I am really scared! I need to tell this to someone.

[Hope75]

Annie,

 

I didn't listen to my friends and family. I withdrew from them so I could be with my ex instead, even though I knew it was wrong and that I should leave. I felt like I needed him and he told me that he needed me to "get better" and he would "never make it" if I left him.

 

My own boss screamed at me until I cried when he heard I took my ex back after another episode of abuse that made me miss work yet again.

 

I saw a TV program, "Montel Williams" about women who had been controlled and abused by men they loved while getting ready for work.

 

One woman's bf threw lighter fluid on her face and set her on fire, another woman's husband beat her unconscious with a baseball bat.

 

Every single woman on the show talked about how it began, and it began like it began with my ex, and like it is happening with beautiful disaster's bf now.

 

The men were very needy and demanded so much of the women's attention, and got upset or jealous when they talked to friends or family members. The friends eventually got tired of trying to help and backed away, the family members felt helpless so backed away.

 

Then the more controlling behaviour started, and the violent talk, and then things like what beautiful described, her bf blaming her for not wanting to have sex, and "forcing" him to think of raping her, projecting it like it is her fault.

 

Then it escalated from there.

 

Watching this show I was paralyzed, these women were me. I was very calm, almost like in a state of shock. I called my parents and asked if I could move home, they were crying and said yes of course. I waited 2 days until my bf was working a 12 hour shift at his new job, and 20 minutes after he left at 7:30 am, I had 12 or so friends come, my father and brother, all with trucks and vans and we threw all my things in trashbags and I was moved out by the early evening.

 

When I read posts like this I want to cry because I was there, and I didn't listen either, and I nearly died because of it. I have scars on my soul that won't ever heal.

 

It makes me so frustrated to see women like beautiful here putting these snakes in front of thier own well being, and giving and giving and giving until there is nothing left of them.

 

It's like watching myself live it all over again.

 

*sigh*

[Hope75]

She said that she thinks I am driving him sexually crazy and should probably just have sex with him if I have such a problem with him saying those things. Both my mother and my sister told me it was normal for a guy to think like that at some point.

 

That is absolutely ridiculous. All men do not think like that at one time or another.

 

I want you to start a new thread and ask the guys on this site if at any time in their lives they have ever thought of raping a girl because they were frustrated.

 

I have had my shared of relationships (4 serious ones lasting more than a year and a few short term) and have 2 sisters, a mother and alot of girlfriends with alot of relationship experience. I was talking to some of them about this situation and they all agreed as well as I that this is not normal behaviour and it is NOT acceptable!!!!

 

And as Annie said you should NOT give up your religious and moral views because a man who is supposed to love and respect you, your thoughts and beliefs is threatening violence if you do not comply!!!

 

And YOU yourself were terrified last week about this and rightfully so! You knew that this was wrong and yet you are going against your own fear and doubt to stay with him???

 

Read the rest of your quotes in my above post. What about all of those other things????

 

 

WHY???

[RayKay]

No it is NOT normal for men to think of raping someone because they are frustrated.

 

Look, there IS such thing as "rape fantasy" (and often, it is women who have them) but even in such cases it is not the rape itself that is the fantasy - for the women it is often associated with feelings of guilt about sex and rape gives them that "loss of control" over their actions and "permission" to act more free. For men the fantasy is more about control. But even if a man does have these fantasies, he separates them from real life and HE DOES NOT TELL HIS GIRLFRIEND WHOM HE LOVES AND RESPECTS THAT HE THINKS ABOUT RAPING HER OR SOMEONE ELSE.

 

I am not sure what kind of men your sister and mother have been around to say that is "normal", but apparently an odd segment of the population. I find it even more disconcerting your mother is actually telling you to go against your views just to keep a guy....that tells me even more that her experiences are probably not healthy ones to be basing your own attitudes and choices on. There is more to being in relationships than "not being abusive" and I wonder how healthy/positive their experiences have been if that is their advice...a ton of relationships does not necessarily mean more qualified advice...and I can tell you I have been in 4 long term relationships (lasting from my current relationship up to 5 years) and a couple short terms ones in between, and that this is not "how all men think at one point or another". And especially not about someone they LOVE.

[a beautiful disaster]

RayKay- I know you, Hope, and Annie are right. My mother probably said that to me because she doesn't like religion much. She is the same religion as me, but she gets mad when people "take it too far" and she doesn't like the fact that I am so serious about it. So I guess her advice did seem a little rediculous, and I shouldn't have taken it that seriously, but she is my mother and I wanted to believe her advice over anyone else's.

 

But about everything else- my boyfriend only told me about the fantasies because he wants there to be no secrets between us, and he wants help. He told me because he knows it is wrong and he scares himself sometimes. He has told me that he doesn't even want to be alone sometimes, because he starts thinking terrible things that make him feel like he's insane. He told me because he wants me to know the extent of his problem. I know that rape is about control, but I don't think he has control issues like a regular abuser. I know some of the stuff he does says the opposite (like having to work at the same place/same hours as me) but I think that has to do more with the fact that he just doesn't like being without me.

 

But I feel that since it is so early on in our relationship, there is hope to turn things around before it gets really bad. I love him and I am willing to try that. If it gets worse, I will realize that he is not changing and I will leave for good. But he wants to change, and I now know that professional help is the only answer. He has already admitted that he has a serious problem and it is not right to think the way he does. I feel that, like a cancer or something, we have "caught this early" and can cure it. If I do not see marked improvements after the counselling is over, of course I will have no choice but to leave him. And I will. Trust me. I have heard too many bad things. I have put up with his behavior for a long time because I love him. This is our "last chance" in a way, and he knows that. He knows he will lose me if he does not change, which is why he is getting help. I promise I will leave if things worsen. I promise it to myself, to him, and to you guys So please don't worry. I feel so guilty about you guys worrying. . . . I promise I am in control of this situation.

[Hope75]

I know that rape is about control, but I don't think he has control issues like a regular abuser. I know some of the stuff he does says the opposite (like having to work at the same place/same hours as me) but I think that has to do more with the fact that he just doesn't like being without me.

 

It is flattering that you think that, but altogether incorrect. Having to work at the same place and the same hours as you is screaming of his insecurity and need to control you.

 

You have obviously made up your mind, and despite all of the evidence in front of your face telling you to the contrary, you choose to stay with him.

 

Just remember that cancer kills. Sometimes even when it's caught early, and unlike cancer, you have a choice whether or not to stay with him and put up with this abuse.

[kuhl282000]

annie

 

Hope is laying it all out on the line for you with the facts and some wonderful advice.

 

I think it is time you look into getting some help yourself, because that sort of abuse rubs off on YOU !!! And it can cause some damage in the long run if you don't get "Professional" help.

 

You need to dump this guy, a case like you was on DR. Phil the other day and he confronted the guy on TV and I just happened to see it by accident.

 

It was not pretty, love does not act like that perios end of story.

 

please set an appointment to get some help.

 

Kuhl

 

 

[annie24]

You mean a beautiful disaster, right? I'm not the one with the bad bf....

[Strandysmommy]

So I asked all the guys I knew, and this included calling a couple of good friends long distance. They all have the same opinion they'd like to share with you: It is NOT normal for a guy to think about raping a woman. No matter how frusterated he is, sexually. If the sex thing were really a problem, if it were just a matter of you not wanting to have sex with him he'd either A) respect it, or B) be a jerk of a lesser degree and leave you for some girl who will willingly give it up.

 

These affermations came from not only guys like my boyfriend and my best friends who are married, but from their friends as well. Some of whom are crazy party frat boys who like to get drunk and have sex with whatever girl is equally drunk. I realize the fact that I don't know your mom or sister or you for that matter, but what they've said to you is NOT good sound advice. There are so many reasons to not have sex with this guy, religious reasons aside: what happens if/when you get pregnant? You think this guy is going to be a good stable dad? Mentally, financially?

 

Guys who fantasize about rape have some serious problems. I took a long class in abnormal psychology. He has a problem, you are putting yourself in harms way right now. I know you want to believe in him, that things will get better and maybe they will one day, but now is not the time to be around him. There are so many "what if's?" I can think of. What if he decides the counsiler is no good, or doesn't know what she's talking about? What if he decides he's better and doesn't need to go any more? What if he decides that everyone in your life is wrong and takes you away somewhere and does horrible things to you?

 

I know you want the best, and I don't blame you; but you need to get away from him. It's for both of your own good.

[sonjam]

Girl, you are in a very tough situation. I dated an exact replica of your Bf, not too many years ago, the only difference between the two: he did get violent with me - only after we dated for a year and a half. Before that if anybody told me he would get violent with me, I'd have laughed at them.

 

He was also very posessive, did not want me to work or be around other people without him being around, he controlled the way I dress, he was SUPER jealous. He really verbally abused me, but in the nicest way.....

He constantly told me I wasn't good enough, he would have liked me to be like so and so, that I did not know anything, that i was uninformed and stupid etc etc. Starting out as a confident good looking popular girl, I ended up a mess, no selfconfidence, few friends, and broken. you see they KNOW there is no other way to keep you hooked. If he did not break you down, you would have left long ago. Instead you end up feeling like you cant live without them, and you think they will change. He saw countless coucellors, went for therapy, even went on medication. Nothing changed. I loved him with all my heart, becouse he had good qualities too. In the end he nearly killed me one night. I managed to leave him for all of two weeks. We got back together, he never stopped begging and cried until I took him back.

 

It's horrible to say, but death saved me. He died in a crash. If he didn't I would not be here today, I did not have the strength to leave him, he was charming and sweet, and devious.

 

For your sake I hope coucilling helps your bf. He's still young, and maybe he will change, but I won't take any bets on it.

 

Please don't turn a blind eye to what's happening to you. BE CAREFULL. It is your choice to stay or leave, but if you stay, BE AWARE that there is a problem, that YOU will not be able to fix, even if you are the sweetest, most loyal, and loving gf in the world. The only person that can change him is HIMSELF. And the thing is, he has to acknowledge he has a problem, realise it, and try and work on it. You telling him he has a problem is not good enough.

 

I guess the fact that he is in coucilling is a step in the right direction. Please keep talking to us, we will not abandon you for staying with him, but you definitely need to build your supportstructure (and self confidence) up again.

 

Another idea - try and loosen his hold on your life, a little, get some breathing space. Take the day job, and tell him it will be good for you, you both need some room to breathe.

[a beautiful disaster]

sonjam-

 

In his head, "breathing room" is considered leaving him. I have told him I wanted to quit this job for a long, long time or switch to day-shift so I can have my nights free. He also hates it and wants to quit, but he is unwilling to do so because he wants to be with me. And if I really quit, techincally he would "let" me do so, because he is not so controlling as to not let me do something! But I would end up hearing about how much it sucks all the time. Is there a way to take "breathing room" without him reacting do you think? When I talk about doing that, he tells me I don't know anything and I need to stop thinking I know what he's feeling and I need to stop "controlling the relationship" or sometimes he starts crying and saying he's going crazy or dying. I'm not trying to know what he's feeling, or control things, I'm just trying to suggest something that would help! He needs to stop being so dependant on me, it's scary. He tells me he can detach from me if I am still around, and I do not believe this. But when I want to discuss a break, he won't hear of it.

 

I do not believe my boyfriend is very possessive though, other than that. In the beginning he was terrible about whining when I went out with my friends, but then he realized I was still going to do it whether he liked it or not and has backed off a little! That isn't a problem anymore. His jealousy is more hidden. He told me it "makes him crazy" when I talk to other guys, but he never reacts or even lets me know unless I ask him about it. He is obviously quite a paranoid person because he broke up with his last girlfriend and left her house sulking because she was on the phone with another guy for an hour, and he figured she was cheating on him!! He never even discussed with her what was wrong! One of his girlfriends cheated on him, so I guess it messed with him a lot.

 

He told me the reason he wants to work with me and be with me all the time is partly to "protect" me, because he says that people are always taking away what is important to him and he thinks I am next on the list! He sees everything, literally "everything" (we have discussed this), as a threat- esp. to our relationship. My family, my friends, me going to school/living in the dorms, me going to work alone, me going to church. But he never "stops" me from doing anything, so I have a hard time seeing why he is controlling. I mean, don't controlling people say "you can't do this, you can't do that"?? He seems just paranoid to me. He has told me that it makes him really uneasy that I am independent and can "live without him" and he said that things in the relationship would improve if I thought like he did. But I can't bring myself to. I don't think it's healthy to "need" someone to survive!

 

Other than that I can't see any warning signs of future abuse. Do you think he was testing me when he told me about the rape thing? He was acting really weird about it. I was so mad at him, telling him I was thinking about leaving. And he started asking me stuff like "what would you do if I did something really bad, if I didn't get better? would you leave?" And I asked him what he meant by "really bad" but he wouldn't tell me. And he asked "how would you react to me if that (the rape) actually happened?" and I told him I wouldn't be thinking much- I'd just be dead on the inside if he chose to hurt me like that. And he said he would have to be dead too, to even try something like that. But why was he asking me? It was like he was testing his limits or something. Do you think he was just trying to freak me out, or see what he would have to do for me to leave him? I just can't believe he was serious!!

[annie24]

I do not believe my boyfriend is very possessive though, other than that.

 

You have GOT to be kidding me! Ummm... Yes! His behavior is completely abnormal. He won't let you quit your job, or switch shifts? Maybe because this is your first relationship, but this is NOT normal! This is really scary. I have been dating for... oh... 11 years now, and I've never had a guy tell me what college to go to, or what job I can hold, or the hours I can work.

 

And the fact that you say he feels like the entire outside world wants to come in between you guys - he sounds incredibly paranoid and obsessive.

 

He IS stopping you from doing the things you want to do. He may not yet be holding you down to keep you from leaving the house, but you said that you hate your job, but you haven't quit yet or changed hours have you? If your bf weren't in the picture, don't you think you would have quit a long time ago?

 

Why does he keep asking you about the rape...? BECAUSE HE IS PLANNING IT!!!!!

[Hope75]

I know you are probably sick of me and what I have to say about this whole situation but I have to agree with both Annie and Sonjam. This behaviour is VERY manipulative and he IS controlling you, maybe not physically but very definitely emotionally. You say you hate the job & hours and yet won't quit because you don't want to hear the complaints from him constantly. He's got you right where he wants you.

 

Now he's asking you how you would react if he rapes you, it has gone past fantasy and he's contemplating if he can get what he wants by force and if you will still stay with him!

 

He thinks your friends and family are against you guys....don't you think it's a little bit out of hand? Is this how you picture your ideal, healthy happy relationship?

 

He won't even give you room to breathe, no wonder you are unable to think clearly. He's doing an excellent job of breaking you down so that you think you are the only key to his happiness and that without you there is no hope for him.

 

This isn't your job or responsibility! This isn't love either. Love is about mutual respect and admiration, care, trust, friendship. He doesn't trust you, he doesn't respect your wishes (i.e. breathing room, to switch hours at work, etc). You have only been together for one year. Can you imagine how much more of your life and freedom you are going to lose if you continue to accept this treatment by staying with him?

 

I am sorry if I sound harsh, I want you to come back here for support also, but I just cannot conceive of how you think what he is doing is not control, not manipulation in it's cleverest form, and not a pattern leaning towards abuse.

 

He asked you what you would do if he raped you.

[Strandysmommy]

>>In the beginning he was terrible about whining when I went out with my friends, but then he realized I was still going to do it whether he liked it or not and has backed off a little! That isn't a problem anymore.

 

That's because according to your first post, your friends aren't in the picture anymore because of this guy.

 

>>And he started asking me stuff like "what would you do if I did something really bad, if I didn't get better? would you leave?" And I asked him what he meant by "really bad" but he wouldn't tell me. And he asked "how would you react to me if that (the rape) actually happened?"

 

He's asking that because he's seeing what he's going to be working with when he rapes you. He wants to know if you'll press charges, or fight back when he's raping you. He wants control over you, he can't get enough, he's got control over your job, your social life, your relationship (because you haven't left yet).

[RayKay]

Hope and Annie are right 10,000 times over.

 

You can't see it as you are IN it, and what he is doing is WORKING on you, but that is why we are here - to try and show you what he is doing is abusive and very very scary, and most certainly not normal. And it is MOST DEFINITELY NOT LOVE!

 

There was a short segment on CNN today about how more and more teenagers are involved in abusive relationships, yet stay in them as they believe it is normal. At a young age, someone calling 15 times a day to check up on you might seem like love and flattering, but to anyone with experience or more maturity it is about control and posessiveness.

 

He is NOT mentally stable - his behaviours and thoughts are indicative of rather severe control issues, and I fear they will escalate - he has already TOLD you they will escalate at some point. He is basically asking you what you are going to do when he rapes you....that is WRONG. If a stranger asked you that what would you do...probably try and scream and get away, right? Well sweetheart this is no different, you need to speak out, and get away from this guy.

[a beautiful disaster]

He asked you what you would do if he raped you.

 

He has also asked me many disturbing questions along the same lines. I know you guys are thinking "oh great, more crap to prove he's insane" but just hear me out He is incredibly scared of me leaving him and asks me questions all the time about what would happen if he got worse instead of better. I always respond with, "That's not even an option. Because either you get better, or I leave." And so I think that kind of freaks him out because deep down we both know there is a possibility that he will not improve with counselling or even medication. So when I say those things, it starts a snowball affect of him testing me with paranoid questions.

 

The other day for example he asked me about what I would do if he murdered someone. I told him, of course, I would see him behind bars on the news because I would not be talking to him anymore. Then he got all defensive and said "what if the person really deserved it?" Now, I know he is not a murderer, it is just NOT in him, so I know he says stuff sometimes and asks me questions to see how far he could go before he loses me. It doesn't mean he's actually planning a murder, or a rape for that matter. I agree it is abnormal to talk about it, but I think it has to do with his paranoia, which is a fixable problem. I don't think he's necessarily psychotic enough to do these things. Do you see where I'm coming from?

[Strandysmommy]

>>The other day for example he asked me about what I would do if he murdered someone. I told him, of course, I would see him behind bars on the news because I would not be talking to him anymore. Then he got all defensive and said "what if the person really deserved it?" Now, I know he is not a murderer, it is just NOT in him,

 

 

Hm, I wonder if Nicole thought the same of O.J. Sorry to be so low in that respect but you'd best be running right now. He knows he has a problem and by asking you all these questions, he's dragging you down with him. It's a cycle, and it's not going to stop until either you go, or he self destructs...taking you with him.

[lakergal]

or he rapes, then kills her... and himself.

 

I honestly, can't read this anymore. I'm so disgusted...

 

Girl - this is my last post on here about your situation:

 

YOU ARE 19

 

YOU HAVE A FULL LIFE AHEAD OF YOU

 

NO MATTER HOW UGLY/CUTE SKINNY/FAT RICH/POOR SMART/DUMB YOU ARE, THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE THAT WON'T TALK TO YOU, THREATEN YOU "KINDLY" LIKE HE IS

 

HE IS NUTS!!! WHACKED!!! PSYCHO!!!

 

Good God - you are 19... quit making excuses why you're staying with him... and if you can't leave him, PLEASE GET TO A COUNSELOR! You're becoming as sick and twisted as he is... and maybe you need help to see that - none of us that I know of on here, are licensed practicing psychologists/psychiatrists... we can only give you life advice - I'm 40, been dating since I was 17 and I sure as hell can only tell you my experiences and hope/pray you learn from them... but apparently, you can't. For some reason, you think you're different... or your situation is different... or that it'll get better. He's LYING in counseling and/or to you... that won't help him get better!

 

Now, I'm sorry if this is harsh but I don't care about him - I care about young women falling prey to monsters/predators like him. I care that NO WOMAN ever gets raped by someone she knows or by someone she doesn't.

 

Do you know that when a woman is RAPED and/or MURDERED the VERY FIRST person they look to is her significant other/husband?

 

Think about that! Next time I read a post outside of this one, from you, I want to hear how happy you are, how SAFE you are, how you're getting help for yourself, how you've stopped this drama in your life...

 

PLEASE do this for yourself. Please see the monster that he is and get help for yourself... and for your family.

[Hope75]

Do you see where I'm coming from?

 

No. And there is not way that I can.

 

You are making up excuses for him, and you know it.

 

A week ago you were rightly terrified of him, and I frankly don't see that anything has changed, in fact, the more you post about him, the more afraid I am for you.

 

You are not going to see it until you are ready though. To you, this is all nothing in light of the fact that you think you love this guy. In reality, I think you are as dependant and clingy on him as he is on you, because he has taken away your friendships and your other relationships.

 

Tell me why your best friend doesn't want much to do with you anymore. What is it about your bf that she doesn't like? Is it all the same stuff we are saying here?? Don't you think if everyone says the same thing, we might be onto something here?

[a beautiful disaster]

Don't worry guys, this is not another post about defending him

 

I came home from work tonight and read your posts, guys, and I started feeling really sick. And then something weird happened: I started crying. I mean, I am still crying. I can't stop. . . I haven't cried like this in weeks. I think I am becoming sick. I don't know how this happened. . . but it hurts like hell. Hope, you just made me realize, really realize for the first time: I lost my best friend! Jesus, how did that happen?? She was my best friend since eighth grade and I barely noticed she was gone and I miss her so damn bad! I want to lie and tell her he is out of my life, just so I can talk to her for one second! I miss my sister and my parents. I miss being a kid. I miss highschool. I miss everything I used to have. He's all I've had for all this time, and now I realize it was because of me!

 

I don't know how to get help. What do I do? I have obviously proven I am too weak to leave him on my own. What can I do? Should I call someone? I don't know! I can't even sleep anymore because something in me will not leave me alone about this situation. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn't go back to sleep, just lying there wishing I could disappear. The more I try to justify it, the worse I feel. I am going to be like him. I already am. For so long I have just felt that no one else would ever want me, and I want so much to just get married and have a normal life and have kids with somebody I love. Sometimes I think that killing myself would be the only way out of this situation, because it would be easier for me to die than face up to what I've become and to face the repercussions of leaving him. That is weak sounding, but I have never been strong. What can I do to change myself? You suggested counselling. Where do I go? I don't have much money. Is anything free?

 

Telling me I am becoming like him made me feel like I had been stabbed or slapped, woken up maybe. So I thank you sincerely for that, especially you, lakergal. Because it's true, and I hate myself now more than I ever have before and I am suddenly desperate to be different. And I hate myself for lying to you and to myself, and making myself believe the lies because I wanted them to be true more than I wanted anything else. I want to go back to who I was before we were going out, when we were friends and everything was so easy. It was only a year ago. How do things change in such a short time?

 

Do you think I can go back? Do you think it is too late? I feel so hopeless right now. Do not feel guilty about the "harsh words" in your entry. They are what I needed. Sometimes I need more than I know to hear the awful truth. What can I do to change myself though? I am not trying to get attention. I really want help right now. What can I do, like tonight, to start things off differently? I can't sleep tonight until I take a step at changing myself around, even if it's a baby step. I thank you guys so much for saying that just now. I think it was what I needed to hear, no more advice, no more niceness, just a terrible truth that I have not wanted to face for months.

[Hope75]

Woah. This is what happened to me when I "woke up". It's like coming out of a coma. All of the sudden you are disoriented and wonder where the heck your life went and how long you have been under water.

 

I think this is a good first step. You are stronger than you know, I can see that right here in your post. You know what you want, and you have the power to get it. The first thing you should do it reach out to your family or your best friend. Your sister, maybe? Someone who will support your decision to leave your bf.

 

You can contact your local police department and they can give you a list of women's support groups for abused women (and yes, that is what has been going on here, at least emotionally and bordering physically). Those groups are usually free, and you can go and talk with other women. Do you have health insurance? Are you a student? If so, you can check with your school, alot of schools offer free counselling, and if your have insurance, call the company and see if counselling is covered, and where.

 

I think this a big step for you, beautifuldisaster, you are finally realizing how out of control your life has become, and how much it's changed and how much you've lost already, and in only one year.

 

Call your best friend. Tell her what you've told us. Tell her you want to leave him and are going to. I suspect she will jump for joy and offer to help you.

 

Please let us know what happens, but don't forget. You are stronger than you know. When we need strength for this kind of thing, it appears. I never would have believed I was strong enough to move out on my abusive & controlling ex and walk away after 5 years, but I did. And you will too.

 

You are going to need help though, so look into the counselling, call your friend and your family, get that support behind you!

 

Hope

[a beautiful disaster]

I talked to my dad after I posted last night. Boy was he mad! Lol. He said, "I'll always be your father, you deserve so much better than this. I am gonna kill that kid. We'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe." My best friend is out of town at some leadership camp. She gets back next week. I felt really good after I talked to my dad! No, I do not have health insurance anymore because my parents are unemployed. But I did call our state "abuse line" thing and they gave me a number of a counselling service I have yet to call, actually two numbers. And I am starting college this fall, and I am pretty sure they have free counselling for students there.

 

I just wanted to thank you so much, especially you Hope, you are the one that has stuck through my stupidity until the end. I really hope I can get through this fog I have wandered into, but I think I can. What was said last night really made me never want to go back, and I don't think I will now. Thank you so much, I mean that! There has been no one else to talk to that didn't just get frustrated with me and leave me alone. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I will post again maybe in a week or two about what's happened.

[RayKay]

I think almost anyone on this thread can say we are very very proud of you for talking to someone - and your father sounds like a great father looking out for you. I think your friend will also turn out to be very very supportive when she finds out. And call those counselling services, you are going through an experience you may definitely need help with to heal from, as well as to ensure you protect yourself from the same situation in the future.

 

PLEASE PLEASE keep us updated, and make sure you do not meet him alone - there is way too much risk in that right now. Make sure people kno w where you are, try and always have someone with you for next while. I am not trying to make you live in fear, but who knows how he will respond right now when you are not there..and you need to be careful.

[annie24]

Yes - I am soooo proud of you and so happy that this is your course of action. I too think that your friend will be supportive of you. Like RayKay said, please don't meet him alone. Meet him in public, or with a friend. I'm sure you already know this, but this is the time that he is most likely to do something scary or violent, so if you meet him, bring a friend. Oh, and buy some pepper spray, just in case. And always have your cell phone with you, charged. You can get pepper spray at any sporting goods store or gun shop.

 

You are so strong! I am so proud of you! Please keep us updated.

[lakergal]

Proud? I'm ECSTATIC!

 

Call the services, please! Your father sounds like he's right on and very supportive... make sure you tell your friend... make sure you are never alone out in public... and make sure someone always knows where you are going, where you're supposed to be, and when you'll be back.

 

Keep in touch with people - we may be wrong but scarily, we may be right.

 

You mentioned college in the fall - AWESOME! Kick butt! You'll meet some amazing people in college who will make this chump look like the trash he is.

 

You mentioned your parents don't have health insurance - check out your state's health plans... they may have something for you akin to welfare or maybe they'll get you to a counselor that has a sliding fee scale - ASK for that - it's called "sliding fee scale" - most psychologists have that... (should I repeat that again - I must be old...lol)

 

Focus on you and your NEEDS right now... start with MAslow's pyramid: basic needs - physical, emotional, and mental security... when that fits in place for you, the rest of your life will too.

 

Please keep us updated - like I said, I don't care about him - I truly care about young women who have their entire lives ahead of them getting caught up in some jerk's lies, deceit, and violence.

 

Gosh, I'm so proud of you!

[Strandysmommy]

It's a horrible feeling coming out of it, but now you see clearly. I'm so glad for you. Look at it like this: you've just broken free, you have a brand spankin' new slate in front of you and you can do with it whatever you wish now.

 

It's good that you spoke to your dad; daddies are good for protecting their daughters ...for the most part anyways. It's not going to be easy, and it will probably be scary, but just know that there are forces out there that will keep you safe. Restraining orders, family, friends. Get pepper spray, get a knife, and don't look at it with anticipation of needing it...just know that it's there.

 

Take care of yourself, post back here as much as you can.