Dream of an ex made me just completely emotional and heartache today

[daniel08]

So I have ex from 7 years ago we broke up after 3 years of dating.  We were both in love and crazy about each other, something that I never experienced again to that level.  Two years into the relationship I found texts of infidelity that happened early in the relationship.  We had had a huge fight and things spiraled towards the end of huge love but anger and trust issues as a result.

She reached out to me via email 1.5 years later and it took me another 1.5 years to respond just because it was difficult emotionally to respond.

Anyway, I think she is married now and im a newly wed.  So last night I had a dream about her, I dont recall what the dream was about but i woke up with huge heartache and now balling my eyes out middle of the day at work.

Is there ever a way to get over it?

[Batya33]

We all have dreams.  But your reaction -wow.  How's your brand new marriage?

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, daniel08 said:

 I think she is married now and im a newly wed.  So last night I had a dream about her, I dont recall what the dream was about 

Sorry this happened. Please focus on your new life and wife. Unfortunately nightmares happen and breakups hurt, but if it's this far in the past, maybe get evaluated for your physical and mental health to see if anything underlying is going on. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. Perhaps finally unpacking and sorting this out will help. 

[daniel08]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

We all have dreams.  But your reaction -wow.  How's your brand new marriage?

Its been a few weeks and we are very happy together.  

[Batya33]

Just now, daniel08 said:

Its been a few weeks and we are very happy together.  

Then I would focus on that and count your blessings.

[Coily]

It's going to seem corny, but write the ex a short note and then burn it or shred it. A symbolic act to eradicate her last vestiges in your life.

Then write a note to your wife, focusing on the positives. Then read that when you feel invasive thoughts about the ex. Maybe even share the sappiest romantic parts with your wife, steering your mind to her.

Right now I would liken this to subconscious buyers remorse. You are having that little "did I do the right thing" moment, it's not un-natural for such a big decision. What you need to do is adjust your focus on the great new adventure with your lovely bride.

 

[daniel08]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Then I would focus on that and count your blessings.

Thanks for the advice and I am.  Its just difficult to get passed emotions from my heart I cant control today 

[boltnrun]

26 minutes ago, daniel08 said:

Thanks for the advice and I am.  Its just difficult to get passed emotions from my heart I cant control today 

Do you believe you would be happier married to your ex, despite her being a cheater?

[Lambert]

Our dreams can sometimes wreck havoc on our emotional state. I think from a psychological perspective our dreams are a way our brain can work things out/ process our feelings. Maybe even some you were holding subconsciously.

This might not work for you but I would try to look at this as a goodbye to that ex. Appreciate what you had,  the lessons learned,  the good times and recognize that you both moved on and are happy.  A thanks, a good feeling, and a good bye as you run towards your new life and all the good it has to come. 

you're not who you were then.  she isn't either.  that time is over.  leave it be.  Everything you did was the right thing on your journey.  If things were meant to be different, they would be.  Trust that. You're a little shook up by a weird dream. nothing more. 

 

[Batya33]

54 minutes ago, daniel08 said:

Thanks for the advice and I am.  Its just difficult to get passed emotions from my heart I cant control today 

You can control your reactions. I like the idea above about reacting by writing the ex a note you then destroy. 

[ilovecats666]

I'm still in this same boat from time to time, though it's only been 3 years past. 

Though it's hard, thr only reason the memories cling SO hard and are devastating, is because the relationship itself was a large source of unresolved trauma. 

What has helped me is making a list of stuff I miss, and then a list of why the relationship did not work. 

When you're really honest, there tends to be more obvious cons. It's certainly not a cure, but it helps keep me grounded in the reality of why it didn't work out.