Really confused about this…

[fishy811]

Ok so…this isn’t really an ex-bf thing (I’m female) and this was a happening back in high school but it still kinda stumps me to this day and would love some answers.

So when I was in HS everyone was given a student account & a laptop at the time and while I was scrolling thru a discussion site for an assignment one day, I was curious about how many ppl were at the school (idk why) so I clicked on a group icon that let me see all the student profiles in my grade. 
 

I was scrolling thru and I saw this super cute guy and I was curious to see more about him, and I clicked on his profile and tried to figure out his student id number… now i know this is super creepy and kinda stalker-ish but idk I was a weird awkward tween.

After several times I kept failing attempts and couldn’t figure it out so I gave up and just closed the laptop, going thru the rest of the school day. 
 

and then…like magic, I actually stumbled across the guy before I left for school that day and saw him talking to a friend. He mentioned something about a person that tried to log into his account…He even said my name!! (“I don’t know…some girl named [my name]…”)

I freaked out. How did he even know?! I guess he had a tracker on his laptop or somethin?? 
 

So I rushed past the crowd and headed for the bus and went straight home that day. ofc, that night I screamed into my pillow so many times… ofc if this guy found out I was trying to figure out his account info, he’d be so creeped out by me!!

 

The next day at school, I realized this guy I checked out was actually in my math class… (ok no joke I was new to the school and it was like the 1st wk). I freaked out for a 2nd time, and tried hiding my face as much as possible with my long hair and sat at the furthest table. In class our teacher called names to return papers……. and guess wut. My name was called, and I was way too shy to raise my hand so my friend in front of me pointed at me. All eyes were on me for a second and my face turned so hot all I could do was look down awkwardly at my hands. Of course, the guy looked at me too. 

 

…great. Now he knew who the creepy stalker was from yesterday. 
 

As the bell rang and class was dismissed, I waited until everyone got out and was the last person to walk out of class. The guy was heading to the cafeteria and as soon as I stepped out he turned around to glance back at me and gave me this rlly sly, smug smile. I guess he figured out I was interested in him. 
 

I couldn’t understand why he was giving me this look. Normally anyone would be creeped out if they knew someone was stalking them… whether in person or online… 

I was in free time class for my last period and it was a time where students could roam around to go either to clubs, the library, or tutoring for different classes, and OMG the guy came walked into the classroom I was in… I guess he saw where I was or something? 
 

But…he also brought another girl with him. Red flag.
 

I did not dare look at them and tried my best to be focused on my homework, but I couldn’t help but hear their conversation from across. After all, we were in the same room and he and the girl was sitting right beside me. 
 

They went on about what teens usually talk about, like club or extra activities n stuff they do, then at very last minutes before the bell rang (don’t remember much of it) it went on something like this:

The girl: “So you want me to be ur girlfriend right?”

The guy: “ Hold on let’s not go too fast…”

As soon as the bell rang, I ran out of class as fast as I could (couldn’t even breathe lol) and on my way home I was incredibly confused… why did be bring another girl? What was he trying to show me? Why would they talk about dating right in front of me? I couldn’t understand a lot of what was going on at the time. I didn’t have any dating experience, nor had any flirting game. I was kind of clueless.

 

The next day, he started to more openly hang around that girl and rumor quickly spread about them dating. Ppl said crude jokes like “so does she call you daddy now?” The guy replied, “…Yet.”

 

You can probably guess the rest. He openly showed affection for her and they were always together…etc. I obviously got the clue very early on and did my best not to give him attention, sticking with a group of loyal friends. I didn’t stare at him or tried talking to him, and just went about my days being diligent with schoolwork. But seeing the two definitely bothered me and the guy also kept proximity to me and kept coming near or close to where I was (in math class AND around the school) throughout the school yr. This made me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable and as a kid that struggled with anxiety, gave me panic attacks that required me to go hide in the bathroom during lunch break to just cry or stay silent. 
 

The following year before covid hit, I immediately switched schools and submitted my withdrawal papers. I didn’t want to be near him or his girl or any of the drama. I was completely done. 
 

The crazy thing about this was that even in the summer I saw his family at a local park and near my home right where I lived and when fall semester began, saw him and the girl he dated right on my way of going to sports practice. 
 

I still feel very confused about his motives and this still kind of hurts me. Don’t know if he was interested in me or not. If he was, why did he show off and associate himself with another girl? Was he trying to tell me to take the hint and know that I’m way out of his league, or was just trying to make me jealous?? 
 

This was years ago, and I rarely think about this now, but it came as a flashback today and just curious what you guys think. Sorry bout the long post.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jaunty]

My main takeaway from that story is that I hope you will not give all of your power away to anyone like that again in your life, but most especially to a stranger who was really never anything to you in your life.

It makes me feel sad that you felt you had to change schools because of that.

As far as his motives ... I didn't really get the picture that he actually took action of any kind towards you, so he probably didn't have any motives at all.  If he became aware of your existence because of your actions (I'm still confused about how that would have happened) it makes sense that he would look at you and perhaps smirk or whatever.   

I hope you've found good friends and are enjoying your new school.

[Coily]

Outside of the smirk moment, I don't think he gave you much mind. 

Usually when we feel uncomfortable we can ascribe innocent actions more weight than they warrant. Sorry this haunted you as much as it did, and still does. Over time this will make less of an impact.

On the plus side you have a wild story to tell.

[MissCanuck]

I don't mean to be unkind, but I don't think this guy's behaviour had anything to do with you at all. 

He was living his life and dating a girl, and likely had no clue you interpreted everything quite personally. In other words, I don't believe he paid much attention to you (either positive or negative) 

Are you receiving treatment for your anxiety and panic attacks? 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, fishy811 said:

 This was years ago, and I rarely think about this now, but it came as a flashback today 

How long ago? If you are concerned about whether this was just silly teenage stuff or a sign of deeper issues with boundaries and pathological behavior like hacking people's accounts, you could speak to a therapist about what happened and why you're still thinking about it.

[catfeeder]

He might have just been demonstrating to you that he was into someone else so you wouldn’t get your hopes up. I can appreciate how a teenage curiosity could feel like a big secret at the time, but since it’s behind you, it might be helpful to forgive this as a small thing to minimize rather than amplify it as something shameful.

One technique I’ve found to help me do that with my own cringeworthy moments is to actually speak to my younger self and say comforting things. Like, “You didn’t know how to handle this any better at the time, but there is no need to torture yourself.” You can picture yourself introducing yourself to the guy, and saying, “I was curious and tried to view your profile on the school site, and I hope a notification didn’t creep you out. That’s why I’m introducing myself in person, and I’m glad to meet you.” Whether he responded rudely or kindly, you can also picture yourself introducing yourself to others as well, which would diffuse the focus on just him.

Then you can say to your younger self, “See? You will have learned a more social way to have handled this, even if it was too late to have helped you at the time. You can let this go now and trust that you are always learning.”

[Tinydance]

Um OK. I know it was a while ago so hopefully you moved past it all now. I hope you don't mind me being honest but I really think you overreacted. You really blew the whole thing out of proportion to the point you changed schools! I don't even think the whole thing was that humiliating because let's be honest, everyone stalks people online and on social media.

I don't mean crime style stalking them as in putting a tracker on their phone, following them, coming to their house, etc. Lol I just mean Googling them and looking at their social media accounts. A lot of people do that and they don't feel bad that they're doing it. So I don't think you had grounds to feel this level of embarrassed about it. Especially as afterwards you actually avoided that guy like the plague so it's not like you pursued him in any way.

I'm sure he didn't really care beyond just playing some games with you by waving another girl in your face to make you jealous. Sounds like pretty normal teenage behaviour lol You really shouldn't care so much what people think, especially as it was someone you didn't even know.