FWB said he knows he could get me to sleep with him again.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

That wasn't my point. 

My point is that you still appear to want more from him, despite it being obvious he doesn't want the same with you. 

I think it may serve you to take a little time away from guys in general, and re-evaluate which men you choose to allow in your life. You're not making great choices with either of these two. 

Also -is the sex that good that you want this annoyance with musing and ruminating over why he'd make an offhand comment about sexual interactions with you? You said you'd had sexual arrangements with people (with friends?) in the past - so you're not wanting for sex in general -find one that's more straightforward.  Separately I agree with Canuck that you're lying to yourself but if you insist on telling yourself you're cool with these arrangements choose those that require the minimal effort so you can get the goods - the sex you're obviously craving.

[CherrieTart]

I'll be honest I do care about him and right now I am not saying in a romantic way I mean just in general. It just seems like he's been through a lot. He has issues with communication he said he doesn't really talk to anyone. And the things he's told me about like how he didn't have food growing up, how he was both physically and verbally abused as a child. I can't really explain it I just feel sad about it. And I think it's the reason why he's like he is today. Being abused by friends etc. I just want us to have a healthy friendship. 

I don't think anyone here will really understand if they haven't had a rough childhood. 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, CherrieTart said:

I just want us to have a healthy friendship. 

Then you need to stop having sex with him. You and he don't have a healthy friendship now, and sex is complicating it because you caught feelings and he didn't. 

2 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

I don't think anyone here will really understand if they haven't had a rough childhood. 

Plenty of people here have had similarly rough upbringings and understand it perfectly well. However, his rough childhood is not relevent to your current issue. Your current problem is that you want more from this and he doesn't. 

What I see is you making a lot of excuses for yourself to hang on to him when it's pretty clear he doesn't feel the same attachment to you. He doesn't seem to need you in his life the way you want him to. 

Your last thread was in fact evidence of this. You were wondering if he even wanted to see you again. This suggsts he's doing just fine without you as a constant presence. Think about what that means the next time you are looking for reasons to be his friend. 

[quark]

On 12/5/2023 at 6:51 PM, CherrieTart said:

 "He told me it was okay"

 "saying he knew he could get me to sleep with him again if I did move on. "

I don't like the way this guy speaks as though he is your keeper.  Like you need permission from him to get into a relationship?

I also think the moment you have feelings for someone else, you should not only stop the FWB nonsense, but also end the friendship.  Otherwise, you're not emotionally prepared to be in a romantic relationship because you are still dragging this guy around with you in your thoughts.

[Batya33]

Agree with Canuck -if you care as  you say then be his platonic friend so that you can truly show up for him and not complicate it with all this manipulative nonsense and analysis of his arrogant comment.

[SooSad33]

On 12/5/2023 at 9:56 PM, CherrieTart said:

I told him because I don't like to play games and I wanted to be upfront and honest. Also, I wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being FWB or not.

If HE wants to?  What about you??  Why would you even think twice if you're seeing someone?  Are you emotionally attached to this guy now?  Oh gawd, hope not!

Cause you know, guys can have a FWB and feel nothing!  Sadly, it's often the gals to get attached.

Be smart, don't be around this guy anymore.  he sounds conceited and IMO, you should just leave him in the dust.  Do as you are now, and look for a real relationship.

[CherrieTart]

On 12/8/2023 at 9:42 AM, MissCanuck said:

Then you need to stop having sex with him. You and he don't have a healthy friendship now, and sex is complicating it because you caught feelings and he didn't. 

Plenty of people here have had similarly rough upbringings and understand it perfectly well. However, his rough childhood is not relevent to your current issue. Your current problem is that you want more from this and he doesn't. 

What I see is you making a lot of excuses for yourself to hang on to him when it's pretty clear he doesn't feel the same attachment to you. He doesn't seem to need you in his life the way you want him to. 

Your last thread was in fact evidence of this. You were wondering if he even wanted to see you again. This suggsts he's doing just fine without you as a constant presence. Think about what that means the next time you are looking for reasons to be his friend. 

He said he doesn't have many friends. That he only talks to his mom, her bf, and his other two guy friends. He never said he didn't want me in his life. I asked him flat out if he was saying he didn't want to see me anymore. And he said that wasn't what he was saying. He seems to be ok not having anyone in his life it's not specifically me.

I'm not in love with him yes I do like him I care about him. The only thing I'd want more of is seeing him like once a month that's it. I also like the other guy that I'm dating he's the one that I could probably fall in love with.  You don't understand that people can like several people at once.

[Jaunty]

16 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

 He never said he didn't want me in his life. I asked him flat out if he was saying he didn't want to see me anymore. And he said that wasn't what he was saying. He seems to be ok not having anyone in his life it's not specifically me.

So, essentially what you got from all of this prodding and attempted manipulation is that the guy can take you or leave you.   Why would you want a friend like this, much less to have sex with someone who is this blah about it?

16 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

 I also like the other guy that I'm dating he's the one that I could probably fall in love with

Oh yeah. The guy who touches his penis when you're out on a "date" with him and who you ditched in a restaurant.   This is how it works when you think you're falling in love?  

16 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

You don't understand that people can like several people at once.

I think that quite a few of us are having trouble figuring out why you would "like" either of these two guys.  The both sound exceptionally undesirable.  You have actually only shared very unsavory examples of how each of them have behaved towards you.   

 

[CherrieTart]

7 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

So, essentially what you got from all of this prodding and attempted manipulation is that the guy can take you or leave you.   Why would you want a friend like this, much less to have sex with someone who is this blah about it?

Oh yeah. The guy who touches his penis when you're out on a "date" with him and who you ditched in a restaurant.   This is how it works when you think you're falling in love?  

I think that quite a few of us are having trouble figuring out why you would "like" either of these two guys.  The both sound exceptionally undesirable.  You have actually only shared very unsavory examples of how each of them have behaved towards you.   

 

So what was he supposed to say when I asked him if he said he didn't want to see me anymore? I'm not being manipulative. I've read that communication with FWB is important like telling each other if you're talking to or are involved with someone else. That's why I told him at least I knew he'd try to sabotage my relationship thinking that he could get me to start back up again. 

The second guy is intellectual I enjoyed having conversations when we were on our first date. It was just odd that he kept trying to hide that he was turned on. I assume he was probably feeling embarrassed and didn't want me to see it? Because it is visible. On the second date he kept moving around I don't know what was going on with him.

[Batya33]

This is not about whether you can like more than one person at a time. It’s about whether it’s a good choice to keep having intercourse with this man. Seems not. 
Many years ago I was in my 30s and had a crush on a neighbor. As luck would have it another neighbor introduced us. He asked me out on a date. I was excited for the date. Until he casually mentioned that the past couple of months he’d been dating very little but had been having sex with a woman every week or so. He’d stopped. That’s when my interest and crush ended.  To me hearing how casual he was about this sexual arrangement plus telling me - not my thing when it came to seeing serious potential in a man. Totally fine if I hadn’t been considering dating him. Otherwise no thanks 

Even if you don’t tell your new guy about how you have sex with your friend you’ll have to tell him if you get more serious and choose to have sex with him  for health reasons  this particular man seems creepy if he was touching himself as others shared in this thread but many men might pass on a woman who chooses to have casual sex arrangements with her friends.
 

Perhaps you only want to become with a man who is cool with casual sex arrangements in your past . That’s fine but it will decrease your dating pool. 

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

So what was he supposed to say when I asked him if he said he didn't want to see me anymore? I'm not being manipulative. I've read that communication with FWB is important like telling each other if you're talking to or are involved with someone else. That's why I told him at least I knew he'd try to sabotage my relationship thinking that he could get me to start back up again. 

The second guy is intellectual I enjoyed having conversations when we were on our first date. It was just odd that he kept trying to hide that he was turned on. I assume he was probably feeling embarrassed and didn't want me to see it? Because it is visible. On the second date he kept moving around I don't know what was going on with him.

You’re supposed to share STD related health information or if you think you might be pregnant.
That sort of “communication “ so that your sex partner is safe and is aware if he potentially might be a father. And only because you two discussed sharing if the monogamous arrangement was going to end  

Sharing that you’re dating someone you might have sex with in the future is irrelevant and will come across badly especially because he likely knows you wish he’d want to be with you in a dating relationship. He doesn’t. 

[MissCanuck]

51 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

You don't understand that people can like several people at once

 I never said such a thing, nor was it the point of my post at all. It's irrelevant, actually. 

Good luck with these clowns. I would have tossed them both to the curb by now, but your standards are up to you. 

 

[CherrieTart]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You’re supposed to share STD related health information or if you think you might be pregnant.
That sort of “communication “ so that your sex partner is safe and is aware if he potentially might be a father. And only because you two discussed sharing if the monogamous arrangement was going to end  

Sharing that you’re dating someone you might have sex with in the future is irrelevant and will come across badly especially because he likely knows you wish he’d want to be with you in a dating relationship. He doesn’t. 

I know at some point I'll have to decide if I decide to keep dating the new guy. The new guy doesn't like the same things I like sexually. The things that me and the FWB do to each other. I know because I asked him about certain things. 

The new guy seems to be romantic and that's what I like about him. But then that other part of me wants the FWB because I like the sex and I'm comfortable with him. I was in a relationship for seven years with a guy and I wasn't satisfied sexually. 

I know he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He can't even communicate properly he said he can talk to people about work but nothing else. Yet he has talked about personal things with me. At one point he said he was going to therapy but recently he said he doesn't have time for it.

I don't know why he just didn't say he doesn't want to have sex anymore if that's really what he meant. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, CherrieTart said:

I know at some point I'll have to decide if I decide to keep dating the new guy. The new guy doesn't like the same things I like sexually. The things that me and the FWB do to each other. I know because I asked him about certain things. 

The new guy seems to be romantic and that's what I like about him. But then that other part of me wants the FWB because I like the sex and I'm comfortable with him. I was in a relationship for seven years with a guy and I wasn't satisfied sexually. 

I know he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He can't even communicate properly he said he can talk to people about work but nothing else. Yet he has talked about personal things with me. At one point he said he was going to therapy but recently he said he doesn't have time for it.

I don't know why he just didn't say he doesn't want to have sex anymore if that's really what he meant. 

Because you also didn't say what you really meant and he knew it -very transparent.  If your priority is to find someone who likes the same sexual acts/positions you do - more of a priority than finding someone you are attracted to and have stuff in common with (and then you would perhaps compromise on the specific sexual acts) - then stop seeing this guy.  Don't settle since you have these particular sexual wants for how the man should be during sex and you want to make up for your past when  you weren't sexually satisfied. Let this guy find someone who isn't settling for him.

[CherrieTart]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Because you also didn't say what you really meant and he knew it -very transparent.  If your priority is to find someone who likes the same sexual acts/positions you do - more of a priority than finding someone you are attracted to and have stuff in common with (and then you would perhaps compromise on the specific sexual acts) - then stop seeing this guy.  Don't settle since you have these particular sexual wants for how the man should be during sex and you want to make up for your past when  you weren't sexually satisfied. Let this guy find someone who isn't settling for him.

I never said I wanted to stop having sex with him I actually don't want to stop. That's why I asked him if he was saying he didn't want to see me anymore. I'm going to go on one more date with the new guy. And then I'll make my decision. But then I have to tell the FWB guy that I don't want to have sex anymore. He said we could still be friends without the sex. But I really don't know how that would work. I mean really? Especially after the comment he made about how he knew he could get me back in bed again. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

I never said I wanted to stop having sex with him I actually don't want to stop. That's why I asked him if he was saying he didn't want to see me anymore. I'm going to go on one more date with the new guy. And then I'll make my decision. But then I have to tell the FWB guy that I don't want to have sex anymore. He said we could still be friends without the sex. But I really don't know how that would work. I mean really? Especially after the comment he made about how he knew he could get me back in bed again. 

No you tried to test him to see how he'd react to you going on a date.  He told you just to tell him if  you were letting another man put his penis inside of you as that could put him at a health risk.  I don't think you should maintain a friendship because you won't want to hear about his sex and dating life right? Cause that's what friends talk about.  And yes if you don't think he is acting in a friendly way don't be friends anymore.

[Jaunty]

4 hours ago, CherrieTart said:

I don't know why he just didn't say he doesn't want to have sex anymore if that's really what he meant. 

Oh come on.  When you put people on the spot, don't expect them to reveal their true feelings to you.  You  know this.   

Anyway, he doesn't hate you or anything - your sex sessions are just not important to him.  He doesn't care if you two never have sex again, he doesn't care if you go out with other guys, AND  he knows that if he feels like it sometime all he has to do is summon you.  

And the wiener grabber guy ...  just NO.  Please, no.  Try to have some standards. 

 

[CherrieTart]

He doesn't care yet he asked me if the guy texts me. 

[Jaunty]

28 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

He doesn't care yet he asked me if the guy texts me. 

So what?   I asked my postal delivery person if they have any special holiday plans ... yet I am not concerned with whether I see them again.

Seriously, you need to get some friends and also look at why you are so desperate for any kind of attention from seemingly ANY male people regardless of what they are offering you.  

Best of luck to you.  

[MissCanuck]

Have you had a boyfriend before, OP?

[Batya33]

43 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

He doesn't care yet he asked me if the guy texts me. 

That's about his ego most likely. This doesn't sound like a healthy sex arrangement.

[Batya33]

9 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Have you had a boyfriend before, OP?

She wrote she did but he didn't satisfy her sexually like her sex partner does.  She has particular sexual requirements which she's shared with the man she's met a few times for dates.

[BunnyGirlR]

The question is, is he right? You've already said you don't want to stop have having sex with him. He doesn't sound to me like he wants to stop having sex with you either. The other guy sounds like a weirdo. I'd definitely bin the dating one and to be honest I'd probably keep having fun with the first one for the time being.