Being in a relationship with distant (fourth) cousin

[Eddie77]

I met this girl on a wedding and I liked her instantly but later it turned out that we are related. I did not contact her after the wedding because I thought that it is not appropriate and I was not sure if we were related or not.

Later she initiated contact with me and we went out. We had a good time and I did not contact her after that. After a month I decieded to contact her and we started to text every day. We went out on a few dates and than I asked her if she knew if we were related and what she thinks about it. She said that she did not now but that she was suspecting that we are.

Despite that we continued to see each other and every time we talked about that and how we need to check with our family if it is okay for them. When I asked my parents, I found out that our great grandparents were probably first cousins. The problem is that i have feeling that everybody around us will judge us if we start dating exclusively. My mother told me that I should check it further how we are related but she generally does not disapprove that if I am happy.

We both come from very religious catholic family and everyone around our family members are religious. She also says that she wants to try to be in a relationship no matter what her family would say about it. 

I really don't know how to feel about this because I want to be with her and she wants to be with me. She is that kind of a girl I always wanted to be with and we get along so well. I know that we are not closely related but I feel like it will always be a taboo in our society and don't know how it will affect on people around us.

[arjumand]

Fourth cousin? That is not closely related at all. No one should think anything of it. I belong to an ethnic minority that lives around the world and genetically, we are all third cousins. Seriously, get a grip. 

[Andrina]

It's legal. Your mother is okay with it. You don't need to go around telling friends you're fourth cousins. It's irrelevant. If your extended relatives have an issue, then don't attend those reunions, etc. I mean, how often do you get together with all of them, anyway?

If you're so bothered by it, however, you're a free agent and can say no to anything.

[catfeeder]

Some cultures allow 3rd cousin marriages, so 4th isn't exactly a thing.

See where the woman stands on this with her family, and then you can make your decision from there. I can understand having reservations if her closest family objects, but beyond that, nobody else gets a vote.

Head high, and enjOy if you can.

[ShySoul]

It's your relationship and no one else's. If you are both okay with it, then pursue it.

If it helps put your mind at ease, it's not as taboo as you might think. Apparently 19 states let you marry you're FIRST cousin, so fourth will most likely not be an issue. I'm seeing very minimal DNA in common (.2%), so that shouldn't be an issue. I would think what your family should be more concerned about is how well you treat each other, not some religious belief.

[MissCanuck]

I would barely even know how to determine if someone is my fourth cousin, honestly. It's that distant of a relation. 

I don't think this is an issue, OP, but it is up to you to determine your comfort level. 

[Wiseman2]

Check which your church about how distant is  distant enough. You.two could also ask extended family and for the heck of it, do those over the counter DNA tests. It varies tremendously by culture. There's no set answer 

[Coily]

Did some digging: Since the Fourth Council of the Lateran, Cannon 50 (1215AD) consanguineous marriages have been restricted below the 4th degree (1st Cousins).

" Moreover the prohibition against marriage shall not in future go beyond the fourth degree of consanguinity and of affinity, since the prohibition cannot now generally be observed to further degrees without grave harm."

So critics don't have a religious leg to stand on, as Cannon 50 has not been rescinded or changed. It comes down to what you and she are comfortable with.