DATING A ALCOHOLIC THAT DISPLAY EMOTINALLY VERBAL ABUSE.

[LUV2WIN2-04]

Hello i been dating a  this guy for 5 yrs, first couple of years all was well, he was respectful caring , considerate and loving. Well that is after the 4th year i started noticing increase in drinking, went from the weekends to everyday of the week, it was then i noticed the more he drink he began to be get verbally abusive  which lead to big  arguments, he became possessive,  jealous  of anyone im close to family friends. He started  going through my personal private information. and what he find he wait to he get drunk and use it aganist me . We live together and he puts cameras up in the home, hack my phone were as he was able to see everything i do on my phone, calling numbers to find out whom it is thats calling.  When he drinks he constantantly  disrespectful putting me down, criticizing me and  name calling.  Speaking aganist my family in which  im very close to.  its gotten to the point he dont listen or care anything about my feelings, needs, or desires.  However when hes sober hes a great guy but the problem is he's never sober anymore for the last 2 yrs. I have never experince this i been patient but its to the point now were i cant stand to be around him, because of his negative behavior. Its called so much confusion in my life that im now dealing  with depression again.  I hardley ever socialize or hang out with friends or family anymore. However i am in the process of getting way from him, and he acts like he did nothing wrong. Should i leave without letting him know, or try speaking to him for the 100th time about this situation. cause he deflects alot.

[TeeDee]

He's not going to listen.   He's too far down a bottle.  

Before you do anything, go to an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon Family Groups This is a support group for people like you who love Alcoholics.  The meeting will give you info about why he is the way he is, how to cope & the strength to walk away if that is what has to happen.  

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, LUV2WIN2-04 said:

 . We live together and he puts cameras up in the home, hack my phone were as he was able to see everything i do on my phone, calling numbers to find out whom it is thats calling.  When he drinks he constantantly  disrespectful putting me down, criticizing me and  name calling.  Speaking aganist my family in which  im very close to. 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you lived together? Is it his place, your place or do you co-lease. 

Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship, but you already know this. Is there a reason you stay such a financial necessity? 

Please talk to trusted friends and family and enlist in their support extricating yourself.

Please stop trying to fix and change him or continue to talk at him hoping he'll change.. please change all your passwords and lock your devices. 

Please start with a reasonable exit plan. 

 

[LUV2WIN2-04]

thanks for your response, think hes far gone as well. Its concerning  and confusing because i have never had to deal with any one thats a  alcoholic, or drug abuse, so everything he does and says is devestating to me. I would like to help and offered but i cant bring my quality of life down anymore.  

[TeeDee]

You can't fix him.  He has to want to stop on his own.  The folks at Al Anon will help you make sense of him.  

[LUV2WIN2-04]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you lived together? Is it his place, your place or do you co-lease. 

Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship, but you already know this. Is there a reason you stay such a financial necessity? 

Please talk to trusted friends and family and enlist in their support extricating yourself.

Please stop trying to fix and change him or continue to talk at him hoping he'll change.. please change all your passwords and lock your devices. 

Please start with a reasonable exit plan. 

 

Hi thanks for the response . We co-lease we been living together alone for 2-1/2 years. after countless times i tried to understand and help i realized this is wrong, i am in a position finacially to support myself  im actually looking into breaking my lease and paying the early fee.  for peace again  iv always been a fun loving happy person and get along well with others and lived  a great quality of life to i meet him. 

[smackie9]

Yes I suggest you leave quickly and quietly, don't let him know for your own safety. Make sure you tell close friends and or family what is going on and maybe help you move out. Have an uncle or brother be there to protect you. 

[LootieTootie]

RUN! Do not look back. You cannot help him. They have to want to help themselves. 

You just need someone to watch your back when you're packing while he's not there. Please ask a family member or a close friend. I'm sure they will help you no questions ask because they are just as tired of him as you are.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, LUV2WIN2-04 said:

, i am in a position finacially to support myself  im actually looking into breaking my lease and paying the early fee.  for peace again  iv always been a fun loving happy person and get along well with others and lived  a great quality of life to i meet him. 

That's a great start. Slowly but surely sever ties and make your exit plan. While alcohol is a problem, the main problem is he's abusive and that won't change so setting yourself free from this is the best option.

[catfeeder]

DATING A ALCOHOLIC THAT DISPLAY EMOTINALLY VERBAL ABUSE.
 

Common sense dictates, don’t do it.

The key word above is ‘dating,’ which is voluntary, which means you can choose to walk away.

[DarkCh0c0]

Honey, run, don't walk!

If you want to live a happy, stable, and long life, let go of this heavy weight. Don't tell him anything. Just walk away with your most crucial belongings when he's not there. Have a friend or family member be there with you in case he escalates. Your safety and health are your priority. And please, don't look back. You got this!