I expected a better response on my efforts.

[smackie9]

I read your first post and here is my assessment. Your BF isn't really the sentimental emotional type. He saw the heartfelt effort you put into it, but it made him uncomfortable to react so he used sarcasm. He uses sarcasm as a coping mechanism to hide emotion because to him it's a sign of weakness. Too many boys are raised this way unfortunately. A lot of behaviors are learned behaviors from childhood. So my advice is to not take it too personally. Going forward, don't do anymore sentimental stuff even tho it's something you like and want to express. It ain't his cup of tea. 

[Kampuniform3]

14 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

 

He sounds like a narcissist.  He doesn't sound like a man worth retaining in your life.  I'd be thoroughly disgusted if I were you.  You deserve to be treated with respect which is the equivalent of love.  He does neither.  ☹️

 

 

The simplest explanations are usually the ones that are most correct.

Catastrophizing, and seeing malice in every action, falls far beyond the bounds of normalcy. 

Encountering true narcissism is an exceptional occurrence, and if you ever do encounter such an individual,  making such a profound error in calibration will never occur again, as true narcissists don’t make a point of advertising the fact.  Cluster B personality disorders are predatory in nature.

Expecting perfect behaviour from people all the time  is unrealistic.

The person described by the op seems pretty innocuous, and tiresomely average, as does the event she has described.

 Anyone in a long-term relationship understands that you will experience every human emotion in your day-to-day dealings with your partner. If you choose to bail on someone on the smallest of whims (and yes, this event you describe is quite trivial in the grand scheme of relational issues), then you will always be alone, as there isn’t a human being on the planet capable of not erring, sometimes monumentally.  

 

 

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, Kampuniform3 said:

The simplest explanations are usually the ones that are most correct.

Catastrophizing, and seeing malice in every action, falls far beyond the bounds of normalcy. 

Encountering true narcissism is an exceptional occurrence, and if you ever do encounter such an individual,  making such a profound error in calibration will never occur again, as true narcissists don’t make a point of advertising the fact.  Cluster B personality disorders are predatory in nature.

Expecting perfect behaviour from people all the time  is unrealistic.

The person described by the op seems pretty innocuous, and tiresomely average, as does the event she has described.

 Anyone in a long-term relationship understands that you will experience every human emotion in your day-to-day dealings with your partner. If you choose to bail on someone on the smallest of whims (and yes, this event you describe is quite trivial in the grand scheme of relational issues), then you will always be alone, as there isn’t a human being on the planet capable of not erring, sometimes monumentally.  

 

 

I agree. This knee jerk tendency to label anyone who doesn't react or express themselves exactly the way we want as a "narcissist" is a troubling trend. I don't care how many alleged narcissists others claim to have encountered in their own lives.  It's counterproductive to continually electronically diagnose people with a personality disorder based on a couple of paragraphs. It's being an alarmist.

<steps off soapbox>

He may just be uncomfortable expressing gratitude or thanks. He was clumsy and a bit insensitive but I'm not ready to lock him in the psych ward or in prison just yet.

I'm sorry you were disappointed.

[Cherylyn]

51 minutes ago, Kampuniform3 said:

The simplest explanations are usually the ones that are most correct.

Catastrophizing, and seeing malice in every action, falls far beyond the bounds of normalcy. 

Encountering true narcissism is an exceptional occurrence, and if you ever do encounter such an individual,  making such a profound error in calibration will never occur again, as true narcissists don’t make a point of advertising the fact.  Cluster B personality disorders are predatory in nature.

Expecting perfect behaviour from people all the time  is unrealistic.

The person described by the op seems pretty innocuous, and tiresomely average, as does the event she has described.

 Anyone in a long-term relationship understands that you will experience every human emotion in your day-to-day dealings with your partner. If you choose to bail on someone on the smallest of whims (and yes, this event you describe is quite trivial in the grand scheme of relational issues), then you will always be alone, as there isn’t a human being on the planet capable of not erring, sometimes monumentally.  

 

 

I beg to differ. 

I can't tell you how many times I've heard the typical gaslighting retort to me:  "Well,  nobody's perfect or you think you're so perfect."  Or, here's another doozie:  "You're so sensitive."  😡This is opposed to either sincerely and humbly apologizing to me for affronts,  dismissive attitudes despite my hard efforts to make others happy and putting others before me in so many ways. 

Whenever I've been disrespected and treated as if the other person truly does not care about me nor how I feel,  after a while,  there's only so much of this form of abuse one can tolerate much less endure.  I grew sick 'n tired of it.  Granted,  I had so much patience years ago but not anymore.  I became disgustingly fed up. 

Backhanded compliments,  no compliments,  not being thanked,  zero gratitude,  cynical comments on par with cruelty,  foul language,  inappropriately very rude comments,  meanness,  etc.  I've heard it all and then some.  ☹️ 😡

Either a lucid discussion must be had to resolve hurt feelings or offenses in a mature,  emotionally intelligent manner or I'll check out.  In many cases,  whenever I've tried to express my feelings,  it was met with severe backlash such as defensiveness,  downright denial,  "you took it the wrong way" was another infuriating response and gaslighting as usual.  Typical gaslighting responses were:  "You're slanderous,  you're a loose cannon,  you're a liar."  Those were tactics used to shut me down.  Also,  in order to shut me up,  narcissists unfriended,  blocked me,  actually hung up on me during my mid-sentence in a verbal phone conversation which was beyond infuriating and to its severity,  led to ultimate estrangement. 

You can't get through to a narcissist because they don't get it.  They're stupid as a box of rocks.  Those were the types of typical nasty reactions from narcissists.  There are repetitive patterns exhibited from mentally ill people.  They are extremely self-centered,  selfish,  possess ZERO empathy,  obnoxiously rude,  brash, spoiled and they have the "to hell with you" type attitude.  They always want total control over you. 

Normal, happy people do not act this way.  Normal people tend to be kind,  respectful,  very considerate,  think before they speak and write. 

I pump the brakes on people who don't give me consistent common decency and common courtesy.  I enforce strict boundaries with them or I don't want to be with them anymore, period.  Being with people who are "off" aren't worth it to me.  Either behave honorably or I lose my desire to associate with them.  It's over.  I'm very good to people and if they're not good to me,  why should I waste my time,  energy,  labor,  resources and love them?  It doesn't make any sense.  Tsk.  I'm out.  Don't bother me.  I prefer to create my own happiness in life without them and surround myself with people who know how to treat me right and as if I matter.

[itsallgrand]

12 hours ago, Loka56 said:

I created an MP4 video using a series of cards. In those cards, I mentioned a lot of things about the moments we shared together. Some pictures that he would be surprised to see (he should have). And some confessions. I spent more than 10 days making this video. No exaggeration. But it was good because I spent days putting effort into it. 

But instead of showing any appreciation, he chose to say, 'you must have used any tool to come up with something like this. Because you can never be this good.'

I wasn't disappointed by his comment. That's just his way of saying things. I also replied with sarcasm. But the chat ended. And I was disappointed as the chat ended. 

I was like, 'was this all he had to say?'

In his circle, he never received a birthday wish but dinners with his friends. He goes around saying, 'what's so important or significant about spending another year on earth that people throw parties on their birthday.'  Maybe that's why no one wishes him on his birthday. 

 

I see.

Honestly it sounds like he's the type of guy who would be happy with a steak and a Happy Birthday and be done with it. It sounds like your gift may have made him uncomfortable. 

Could he be nicer about this? Hell yes. 

 

[Cherylyn]

6 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Could he be nicer about this? Hell yes. 

 

Exactly.  No excuses.  Either behave honorably and treat others with dignity or being with said person is hopeless,  senseless and a real buzz kill.  ☹️

[Cherylyn]

You can't "school" people meaning you can't teach them how to behave respectfully towards you.  It's how they think and you can't change them to your will.  Their brains are not hardwired to be considerate,  kind and sincere.  They're either born that way,  raised that way or influenced that way in their life.  They have a cynical and unkind sarcastic bent to them which is easily dispensed and as you can attest,  not received well.  "A leopard cannot change its spots."  "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  They are who they are, period.  I've encountered these types of typical responses and characters throughout my lifetime so no surprise nor shock factor there.  I speak from experience.  Trying to teach others to respect you is like beating a dead horse.  It falls on deaf ears and gets you nowhere. 

The bottom line is either accept people as they are warts and all or be with people who are very similar to you.  They are out there in this world.  I know because I've done it.  If I disapprove of some people and they're unavoidable such as in my case,  some colleagues,  some local relatives and in-laws,  then strict boundaries are enforced.  If I can afford to eliminate some bad apples from my life,  I do it.  Fortunately, all of my local friends are amazing because I've deliberately chosen them to be in my midst. 

My husband and sons are very moral men.  I couldn't have chosen better.  I won the lottery. 

You are the company you keep.  Choose wisely because it will pay off now and later. 

[Loka56]

@Kampuniform3 & @boltnrun 
Let me tell you guys one thing, at the beginning of my relationship with him; he addressed the same thing the way you guys did above. And I second what you guys said. You guys are absolutely right, and I should cut him some slack too. More on it later. 

@CherylynI appreciate your willingness to help me with a different perspective. I agree with most of the things you said, and they were absolutely right. But the point that he is a narcissist is not something we can apply here. Let me tell you why. 

I was under immense pressure after my parent's divorce, followed by my eldest sibling's health issues that put me in a situation where I was taking care of an infant (2 months old) and a hyperactive toddler. Plus, I am the major breadwinner of my family, and I already took leave from work for a long time when my parent's divorce was finalizing. 

This lasted for four months, and I was a complete mess. I behaved with my man so cautiously as I was agitated all the time. 

But after those four months, when everything got settled, I got health issues. I am a very sane, calm, cool, laughing, joyful, and funny person. In the face of most of the mistakes I used to say, there must be a solution. 

But once I got diagnosed with the medical issue, I became a witch. (He didn't say that at all) 

I wasn't in my senses and control. So instead of relying on anyone else to help me, I became much more active with journaling and kept track of how I was doing things. 

This witch phase lasted for 3 months. And I prayed so hard for it to end.  

Now, after a few months, when I visited my journal, I was like, 'woah, I was a very hard test for him,' and I was so guilty after visiting our chats and recorded calls (I keep call records). 

So, no one is perfect. A relationship goes a long way with the willingness to work on it. However, you have to decide what you can compromise and what you can't. 

I gave him a very tough time. But he didn't label me as a psychopath. 

And the thing he did that disappointed me this much is something that doesn't happen so often. Normally, I go along with his banter. It depends on my mood. Sometimes I overly react, and on some days I reply with the same kind of banter and we both laugh together. 

[Cherylyn]

46 minutes ago, Loka56 said:

So, no one is perfect. A relationship goes a long way with the willingness to work on it. However, you have to decide what you can compromise and what you can't. 

 

The "nobody's perfect" ad nauseum excuse gets old real fast because that description gives people an easy and convenient free pass for uncalled for behavior.  It's like saying,  "It's ok what he or she said because nobody's perfect."  Well,  perhaps in some people's books it's ok but not permissible nor acceptable to everyone. 

I'm sorry you went through what you did. 

Circling back to unkind sarcasm,  cynicism and inappropriate comments regarding your gift was unacceptable and there's nothing amusing about it.  ☹️

I toiled staying up all odd hours of the night for weeks by sewing beautiful items for my sister's house yet she never bothered to thank me in any form.  No postal thank you note,  no text,  no email,  no message,  no voice mail and not even in person word of thanks when I saw her thereafter.  Talk about disgusted.  Hence,  no more gift giving from me to her,  zero future birthday acknowledgements nor greetings for her whatsoever whether online or otherwise.  No way.  Forget it.  I simply ignore permanently. 

Instead of giving home baked goods to my neighbor for Christmas years ago,  I gave her and her husband a home cooked dinner.  Instead of thanking me,  she later said,  "I made your dinner taste better for my husband."  😵 😡  When I gave her a crocheted baby blanket which I made for her relative's new baby,  this same neighbor said to me:  "You paid YOUR MOTHER to crochet the baby blanket."  😡  Some people are jerks plain and simple.  I don't dote on ingrates anymore.  No more gifts,  no more food,  no more nothing. 

Either accept people as they are warts and all or do something about it.  You can't have it both ways.  You can't educate them either.  They are who they are.  All you can do is either learn to adapt,  tolerate, enforce healthy, strict boundaries or exit the relationship.  Those are your choices. 

[Cherylyn]

Another time,  I shipped a lot of labor intensive,  home sewn gifts,  store bought gifts and online gifts to my cousin for her birthday for many years and I gave generous gifts and gift cards to her children.   Through the years,  not once did she ever bother to ask me when my birthday was.  Granted,  I didn't want any tangible gifts in return from her but it would've been nice for her to wish me a happy birthday once a year.   There were major malicious offenses in addition to her apathy regarding my birthday as well.  No surprise that we're currently estranged. 

[Cherylyn]

Years ago,  I sewed beautiful quilts for my nephews and nieces which took months to complete.  Instead of thanking me,  my disgustingly boorish BIL (brother-in-law and their father) said, "You make ugly quilts."  😡 

Another time,  I embroidered a wall hanging picture by painstakingly hand stitching every stitch.  It took me months to complete this masterpiece.   I had this large embroidered cloth canvas professionally framed in glass and wood only for BIL to say,  "This wall hanging will make a good doormat."  😡 

Needless to say,  we're currently estranged which at this rate,  is leading towards permanent and forever estrangement. 

 

[Jaunty]

I see zero sign that the guy is a narcissist in your descriptions here.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, really.

BUT.  I really doubt that your husband meant to put you down with his comment.  I agree with the others that he felt awkward with the sentimentality, really didn't connect with the meaning and effort behind what you'd done, and possibly (this might sound harsh) didn't even feel very motivated to look at the video.

I've seen this happen before in my family.   My sister had a beautiful photo compilation  of her wedding made and gave it as an anniversary gift to her husband.  I was there when he received it, at a party for them.  I won't go into a detailed description of the situation but I can say that he was like "oh thanks" and ready to set it down on the table and probably never open it in his life, while she was about to explode - first in excited anticipation of the reaction she'd hoped and expected he'd have, and then, instantly, with disappointment and also she was PISSED!

Try to move away from a "give to get" mentality.   I have had many experiences in my life where something I did, hoping for and expecting to be lauded, was met with much less enthusiasm than I'd envisioned.   

If you're going to make something, do a service, or spend money on a loved one, you need to find a place within you that will get joy from the act you did for them.  

I do understand that his comment was crude and not nice but I really think it was his way of dealing with his discomfort.

 

 

[boltnrun]

People who are not sentimental (cough, me, cough) may not feel the same level of enthusiasm as someone who is very sentimental. 

However, I would have said thank you, given you a hug and viewed the video with you at my side. Just because I know it would make you happy.

I agree, I don't see narcissism (a diagnosable personality disorder) but rather someone who's somewhat clumsy with expressing appreciation for things he's not that into. 

[Cherylyn]

7 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Try to move away from a "give to get" mentality.   I have had many experiences in my life where something I did, hoping for and expecting to be lauded, was met with much less enthusiasm than I'd envisioned.   

If you're going to make something, do a service, or spend money on a loved one, you need to find a place within you that will get joy from the act you did for them.  

I do understand that his comment was crude and not nice but I really think it was his way of dealing with his discomfort.

 

 

I hear you and take it a step further.  In order to prevent future hurts,  disappointments or insults,  I've since ceased gift giving altogether whether home sewn,  handmade,   store bought,  online bought or hard cash.  I simply pull the plug on all of that and do exactly what they do or don't do for me so relationships are fair and equitable.  What goes around comes around.  I no longer knock myself out by going above and beyond for others because they don't do it for me nor treat me as if I matter.  Gratitude,  appreciation and class should be a 2-way street and if not,  it's time to alter one's course. 

[Jaunty]

5 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

I hear you and take it a step further.  In order to prevent future hurts,  disappointments or insults,  I've since ceased gift giving altogether whether home sewn,  handmade,   store bought,  online bought or hard cash.  I simply pull the plug on all of that and do exactly what they do or don't do for me 

That's fine as long as it makes you happy, but it's pretty much the polar opposite of my point.  My belief is that gift giving is meant to be done without consideration for what the recipient will do or not do for me.   

If the OP loves her husband, and felt inspired to create this gift for him, I'd hope that she can feel gratified within herself for having made and given it to him, even though his response was not what she would have hoped for.

[rainbowsandroses]

On 6/27/2023 at 2:03 PM, Loka56 said:

On the day of the birthday, I presented him with the gift, and all her reacted with, 'Did you use a saas tool for this? because you can't come up with something like this'

We may need more context.  What was his tone?  Was it said with a wink and a smile?  

Often times, playful teasing can be mistaken for sarcasm and come off offensive.   When I first read it, my first thought was that he was teasing.  But that may be because my ex boyfriends and soon to be ex-husband loved to tease me, I came to understand it was a sign of endearment.  So I would laugh and toss a playful tease back.  All in good fun. 

However I do understand some people, particularly women, are very sensitive to these types of "jokes" and being teased, sarcasm .  It's an incompatibility that may be able to be resolved with a little give and take and understanding from each of you. 

On 6/28/2023 at 12:29 PM, smackie9 said:

I read your first post and here is my assessment. Your BF isn't really the sentimental emotional type. He saw the heartfelt effort you put into it, but it made him uncomfortable to react so he used sarcasm. He uses sarcasm as a coping mechanism to hide emotion because to him it's a sign of weakness. Too many boys are raised this way unfortunately. A lot of behaviors are learned behaviors from childhood. So my advice is to not take it too personally. Going forward, don't do anymore sentimental stuff even tho it's something you like and want to express.

I very much agree with @smackie9, super insightful and spot on.  Ask me how I know.  I grew up with five brothers and a very stoic dad!

All my brothers were like this, but they loved me to death and would give their life for me if it ever came to that. 

My advice is try to understand him and his style of communication versus criticizing and judging. Try to not take it personally. 

And going forward, since you know these types of sentimental gestures and gifts make him uncomfortable, stop doing it and find some common ground. 

Or if his behavior in this regard is something you feel you could never understand or live with, consider ending the relationship

I do not see any narcissism based on what you posted.

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

47 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

If the OP loves her husband, and felt inspired to create this gift for him, I'd hope that she can feel gratified within herself for having made and given it to him, even though his response was not what she would have hoped for.

Totally agree.  You should give because it makes YOU happy to give, it gives you joy to give.  That feeling of joy at giving must be genuine, it must come from your heart and not be faked. 

Even though you may not get the response you hoped for at that moment, that joy will come back to you in some form or fashion, it's one of the Universal Laws of Nature.

>>The universe operates through dynamic exchange . . . giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.<<

[Wiseman2]

On 6/27/2023 at 5:03 PM, Loka56 said:

 I am so disappointed that he didn't even praise my efforts. 

It seems like a misunderstanding and miscommunication. It is as though you want praise and approval for your progress in English, because you two seem to compete and argue about this. You also were trying to display your software talents.

So it seems more like an exercise project for your English and software to impress your BF. That's not really a gift for him. That's why you're upset.

  If you really wanted to give him something sentimental, you could have done so in the native language you usually communicate in and without the software you use for your business. Doing it in English was looking for approval and compliments for yourself.

[Cherylyn]

16 hours ago, Jaunty said:

That's fine as long as it makes you happy, but it's pretty much the polar opposite of my point.  My belief is that gift giving is meant to be done without consideration for what the recipient will do or not do for me.   

If the OP loves her husband, and felt inspired to create this gift for him, I'd hope that she can feel gratified within herself for having made and given it to him, even though his response was not what she would have hoped for.

Well,  I appreciate feeling appreciated and I don't think that's an unusual feeling at all.  If I spend my hard earned money on a person to entertain them such as hosting them in my house for dinner,  taking them out to eat,  home sewing items for them,  buying something for them online,  having it delivered to their house,  buying something for them after running around on errands when I could've otherwise relaxed,  shipped it to their house or gave supplies or items to them in person,  cooked for someone whose life is in tumult or doing anything for them,  it's not too much to be sincerely thanked and feel some sort of gratitude from them.  Whenever people are disrespectful,  it's a real buzz kill and trying to make others happy withers away and dies.  It's nothing out of the ordinary.  My belief is that there needs to be mutual respect and consideration or the relationship isn't joyous.  Relationships should be fair and balanced meaning one person shouldn't be doing more for the other and one person shouldn't be doing all the taking and never giving back.  Also,  kindness matters.  Grace does matter. 

I would even go so far as to forgo reciprocation.  I'm telling you that it's not a wonderful feeling to slave over a hot stove to cook for a neighbor and her telling me that she made it taste better for her husband.  😳 😡  Then I spent months crocheting a baby blanket for her relative and then she tells me that I paid my mother to crochet it.  😡  Who in their right mind would repeat giving one's heart and soul for an obnoxiously rude person like that?  Only a fool would. 

I hand embroidered a wall hanging for my sister and BIL's (brother-in-law's) new house which I spent months painstakingly stitching by staying up all night and went to work!  I had it professionally framed in wood and covered in glass.  It was very expensive.  BIL said it would make a good doormat.  😡  I sewed quilts for his 3 children and he told me the quilts were ugly.  😡

When my sister was in labor delivering her 3rd baby,  BIL,  my sister's friend and I went to the hospital's cafeteria for a snack and beverage at 11PM.  When I sat down with my candy,  BIL asked me:  "Did you pay for your food?"  The gall.  He accused me of stealing!  😡 I commanded him to speak to the cashier as I waved the receipt in front of his face to prove I paid $1.08 for my candy but I shouldn't have to wave evidence in front of him.  I doubt anyone would appreciate being called a thief. 

My husband graduated and attained new employment.  When my sister congratulated my husband,  BIL - her husband became enraged with mentally sick jealousy because he will not tolerate his wife paying attention to anyone (male or female) except him.  Instead of congratulating my husband,  he told my husband,  "So what?"  😡  He openly humiliated my husband in front of guests at a house party.  It is no wonder we're currently estranged going on 1.5 years now and estrangement is food for the soul.

My immediate family of husband,  sons,  some local in-laws,  relatives and all of my friends actually know how to behave honorably.  They speak and write with consideration and respect in mind.  Hence,  it's an absolute joy for me to go above and beyond for them in every capacity. 

Then there are those who are ingrates,  smug,  arrogant,  apathetic,  indifferent, mean,  boorish,  extremely rude and cruel.  For those types of people,  I'm civil but I no longer knock myself out for them.  I do exactly what they do for me and keep the relationship simple and plain.  I don't do anything for them.  I've suddenly lost my desire.  Taking the passive route is highly effective.  It works.  They're satisfied as am I while I save my time,  labor,  money, efforts and energy for myself.  What goes around comes around.  🙂

[Cherylyn]

On 6/28/2023 at 12:29 PM, smackie9 said:

 Going forward, don't do anymore sentimental stuff even tho it's something you like and want to express.

Exactly.  OP  @Loka56 Since he was over the moon with your past birthday wish text to him,  let him feel over the moon in the future with just a text and nothing else.  No more gifts.  Don't waste your time,  labor,  efforts,  money and energy on people who don't treat you with gratitude,  dignity,  honor and respect.  It's not rocket science.

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

 Don't waste your time,  labor,  efforts,  money and energy on people who don't treat you with gratitude,  dignity,  honor and respect.  It's not rocket science.

For many people, doing things for others is not a "waste" regardless of how the receiver acts. 

Giving is ideally supposed to come from a place of generosity. 

 

 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

32 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

For many people, doing things for others is not a "waste" regardless of how the receiver acts. 

Giving is ideally supposed to come from a place of generosity. 

 

 

 

 

I disagree.  There are special circumstances for many people.  I'm completely on board with generosity.  I've been extremely generous with my time,  energy,  thoughtfulness,  efforts,  labor,  money and sincere heart for many years.  However,  I draw the line if the recipient is cruel.  Then it has gone too far and I pump the brakes on goodwill.  I don't believe in "abuse me some more because I love it" mentality.  No way.  Forget it.   👎

I can be civil.  That I can do but anymore than that?  NO.

[Loka56]

On 7/1/2023 at 10:26 AM, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like a misunderstanding and miscommunication. It is as though you want praise and approval for your progress in English, because you two seem to compete and argue about this. You also were trying to display your software talents.

So it seems more like an exercise project for your English and software to impress your BF. That's not really a gift for him. That's why you're upset.

  If you really wanted to give him something sentimental, you could have done so in the native language you usually communicate in and without the software you use for your business. Doing it in English was looking for approval and compliments for yourself.

Gosh, you are right on point. 

Just an update here, guys. 

He and I talked it out. He also said the same thing as some of you guys have said above 'he is just not as sentimental as I thought he would be,' and come to think of it, the kind of reaction I was expecting is usually so common with my girlfriends, which is of course because girls are sentimental. 

Things are cool, and yes, he is not a narcissist. I have dealt with two narcissists in my life and have learned a lot from them about them. 

Thank you so much guys for sharing your perspective. ❤️

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Loka56 said:

Gosh, you are right on point. 

Just an update here, guys. 

He and I talked it out. He also said the same thing as some of you guys have said above 'he is just not as sentimental as I thought he would be,' and come to think of it, the kind of reaction I was expecting is usually so common with my girlfriends, which is of course because girls are sentimental. 

Things are cool, and yes, he is not a narcissist. I have dealt with two narcissists in my life and have learned a lot from them about them. 

Thank you so much guys for sharing your perspective. ❤️

I think some reactions are more gendered and I know many sentimental men.

For Father's Day we were traveling outside the US -in England. My son and I found a bookstore with a huge used section.  My son who is 14 found a used CD set of the big band era o music.  He knew his dad would love it. Including for nostalgic reasons.  It was less than $10 and we didn't even know if it would play. 

But we bought it and gave it to him as part of a Father's Day gift -he loved it, he loved that it was used -he loved the thought that went into it since he loves that type of music.  And it reminds him of his parents RIP.

Our home is filled with family photos -only one is posed I think - and we love the sentimentality of it.  I mean he's not going to get sentimental about the particular suit he wore for our wedding (nothing interesting about it) or probably the veil I borrowed even if he saw a photo of it but yes in general -sentimental for sure. It's not just "girls." 

Having said that I think it's fine that your SO is not sentimental and not fine to respond to your efforts in a tactless or thoughtless way - both are true.  I understand you found him sarcastic but not mean and I take the point that he might have done it as a coping mechanism as Smackie wrote. And I'm glad you're ok with the situation and have resolved it. Good for you for talking it out!!

[tattoobunnie]

My hubs puts tons of effort into my gifts past few years.  I return them all or hide them.  He's the love of my life.  I don't know what to tell you, other than to not take it personally.  For the entire time we've known each other, I have some sensory issues to fabric or the way something feels, knew it, but couldn't explain it, but just did recently after 29 years because now I know what the hell it is. 

But, I definitely would tell him you put a lot of effort into it, and he really hurt your feelings.