Former-homeschooled chick wants to ask out a guy. EEEK! How do I do it?

[Pianooooooss]

I (26F) run a little meetup space and there's a guy (29M) who shows up to one of our biweekly book clubs. He invited the club to a film screening elsewhere last week; it was a tiny theater, with only ~10 other people there, but I was the only one from our club who showed up.

He sat next to me touching-arms-and-legs close, then I scooted away a few minutes later. (I liked it, but I got nervous, lol.) He casually touched me during our conversation, gave nudges at interesting things during the film and Q&A. And when someone mentioned our event space, and he did very dramatic and comfortable, “Hey, that’s you” elbow nudges. I think he was flirting, no?

I later asked to walk together to my car since it was night, and at the end he gave a fist bump, which threw me off at first. Now, I'm realizing he was likely soft-launching showing interest in me, perhaps pulling back when it seemed like I wasn't reciprocating.

Well, book club is next week. There's usually some time before or after when everyone chats after. What is something I can do to flirt back and show, "Hey, I'm actually into you too"? Or, how can I ask him out directly?

I am a very late bloomer who needs help with these things. Also very nervous to do this! All help appreciated.

 

[Pianooooooss]

I will say, I don't want to wait around for him to ask me out or hopefully show more interest. This guy has been attending our space since September. The whole push behind wanting to ask him is because I don't see this guy that often -- once or twice a month around this event space at most -- and I don't think I can rely on fate to just magically conjure more time between us.

His flirting last week (and he was flirting...right?) was the thing that actually sparked my romantic interest in him, so I hope this goes well!

[Coily]

How old are you two?

Sounds like he was flirting up a storm! He probably is unsure of your interest, and might need a nudge. You have a few options.

You could be bold and ask him to a low-key date, something like coffee.

You could simply give him your number, and tell him you'd like to hear from him maybe throw in a compliment like you think he's cute or something.

Lastly you could play flirty games, that will leave you both confused and disappointed.

Best of luck, hopefully good news in your future

[Pianooooooss]

5 minutes ago, Coily said:

How old are you two?

I'm 26. He's 29.

5 minutes ago, Coily said:

Sounds like he was flirting up a storm!

It's hard to tell these things sometimes! I never want to lie to myself, so I was also considering he could just be a touchy extrovert. 😅

5 minutes ago, Coily said:

You could be bold and ask him to a low-key date, something like coffee.

I'm hoping at the next book club, there's some time just between the two of us at the end as there's been before. And I can say at the end of our convo:

"Hey, I just want to be straightforward. I think you're cute and kinda want to get to know you more. Want to do something this weekend?"

Is that...good? 🫣 And more importantly, what happened last week is the FIRST time something flirty happened between us. Is asking him right now too fast, too presumptuous? 

[lostandhurt]

I have had several women ask for my number or tell me we should meet for a drink but a few times the women were kind of aggressive almost like they were doing me a favor.

 Some guys get scared away easy while others don't.  If this guy is shy you need to make it seem like it is a mutual idea but from the sounds of it he has equal interest as you so a more direct approach should be fine.

 Leave the straightforward part out, be a little coy and say something like you wrote above.

"You are a great listener and easy to talk to and cute too, would you like to get a coffee after we are done here?"   or simply

"I was going to get a coffee/ice cream/drink when we are done, would you like to join me?"  Sometime keeping it simple is best.  Once you two are alone together then you can turn up the flirting.  Touch his arm, laugh at his jokes, smile your best smile while he talks.

I am sure it will go very well once the ice is broken.  Be brave and ask for what you want.

Best wishes

Lost

[Pianooooooss]

18 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

You are a great listener and easy to talk to and cute too, would you like to get a coffee after we are done here?"   or simply

"I was going to get a coffee/ice cream/drink when we are done, would you like to join me?"

Nice! But what if the book club is at night and you don't drink?  😅

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Pianooooooss said:

I later asked to walk together to my car since it was night, and at the end he gave a fist bump, which threw me off at first. Well, book club is next week. There's usually some time before or after when everyone chats after. 

Are you connected on social media? 

Try to use the opportunity before or after, when everyone chats to initiate some (appropriate) small talk and ask him if he would like to get together for a coffee, drink, whatever.

Please don't blurt out something this awkward 

 "I think you're cute and kinda want to get to know you more. Want to do something this weekend?"

Actually talk to him with respect and ask him out specifically, instead of putting him on the spot and expecting him to come up with something this weekend. 

[smackie9]

Hmmm I see things differently. I saw him as taking advantage of you when you weren't even on a real date. I think his motives are not what you think. He may just want to get you in the sack and nothing more so be careful what you wish for. 

[Pianooooooss]

26 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Hmmm I see things differently. I saw him as taking advantage of you when you weren't even on a real date. I think his motives are not what you think. He may just want to get you in the sack and nothing more so be careful what you wish for. 

Oh no... 😞

[Coily]

It's not possible to know his motives from the internet, so don't dwell on him just wanting sex too much. Just go forward with your eyes open to that possibility. Be firm in what your boundaries are, and what you are seeking in a relationship.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you letting him know you think he's cute. I was at a singles event recently, a lady mentioned she thought I was cute. We went on a date the next day, just a nice breakfast and a walk.

[lostandhurt]

12 hours ago, Pianooooooss said:

Nice! But what if the book club is at night and you don't drink?  😅

Do you eat ice cream? Drink coffee? Pancakes?  I am sure there are places near where you meet that will give you an idea.

Lost

Don't over think it, keep it simple.

[boltnrun]

Well, I wouldn't use the word "cute".  To me that is infantilizing just a bit.  Puppies and babies are cute.

I like the idea of telling him you're craving hot cocoa/coffee/a slice of cake/whatever after next book club and ask him if he'd like to come with.  You can gauge further during the conversation if he's interested in a date.  Of course, that's presuming he says yes!

I hope it goes well for you.

[Pianooooooss]

Oh, well. Book club happened tonight and he showed up, but I didn't get a chance to ask and it wouldn't have been a good time anyway. He came with a (male) friend and it was thunderstorming like crazy. Urgh.