I am 24 years old and have never dated

[sarafollows]

Alright so, I have a pretty non existent love life. And im thinking something may be wrong with me. So let me start by saying- I am a 24 year old straight female. However, I have only ever been rejected by one guy who i tried to date and that has gotten me to give up on dating altogether. Now, if you see my past posts, i have a weird crush on rockstars, which is obviously not attainable. My thing about relationships, is I am nervous to date, i am not into hooking up at all and I am afraid to kiss too.  My siblings who are part of LGBT think i am lesbian because I have never dated a man before. However, I am just too nervous. I feel like I have to prove it to my family that I am straight so they stop telling me I am something that I am not.  I also don't think i'll be trying dating apps since they are for hook ups. I just want it to seem okay in life to be alone and not be in a relationship.  Co-workers get shocked when I tell them I am not with anyone.  Is something wrong with me? 

[Capricorn3]

It seems you suffer from anxiety/social disorders. Being nervous to date, afraid to kiss, being too nervous, crushing on rockstars to the point of obsession etc - as most members advised in your previous thread, perhaps it's time to see your G.P. for a full check-up and get a referral to a qualified therapist to dig a little deeper to help you figure out where all this is coming from.

There's nothing wrong with being alone in life if that's what you really want.  This doesn't seem to be in your case.  You're alone because you're too nervous to date, too scared of basic dating, and kissing etc.  Get professional help for your obvious anxiety issues.  It will be of great benefit to you.

[Tinydance]

Actually not all dating apps are only for hookups. There are some that have the hookup reputation like Tinder. There are also some that have different types of people on there. Some people may want a hookup but some actually want to date/have a relationship. There are paid dating websites and apps where I usually found people wanted something serious because they were paying. For example sites like eharmony.

You also don't need to necessarily only use apps to meet guys. You can basically meet guys anywhere but you need to act friendly and approachable. You need to actually talk to guys and build rapport or even make some effort yourself. You don't have to throw yourself at guys but you can show enthusiasm by adding them to social media or saying something encouraging. Like let's say for example you were talking to a guy how you both like tennis. You could say something like: "We should get together and play some tennis or go to a tennis game sometime". If the guy isn't interested that's OK but you really need to put yourself out there and try if you want to meet guys.

Sorry I haven't read your previous posts. What do you do with yourself? Work/study? What are your hobbies and interests? Do you have male friends?

[lostandhurt]

There is nothing wrong with you.  Many people are nervous about dating or putting themselves out there in real life.  Hiding in the cyber world is common but not healthy.

First off you don't need to date a man or anyone to prove anything to anyone, do it because you would like someone in your life.

There are men out there that are just like you, meeting them in a safe manner is key.

I agree that apps are not for hookups if that isn't what you use them for.  People are busy and a lot do not like bars or clubs so online is convenient and a easy way to see what is out there.

Just because you sign up and have a profile doesn't mean you HAVE to go on any dates or respond to men. There is no pressure other than what you put on yourself.

 Do you like the idea of having someone in your life?  Someone to love in real life, someone that loves you back?

 Lost

[Wiseman2]

On 10/28/2022 at 1:18 AM, katyfran45 said:

. I was diagnosed with bipolar depression a week ago. It feels really crappy and I have no idea if my depression medication is working because this made me more sad.

The best thing you can do is see your physician for regular follow up and discuss how you are feeling. Also hopefully you are getting help, ongoing support and feedback from a qualified therapist. 

Bipolar is a serious disorder and difficult to treat. So the first step is to focus on your mental and physical health. 

As far as dating, you don't seem comfortable with it at this time.   That's ok. 

[Sally .C.]

It irks me when people imply someone is a lesbian just because they haven't dated men. By that logic, they should assume you're straight because you've never dated women.

Anyway...there is nothing wrong with you. Again...there is nothing wrong with you. Just sounds like you're shy. I'm shy, and I met my husband online. I wasn't looking for a hookup at all and neither was he. And being shy, I actually found it easier to write back and forth a bit first, before meeting in person. 

That said, I'm wondering if you participate in any hobbies or events outside of work that might allow you to meet people in person.

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, katyfran45 said:

Alright so, I have a pretty non existent love life. And im thinking something may be wrong with me. So let me start by saying- I am a 24 year old straight female. However, I have only ever been rejected by one guy who i tried to date and that has gotten me to give up on dating altogether. Now, if you see my past posts, i have a weird crush on rockstars, which is obviously not attainable. My thing about relationships, is I am nervous to date, i am not into hooking up at all and I am afraid to kiss too.  My siblings who are part of LGBT think i am lesbian because I have never dated a man before. However, I am just too nervous. I feel like I have to prove it to my family that I am straight so they stop telling me I am something that I am not.  I also don't think i'll be trying dating apps since they are for hook ups. I just want it to seem okay in life to be alone and not be in a relationship.  Co-workers get shocked when I tell them I am not with anyone.  Is something wrong with me? 

I would stop trying to defend yourself from prying questions.  I wouldn't share marital status with anyone or relationship status.  And, no, dating apps are not just for hookups.  It depends how you use the app.  You are not required to date or be in a relationship.  I will say if you are avoiding it because of negative reasons that make no sense or because -oh I asked one person out and he said no -that's self-sabotaging . But if you prefer to have friends, acquaintances, a social life and be on your own and you're good with it -who the heck cares if anyone else is good with it?

I got judgy comments when I was single -till my early 40s -and I got judgy comments about when my future husband and I were getting married/my choosing to relocate 800 miles for his career/getting pregnant on purpose before we even were officially engaged.  There always are judgy people, people who make silly assumptions (about me - assumed that because I was a Career Woman (like, is there a Career Man??) I was not interested in marriage/relationships, that I was single because no one had ever pursued me, that I was too picky, blah blah blah). 

Oh and the judgments don't stop -if you allow them -even if you reach the holy grail of marriage and parenthood "when are you going to have a second/isn't your child going to be lonely without a sibling?/when are you going to move to the burbs and buy a house and when are you going "back to work").  Certain people always will judge -it's your job to respond to cut it off at the pass - hopefully in a polite way.  If at all possible.

Again no need to date -it's a lot of work at times and I wouldn't have done it but I wanted marriage and family - if I hadn't I mean I wouldn't have invested as much of my time/stress/sweat into it.  But I'd explore whether you're reacting to fear and untrue negative stereotypes so that in like 10-15 years from now when it's harder to meet men than at your age - you won't regret that you didn't put in real effort -positive effort with enthusiasm.

[JohnJawn]

First there is nothing wrong with you. We are all unique in our own way and there is someone who is right for you. Putting yourself out there is scary (speaking from experience). I would try dating apps. Not all are for hookups and not everyone on there is only looking for hookups. You don't have to sleep with the person or even see them again if you don't mesh. It will at least help to get you more comfortable with men and dating. You are perfect the way you are and the right person will see that as well.