Do I love my boyfriend's tiny penis for the right reason?

[Candy the Nerd]

So bear with me for a bit here - apologies for the oddball post.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now.  Quite frankly, he's amazing and we are in love.  Our social life together is amazing, and quite frankly our sex life is also amazing!  The problem comes in with my post's title

You see, he has a tiny penis.  I'm not sure if it's in the "micropenis" category, but if it isn't, it's pretty darn close.  And - uncomfortable honesty here - I would prefer it if it was larger.  What can I say, but I just like bigger ones?  That being said, we have very good sex.  He's VERY giving, and tries his best to pleasure and satisfy me.  Like, he's probably gone down on me more in the last three months than I ever have had in my whole LIFE!  On my end, I like to think that I give back to him as well.  Certainly he seems satisfied, lol

The thing is that if I am truly honest with myself, I think he tries so hard to please me because he feels inadequate about his tiny little guy.  I KNOW he's embarrassed about it because he sticks this silly pad thing in his underwear to make it look bigger.  It's called a "bulge enhancer" I think?  Found some on Amazon.  Also he's said a few things about it once or twice that make me sure he's got some feelings of inadequacy there.

Additionally, I really love the attention because it's not something I've ever experienced before.  Historically, I am not the type of girl that most people lust over (I'm really overweight, not traditionally cute, etc) so my sex life prior to this hasn't been that satisfied.  I can think of more than one sexual encounter that was basically just someone using me to get off.  So having a guy treat me like a princess is like...holy ***, I can't believe it.  Who cares if he's small down there, right?

But then, lately upon self-reflection, I'm feeling guilty.  Like if the main reason why he's such an attentive lover is because he's embarrassed...am I not just using him in the same way that I was used before?  Do I love his tiny penis because he feels so inadequate about it that he pays more attention to my needs?

That's kind of a ***ty mentality, right?  Like I shouldn't WANT my boyfriend to feel inadequate?  Or is that what's going on?  And I feel weird about talking to him about it because guys are so sensitive about that stuff.  I wish I could - I mean I am literally twice his size, so it's not like I am physically perfect either!  I just don't want to do this badly and *** this all up.  Make him feel WORSE about his little thing - I would want to just curl up and die if I did that.

I feel so gross about this.

[tattoobunnie]

Get a lovesense and use during intercourse.  A guy who cares about you, cares about you.  Insecure men are really not gun.  I think he just cares about your needs.  I would have him or you manually stimulate along with the intercourse.

[Batya33]

This should be the worst thing you have to worry about. Do you care that he cares so much he wears a bulge enhancer ?  I mean women wear makeup to enhance their looks or compensate for perceived flaws so this is similar.  
Seriously- you seem to have a good thing going and it’s ok to wish someone’s physical feature was a bit different- but that’s normal too like with couples where there’s weight gain or loss and the other person wishes the weight would go back to normal - for superficial reasons. 

if he compensates by being more attentive- let him. He’s a big boy right ????

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Candy the Nerd said:

I feel weird about talking to him about it because guys are so sensitive about that stuff.  I wish I could - I mean I am literally twice his size, so it's not like I am physically perfect either!

Why talk to him about? You enjoy each other and your relationship and sex life seems fine. 

[Candy the Nerd]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

This should be the worst thing you have to worry about. Do you care that he cares so much he wears a bulge enhancer ?  I mean women wear makeup to enhance their looks or compensate for perceived flaws so this is similar.  
Seriously- you seem to have a good thing going and it’s ok to wish someone’s physical feature was a bit different- but that’s normal too like with couples where there’s weight gain or loss and the other person wishes the weight would go back to normal - for superficial reasons. 

if he compensates by being more attentive- let him. He’s a big boy right ????

It's not about how I feel about it.  Not exactly.

I'm just worried that he feels that he has to compensate for something.  I want him to know that he doesn't have to.

I'm also worried that my feeling of "I like that he goes the extra mile because he feels like he's not man enough" makes me a bad person.  Feels like I'm taking advantage, in a way.

Those are my main issues.

[spinstermanquee]

It sounds to me like you've got a fine man there who cares about you very much.  There are so many fun and sexy things to do behind closed doors that you're not stuck with just one position or activity.  Size in and of itself isn't a dealbreaker, at least not for me.  I like your description of his eagerness to please!

There are always toys or acting out fantasies to extend your current repertoire.

[spinstermanquee]

1 minute ago, Candy the Nerd said:

I'm just worried that he feels that he has to compensate for something.  I want him to know that he doesn't have to

I think if you just go with the flow, don't say anything, he will eventually relax and lighten up, and get the memo that he doesn't have to compensate, he is great for you AS HE IS.  Mentioning ANYTHING about a guy's Achilles can be tricky, so best to just pretend you didn't notice and give the big smiles, hugs, and kisses about what a giving and wonderful lover he is.

[catfeeder]

Plenty of women with small breasts are also great in bed.

I wouldn’t burden a lover who satisfies me with imaginary problems I’ve made up about him. There’s nothing he can do about that.

it sounds like you’re flirting with an idea of insulting him just to try to appear as a hero in saying he doesn’t need to feel bad.

Makes no sense. Enjoy your lover, and find productive ways to occupy your time while not doing that.

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

women wear makeup to enhance their looks or compensate for perceived flaws

Many of my friends also wear padded bras to make it appear they have larger breasts.  What about those pants that have fake butt cheeks?  Or Spanx?  

46 minutes ago, Candy the Nerd said:

"I like that he goes the extra mile because he feels like he's not man enough"

Do you truly believe he's "not man enough"?  Because if so please do him a favor and break up with him now, before you get so turned off and disdainful of him you start mistreating him.  Or is it that you feel bad because HE doesn't think he's "man enough"?  These are very different things.

If you truly love him as he is then stop thinking a larger penis would make him a better boyfriend.  Trust me, I've dated men who were super hung and that didn't make them better boyfriends.  Or even better in bed, TBH.

[Batya33]

50 minutes ago, Candy the Nerd said:

It's not about how I feel about it.  Not exactly.

I'm just worried that he feels that he has to compensate for something.  I want him to know that he doesn't have to.

I'm also worried that my feeling of "I like that he goes the extra mile because he feels like he's not man enough" makes me a bad person.  Feels like I'm taking advantage, in a way.

Those are my main issues.

It’s sad that you think he’s attentive for any reason other than wanting to be so. So I’d stop manufacturing “problems “. 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Candy the Nerd said:

And - uncomfortable honesty here - I would prefer it if it was larger. 

Is it a preference or a standard? Meaning is it something you could live with or is it a "deal breaker" where you would, if I may say, after some time leave him for somebody with "bigger bulge" because you couldnt live with his micropenis? I think its weird to have so much fixation on it considering your sex life is great by your own words. But you are allowed to have standards and preferences and enforce them if you have a partner that doesnt fit that standard.

Also please dont tell a guy how you think his micropenis is enough for you and that he doesnt have to try that much. You will probably crush him.

[shouldhavelearned]

Are you more worried about it or is he?

What's his confidence level? Bring in some toys

 

He makes you satisfied, what else are reaching for?

[spinstermanquee]

18 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I've dated men who were super hung and that didn't make them better boyfriends.  Or even better in bed, TBH.

This x 1000 LOL.  One long ago dude thought he was God's gift to women.  Only men judge each other by the size of their wieners!

[spinstermanquee]

19 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Also please dont tell a guy how you think his micropenis is enough for you and that he doesnt have to try that much. You will probably crush him.

On behalf of all the future women in this lovely man's life, I beg you to never bring this up... you might cause irreparable damage.  I'm sure he's had some commentary in his life already, don't join THAT crowd.  Rise above and spread love and acceptance into the universe, don't sow seeds of doubt and insecurity.

Confession time:  there was ONE SINGLE TIME in my life when I went there (in my twenties).  This guy I dated who seemed SO hot for me and pursued me like... well, fire.  I slept with him and he turned out to be a selfish a-hole with no concern for my enjoyment.  No followup, no flowers like I was used to in those old single days.  Two months later he deigned to call me for another date and I declined.  He then proceeded to pester me and insist I tell him WHY I declined.  So yeah I went there and told him his equipment was lacking.  Not proud of myself but since it's ancient history I hope my story might help another.

[MissCanuck]

On 7/20/2023 at 7:34 PM, Candy the Nerd said:

I am not the type of girl that most people lust over (I'm really overweight, not traditionally cute, etc) so my sex life prior to this hasn't been that satisfied

Do you feel you aren't attractive enough to inspire his level of enthusiasm all on your own? 

I think it has far more to do with you not feeling good enough, and you can't quite believe a man would be crazy about you exactly as you are.