FWB said he knows he could get me to sleep with him again.

[CherrieTart]

I recently told my FWB I had been on a date with a guy and was thinking about going out with him again. He told me it was okay if I did if it made me happy. I asked him if he was saying he didn't want to see me again. And he said that wasn't what he was saying. He said if I started having sex with or got into a relationship with another guy. That he and I would stop the sex and be friends, yet he laughed and commented saying he knew he could get me to sleep with him again if I did move on. I don't get why he would say that. 

[Batya33]

Maybe he didn't get why you were reporting to him about your dating life -or maybe he did -he called your bluff.  Sounds like you were trying to make him jealous or "confess" that he wishes you two were properly dating.  He will stop having sex with you if you are no longer sexually monogamous -a safe and healthful thing to do.  It's not a good look to tell a sex partner details of your dating life -what was your motivation?

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, CherrieTart said:

 saying he knew he could get me to sleep with him again if I did move on.

It's up to you if you want to sleep with him again. His only stipulation was if you're sleeping with others he doesn't want to sleep with you. Is this the same man?:

 

[Jaunty]

This particular FWB situation seems very fraught with game playing and weird complications.  Isn't the whole point of FWB is to be able to have sex with somebody you find reasonably likable, without all of the trappings of a relationship?

Frankly, OP, you do not seem to be cut out for FWB.  

[CherrieTart]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

This particular FWB situation seems very fraught with game playing and weird complications.  Isn't the whole point of FWB is to be able to have sex with somebody you find reasonably likable, without all of the trappings of a relationship?

Frankly, OP, you do not seem to be cut out for FWB.  

I'm not playing any games I was just being honest. Isn't that important when it comes to FWB? This isn't the first time I've been FWB I had one who was a thousand miles away. 

[Jaunty]

Just now, CherrieTart said:

I'm not playing any games I was just being honest. Isn't that important when it comes to FWB? This isn't the first time I've been FWB I had one who was a thousand miles away. 

There is a lot of territory between "just being honest" and telling people things that are not their business to see how they'll react.  

How did you get "benefits" with a person 1000 miles away?  Just curious.

[CherrieTart]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Maybe he didn't get why you were reporting to him about your dating life -or maybe he did -he called your bluff.  Sounds like you were trying to make him jealous or "confess" that he wishes you two were properly dating.  He will stop having sex with you if you are no longer sexually monogamous -a safe and healthful thing to do.  It's not a good look to tell a sex partner details of your dating life -what was your motivation?

I told him because I don't like to play games and I wanted to be upfront and honest. Also, I wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being FWB or not.

[CherrieTart]

10 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

There is a lot of territory between "just being honest" and telling people things that are not their business to see how they'll react.  

How did you get "benefits" with a person 1000 miles away?  Just curious.

Honestly, I didn't tell him to see how he would react. I would go see the guy once or twice a year. He was going through a rough time and I'd help him out. 

[Jaunty]

You already grilled him about this last month.  Why bring it up again?  

He certainly thinks he has you at his beck and call.  How do you feel about that?

[lostandhurt]

Reading your other thread on this guy it sounds to me like you want more than a FWB with him.  Is that true?  Be honest with us but more importantly with yourself.

  Lost

[CherrieTart]

9 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Reading your other thread on this guy it sounds to me like you want more than a FWB with him.  Is that true?  Be honest with us but more importantly with yourself.

  Lost

I like the sex and comfort that I feel with him he feels like family to me. But I like the other guy for dating and romance.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, CherrieTart said:

I like the sex and comfort that I feel with him he feels like family to me. But I like the other guy for dating and romance.

This makes no sense, I'm sorry to say. 

How is sex part of feeling like family? 

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, CherrieTart said:

I'm not playing any games I was just being honest. Isn't that important when it comes to FWB? This isn't the first time I've been FWB I had one who was a thousand miles away. 

You were oversharing.  Even if he asked you -it's none of his business unless you having intercourse with this friend you want to make jealous would expose him to an STD.  Don't play these silly hypothetical what if games with a sex partner and tell yourself you're being honest.  The rule he wants is if you have intercourse or oral sex with someone else tell him so he can decide how to protect himself or whether to abstain from further sex with you.  He didn't receive your comments as "honesty" -he saw it and he was "honest' back -oversharing his half sarcastic comment that whatever the case he could get you to have intercourse with him.  

I don't think he is a good sex partner for you if you feel the urge to overshare and test whether he is jealous/has feelings for you beyond wanting to have sex with you when he is in the mood.

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

How is sex part of feeling like family? 

I believe she thinks that she feels close to him. Though it is weird that she equates her FWB and a family member. 😆

Lots of people, especially women, feel they connect through sex. So, maybe she means on that. 

OP, you already asked the same question. We told you that for him its just sex and that he actually has "healthy" boundary about FWB thing. And that if you tried to make him jelly, it doesnt work. 

Also, how does your new boyfriend feels about you keeping your FWB in your life? Do you think this "friendship" is sustainable when you are in a relationship with someone? 

[CherrieTart]

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I believe she thinks that she feels close to him. Though it is weird that she equates her FWB and a family member. 😆

Lots of people, especially women, feel they connect through sex. So, maybe she means on that. 

OP, you already asked the same question. We told you that for him its just sex and that he actually has "healthy" boundary about FWB thing. And that if you tried to make him jelly, it doesnt work. 

Also, how does your new boyfriend feels about you keeping your FWB in your life? Do you think this "friendship" is sustainable when you are in a relationship with someone? 

Yes, what you're saying is what I mean when I say he's like family. I was not trying to make him jealous when I told him that. He even told me to tell him if I have sex with someone else to let him know. So we can just be friends without the sex. But then he commented how he knows he can get me back to having sex with him again. I also don't get why he told his mother about me either. So I guess they have been made mouthing me.

The new guy doesn't know about him I told him things ended with us in August. I do like the new guy he's nice but he makes me feel a little uneasy. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, CherrieTart said:

Yes, what you're saying is what I mean when I say he's like family. I was not trying to make him jealous when I told him that. He even told me to tell him if I have sex with someone else to let him know. So we can just be friends without the sex. But then he commented how he knows he can get me back to having sex with him again. I also don't get why he told his mother about me either. So I guess they have been made mouthing me.

The new guy doesn't know about him I told him things ended with us in August. I do like the new guy he's nice but he makes me feel a little uneasy. 

Yes. He wants to make sure you don’t give him an STD. Why did you tell him you were dating someone - dating is dating. He said only if sex is involved. Oversharing is not about “honesty “.  Did he ask you if you were dating ? If so tell him it’s none of his business and you’ll let him know if you have sex with another person. He said what he said to let you know he’s unconcerned if you date anyone else as he feels he can get you to have intercourse with him. 

[MissCanuck]

At the end of the day, you need to drop this FWB. 

Why? Given that it's the second thread you've recently created about him, it's clear you are really into him - but he apparently doesn't want a relationship with you. 

Why waste your time on this? 

[CherrieTart]

23 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

At the end of the day, you need to drop this FWB. 

Why? Given that it's the second thread you've recently created about him, it's clear you are really into him - but he apparently doesn't want a relationship with you. 

Why waste your time on this? 

I don't want a relationship with him hence the reason why I've been dating the other guy. It's just that he and I aren't sexually compatible. 

[Wiseman2]

On 11/14/2023 at 10:17 PM, CherrieTart said:

 He said he’s never experienced someone being so disconnected with him on a date. I don’t know what he expects when he was being a creep.

Is this the guy you're dating now? Who "makes me feel a little uneasy". 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, CherrieTart said:

I don't want a relationship with him 

I have to say, it doesn't seem you are beng honest with yourself about your feelings for your FWB. 

 

[CherrieTart]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the guy you're dating now? Who "makes me feel a little uneasy". 

Yes, I went on a second date and I felt uneasy and walked out. He was acting strange like he couldn't sit still. And then I noticed that he was looking down at my breasts. 

[CherrieTart]

20 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I have to say, it doesn't seem you are beng honest with yourself about your feelings for your FWB. 

 

Yeah, well it doesn't seem like he wants to be in a relationship period. If he's talking about how he knows he could get me back in bed knowing that I'm talking to another guy.

[Jaunty]

17 hours ago, CherrieTart said:

I like the sex and comfort that I feel with him he feels like family to me. But I like the other guy for dating and romance.

The guy who's fondling his penis while out on a date with you?  The one you ditched in a restaurant?  That's you choice for dating and romance?   Please tell me that this is not the case.

Honestly, you are wasting your precious time with both of these guys, they sound like clowns.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, CherrieTart said:

Yeah, well it doesn't seem like he wants to be in a relationship period. If he's talking about how he knows he could get me back in bed knowing that I'm talking to another guy.

He might not want to or he might not want one with you - but remember you started it by volunteering information about who you are "talking" to.

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, CherrieTart said:

well it doesn't seem like he wants to be in a relationship period.

That wasn't my point. 

My point is that you still appear to want more from him, despite it being obvious he doesn't want the same with you. 

I think it may serve you to take a little time away from guys in general, and re-evaluate which men you choose to allow in your life. You're not making great choices with either of these two.