Blocked on Snapchat

[Adriana]

Hello. I would like some insight about a situation that just happened recently. I matched with a guy on Bumble about a month ago and we exchanged snap chats after about a week of texting. We did most of our communication on there. The chatting had been going really well and at one point he said he was interested in this becoming more and he was not currently sleeping with anyone. I said I would like that as well. He is a very sexually forward person and does bring up sex a lot and asks for photos and videos. I usually oblige because I don’t mind providing those photos. Two weeks ago his account got deactivated so we hadn’t spoken but he admitted that he got a bj from someone during the time we didn’t speak. I said I thought you weren’t seeing anyone but he said that it he didn’t sleep with her.  I told him that to me it’s the same and that makes me uncomfortable. Then he suggested he will stay away from her to make me happy. I was happy to hear that. But then the convo went south and he asked for a sexual video that I’m not usually comfortable doing. He said that I was boring and not open to anything. He has also asked to video chat but to watch him ejaculate and I’ve said I’m kinda shy and we hadn’t met yet. I said I have boundaries and to please understand that. He said sure. The following day he said I’m not interested anymore because you are not open to anything. I caved and said ok I will try harder to make you happy. After that we had been chatting a lot and I felt I was finally getting to know him and he said at one point I’m sorry I saw someone else I have to do much better for you. Sometimes we chat all day and when I ask questions about him and what’s hes looking for he appears to be honest and responds quickly. He also constantly asks for videos and photos of sexual things and there are some that is so out of my comfort zone but I still try to do them. Then on Monday we were talking about threesomes and that he wanted to do one. I asked if he had done them and he said yes with an ex gf and he showed me a photo of her. I got jealous and asked why he still has old photos and he said he just found it. I said that’s sus. He said im only focused on you and that you don’t need to be suspicious of me. I apologized and said I won’t ask about the past anymore but I liked his honesty. Then later that night at around 1am he asked to video chat to watch him ejaculate. I was very tired and not in the mood and tried to ask to hold off til tmrw. He did not answer and blocked me on Snapchat the next morning. I am very upset and hurt by this move as I really liked him. I think he got to a point where he was fed up and blocked me because I said no to video chat again. I really regret not doing it that night. So my question is did I really mess up?

[boltnrun]

Why are you sending sexual content to a stranger over the internet? Yes, he is a stranger. You've never met him, therefore he is a stranger.

I hope for your sake he hasn't posted your pics and videos on porn websites. 

Please do not ever do anything like this again. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Adriana said:

He said that I was boring and not open to anything.

How much little self-respect do you have toward yourself? When a man tries to manipulate you in this way and you cave in? For a sexually implicit video no less.

I would say you got lucky. That you got rid of some internet pervert. That in a month didnt want to see you(probably also lucky you didnt actually meet him) and at the end he left you alone. Dont send your sexually implicit videos to strangers online that you didnt even met. If they ask for it, just block the perverts. Because that is everything that you would got from them, asking for more and more imlicit videos for their masturbation sessions. Learn your lesson from this and please dont do that in future.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Adriana said:

  He also constantly asks for videos and photos of sexual things and there are some that is so out of my comfort zone but I still try to do them. 

This is not dating. Are you interested in dating? What he's asking for is what men usually pay for on sex cams. 

Do you work? Go to school? It's unclear why you are providing these services.

[Jaunty]

It's very unwise for you to be "providing" sexy pictures/ video of yourself to a stranger on the internet.   

Beyond that - WHY would you like this guy?  He has acted like a complete bottom feeder towards you.  You are worth a lot more than this.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Adriana said:

So my question is did I really mess up?

Yes, you did - but not in the way you think. 

You messed up because you let yourself down, and compromised your own boundaries and dignity. You don't know this person at all and you didn't behave in a way that is respectful of yourself.  He treated you like a sex toy and you went along with it, despite not feeling comfortable with it. You also have no idea where your sexual content is going to be posted now. Please never, ever do that again. 

Before I lend further thoughts, can I ask how old you are? 

[Batya33]

This isn’t real dating or online dating. This involves you sexting with a stranger at extraordinary risk to you and your future. He got annoyed because he’s a stranger and told you he wasn’t having sex at that time. Obviously a person who is so focused on sexting likely isn’t going to abstain if it’s offered and obviously he has no interest in knowing you as a person - what man who wants to date a woman would share about the oral sex he had and then ask for videos ??

I sure hope your photos aren’t all over the internet. Please don’t tell yourself he was just being “forward “ -both of you were tunnel vision sex focused and neither of you had real interest in meeting to go on actual dates as opposed to meeting to have intercourse. 
If you’re interested in meeting people to get to know and potentially date this approach is NOT it. 

[Adriana]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

can I ask how old you are

To be honest I believe I was very hyper focused on his looks that I was trying too hard to please him. Even though I did state I had boundaries and when he didn’t like that, I was afraid he’d lose interest so I just gave in to it. Which I see now that that was stupid but at that time it wasn’t a big deal in my head. Sadly my age is not the age that I could possibly get away with being naive which is makes it more embarrassing lol. 

[MissCanuck]

It sounds as though you don’t even know if the person you’re talking to is the person in the photos you’ve seen. 
 

Please be more careful in the future.

[Adriana]

Just now, MissCanuck said:

It sounds as though you don’t even know if the person you’re talking to is the person in the photos you’ve seen. 
 

Please be more careful in the future.

Yes I had questioned that a few times and asked him but he has sent voice notes and has wanted to video chat a couple times.

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, Adriana said:

Yes I had questioned that a few times and asked him but he has sent voice notes and has wanted to video chat a couple times.

Voice notes mean nothing. Neither does wanting to video chat. 

Unless and until someone actually follows though and you see them live via a video call, assume you don’t know who you are talking to. 

And never, ever send any type of sexual content to a stranger. Whatever you sent him might be on a porn site right now. 

[boltnrun]

Please block this person from contacting you. And pray your photos and videos aren't circulating the internet on porn websites or message boards. 

Are you lacking companionship in your life?

[Adriana]

Hey everyone thank you so much for taking the time to read my situation and for replying. I appreciate everyone not being too harsh as I feel like a complete *** lol. As for the videos I am not too worried as I sent them via Snapchat and there was no notification that be saved it to the camera roll. Unless he did it right before he blocked me. But yes I hope they won’t resurface anywhere but luckily I did not show my face. I feel like I also have to explain that I believe I liked him too much due to his outer appearance. He was a very good looking dude IMO and I think I wanted to please him too much and my judgment was clouded. I also liked the attention he showed even though I understand it was the wrong type of attention. I don’t think I am lacking any companionship as i am happy and fine to be single but again his looks had taken over any self respect. The way that everyone is seeing it from a similar perspective honestly makes me feel better but also an idiot haha. I was very convinced he was not a bad dude he was maybe just into some weird *** that he was honest about? Anyways reading this all back Im embarrassed by the control and it was not a safe or healthy situation to be in. I enjoyed talking to him during normal convos and I hadn’t shown interest in someone like that in a while which also felt like a good thing and ignored the rest. But anywho I have learned my lesson and will not make content like that ever again. Thanks again everyone 

[Batya33]

The interest you had in him was interest in a complete stranger based mostly on physical features. You don’t even know it was him. Go on dating sites and pick profiles of relationship minded men who live near you.
 

Contact and meet in person asap. Public place for an hour give or take.  I wouldn’t focus on requiring hot and heavy interest off the bat.

 

If that’s there cool and if you’re having a nice time talking and see the potential for attraction and chemistry get to know him in person over a period of months on proper dates.  You might not have the instant gratification sexual thrills but it’s a better shot at a potential relationship and far less risk that you end up with your nude body plastered all over the internet or get an STD or heaven forbid get raped or asssulted. 

[Jaunty]

Since he showed you a picture of his ex gf, you already know he shares photos amongst his "playmates."   Ugh.  

 

[MissCanuck]

24 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Since he showed you a picture of his ex gf, you already know he shares photos amongst his "playmates."

This. I was coming to say the same thing. OP, your videos or photos are going to be shared with others. I would count on it. 

2 hours ago, Adriana said:

He was a very good looking dude IMO

Remember, you have no clue if that was even his picture. You could have easily been talking to a 15-year-old kid in his mom's basement with all his pimply, horny teenage buddies. 

Or a pot-bellied 70-year-old with no teeth. 

Or even a woman.

[Adriana]

14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This. I was coming to say the same thing. OP, your videos or photos are going to be shared with others. I would count on it. 

Remember, you have no clue if that was even his picture. You could have easily been talking to a 15-year-old kid in his mom's basement with all his pimply, horny teenage buddies. 

Or a pot-bellied 70-year-old with no teeth. 

Or even a woman.

Maybe I just don’t understand why he would initiate a video chat? Wouldn’t that be something that fake people would avoid. If I had agreed to it and it didn’t happen the outcome would not be the same and I’d get more sus. But because I said no and he disappeared it just seemed as though he got annoyed. That is the impression that I am getting at least. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Adriana said:

 why he would initiate a video chat? Wouldn’t that be something that fake people would avoid. 

There's a real entity behind this, it's just that you don't really know him.

Video chat is closer to live porn, that is why he wanted this.  If he wanted to know you as a person, he would ask you out on a decent date.

[boltnrun]

17 hours ago, Adriana said:

Maybe I just don’t understand why he would initiate a video chat? Wouldn’t that be something that fake people would avoid. If I had agreed to it and it didn’t happen the outcome would not be the same and I’d get more sus. But because I said no and he disappeared it just seemed as though he got annoyed. That is the impression that I am getting at least. 

He could easily record a video chat and then sell or share it to porn websites.

You really have no idea what he did with your pics and videos.

Please don't ever do this again.  This isn't love or even any kind of relationship.  Set higher standards for yourself.