Was she just being nice or...

[Kwothe28]

14 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

For you, perhaps. It's sooo easy to say this when you're not someone with nothing. You can have a healthy attitude when you have no prospects and nothing about your dating circumstance is "healthy". It's blatantly tragic bc I have no idea when I'll ever get a real opportunity. This was an opportunity for friendship and I couldn't even get that. 

But why do you think my situation or anybody else was and is different? Maybe somebody else had it more easy in the dating world. But I had to fight for my opportunities. I had my first girlfriend when I was 18. And even then it took me 2 rejections from her and her initiating it later on to do it. Do you know how many times I didnt even get answer to message? A lot. Some of them I dont even remember now. But I didnt take it so tragically. Again, its perfectly fine if somebody doesnt answer your message. Somebody else would. It always does. You try and give your best shot so if it succeeds, good, if it doesnt, its OK, next time maybe it would.

You need to develop healthy attitude for yourself. No matter if you have opportunities or not. Because again, you cant get jaded because of stuff like this. OK, this one is maybe a dud. But next one you meet will maybe want to date you. When you develop that, you will easily brush off generally small stuff like this. And will be able to move on almost instantly. You will still need to meet some other woman maybe tomorrow. You cant blow that opportunity just because this one wont date you or answer your message.

Also, I would advice against friendship here or in any other case you encounter in future. You like this woman romantically and wanted to date her. So having her a a friend isnt a good solution for you. It leads to you believing you maybe still have a shot and being "friendzoned". So if they dont want to date you and you really like them, dont offer or accept firendships. 

[Jaunty]

22 hours ago, kehratha said:

Ok, I am not saying to wait and hope for whatever . But just don't cut her off yet.

Right.

It's not about "waiting and hoping," it's about just getting on with life.  If the lady gets in touch with a time, and the OP feels pleased about that, they can get together.  If not, no harm done.  There literally IS  no harm done - a virtual stranger not responding with a lot of enthusiasm to OP really should not represent such a devastating threat to his sense of self.  

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

31 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

But why do you think my situation or anybody else was and is different? Maybe somebody else had it more easy in the dating world.

Bc the vast majority of people's situation was and is VASTLY different. Bc most people have options, opportunities, and suitors. Other people can actually get dates, other people receive validation and goodwill from people and it builds their confidence and experience with women. My situation is drastically different. Most people will never understand it bc it's so different. Most people cannot understand having nothing. Not even being able to get a date and see what works and get more comfortable. Just...nothing. I've said it countless times. Other people can use dating sites, have tons of friends that can set them up, women come to them, they can meet women at work, etc. Everyone has a different situation bc not everyone has a life that is almost perfectly set up to never meet women and just have none of them ever seem interested. No one else really has that situation. Not anyone that has actually worked on themselves and actually leaves the house.

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Again, its perfectly fine if somebody doesnt answer your message. Somebody else would. It always does. You try and give your best shot so if it succeeds, good, if it doesnt, its OK, next time maybe it would.

As I said, it must be nice to be able to think the way bc of past success and experiences that confirm that for you. It's a privilege some people have, and often, they don't even realize it is. But it's a hell of a luxury. Hard to be optimistic about something that never happens. The only "always" I get, is women never being remotely interesting. If you always get nothing, you don't suddenly conjure some random, resounding expectation that maybe next you actually get a yes. No, you just realize it's always a no. As it always has been.

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You need to develop healthy attitude for yourself. No matter if you have opportunities or not.

lol. Easier said...impossibly done. This just isn't realistic dude. That's not how it works.

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Because again, you cant get jaded because of stuff like this. OK, this one is maybe a dud. But next one you meet will maybe want to date you. When you develop that, you will easily brush off generally small stuff like this. And will be able to move on almost instantly. You will still need to meet some other woman maybe tomorrow. You cant blow that opportunity just because this one wont date you or answer your message.

No, when you can get dates and opportunities and women have demonstrated the slightest semblance of interest in you, then you can brush it off bc you have confidence that women are attracted to and interested in you. You can't easily brush off interactions when you rarely get any, and they always end the exact same way. You're not getting what I'm saying.

There are no opportunities. Not tomorrow, not in six months, not next year, never. There are never any opportunities for me. That's the point. This isn't small to me, it's massive and it's tragic. It's very relative. What seems inconsequential to some, is devasting to others. 

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Also, I would advice against friendship here or in any other case you encounter in future. You like this woman romantically and wanted to date her. So having her a a friend isnt a good solution for you. It leads to you believing you maybe still have a shot and being "friendzoned". So if they dont want to date you and you really like them, dont offer or accept firendships. 

This isn't a case of being friend-zoned, bc I never had any delusions that she would date me. I said wayyyy back near the beginning of the thread, there was no way she was interested. If I had any remote belief before, I know there isn't anything close to a shot with her now. I always knew that and it's only been reaffirmed. And it's not like I'm madly in love with her or w/e. I just need more female friends and we tend to get along...when we actually do meet.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

interested people act interested. However, when it comes to mixed signals, yours have been FAR more mixed than hers. She has invited you out FAR more times than you her, even after you actively avoid her, or dont respond to invitations. 

That's true however the issue here is that when Lamb asked her out directly with a plan, she agreed!  And enthusiastically replied "Yes!  Let's pick a date."

But then blew him off. 

That's wrong.  Decent people don't agree to a date, enthusiastically respond "let's pick a date"! and then when two dates are proposed, tell them they need to check their calendar and blow the person off. 

In what world is this okay behavior no matter what went down previously or how elusive Lamb had acted? 

if she was bothered by Lamb's previous distant behavior, she should NOT have agreed, responded let's pick a date!, tell him she needs to check her calendar and then blow him off.

Also, no matter what anyone thinks about this being "tragic" or not, Lamb is entitled to his feelings, we all are. 

There is no right or wrong about feelings and emotions, they just "are."  I actually read that in a great book my mom gave me years ago written psychologist Judith Sills.  She wrote it's how we deal with our feelings that's important and I agree.

Lamb, I'm sorry this happened.  😞 It definitely sucks no matter how you slice and dice and hope you feel better soon. 

Hang in mate. 

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's true however the issue here is that when Lamb asked her out directly with a plan, she agreed!  And enthusiastically replied "Yes!  Let's pick a date."

But then blew him off. 

That's wrong.  Decent people don't agree to a date, enthusiastically respond "let's pick a date"! and then when two dates are proposed, tell them they need to check their calendar and blow the person off. 

In what world is this okay behavior no matter what went down previously or how elusive Lamb had acted? 

if she was bothered by Lamb's previous distant behavior, she should NOT have agreed, responded let's pick a date!, tell him she needs to check her calendar and then blow him off.

Also, no matter what anyone thinks about this being "tragic" or not, Lamb is entitled to his feelings, we all are. 

There is no right or wrong about feelings and emotions, they just "are."  I actually read that in a great book my mom gave me years ago written psychologist Judith Sills.  She wrote it's how we deal with our feelings that's important and I agree.

Lamb, I'm sorry this happened.  😞 It definitely sucks no matter how you slice and dice and hope you feel better soon. 

Hang in mate. 

 

Wow, someone else finally actually gets it....thank you for not trying to dictate and tell me how I should feel about something that happened to me.

And yes, it was the enthusiastic initial reply to the meet, then the subsequent brush-off that threw me off. It doesn't matter now, but when people wonder why I'm as negative and pessimistic as I am...it's bc of instances like that. Even when women seem initially interested, they never actually are and it just goes nowhere.

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Wow, someone else finally actually gets it....thank you for not trying to dictate and tell me how I should feel about something that happened to me.

I don't think anyone is dictating / telling you how you should feel.  

Perhaps you're being challenged about how much power you actively choose to give away to people who are not important in your life.  

[WaywardKiwi]

17 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That's true however the issue here is that when Lamb asked her out directly with a plan, she agreed!  And enthusiastically replied "Yes!  Let's pick a date."

But then blew him off. 

That's wrong.  Decent people don't agree to a date, enthusiastically respond "let's pick a date"! and then when two dates are proposed, tell them they need to check their calendar and blow the person off. 

In what world is this okay behavior no matter what went down previously or how elusive Lamb had acted? 

if she was bothered by Lamb's previous distant behavior, she should NOT have agreed, responded let's pick a date!, tell him she needs to check her calendar and then blow him off.

Everyone is entitled to their standards regarding the the acceptable length of time between messages. If you, or more importantly Lamb, determine that this is a blow off then so be it. However, you can't come back tomorrow, or the day after with "so she replied" and then immediately forget all the character assassination you spent the last few days spreading around the forum. 

There are no mixed signals. She has acted consistently; she is friendly, shows interest, and actively seeks to make plans in person, but sucks at texting. That has been the case the whole time. It may even be one reason why she is single; her lack of skill with this form of communication. However, it is absolutely a double standard to fail to excuse her for this flaw, while also claiming your anxiety and social awkwardness excuses your mixed signals. 

Finally, it is a telling over reaction to cut someone entirely, as well as abandon an activity you claim to enjoy, over a slow text reply. This is doubly so if, as Lamb claims, he doesn't want to date her, merely to be friends. 

[WaywardKiwi]

I know you loathe anecdotes Lamb, so I'll keep it brief. I was in this exact same situation regarding text messages - as an anxiety sufferer I would rely on written communication to set things up and express myself because it put a layer of distance. It caused me no end of internal turmoil and conflict. Right up until I met my wife, when I finally realized it was my issue and took steps to get around it. This is something you have control over, either it's a deal breaker or you can adjust. But you can't blame her for your issues. 

[Batya33]

21 minutes ago, WaywardKiwi said:

I know you loathe anecdotes Lamb, so I'll keep it brief. I was in this exact same situation regarding text messages - as an anxiety sufferer I would rely on written communication to set things up and express myself because it put a layer of distance. It caused me no end of internal turmoil and conflict. Right up until I met my wife, when I finally realized it was my issue and took steps to get around it. This is something you have control over, either it's a deal breaker or you can adjust. But you can't blame her for your issues. 

But that’s the issue. Anecdotes often are very helpful for people who want help. Not all of course. But it’s a way to connect up with real life examples. People who loathe them generally assume no one will ever understand and no matter what they have it easier. 
 

[TheLambOfDeth]

5 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

There are no mixed signals. She has acted consistently; she is friendly, shows interest, and actively seeks to make plans in person, but sucks at texting. That has been the case the whole time. It may even be one reason why she is single; her lack of skill with this form of communication. However, it is absolutely a double standard to fail to excuse her for this flaw, while also claiming your anxiety and social awkwardness excuses your mixed signals. 

Yes, if she acts to other people the way she does with me in terms of texting, then yes, it's def a reason why she's single. Ok, there's being bad at texting and then there's just sending very crossed, contradicting signals. She sent that text Sunday morning...and it's Wednesday morning with no words since. That's just a complete blow-off. That just gives the impression you're bothering this person and they were only being nice. It's weird to be so friendly and attentive and invite you to things and ask personal questions about them...curiously so, and then agree to meet someone, then just lose interest in the 11th hour. It's like she's literally a different person, in-person, yet not remotely interested via text. That's jarring. My anxiousness may have forced me to leave early at times or avoid her, but I don't just ghost and break off conversations or plans.

5 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

Finally, it is a telling over reaction to cut someone entirely, as well as abandon an activity you claim to enjoy, over a slow text reply. This is doubly so if, as Lamb claims, he doesn't want to date her, merely to be friends. 

It's principale, though. And even if you're friends with someone, if they agree to something and initiate planning, then mention they'll check their schedule, then forget about you...that's a rude person who isn't interested. What else could you take that as? I truly don't see it as an overreaction. Even friends are expected to be courteous and respectful.

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I know you loathe anecdotes Lamb, so I'll keep it brief. I was in this exact same situation regarding text messages - as an anxiety sufferer I would rely on written communication to set things up and express myself because it put a layer of distance. It caused me no end of internal turmoil and conflict. Right up until I met my wife, when I finally realized it was my issue and took steps to get around it. This is something you have control over, either it's a deal breaker or you can adjust. But you can't blame her for your issues. 

Well I do agree with this, as texting feeds my anxiety bc as soon as it's sent, I have a compulsive countdown to when/if they respond, that doesn't help matters at all. But what exactly is the alternative? Everyone texts primarily these days. It's also a catch-22, you have to text to meet, so you can't use in-person interactions as the primary source to talk to someone if you're not consistently around them. Otherwise to meet...you have to text...so...

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

And even if you're friends with someone, if they agree to something and initiate planning, then mention they'll check their schedule, then forget about you...that's a rude person who isn't interested. What else could you take that as? I truly don't see it as an overreaction. Even friends are expected to be courteous and respectful.

@Lamb, not responding three days after agreeing, texting "yes, let's pick a date!" and telling you she has to check her calendar? Of course it's rude, and discourteous at least in my world.  

Yes we all have standards, and not judging anyone else's, but my standards, and it appears yours too @Lamb, are to choose people who are interested and act interested.  Who are courteous, respectful of my time and efforts  and true to their word. 

Referencing @WaywardKiwipost, if this were me and she responded today or tomorrow or whenever, it would be a No Thank You.  Now I'm no longer interested which most likely would be the truth.  

Waiting that long really tells you about a person and their level of respect for the other's time, and yes interest level.

No interested person takes 3+ days to check their calendar.  Again not in my world anyway.  

That would be a big red flag and as is always advised, pay attention to red flags especially during early stages.  It's how we avoid getting played and having our heart broken down the road.

I am not going to presume to know what's going on with her and why she's not responding. 

In today's dating environment, it could be so many things including her own anxiety after agreeing to the one-on-one date invite and/or she's testing to see how hard YOU will chase and YES there are women who play that game.  AND many men who would chase, i.e. reach out again after receiving no response.   

She also could have simply changed her mind or was never interested in the first place.  The reason does not matter. 

Most important thing is to maintain your own standards, stay true to those standards and yourself, pay attention to actions and walk away if/when things seem off. 

Follow your gut.  Our gut instincts/intuition are so valuable yet many people ignore, find excuses for others' poor behavior, disregard red flags and dive head first into situations that turn out to be hurtful and unhealthy.

Nuff said from me, jmo as always.  You do you. 

All the best moving forward @Lamb and I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. 

 

 

[WaywardKiwi]

2 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Well I do agree with this, as texting feeds my anxiety bc as soon as it's sent, I have a compulsive countdown to when/if they respond, that doesn't help matters at all. But what exactly is the alternative? Everyone texts primarily these days. It's also a catch-22, you have to text to meet, so you can't use in-person interactions as the primary source to talk to someone if you're not consistently around them. Otherwise to meet...you have to text...so...

My practical advice? First and foremost, realize that, although for you the speed (and to a lesser extent the content it seems) of her reply is the absolute indicator of her opinion and interest in you, for her it is as casual and non-urgent as you intentionally crafted it to be. You didn't invite her to an event or activity which has a deadline, and you have said that you intentionally avoid coming on too strong, so she very well might take you at you word and believe that there is no urgency to reply.

Also, and sorry to reiterate the point, but a you set a precedence when you let your "I'll consider it" fester well past due. You made it okay in your "relationship" (in the sense of two people, not romantic) to forget to reply to an invitation, even if that wasn't the real reason you didn't do so in a timely manner.

Finally, you have a perfectly acceptable way to avoid using text, much the same way she does - wait to see her in person and then invite her to a specific or immediate event or date. Let's grab a drink or coffee after this. I am going to check out X gallery this weekend and would love some company. Etc. This may not be how you roll, but it seems to be how she does. As I said, maybe she is just too incompatible for you, but given that your current methods and approaches are dictated primarily by anxiety and history, rather than your true self and interests, taking an opportunity to evolve and expand your style could be good. 

[WaywardKiwi]

35 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@Lamb, not responding three days after agreeing, texting "yes, let's pick a date!" and telling you she has to check her calendar? Of course it's rude, and discourteous at least in my world.  

Yes we all have standards, and not judging anyone else's, but my standards, and it appears yours too @Lamb, are to choose people who are interested and act interested.  Who are courteous, respectful of my time and efforts  and true to their word. 

Referencing @WaywardKiwipost, if this were me and she responded today or tomorrow or whenever, it would be a No Thank You.  Now I'm no longer interested which most likely would be the truth.  

Waiting that long really tells you about a person and their level of respect for the other's time, and yes interest level.

No interested person takes 3+ days to check their calendar.  Again not in my world anyway.  

That would be a big red flag and as is always advised, pay attention to red flags especially during early stages.  It's how we avoid getting played and having our heart broken down the road.

I am not going to presume to know what's going on with her and why she's not responding. 

In today's dating environment, it could be so many things including her own anxiety after agreeing to the one-on-one date invite and/or she's testing to see how hard YOU will chase and YES there are women who play that game.  AND many men who would chase, i.e. reach out again after receiving no response.   

She also could have simply changed her mind or was never interested in the first place.  The reason does not matter. 

Most important thing is to maintain your own standards, stay true to those standards and yourself, pay attention to actions and walk away if/when things seem off. 

Follow your gut.  Our gut instincts/intuition are so valuable yet many people ignore, find excuses for others' poor behavior, disregard red flags and dive head first into situations that turn out to be hurtful and unhealthy.

Nuff said from me, jmo as always.  You do you. 

All the best moving forward @Lamb and I'm sorry things turned out the way they did. 

 

 

To be honest, I agree with 99% of what you are saying in normal dating situations. But as Lamb has pointed out so many times, his situation is very unique.

[rainbowsandroses]

31 minutes ago, WaywardKiwi said:

To be honest, I agree with 99% of what you are saying in normal dating situations. But as Lamb has pointed out so many times, his situation is very unique.

@WaywardKiwiI'm curious why you think it's unique.  Lamb asked her out directly, she responded with an enthusiastic yes. 

He gave her two dates to choose, Wednesday and Thursday.  She replied she will check and get back to him.  It is now Wednesday and no response.  How is that not rude?  What am I missing?

Imo it reflects a total disrespect for HIS time as he could have made other plans. 

What would you propose he do at this point?  I  am genuinely curious what you would do in Lamb's shoes.

[Jaunty]

13 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 

What would you propose he do at this point?  I  am genuinely curious what you would do in Lamb's shoes.

I'm not the poster you're asking - but the OP has taken quite a while to respond to the woman himself.  Days, in the case of the invitation she extended during the "after party."  Which, if I remember correctly, he turned down because he hates dancing.  

Perhaps he's helped to set the tone.   

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I'm not the poster you're asking - but the OP has taken quite a while to respond to the woman himself.  Days, in the case of the invitation she extended during the "after party."  Which, if I remember correctly, he turned down because he hates dancing.  

Perhaps he's helped to set the tone.   

Do you think this is a case of she's giving him a taste of his own medicine?   If so, do you think it was intentional?  

The whole thing sounds off and my advice to Lamb would be learn from it and move on.

[Jaunty]

17 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Do you think this is a case of she's giving him a taste of his own medicine?   If so, do you think it was intentional?  

The whole thing sounds off and my advice to Lamb would be learn from it and move on.

No.  I don't.  I think that they are casual acquaintances.  The OP is over the top IMO with self protective defense mechanisms and has bent over backwards to make sure this woman does not think he's interested in her.   He's a volunteer at her art gallery, if I've followed.  There are rife opportunities for casual merging in that environment and I bet that dozens of people involved there are making vague suggestions of meeting here or there on this day or another time.  

There is nothing "off" about it IMO.  There isn't even enough happening for "off" to be a consideration.  They are not dating, nobody is trying to represent themselves in any way to the other.  They're in each others' orbit and she seems interested in him to some point.  I suspect it's more like "he seems like an interesting guy, cool that he's volunteered here, I'd like him to stick around and be a part of it" type of thing.  No urgency.

I do agree that the OP would be well served to "learn from it and move on," but not in the same way as you mean.   I would hope that he can and will, somehow, learn that not all interactions with women need to be a threat to his sense of self worth, and that there are other ways besides romantic / sexual connections and affirmations from women that engaging with women can be of value to him.  

Obviously he's socially uncomfortable and probably comes off as awkward, but we know that he's been looking for his "place" and thought he may have found it in this part of his local art scene.  This woman has reached out to him in ways that do NOT sound like "leading him on" or time wasting.  This could be a passageway to a valuable enhancement to his life and those ultimately do tend to lead to places.

So, "move on" to a new perspective, and not to close doors.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

No.  I don't.  I think that they are casual acquaintances.  The OP is over the top IMO with self protective defense mechanisms and has bent over backwards to make sure this woman does not think he's interested in her.   He's a volunteer at her art gallery, if I've followed.  There are rife opportunities for casual merging in that environment and I bet that dozens of people involved there are making vague suggestions of meeting here or there on this day or another time.  

There is nothing "off" about it IMO.  There isn't even enough happening for "off" to be a consideration.  They are not dating, nobody is trying to represent themselves in any way to the other.  They're in each others' orbit and she seems interested in him to some point.  I suspect it's more like "he seems like an interesting guy, cool that he's volunteered here, I'd like him to stick around and be a part of it" type of thing.  No urgency.

I do agree that the OP would be well served to "learn from it and move on," but not in the same way as you mean.   I would hope that he can and will, somehow, learn that not all interactions with women need to be a threat to his sense of self worth, and that there are other ways besides romantic / sexual connections and affirmations from women that engaging with women can be of value to him.  

Obviously he's socially uncomfortable and probably comes off as awkward, but we know that he's been looking for his "place" and thought he may have found it in this part of his local art scene.  This woman has reached out to him in ways that do NOT sound like "leading him on" or time wasting.  This could be a passageway to a valuable enhancement to his life and those ultimately do tend to lead to places.

So, "move on" to a new perspective, and not to close doors.

Okay, fair enough.  I see it a bit differently which is OK, different strokes and all that. 

But for me, even if a casual friend had done this - replied yes to my suggestion to get together, said they'd get back to me after checking calendar, but didn't I would consider it rude. 

IDK, perhaps my standards are too high but I don't treat my friends that way and don't appreciate when they treat me that way.  Fortunately it hasn't happened very often. 

In fact, I'd be hesitant to schedule anything with them after that as I wouldn't trust them to follow through with their word which is important to me.

I totally respect your opinion about it though and agree adopting a new more positive mindset and re-frame in general would be beneficial to him.

[Jaunty]

4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 In fact, I'd be hesitant to schedule anything with them after that as I wouldn't trust them to follow through with their word which is important to me.

I might feel the same way myself.  Really, a lot of this scenario is probably very difficult for those of us reading it to get a solid feel about.    Still, she seems well meaning and I feel like being a volunteer at this place is likely a positive step for the OP as long as he doesn't get too stuck in self defeating mental patterns.  

[boltnrun]

At the very least she seems to think you're a cool and nice person. That's positive.

It isn't necessarily instant sparks and fireworks either. I hung out with my husband for a good four to five months as friends before it got romantic. He was a cool guy I enjoyed talking to. It grew from there. 

[TheLambOfDeth]

 

.....

[Whirling D]

2 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

 

.....

What’s the context we are looking at, Lamb?

are you not available tomorrow, Sunday?

she says she is open weeknights this week. Are you going to nail something down?

from an outsider‘s perspective, it almost seems like you’re playing a little hard to get. Unless I am missing something. I haven’t read the whole thread.

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

29 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

What’s the context we are looking at, Lamb?

are you not available tomorrow, Sunday?

she says she is open weeknights this week. Are you going to nail something down?

from an outsider‘s perspective, it almost seems like you’re playing a little hard to get. Unless I am missing something. I haven’t read the whole thread.

 

You've missed the last few pages. Look at the last text snapshot I uploaded. It took her days for her to respond and mention Sunday as a time she was available.

I would love to nail something down for next week but as the last text imagine upload I showed, pretty after every hot message she sends, she gets cold. Once I message her regarding a couple days next week, I'll either get no response, a response days later, or she'll say she's actually not free next week. This thread has detailed her sudden...shifts.

[Whirling D]

3 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

You've missed the last few pages. Look at the last text snapshot I uploaded. It took her days for her to respond and mention Sunday as a time she was available.

I would love to nail something down for next week but as the last text imagine upload I showed, pretty after every hot message she sends, she gets cold. Once I message her regarding a couple days next week, I'll either get no response, a response days later, or she'll say she's actually not free next week. This thread has detailed her sudden...shifts.

Who the F cares WHEN she offered you Sunday or a night this week? You have no idea why she took that amount of time, and why would it even really matter at this point?  You.  Are. Just. Getting. Go. Know. Her.

What’s stoping you from saying… “Hey! Sunday sounds great, what time and where?“ Or, “nice to hear from you! Which night this week is good for you and where do you wanna go?“

your responses to her tossed it back into her court. That seems passive. Somewhat disinterested. Not clear. It’s likely sending her almost the same kind of cloudy signals that you say she’s sending you.  That’s my read on it. That’s how I would interpret your responses.

Double heart at the end of her message? Crap! Doesn’t seem too unclear to me. She would enjoy seeing you. Now go effing see her!

[catfeeder]

13 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

Who the F cares WHEN she offered you Sunday or a night this week? You have no idea why she took that amount of time, and why would it even really matter at this point?  You.  Are. Just. Getting. Go. Know. Her.

What’s stoping you from saying… “Hey! Sunday sounds great, what time and where?“ Or, “nice to hear from you! Which night this week is good for you and where do you wanna go?“

your responses to her tossed it back into her court. That seems passive. Somewhat disinterested. Not clear. It’s likely sending her almost the same kind of cloudy signals that you say she’s sending you.  That’s my read on it. That’s how I would interpret your responses.

Double heart at the end of her message? Crap! Doesn’t seem too unclear to me. She would enjoy seeing you. Now go effing see her!

Yep. Once again you’re hearing from the guy who’s interested woman never texted at the pace or the imagined urgency or context he would have preferred.

You can either talk yourself back into your comfort hole of nobody-understands-poor-me, or you can propose two nights you’re available before she books them elsewhere.

Head high, you can do this.