did I do something bad?

[anna ivanova]

my boyfriend and I (girl) both struggle with drug abuse. I usually only use together with him, but back in march I did drugs by myself, in my room. I thought it was boring and really wanted to talk to people. I called a friend and we played a game. I chatted with another friend (both guys) and played a game. I told my boyfriend about the friend I called with, because I felt very bad about it. he told me not to do it again. and I never will !! but I totally forgot to tell about the other friend I had talked to (both as friends!), didn’t think twice about it. probably because of the drugs use and me already stressing about the other. now it all comes back to me and my mind is racing thoughts constantly. I feel awful. constantly wishing I could turn back time. now I feel like I didn’t tell him everything, but I really just got this memory back now and now it’s weird. Sometimes for half an hour I feel like it’s not that bad and then I feel like I’m the worst again. I am dying for no drama and just feeling good. am I overreacting? do I tell him now or leave it?

[Kwothe28]

Quote

did I do something bad?

Yes you did

30 minutes ago, anna ivanova said:

my boyfriend and I (girl) both struggle with drug abuse.

You both are drug abusers who need to treat your addiction. As long as you dont do that, stuff like this would happen and you both would be "toxic" not only to each other but to other people too.

[anna ivanova]

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yes you did

You both are drug abusers who need to treat your addiction. As long as you dont do that, stuff like this would happen and you both would be "toxic" not only to each other but to other people too.

I do not need advice on drug abuse. I am asking if it’s okay to talk to a friend lol.

[bluecastle]

I don’t understand. Do you and your bf have an agreement where you’re not allowed to speak with friends who are male?

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, anna ivanova said:

I do not need advice on drug abuse. I am asking if it’s okay to talk to a friend lol.

When you and your bf are sober, what have you discussed about being friends with members of the opposite sex?

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, anna ivanova said:

 . I am asking if it’s okay to talk to a friend lol.

Your BF doesn't think so. So if he's your drug supplier you'll have to quit drugs or break up or find another dealer or do all the ridiculous things he wants.

[anna ivanova]

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

When you and your bf are sober, what have you discussed about being friends with members of the opposite sex?

We have not explicitly made a rule about this, I would have told him when I also told him about my other friend, but I had forgotten about it. I feel really dumb about it and wonder if I should still tell him now?

 

as for further info, he went to the gym with his girl colleague a few times, but he did tell it to me. and he said it’s different, bc she is a colleague and I know her in real life. also, sometimes his ex (who I have never seen) came to see him at his job and he told me afterwards. this doesn’t happen anymore though. and twice he met up with her but he would always ask me upfront if I’m okay with it.

I don’t have alot of friends, and no guy friends that I meet up with whatsoever, but I still feel ***ty.

[shouldhavelearned]

Depends of the trust of the bf and the guys you're talking to

[anna ivanova]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your BF doesn't think so. So if he's your drug supplier you'll have to quit drugs or break up or find another dealer or do all the ridiculous things he wants.

? he’s not my drug supplier 😂 this post is not about drug abuse, I was just giving some context about the situation and what has happened.

[anna ivanova]

Just now, shouldhavelearned said:

Depends of the trust of the bf and the guys you're talking to

an old friend, I’ve known for years but hadn’t talked to in a long time. I would never be into this guy, just wanted to talk to whoever, because I was on drugs. I felt bad though and didn’t talk to any male friend since

[MissCanuck]

I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. 

This was months ago and it seems very benign. I'm not trying to be funny, but do the drugs you use tend to trigger paranoia? 

[catfeeder]

Why would you raise the drug abuse here if you don’t consider it a part of your topic?

[anna ivanova]

Just now, catfeeder said:

Why would you raise the drug abuse here if you don’t consider it a part of your topic?

aaaa, to give some background info as to why I was talking to male friends. I was high and just wanted to talk to anyone and wasn’t thinking that I maybe did something dumb until I was sober again.

 

I would want to edit it out of the post now, but don’t know how haha

[anna ivanova]

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. 

This was months ago and it seems very benign. I'm not trying to be funny, but do the drugs you use tend to trigger paranoia? 

they can cause that. I never really thought that could be what’s going on.

everytime I feel like I’m okay, something new to worry about pops up in my head. now it’s this talk I forgot about. it makes me feel terrible. I google for hours if what I did was bad and my mind doesn’t stop racing thoughts about this. I genuinely don’t know when I’m overreacting or being legit. I would never want to do anything hurtful towards my bf.

[MissCanuck]

Whatever you are taking seems to be worsening whatever underlying anxiety you may already have. 

You're making a mountain out of a molehill here. 

[Batya33]

23 minutes ago, anna ivanova said:

aaaa, to give some background info as to why I was talking to male friends. I was high and just wanted to talk to anyone and wasn’t thinking that I maybe did something dumb until I was sober again.

 

I would want to edit it out of the post now, but don’t know how haha

So if you choose to be high you choose the consequences- when you are high you’re more focused on being chatty and chatty can lead to oversharing if you’ve chosen to be high.  So decide whether it’s worth it to keep using drugs especially when you’re near your phone or laptop etc because you choose to be in a headspace that allows for high risk of bad choices. Or choices that then create conflict because it’s unfair to use being high as an excuse. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, anna ivanova said:

I do not need advice on drug abuse. I am asking if it’s okay to talk to a friend lol.

Sadly, you do. All your issues, including toxic boyfriend where you cant even talk to other people, stem from your drug abuse. If you would kick drugs out you would maybe find you relationships with people in a healthy way. But with drugs this is all you can expect. Toxic boyfriend and toxic relationships. 

[Wiseman2]

39 minutes ago, anna ivanova said:

I was high and just wanted to talk to anyone 

You seem to think being high was the reason you talked to friends, but racing thoughts, googling for hours seems more like a high activity than talking to a couple friends.

[anna ivanova]

31 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sadly, you do. All your issues, including toxic boyfriend where you cant even talk to other people, stem from your drug abuse. If you would kick drugs out you would maybe find you relationships with people in a healthy way. But with drugs this is all you can expect. Toxic boyfriend and toxic relationships. 

I do not have a toxic boyfriend. he isn’t stopping me from talking to other people. I (!!) am just worried it’s bad I forgot to tell him I talked to a GUY friend, due to his response when I told about my other friend. I just feel dumb and tend to overreact. it’s fine by me if I can’t be friends with guys alone, then I won’t. but I just feel ***ty because I forgot to tell him about this before I knew that, like I’m hiding it. but I’m not, because I forgot and have to stop beating myself up over it now.

besides me worrying in this post, I have to say my boyfriend has never hurt me and always shows me how much he cares for me in actions and words. we have been together a long time and I’m very happy with him.

[anna ivanova]

48 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So if you choose to be high you choose the consequences- when you are high you’re more focused on being chatty and chatty can lead to oversharing if you’ve chosen to be high.  So decide whether it’s worth it to keep using drugs especially when you’re near your phone or laptop etc because you choose to be in a headspace that allows for high risk of bad choices. Or choices that then create conflict because it’s unfair to use being high as an excuse. 

I know, I didn’t mean to use that as an excuse. but I can see how it comes off that way. I def won’t to this again, and would’ve told him straight away that I talked to a friend like I always do but I just now remembered and felt weird about it.

[anna ivanova]

39 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You seem to think being high was the reason you talked to friends, but racing thoughts, googling for hours seems more like a high activity than talking to a couple friends.

hahaha. no that’s what I’m doing now, sober. because I was worried.

[lostandhurt]

Okay lets shelve the part where you were high when these two things happened.

They were old friends correct?

No flirting or sexual talk happened right?

You played a video game together correct?

If that is all that happened then you did absolutely nothing wrong.

If your bf has an issue with the above then he is controlling and isolating you.  That is not good at all.

Boundaries in a relationship are very important.  You need to know where he stands and he needs to know where you stand on things like friendships of the opposite sex, spending time with the opposite sex, trust and respect.  I think it is time for that talk don't you think?

 Lost

[smackie9]

You don't have to tell your BF jack sh%#. You are of free will. You should be able to chat with anyone as long as it's not over stepping boundaries such as a dependency/acting like a couple/emotional affair/ex lover/ex BF, constant texting,etc. Just ask yourself would you approve if your BF was doing the same thing with other girls. If not, then stop/don't doing it.

I have to ask, are you dependant on your BF to keep you company? If so I would suggest getting involved in a social group/make new friends.

As for the drugs, meh everyone did drugs back in my day, and I survived just fine. Just keep note of when and how much you use to keep yourself in check. I quit when someone laid out a 2' line on a full length mirror and offered it to me. That was my wake up call.

[catfeeder]

You sound like you’re obsessing.

Over a nit.

[Jaunty]

6 hours ago, anna ivanova said:

? he’s not my drug supplier 😂 this post is not about drug abuse, I was just giving some context about the situation and what has happened.

Why do your drug habits need to be mentioned in your story, if we are not supposed to take them into consideration?

Were you so high that you weren't in control of your own actions, and you would not have reached out to guy friends if you'd have been sober?  

What's the big deal about talking to guy friends in the general context of your relationship?