Healing after heartbreak success stories?

[angrythoughts]

I’m a week and 2 days into a break up and I feel like a complete psychopath. I spiral hard to the point where I feel like I might implode. I want to scream and cry. Nothing helps me feel better, all I do is pray to God he comes back. I am a hot mess. This feels like it’ll never go away. It feels like I’ll never find love again. I feel so crappy and I just want to hear how any of you guys out there that have been heartbroken recovered. I want to know that I will recover someday soon. I cannot take this anymore.

I apologize for how dramatic I might sound but this is truly how I feel and more. 
 

thanks in advance

[boltnrun]

Nine days is nothing.

I cried every day for two straight months after the guy I swore was "the love of my life who I'll LOVE FOREVER!!!!!111" broke up with me. I sobbed aloud "I just want him back!". I was inconsolable.

But...as time went on the pain got less and less. I realized he wasn't the unicorn I'd convinced myself he was. In fact, a couple of years later he tried to get me to date him again. I went out with him once and found him so insufferable I chose to never date him again. He tried to creep back about three years ago and I told him "nope" again.

Oh, and he was not the love of my life and I did not "love him forever!!!111" 

Give yourself a break. It's OK to feel bad. But it won't last forever.

Get help if you feel you need it but otherwise what you're experiencing is normal. 

[Kwothe28]

There there, there are whole stages of grief people come through before it gets better. You are currently in stage 1: Denial. You think he would magically tomorrow come on your door and want you back. There are very little chances of that happening. Sorry.

You may find yourself experiencing all other stages or skip some. You may experience anger because he left you, may bargain with "If I did X he wouldnt leave", and you may even get depressed. But in time you will (hopefully) get to the final stage. And that is accepting he is gone and you being ready to move on. 

[angrythoughts]

15 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

There there, there are whole stages of grief people come through before it gets better. You are currently in stage 1: Denial. You think he would magically tomorrow come on your door and want you back. There are very little chances of that happening. Sorry.

You may find yourself experiencing all other stages or skip some. You may experience anger because he left you, may bargain with "If I did X he wouldnt leave", and you may even get depressed. But in time you will (hopefully) get to the final stage. And that is accepting he is gone and you being ready to move on. 

I’m not in denial. If I was in denial I’d be a lot happier. I actually admire those that are deluded because at least they’re happy. Anyways, I wanted success stories of those that are healing, although I do appreciate the listing of the 5 stages of grief… lol

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, angrythoughts said:

I’m a week and 2 days into a break up . all I do is pray to God he comes back. I am a hot mess. This feels like it’ll never go away.

Sorry this is happening. Breakups hurt but people survive breakups, divorces and worse every day and survive. Try to build up your resiliency and coping skills.

Are you still living together? Can you move back home or with trusted friends and family?

What was the breakup about? 

Please finally see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support in general and for help with this difficult time. 

You have a long history of untreated depression and anxiety and sadly a breakup is going to be more difficult under those circumstances. Is medical care against your religion? Do you have health insurance? 

 

[Kwothe28]

17 minutes ago, angrythoughts said:

I’m not in denial. If I was in denial I’d be a lot happier.

You literally pray to God he will magically show up at your doors tomorrow. That is a textbook example of a denial.

Also I think almost everyone is a "success story" when it comes to a heartbrake. Because we all exprerienced it and moved on. Yes, its hard. Yes, you will even cry. But at the end you will accept that its over and moved on just like everyone else did. But for that you will need time. There is no instant solution of it. Hence why its a process with stages. Sorry.

[Cherylyn]

As hard as it is for you to see this now,  someday,  you'll very well likely feel grateful that a certain relationship ended because you'll realize that this person wasn't meant for you for reasons such as personality, character differences or other reasons.  It runs the gamut.   

Initially,  it is painful to part ways.  Then bitterness and resentment may set in because you'll feel as if you wasted a lot of your time,  energy and resources on an individual who wasn't a 'happily ever after.'  Next,  after ruminating,  gratitude sets in because you realize it wouldn't have made sense to prolong a relationship which wasn't meant for the long term. 

You will change the way you think and it's actually wisdom gained for you.  You will perceive people through a different,  more clear lens,  become more shrewd regarding character and your expectations of human decency and human courtesy.  Your values will change.  Respect,  honor and morals will be at the forefront of your mind which will cause you to afford to become more picky and choosy.  Your pain is not all in vain. 

In my mind,  often times I wish I would've known then what I know now.  Most people would say the same. 

[angrythoughts]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Breakups hurt but people survive breakups, divorces and worse every day and survive. Try to build up your resiliency and coping skills.

Are you still living together? Can you move back home or with trusted friends and family?

What was the breakup about? 

Please finally see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support in general and for help with this difficult time. 

You have a long history of untreated depression and anxiety and sadly a breakup is going to be more difficult under those circumstances. Is medical care against your religion? Do you have health insurance? 

 

He yelled at me about something stupid and we were going back and forth. His yelling became out of control so I stayed quiet. We get home and he says it’s over. Says we’re incompatible. Says there’s nothing to fix because we’re just incompatible. We’ve been rocky for a bit but working on things. He just didn’t want to work anymore. 
 

He doesn’t know but tomorrow I’ll be going home while he’s at work to move my things out. I don’t want to see or speak to him. It’ll only hurt.

 

how do you know I have a long history of these things? And I currently do not have insurance. I travel nurse and benefits are complicated so no health insurance for now. 

[boltnrun]

20 minutes ago, angrythoughts said:

tomorrow I’ll be going home while he’s at work to move my things out.

That's a great decision.

[Batya33]

Not my story- my friend's - in 2003 she was engaged to be married -wedding planned! - to a man she met through match.com.  I happened to know this man -as he'd dated a couple of my friends but she met him that way.  Right before the wedding they broke up - and she was heartbroken.  They'd been having issues but still it was really hard! In fact on the weekend that would have been her wedding -I took her out for brunch and yoga and wouldn't you know it -the dishes at brunch -were her china pattern. Sigh.  It was really hard for her -she was in her mid 30s, really wanted to marry.

Less than 2 years later -after a string of bad dates -she did go back out there - on a rainy Valentines Day night -she was home -figured she'd do laundry.  Went down to the laundry room -and there was her future husband doing his laundry.  They've been happily married now over 15 years. I haven't seen them in a very long time but I can tell you -they are gems -both of them -so the blessing of her heartbreak was she found her true love, her true person.  He's just such a good person, person of integrity, loyal to a fault to her and his family.  Now her ex wasn't a bad guy -but he can't hold a candle to this guy.  

Hope this was inspiring!

[bluecastle]

Sorry for the tough time! 

It sounds, from where I sit, like you're doing great. No, that doesn't mean I think you're feeling great—hardly—but simply that what you're feeling right now is, as I think I said in an earlier post, totally okay, totally normal. Let's say a week and change ago you fell off a roof and broke your legs. Odds are you'd still be in pain, not rushing to go on a run, and not being nearly as hard on yourself for being laid up as you're being right now. So think about this moment from that angle, but it's your heart, not your legs, that are mending.

Odd as it sounds, I think healing starts in accepting all that, giving yourself permission to move through these feelings rather than judging them as "wrong" or something to get rid of ASAP. 

That out of the way, here's a personal story of heartache and healing: 

When I was 33 or so my gf ended things out of the blue—from my perspective, at least—and I spent a good stretch riding the emotional tilt-a-whirl. Left the city I lived in on whim, moved to another, lived out of a suitcase for a while, plotted in my head on how to achieve reconciliation. Didn't sleep much for a stretch, or eat, and got pretty gaunt. I did, however, take to sipping bourbon at some seriously questionable hours.

Not the cutest look, but it was just a brief stretch on the universe's clock...

Thing is, looking back? That was kind of a pivotal—and ultimately wonderful—time in my life. I bought a home in that new city, and in time created a life where I could float between the two, and eventually a third, earning income on my homes when I was away. Game changer! I poured myself into all sorts of hobbies. Like, one day I went into a yoga studio and bought a monthly pass and discovered that...I really liked yoga! Also met some great friends in that bendy world. Another day, I was all, "I am going to become an excellent chef!" And, sure, maybe part of that initial motivation was that becoming an excellent chef could up my reconciliation chances, but even when that pang eventually faded, what was left? Me, a dude who basically lived off take out, became an excellent chef! Ten years later Mr. Takeout is Mr. Dinner Party Host, which is an incarnation of myself I like a whole lot better... 

Guess the moral of that story goes something like: I sloshed around for a good while, felt pretty unmoored, but I also discovered and excavated parts of myself that I didn't know existed. These were parts of me that, for whatever reasons, weren't reaching the surface in that relationship and suddenly they were parts that felt essential to share in another, whenever that time came. And it did come—not because she came back, or because I miraculously collided with someone new, but because in coming to understand myself a bit more, and love parts of myself I didn't know were there, my heart not only healed but opened up to the possibility of something deeper, and richer. 

You're in the earliest, hardest stages of all this. Hugs! There is another side and every day you're charting your way to it. Trust that. Or, if you can't, remind yourself that this random internet person trusts it. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Wow

[SooSad33]

First of all, 'feel it'.  Feel these emotions and let them ride out.  It's okay & normal to 'break down' in tears.. you're emotionally broken at this time .  Because you've been hurt & you cared for this man.

Second, can you elaborate a little?  How long were you two involved?  A good while?

Third, what is it you're looking for with this post?  Success of 'Heartbreak Success'?  Meaning, how did we or did we end up okay again?  Did we get an ex back... or...?

I have had my fare share on BU's.  Yeah, each was different and yeah, they hurt 😕 .  At times I ended up needing some therapy to 'work through ' my issue's.  Yes, it helped me.

You're just freshly out of one.  It will take some time to feel okay again.  But, you need to give it all time and go thru those emotions.  Yes, in time, it does become easier, as you realize the negatives of the relationship or the ex and understand what or why it all happened the way it did, then accept it is what it is, for reasons.