Mentor/partner for Autism

[midnightdeirdre]

As you all know, I'm autistic. Lately I've been thinking that I should hire a mentor to be my partner in my daily activities. What would be the best way to go about looking for/hiring someone? I've thought about placing an ad in Craigslist, and I currently emailed AANE (Association for Autism and Neurodiversity.)

Long story short, I did have an autistic friend who I did activities with. Sadly, we're not friends anymore.

I want to do a lot of traveling, but as I just implied, I have no one to do it with. (I am looking into autistic adult meetups, but since Covid most are all done online.)

What would be the best way to go about looking for/hiring someone? Should I offer a salary? 

Any advice/feedback wanted and appreciated, thank you!

 

[Batya33]

Please don't look on Craigslist.  I would reach out to organizations that assist adults with disabilities, and if you have a place of worship that as well.  

Travel with singles groups. It's what I did - I traveled alone a number of times -I went to singles resorts.  As a teen I went on a teen tour to a foreign country and knew no one.  See if there are travel groups that are focused on people with disabilities.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, midnightdeirdre said:

 I've thought about placing an ad in Craigslist, and I currently emailed AANE (Association for Autism and Neurodiversity.)

Please don't advertise on Craigslist.  Definitely use the professional organization and ask what's available. 

[Seraphim]

Craigslist you may wind up with a murderer . Ever heard of the craigslist killer?

Yes, absolutely you have to pay somebody to be your mentor. There are professionals who do this through organizations for people with disabilities. 

[Capricorn3]

I agree with all the others - stay off Craigslist.  And yes, you should offer a salary.  Hopefully you earn enough to pay someone.

[Kwothe28]

My country offers a help through school for people with disabilities in any way when it comes to school. They asign you personal assistant who brings you to school, spends time with you there and returns you home. Dunno if yours offers it. But you can ask around in your organization for autistic people. And yes, you do need to pay them to do it. My country does it from some government project funds. But I am guessing since its America(or Canada, cant remember where you are from) it needs to be paid from your own pocket as a service.

[midnightdeirdre]

12 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

I agree with all the others - stay off Craigslist.  And yes, you should offer a salary.  Hopefully you earn enough to pay someone.

lol ok, Craigslist is out. (Thing is, my family has had success selling things on there. It's not all bad.)

How much would a mentor get?

[Seraphim]

13 minutes ago, midnightdeirdre said:

lol ok, Craigslist is out. (Thing is, my family has had success selling things on there. It's not all bad.)

How much would a mentor get?

They have to make the very least minimum wage per hour. Plus they go to school to be a developmental worker so they make more than minimum wage per hour. On average a DSW in Canada makes $20 an hour. 

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

lol ok, Craigslist is out. (Thing is, my family has had success selling things on there. It's not all bad.)

How much would a mentor get?

Selling items is different than developing a personal and professional relationship with someone who has this sort of expertise. I’d ask the organization what the going rate is. My sense is at least $30 hour 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/15/2023 at 6:53 PM, midnightdeirdre said:

, I did have an autistic friend who I did activities with. Sadly, we're not friends anymore.

Why not join some groups and clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses, get involved in sports and fitness and broaden your social horizons? You can research for types of activities that are ASD specific or friendly. 

  It seems like you're looking for friends because you're not friends with someone anymore.  What happened with that friendship? But you don't have to "hire" someone as a friend unless you're looking for some type of supervision.

Please also look into local ASD support groups for interacting with people, support, sharing ideas and making friends. See if this helps:

https://learningforapurpose.com/activities-for-autistic-adults/

[Tinydance]

So you're not really looking for a welfare worker who takes care of you (that's actually my work), but more like a friend or activity companion? In that case I don't understand why you need to pay them for it? Do you want this person to also have autism or it can be anyone? In any case, people with autism still have friends so I don't think you need to actually buy someone's friendship. You can still go to other Meetup, social or activity groups and try to make friends there.

I think it might be better for you to be friends with other women. This is not meant to be as a misanderist comment that all men are sex predators. But I just got the impression that maybe because of your autism you don't understand some men's intentions towards you. You think they care about you and that they're your friend or date, but all they want is no strings attached hook up. 

If you would like some kind of paid carer to take you out places then you should contact some support organisations for people with disabilities. Maybe they might even have volunteers who can do this. However keep in mind that this person wouldn't really be your friend. For example at my job I have to act professionally and not add the clients to social media or see them outside of my shifts. And if they stop being my client then I (usually) stop seeing them. So as awful as it sounds but yeah I was seeing them because it was my job. It doesn't mean I didn't like them but I just try to keep my work separate from my personal life.

You sound like someone who wants genuine connection so I probably wouldn't go down the hiring someone route. That's just my opinion. If you look at it as having a support worker then that's not a problem. But remember if your money ran out or they left the job or moved etc., you wouldn't see them anymore. It's not like having a real friend who will still be there.

 

[midnightdeirdre]

18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What happened with that friendship?

Her name was Jacki. She stopped being friends with me for a couple reasons; mainly because she got annoyed when I texted her GIFs asking where she was when she didn't reply to my texts after awhile. That just really annoyed her. Also because she got a new job so her hours changed drastically, which made it hard for us to meetup for dinner and make plans to do stuff.

[midnightdeirdre]

17 hours ago, Tinydance said:

So you're not really looking for a welfare worker who takes care of you (that's actually my work), but more like a friend or activity companion?

I'd say I'm looking for both. It'd like someone to be my partner to do activities with, but ALSO if that person understood my autism and is patient with it, would obviously be a plus.

[Batya33]

17 hours ago, midnightdeirdre said:

I'd say I'm looking for both. It'd like someone to be my partner to do activities with, but ALSO if that person understood my autism and is patient with it, would obviously be a plus.

I would try to find friends and acquaintances and activity partners who are good people. Doesn’t sound like you really need a professional for this role. It’s easier to pay someone but the paid person will be understanding in a professional way only and likely won’t want to cross boundaries into friendship. I think you want friendship.