İ am 17 and single, it sometimes makes me feel sad

[zotayks]

İ am 17 years old male and about to graduate highschool but i did not get a girlfriend, at the first, i did not care about it too much bc of my studies and focuses etc... And bc of that i did not interested romantically any girl in my hg eventhough i had a friend group and also i heard that being is inexperienced at dating is a total turnoff bc of pre-selection, etc.. if i know right... İ feel like i will die alone or smthg, is there something wrong with me?

[smackie9]

Nothing is wrong with you. Once you go to uni or start working at different jobs, you will eventually meet new people, socialize more and meet girls to date. It's a process. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, zotayks said:

İ am 17 years old male and about to graduate highschool 

Please focus on getting the best grades you can and getting into the best university you can. Please get involved with campus life including sports clubs groups and activities and events. You'll make friends and meet plenty of girls. 

What is "preselection"?. No one is born with dating experience so that sounds like nonsense. All you have to do is be friendly approachable and ask girls out. 

[ShySoul]

I was 22 before I met a woman where there was mutual interest. In high school I wasn't even attracted to any female I knew and to my knowledge none showed any signs of being into me. My best friend in high school didn't find a relationship until after college. And I've spoken with plenty of people, male and female, who didn't have dating or relationship experience into their 20s or later. Nothing was wrong with me or any of these people and nothing is wrong with you.

Everything happens when it is supposed to. You have plenty of time and something will come along when you least expect it. Until then, focus on your studies and enjoyable your life. While we want to feel that rush of love, there are plenty of other things in life to keep us happy and give us meaning. 

I used to have the same concerns about being inexperienced, that it would be a turn off for women. Then I encountered multiple females who told me that it didn't matter to them. What they cared about was the connection the two of them had and that he treated them nice and with respect. Some even said they liked the idea of being the more experienced one, of being able to show and teach him things. And one even felt sad that she would have more experience, as she wished they could experience everything new together. So don't worry about it. Everyone comes into things with various experience levels. What counts is that when you do meet the right one, you embrace it and that the two of you enjoy what you have.

[Coily]

I agree with Shy, things will progress naturally.

Now there are things you can do to get yourself out there a little more. Look into activity groups with your school or your area that you are interested in and is co-ed. Start talking to girls that you aren't interested in so you relax more when it's a girl you would like to date. Don't be afraid to admit that you'd like to find someone in your friend group.

Rejection is the crappy part of the whole dating game, it never sucks less; but how you move past it is something you can work on.  Also sometimes a bad date is a better learning experience than the perfect date.

Yeah there are some awful notions out there about dating, like if you don't have dating experiences by X age; well it's all crap. Pure utter crap.

Another thing, It's okay to feel sad about being single. Just don't let it cloud every thought and action.

 

[ShySoul]

10 hours ago, Coily said:

Yeah there are some awful notions out there about dating, like if you don't have dating experiences by X age; well it's all crap. Pure utter crap.

Another thing, It's okay to feel sad about being single. Just don't let it cloud every thought and action.

The whole notion of needing experience is overrated. Some people have lots of experience in getting dates, yet aren't very good at keeping the relationship alive. Others are more selective and get few dates, yet are naturally more skilled in making it work and leading to more. Personally, I'd rather be the latter.

And yes, it is okay to be sad about being single. We've all been there and wished we had someone. I've cried my fair share of tears. But you can't let it dominate your thoughts and dictate your actions. Relationships are a part of life, not the only thing that can give your life meaning.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, ShySoul said:

The whole notion of needing experience is overrated. Some people have lots of experience in getting dates, yet aren't very good at keeping the relationship alive. Others are more selective and get few dates, yet are naturally more skilled in making it work and leading to more. Personally, I'd rather be the latter.

And yes, it is okay to be sad about being single. We've all been there and wished we had someone. I've cried my fair share of tears. But you can't let it dominate your thoughts and dictate your actions. Relationships are a part of life, not the only thing that can give your life meaning.

My mom was 16 when she met my dad who was 19.  They met at a sweet 16 party.  It may have been hers actually! Anyway she'd dated very little at that point -my dad had dated more so he said.  And my dad couldn't even muster up the courage to ask for her phone number -he said "what is your father's last name" then looked it up in the phone book lol and called her.  And she was embarrassed to say her father was a window cleaner for the local businesses. 

But somehow - they managed to "communicate" and connect and I mean ok their marriage only lasted 62 years with tons of challenges and not always bliss for sure - but.. nope no experience including romantically so to speak. 

My friend met her husband at 16 -they worked together at a retail store -he was 17  - neither had dated much -he'd had one serious girlfriend - they've been married happily since 1987.  Not bad!My husband had very little experience when we first met and he was in his late 20s -very shy back then! We're married 15 years.  I agree it's not about that sort of experience at all.

[zotayks]

On 4/2/2024 at 7:51 AM, ShySoul said:

I was 22 before I met a woman where there was mutual interest. In high school I wasn't even attracted to any female I knew and to my knowledge none showed any signs of being into me. My best friend in high school didn't find a relationship until after college. And I've spoken with plenty of people, male and female, who didn't have dating or relationship experience into their 20s or later. Nothing was wrong with me or any of these people and nothing is wrong with you.

Everything happens when it is supposed to. You have plenty of time and something will come along when you least expect it. Until then, focus on your studies and enjoyable your life. While we want to feel that rush of love, there are plenty of other things in life to keep us happy and give us meaning. 

I used to have the same concerns about being inexperienced, that it would be a turn off for women. Then I encountered multiple females who told me that it didn't matter to them. What they cared about was the connection the two of them had and that he treated them nice and with respect. Some even said they liked the idea of being the more experienced one, of being able to show and teach him things. And one even felt sad that she would have more experience, as she wished they could experience everything new together. So don't worry about it. Everyone comes into things with various experience levels. What counts is that when you do meet the right one, you embrace it and that the two of you enjoy what you have.

Thanks, that made me feel much better, i felt like that because i did not care about it THİS much in the first year of hg so i thought that i was missing something and i thought that if a potential girfriend found out that i am virgin and she was my first girfriend, she would think something like `İf no one wanted him, why would i want him?`

[Andrina]

When I was in high school, the students who were partnered up were actually the minority. And I'm assuming you mean there were females in your friend group, so you're already one-up on certain guys who've never interacted with girls in friendship. 

If everyone was the same and did things on the exact same timeline, the world would be a boring place. Embrace who you are, and don't always take what others say as fact because you have a brain and can think for yourself. People who are negative and trying to instill fears in you don't have your back. 

 

[boltnrun]

I had no boyfriends in high school. I also was a virgin until I was 18 and in college. Nothing was "wrong", that's just how it worked out. 

[Wiseman2]

34 minutes ago, zotayks said:

 i thought that if a potential girfriend found out that i am virgin and she was my first girfriend, she would think something like `İf no one wanted him, why would i want him?`

This isn't so. And you won't be wearing a T-shirt around campus that has "I'm a virgin"  written on it. Just be yourself and get involved with social activities on campus and talk to girls.

[Coily]

1 hour ago, zotayks said:

Thanks, that made me feel much better, i felt like that because i did not care about it THİS much in the first year of hg so i thought that i was missing something and i thought that if a potential girfriend found out that i am virgin and she was my first girfriend, she would think something like `İf no one wanted him, why would i want him?`

I'll tell you from experience, any woman worth your time and effort will take the "I'm a virgin" with kindness and excitement! Even a woman who is a virgin too.

You're still young enough where virginity is still a a tease-able thing, anyone who mocks it is usually just trash.

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, zotayks said:

...I thought that if a potential girfriend found out that i am virgin and she was my first girfriend, she would think something like `İf no one wanted him, why would i want him?`

Would you really enjoy a relationship with anyone who would be that superficial?

The right girl for you will feel honored that you chose her.

[boltnrun]

My husband was a virgin when we got together. He was 20 years old. I did not look down on him. I loved him. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, zotayks said:

 i thought that if a potential girfriend found out that i am virgin and she was my first girfriend, 

No one is going to know you're a virgin because you're not supposed to explain yourself sexually to anyone. Gentlemen don't kiss and tell.  Keep your dignity and privacy 

[ShySoul]

On 4/4/2024 at 9:55 AM, zotayks said:

i thought that if a potential girfriend found out that i am virgin and she was my first girfriend, she would think something like `İf no one wanted him, why would i want him?`

Anyone who thinks that way isn't someone you would want to be in a relationship with in the first place. The good ones will be thinking "Wow, why hasn't he been snatched up sooner? Those other girls don't know what they are missing." 

Besides, once you get to the point virginity is even a topic of discussion, you're probably going to be close enough and care for each other to the point where it won't matter. She'll like you for you.

On 4/4/2024 at 11:53 AM, Coily said:

I'll tell you from experience, any woman worth your time and effort will take the "I'm a virgin" with kindness and excitement!

Also from experience, I second that.

On 4/4/2024 at 10:31 AM, Wiseman2 said:

And you won't be wearing a T-shirt around campus that has "I'm a virgin"  written on it.

That actually sounds like fun to me, a pro-virgin and proud of it movement. Seems like there are a few shirts already out there: https://www.amazon.com/Virginity-Jokes-Funny-Virgin-T-Shirt/dp/B0CH46621B?customId=B0752XJYNL&customizationToken=MC_Assembly_1%23B0752XJYNL&th=1