his life.

And after he got clean and was healed. he thanked me profusely for it.  As well as apologizing for being an a-hole.

Jane, your boyfriend may have a completely different response, you know him best.  All we know is that all your efforts to be understanding, kind, nice, generous aren't helping.

He is still in the same exact place he has been.

Something's gotta give otherwise I really fear for him and you.

Good luck keep us posted.

You really are strong and inspiring. 

I'm definitely a people-pleaser (bf said that too and he encouraged me to improve) so you are right I watch my words very carefully be as nice as I can so i dont offend the other person, even when i'm offering no actual help. I will keep everything you said in mind and will keep you posted. I appreciate it.

[JaneShin]

25 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

He is right that he isn't in a position to date though. He needs to be focusing on his mental health and basics of survival on his own. You can be supportive of him, but that's about it.

If someone mentions plans of killing themselves like he has to you, for me that's an automatic call to 911. I'm not playing. That is beyond "let's chat and I'm hold your hand and listen, hon". Thats serious business. 

I think too you need to consider why you chose this, you knew this person was not in a stable point in his life when you got together (living in his car!) yet you dived in anyways. Why? Is it because you are living at home and are scared if you date someone who is standing on their own feet they will expect that of you too?  Time to get real with yourself here too.  

 

 

I take accountability that I chose this, when we dated I didn’t know he lived in his car as he got in apartment with a roommate right after so that wasn’t an issue. Of course a lot of qualities attracted me to him so what’s happening right now wasn’t a big issue, even though he didn’t have much to begin with. And no not because I’m living at home. My first bf had his own place and everything but he wasn’t a good person. And as I mentioned, I’m financially independent and can live on my own but choose to stay with my parents because I get along with them and they’re happy Im with them instead of throwing money on rent (if anything they encouraged me to buy a house and rent it to build wealth which I did). If not for a job or school, I don’t see a reaosn to move out unless Im getting married which is pretty normal in my culture.

I just loved him as a person. 

[rainbowsandroses]

18 minutes ago, JaneShin said:

You really are strong and inspiring. 

Thank you!  What's interesting is that I was NOT during our entire relationship.  He was dominant and I was submissive (for the most part).  I deferred to him on almost everything, like I said he was GOD to me, that was our dynamic.  Definitely not healthy but it worked for us at the time.

Where my newfound strength came from, I don't know.  I suppose like everyone else I had my limits, plus I was six years older too from when we first met.  So it was sort of of slow process.

But now I am remember that morning very well.  He had been out all night (again) doing what drug addicts do and he came home high as a kite.  I confronted him about it, he got angry, lashed out HARSHLY, and I left.

I actually left him a note while he was sleeping it off which I got criticized harshly for by friends (and another forum I was on at the time) but I told him where I was staying and that I was NOT coming home until he entered rehab.  And I meant it!

It took him a bit to realize I was not coming back so he went into rehab.

I actually forget how long his rehab was but when he got out, he contacted me wanting to get back together but for me it was too late.  Too much had gone down.

In your case, it's a bit different because he suffers from depression not a drug addiction.

So I don't suggest you be as harsh as I was (I recall getting extremely angry), but your boyfriend needs serious help and if he doesn't get it ASAP, his life is at risk.

So a stronger stance than what you're doing now may be in order, it's up to you, you know him best.