Intrusive thoughts spoiling every minute of my life.

[Baballe12]

So i dont want to go into details because i dont want to talk about it but recently i saw something very violent and traumatizing.

Right now every hour in my life i am thinking of it and it is haunting me. I cant even enjoy things i used to enjoy anymore. Im watching lord of the rings for the 1000th time because i love it. But when i watch the movie i have thoughts about the traumatizing event and i cant control it. Honestly i dont know what to do i feel like its a constant battle against my brain.

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry -often those things -images -fade over time.  I'd stop watching LOTR for now.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Baballe12 said:

 i have thoughts about the traumatizing event and i cant control it. Honestly i dont know what to do i feel like its a constant battle against my brain.

Sorry this is happening. I think you already know you need to see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a qualified therapist for ongoing support. 

In the meantime, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses, broaden your social horizons.  Step away from the screen and violent content. 

Do you work? Go to school? Live with parents? If you drink heavily or use drugs, get help for that as well.  

 

[Cynder]

I am so sorry and I have a lot of empathy because I have been through this.  Every situation and every person is different, not all intrustive thoughts are the same and so they can't all be handled the same.  But here are some things I did to help when I was dealing with this same thing...

One of the things that had this effect on me was the storage unit scene in Silence of the Lambs.  If you're not familiar and decide to go watch it, be warned.  It's creepy as hell.  That scene bothered me so much that I had trouble sleeping, had to have every light on in my apartment, and couldn't handle total silence for a long time after.  If it was too quiet or dark I felt panicked. 

So, some things I did...  I have been on the set of some indie horror movies.  I started thinking about the practical fx that they could have used in that scene, and the cinematography, etc.  I started breaking it down and looking at is as a film editor.  (Because I am trained as such.)  I started appreciating the artistic merit of that scene and thinking about what makes it so creepy.  I wondered what it was like for Jodie Foster filming it.  Was she scared?  Were their bloopers from that scene that were hilarious?  Was it a challenge for the camera crew because they were working in a tight space? Etc. Looking at it as just a scene from a movie with actors and a camera crew and makeup artists, etc, made it less scary. I minored in film in college, so I know this one won't work for everyone.  But having knowledge and some background in film was a huge tool for me. 

I also started exposing myself to darkness and silence a little at a time.  Like, I would go in the bathroom and turn the light off for 5 seconds.  Then ten seconds.  I would do the same thing with silence.  (Being scared of silence has nothing to do with the title of the movie.  I just was scared because when it's quiet every little noise stands out. 

I also started trying to think of ways to make that scene funny.  Like, imagining parodies of it, etc.  And I know this might sound dumb, but I think sheep are funny.  I can't explain why.  But I would imagine that scene but when she goes into the storage unit it's full of sheep, and stupid things like that. 

I am seasoned when it comes to intrusive thoughts.  I deal with them every day but it's been a long time since anything violent triggered them.  Right now mine are more relationship centered.  I will be going about my day and suddenly think my SO hates me.  And the old me would have ruminated on that for hours until I made myself sick thinking about what I could have done to make him hate me.  And sometimes that still happens, I won't lie.  But most of the time I'm able to shake them off. 

Some things I do to shake them off...  counting and envisioning the numbers in my head.  Doing complex math problems in my head.  Sometimes I play versions of the alphabet game in my head.  Like, I will decide I'm going to go through the whole alphabet with bands.  And be like, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Counting Crows, Depeche Mode, Everclear, etc.  Sometimes I will do a lightning round of this and just name whatever band I think of that starts with that letter.  And I repeat that until the thought is gone.  Sometimes I will do the long play version where I name every band I can think of that starts with A, and then B, etc.  I do this with cities too.  Sometimes I will do the world addition with cities, sometimes just US cities, and sometimes just cities in my state.  If bands and cities aren't your thing, use anything you find interesting. 

Sometimes I will just dissect the thought, too.  Sometimes I will make it into something funny.  Sometimes it will be something completely random like, "I know he's mad at me."  "But why?"  "Because I want to dress his dog up in a pink tutu and pull him on a skateboard behind me."  That's not actually true, but thinking of really out there random stuff like that makes me laugh and forget that I was anxious. 

You can PM me if you want to talk more about this.  Years of therapy and practice have made me really good at dealing with this situation.  I'm so sorry you're going through it and I hope something I wrote here helps. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Cynder said:

Some things I do to shake them off...  counting and envisioning the numbers in my head.  Doing complex math problems in my head.  Sometimes I play versions of the alphabet game in my head.  Like, I will decide I'm going to go through the whole alphabet with bands.  And be like, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Counting Crows, Depeche Mode, Everclear, etc.  Sometimes I will do a lightning round of this and just name whatever band I think of that starts with that letter.  And I repeat that until the thought is gone.  Sometimes I will do the long play version where I name every band I can think of that starts with A, and then B, etc.  I do this with cities too.  Sometimes I will do the world addition with cities, sometimes just US cities, and sometimes just cities in my state.  If bands and cities aren't your thing, use anything you find interesting. 

I do this too in other contexts -for insomnia etc - these are all such wonderful ideas and so "easy" to implement although sometimes not right during the anxious moments.  

(I rode an elevator with Jon Bon Jovi in around 2005!!).  

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry you're going through this.  Can you watch something else more pleasant and uplifting?  I can't watch anything too depressing or scary because it gives me nightmares eventually.  😴  😡  ☹️

[catfeeder]

Really great responses. One thing to consider can be that sometimes the more we fight the mind, the more aggressive it can become.

This can be where a therapist or even a trusted friend can help by sitting with you in silence, or maybe even across the room or in the next room, while you deliberately allow the thoughts to play out without trying to stop or control them.

 This gives your mind permission to act out and express the worst that it’s holding onto. Repeating this process a few times a day confirms with your anxiety-mind that you are allowing it to do its job rather than trying to squelch it. So it can learn that you are planning times to give it an outlet, so it doesn’t need to keep interrupting your focus when you need it for other things.

Over time you can learn to trust your mind to play through without needing someone else in the room.

This may also be a time to allow yourself some comforting regression, like choosing a blanket or toy or pillow that you hold to feel more grounded.

My heart goes out to you, and please write more if it helps. Also sometimes writing little notes or list or even spilling paragraphs into a private notebook can confirm for parts of your mind that you’re paying attention and you’ve captured the gist of its messages. This can help your mind feel liberated to let go of its hard grasp and allow you some time to relax.

[tattoobunnie]

Try ASMR EMDR for your PSTD; many therapists can do this for you.  And generally may only take a few sessions.