Was she just being nice or...

[TheLambOfDeth]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I'm not gonna argue or debate you about this Lamb nor will I invalidate your experiences.

I voiced an opinion based on MY experiences and the experiences of women I know and associate with. 

You and the women you know aren't all women. I don't meet you and the women you know in my life, I meet the women that think I'm too ugly to talk to. Those are the women here, those are the opinions that matter, that I have to face.

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

You are free to dismiss it and carry on believing your ugly.  It seems to be serving you in some way and that's fine.

Yes, bc literally all the women available in my location think I'm ugly, and won't give me a shot...but somehow I'm supposed to think all those hundreds or thousands of women are wrong, even though they are the ones I have to talk to....Again, if everyone considers you ugly, you aren't the one making a choice. That's your life and reality, and you've no choice but to believe that. I cannot dismiss all women thinking I'm ugly...when I'm trying to get women....lol.

[kehratha]

4 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Again, if everyone calls you ugly, you aren't the one making a choice. 

Everyone, literally everyone calls you ugly?

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

You and the women you know aren't all women

Excuse me, but what?  I literally just posted it was MY opinion based on MY experiences.  And the experiences of women I know.  Not "all" women, geez. 

I also said I wasn't invalidating your experiences, I respect them and am sorry for it, and would appreciate if you would respect mine as well, it goes both ways mate.

 

 

[Whirling D]

26 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Who determines who's ugly?  You, me, the garbage man, grocery clerk, our own selves?

I don't think I have ever called or even felt anyone was 'ugly" in my whole life.  And I highly doubt even @TheLambOfDethis ugly.

HE believes he's ugly and that is the problem and is what stands in his way.  It's about low self esteem and feeling "less than".  Which reflects in the energy he projects to others including women and can be a turn off.

I've dated men who I considered HOT but my friends thought otherwise. One friend even commented "ewww you could do better." 

She is no longer my friend for other reasons, but the point is attractiveness is so subjective and if the energy is good and right can turn an "ugly" man (or woman) Into a God in some women's minds. 

Focus on your energy, the energy you project.  Energy trumps looks any day of the week and a man with a good positive energy can turn a less conventionally attractive man into the hottest man alive, it's happened to me and other women I know. 

There are many examples of this as well.

 

 

You know, rainbow, I don’t necessarily think it is about the energy you give forth.

I can say without a huge amount of doubt that I convey a very strong positive energy when I meet new people. I am smiling, and engaging, with a bright personality.

do you know where that has gotten me with all women in the last seven years, minus the doctor lady? Absolutely f-ing nowhere.  Zero. Nada. Nothing burger.

I say that with a little bit of a chuckle, because the tide has turned, I guess, but I can only imagine what will happen if the tide recedes again.  I will feel exactly as lame does, and have for the last 30 years.  
 

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

6 minutes ago, kehratha said:

Everyone, literally everyone calls you ugly?

None of the women I swipe on or send a message to ever replies. Not to a like, a superlike, a sincere, personalized message...nothing. And I send messages to some weird, different, unique looking women. And I read profiles to find women who have a commonality and shared interests before taking the time to write those messages, bc the messages always callback to their bio. And women literally never send me a like or a message or anything. So yes, pretty much every woman on multiple dating sites is telling me by the lack of response, attention, reciprocation, or lack of anything, that I'm not even worth a second look. It's hard to somehow think ALL those women are wrong, and you just happen to be not...really ugly. Not really possible to think that.

[Whirling D]

8 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

You and the women you know aren't all women. I don't meet you and the women you know in my life, I meet the women that think I'm too ugly to talk to. Those are the women here, those are the opinions that matter, that I have to face.

Yes, bc literally all the women available in my location think I'm ugly, and won't give me a shot...but somehow I'm supposed to think all those hundreds or thousands of women are wrong, even though they are the ones I have to talk to....Again, if everyone considers you ugly, you aren't the one making a choice. That's your life and reality, and you've no choice but to believe that. I cannot dismiss all women thinking I'm ugly...when I'm trying to get women....lol.

I have to say, I am now curious…

about a month ago, I was saying similar things, and someone dared me to post a photo so they could judge for themselves whether they thought I was unattractive to women…

I did that, and was actually surprised by the mixed response.  I had one lady on here actually private message me and thought I was a nice looking dude and couldn’t understand all of my problems meeting women.

then there was a lady that I still converse with on here that said I was an average looking dude… But all of them said that my attitude was cringe worthy. And I felt like that at the time.

when I have nothing to look forward to, no one in my circle, no one to make me feel that I am appreciated, at least outside of myself, then I tend to become very negative and angry, and I sense it is the same for you.

so, I’d be interested to see what you look like, and I can almost assure you, that I doubt I would call you ugly. I doubt I would think you are ugly.

for one, if I understand correctly, you come from an entirely different racial ancestry than most of us that are on here… You may actually, similar to me, be a bird of a different flock. I definitely feel that way where I am. To me, I feel like I look different, speak different, think differently, and therefore, I feel like I am stereotyped and marginalized because of it. 

so, I get it…

with all that said… Call the stinking art lady!

[Whirling D]

4 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

None of the women I swipe on or send a message to ever replies. Not to a like, a superlike, a sincere, personalized message...nothing. And I send messages to some weird, different, unique looking women. And I read profiles to find women who have a commonality and shared interests before taking the time to write those messages, bc the messages always callback to their bio. And women literally never send me a like or a message or anything. So yes, pretty much every woman on multiple dating sites is telling me by the lack of response, attention, reciprocation, or lack of anything, that I'm not even worth a second look. It's hard to somehow think ALL those women are wrong, and you just happen to be not...really ugly. Not really possible to think that.

I was getting absolutely no response on dating sites, as well, exactly as you are describing. At least, no one that I was even remotely interested in, almost exactly as you are describing.

I wrote literally hundreds of thoughtful, engaged, often silly messages to women. Many that I thought would be in a very similar wheel house to myself… Not. One. Single. Reply.

but you know what? I don’t consider myself ugly. I just consider myself different. I think that’s a major consideration for you. I suspect that you would not be ugly, at least by my definition, or likely even most people. You may be different, and have a different look. But that doesn’t mean you’re ugly. That’s a very different distinction. 

i’ve never felt ugly, so I haven’t had to battle that, but I have felt weird, at least in terms of what other people thought.  That’s been a big liability.

so, I don’t really know what my point is, other than to say that I can empathize with what you are experiencing.

however, I very highly doubt that most people I know would consider you ugly. Different, maybe? Not ugly. That might be a narrative worth considering changing.  Using positive language, positive reinforcement. I do find that helpful.

i’ll tell you another brief anecdote if you’re interested in reading.  About 10 years ago, in my chosen career, I found myself with a boss that I knew disliked me. There was no good reason, other than things she created in her head. And she micromanaged my career, to a certain extent, at least enough to keep her feeling secure that I wasn’t going to get her into trouble.

I had to walk into that building day after day feeling like a complete misfit, and that I could actually get fired at any moment. This went on for quite a few years, and guess what, that eventually basically happened, more or less.  I lost my career there at her hands.

but while it was happening, I had to soothe myself by chanting for the last five or 10 minutes of my ride… “I am a good person, and a decent fellow, and I bring good things to the kids that I work with who care about me and value what I have to offer… Don’t let this lady convince you otherwise, because you are worth way more than what she is making you feel“

that did help. I don’t know how this kind of anecdote would be helpful to you, but at least at that point, it helped me change the narrative, if even only a little bit, and allowed me to walk into that building with my head held high, until she found some other reason to push me out the door. But that’s another whole story.   
 

A lot of people on here said quite often that maybe people like you and I just need to find our own community. Where could that be for you?

[rainbowsandroses]

38 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

38 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

one lady on here actually private messaged me and thought I was a nice looking dude and couldn’t understand all of my problems meeting women.

there was a lady that I still converse with on here that said I was an average looking dude… But all of them said that my attitude was cringe worthy. And I felt like that at the time.

when I have nothing to look forward to, no one in my circle, no one to make me feel that I am appreciated, at least outside of myself, then I tend to become very negative and angry.

What's bolded is what I meant by bad energy and is a turn off no matter what you look like.

My advice for anyone really is get off the dating apps.  No one I know is successful on them.  Sadly they actually bring people down and can cause them to become jaded, bitter and angry. 

I have heard this from both conventionally attractive men and less conventionally attractive men.  

Women too although I do admit women have more options based on the number of messages they receive. 

I do applaud Lamb for getting out there in the real world, volunteering. And look what happened?  He's made who HE considers to be a friend, but who obviously doesn't believe he's "ugly" as he believes himself to be.  Otherwise she would not be socializing and interacting with him the way she has been. 

"Ugly" is repulsive and people tend to run from "repulsive," not ask them to scoot over to their side to be closer, invite them to parties, etc. 

Who knows what might develop?  Best to stay positive and allow it to play out. 

But the dating apps?  No thank you, they serve absolutely no good or worthwhile purpose imo. 

[TheLambOfDeth]

29 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

I have to say, I am now curious…

about a month ago, I was saying similar things, and someone dared me to post a photo so they could judge for themselves whether they thought I was unattractive to women…

I did that, and was actually surprised by the mixed response.  I had one lady on here actually private message me and thought I was a nice looking dude and couldn’t understand all of my problems meeting women.

Most people aren't going to flat-out tell someone they believe they're ugly...even on an internet forum. People demonstrate more with their actions than their words. I've had women irl tell me I wasn't ugly...but it's always gfs of my friends or taken women...it's never single women looking to meet someone. It's always about actions. if I wasn't ugly, then weird, unique, different looking women would show interest, the same way average women show interest in average men.

29 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

then there was a lady that I still converse with on here that said I was an average looking dude… But all of them said that my attitude was cringe worthy. And I felt like that at the time.

Is my attitude the greatest? No, not at all. But attitude is an issue if you have bad conversations, bad dates, or bad interactions with women. If you can't even get to the point of a woman wanting to talk to you to even display your attitude or personality, it's bc you're too ugly to even meet her threshold. I can't even get to the point where my attitude is my issue lol.

29 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

when I have nothing to look forward to, no one in my circle, no one to make me feel that I am appreciated, at least outside of myself, then I tend to become very negative and angry, and I sense it is the same for you.

Of course. I would imagine that's the case for most people.

29 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

so, I’d be interested to see what you look like, and I can almost assure you, that I doubt I would call you ugly. I doubt I would think you are ugly.

I don't mean this in a mean, rude, flippant, or condescending way, but bc you can't relay tone on text, that's how it will sound. But to preface, respectfully, it doesn't matter if you think I'm ugly or not. Tbh it doesn't matter if I think I'm ugly. Women do, and they've demonstrated this ad nauseam...and if you're trying to find a woman, their opinion is the only one that really matters in this regard. If they think I'm ugly, and I want to find a woman, well...then...not much I can do. They have spoken.

29 minutes ago, Whirling D said:

for one, if I understand correctly, you come from an entirely different racial ancestry than most of us that are on here… You may actually, similar to me, be a bird of a different flock. I definitely feel that way where I am. To me, I feel like I look different, speak different, think differently, and therefore, I feel like I am stereotyped and marginalized because of it. 

so, I get it…

It's not like I exclusively message non-black women. I message and send likes to all kinds of women, so that shouldn't matter as much. But just beyond that, yea I'm different af. My likes, interests, the way I feel...it's foreign to most people, well beyond race. I feel like I'm from a different era or planet half the time and that makes it that much easier to expect to be able to develop a connection with someone. And yes, the stereotypes and minimization never helps. Still, you're white, so it'll never be the same for a myriad of reasons in terms of expectations, assumptions, biases, preconceptions, stigmas, exclusions, and prejudiced, but I'm sure you have some understanding of my situation. But I digress, bc race isn't the important aspect here.

Quote

with all that said… Call the stinking art lady!

Like I already said, I'm not reaching out again. She only sent three emojis to the last message I sent, I'm not going to ask her to meet me again. She said she hopes I come out more often, and I told her to keep me in the loop, and she hasn't really said anything since. The ball is in her court. It's 2023, if she's interested, she can reach out, too.

[TheLambOfDeth]

29 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

My advice for anyone really is get off the dating apps.  No one I know is successful on them.  Sadly they actually bring people down and can cause them to become jaded, bitter and angry. 

If you're not attractive, introverted, and socially anxious, aside from bars, there's no way to actually meet women that's deemed socially acceptable. Everyone in my age group uses OLD or SM to meet people. 

29 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I do applaud Lamb for getting out there in the real world, volunteering. And look what happened?  He's made who HE considers to be a friend, but who obviously doesn't believe he's "ugly" as he believes himself to be.

How do you know that?...She hasn't kissed me or grab my hand or something. She's just been nice to me bc I volunteer for her. What does that have to do with looks? People aren't statically nice to ugly people who work for them? Nothing she's done has constituted anything belief beyond "I'm being nice to the person and their looks play no factor into my behavior". A possible friend who's nice to me is cool...it's great. But it's not a chance at a partner, or even a real date or opportunity.

[Batya33]

There were many men I found very very good looking -even hot -and I didn't respond to their messages on dating sites and there were many men I found not that attractive who I did.  I don't think what you wrote shows anything at all about whether you are "ugly" or not.

[TheLambOfDeth]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 I don't think what you wrote shows anything at all about whether you are "ugly" or not.

Yes, having thousands of women on several different apps never reply, reciprocate, or message you...for years has no correlation to your looks at all. Sure. I'm not even going to argue. Somehow your experience as one person has more merit than and literally invalidates thousands of users on several platforms...

[Batya33]

Just now, TheLambOfDeth said:

Yes, having thousands of women on several different apps never reply, reciprocate, or message you...for years has no correlation to your looks at all. Sure. I'm not even going to argue.

Correlation without causation.  You also wrote words on a profile, you're also assuming those women were women, single, the age they put (as opposed to much younger/much older) etc - you have no idea. You don't know if they want a smoker, someone who has children, someone who is divorced like them. Here are reasons I declined to respond to men:

They weren't at least college educated

They posted photos of their cars or dogs (and were in love with one or both lol)

They didn't specify they were looking for marriage and family -and in the not too distant future. 

They had long hair or tattoos or posted photos to show off muscles or wearing inappropriate clothing or little clothing.

They had kids.

They were separated and not yet divorced.

I knew of them and/or they had dated a friend/been married to a friend.

Their interests didn't align with mine -like they wanted to travel the world for the next few years/they were heavily into sports/they were focused on partying/they wanted to relocate soon/wanted to live in the suburbs ASAP or be a homeowner in the burbs or move to a rural area

Smokers.

My list isn't exhaustive- a woman who is looking for a potentially serious relationship likely has a similar list.  Or longer.  Women who are looking to hook up and/or not really looking just curiously browsing might focus on physical features more.  Might.

 

 

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You don't know if they want a smoker, someone who has children, someone who is divorced like them.

That's what bios are for, that's what profiles are for, that's what conversation is for. You're doing more projecting and again speaking on your experience personally, as if it's indicative of all women. All women aren't like that. I am speaking on the women I've seen on the apps. Some women have vast standards, some don't. The obvious point I'm making is I didn't message a few women, I messaged basically all the women who's criteria I theoretically fit. I didn't message women who were doctors or lawyers, conservative or who were super hot...I messaged women that, provided the information they provided on their profile, I had several, serval things in common with. Okcupid especially is very detailed and you can answer hundreds of questions and there are huge swathes available for bios. You don't have to do all the guesswork you're mentioning bc women are very transparent with what they're seeking. They mention height, race, income, education, children, etc requirements. All of that is usually mentioned so I know before I even think of sending a message, This isn't like the early days of dating apps, they're much more sophisticated...and shallow.

And I messaged THOUSANDS. On several profiles. I don't think you really comprehend the time and effort, and money that requires. To do that, and never get ANYTHING. Maybe just try, try to imagine doing that, over and over and over, while everyone can manage to get something there. While having no options, no dates, no opportunities and try and tell yourself "I'm not ugly"...Just maybe try and think about that...

[Batya33]

Just now, TheLambOfDeth said:

That's what bios are for, that's what profiles are for, that's what conversation is for. You're doing more projecting and again speaking on your experience personally, as if it's indicative of all women. All women aren't like that. I am speaking on the women I've seen on the apps. Some women have vast standards, some don't. The obvious point I'm making is I didn't message a few women, I messaged basically all the women who's criteria I theoretically fit. I didn't message women who were doctors or lawyers, conservative or who were super hot...I messaged women that, provided the information they provided on their profile, I had several, serval things in common with. Okcupid especially is very detailed and you can answer hundreds of questions and there are huge swathes available for bios. You don't have to do all the guesswork you're mentioning bc women are very transparent with what they're seeking. They mention height, race, income, education, children, etc requirements. All of that is usually mentioned so I know before I even think of sending a message, This isn't like the early days of dating apps, they're much more sophisticated...and shallow.

And I messaged THOUSANDS. On several profiles. I don't think you really comprehend the time and effort, and money that requires. To do that, and never get ANYTHING. Maybe just try, try to imagine doing that, over and over and over, while everyone can manage to get something there. While having no options, no dates, no opportunities and try and tell yourself "I'm not ugly"...Just maybe try and think about that...

Profiles are just words -you have no idea if you fit their criteria, if that is real criteria, a real profile etc etc.  I'd stop this  analysis that defies common sense.  I contacted hundreds of men.  I didn't pay attention to who responded or who did not.

[TheLambOfDeth]

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

  A lot of people on here said quite often that maybe people like you and I just need to find our own community. Where could that be for you?

I thought it would be the art scene and the place I was volunteering at...

[TheLambOfDeth]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I didn't pay attention to who responded or who did not.

You would if none of them ever did. That's my point. Bc some men were responding and some men were taking the initiative to send you messages first, you didn't have to notice who did or didn't respond bc you always had attention and options. That demonstrates how you don't really understand...bc you can't. Most people can't understand having literally nothing. Idk why people think it's wrong or w/e to simply say "I cannot understand". There is no badge given for believing you know where someone who has it exponentially worse is coming from lol

[rainbowsandroses]

36 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

How do you know that?...She hasn't kissed me or grab my hand or something. She's just been nice to me bc I volunteer for her.

First off, I edited my last post with this, perhaps you missed the edit.

"Ugly" is repulsive and people tend to run from "repulsive," not ask them to scoot over to their side to be closer, invite them to parties, etc."

That said, again I am not here to debate you.  I respect your opinion and your experiences. 

You created a thread I would assume to gather opinions and different perspectives?  Well, I am providing mine. 

I am NOT saying she is attracted to you or wants to date you.  Only she knows that. 

All I'm saying is that at the very least she doesn't find you "ugly" for the reason posted above in italics copied from my previous post. 

MY opinion, take or leave.  Not here to argue about it, thank you.  

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

You would if none of them ever did. That's my point. Bc some men were responding and some men were taking the initiative to send you messages first, you didn't have to notice who did or didn't respond bc you always had attention and options. That demonstrates how you don't really understand...bc you can't. Most people can't understand having literally nothing. Idk why people think it's wrong or w/e to simply say "I cannot understand". There is no badge given for believing you know where someone who has it exponentially worse is coming from lol

Oh I do understand from the perspective of being in my 30s and feeling quite often like I had nothing meaning no husband or baby and being surrounded with , bombarded with , drowning in, women who were my peers and in my so called league and also professionals and educated and blah blah blah and somehow they found the one and they conceived a baby or adopted and it seemed at times so incredibly unfair to keep going to weddings and baby and bridal showers and trekking to the burbs to be the single gal entertaining the little ones.

I enjoyed so much of it but wow 100% I know how it feels to feel like you have nothing and everyone else does and it seems like it was so easy for them to find what is so incredibly elusive and out of one’s reach.

And I didn’t give a crap that men responded to me.  I didn’t want responses from random men I didn’t need that sort of attention. I still don’t

Knowing there were zero guarantees and that life isn’t fair . I wanted to find a husband I loved and was passionate about and wasn’t settling for  and have the opportunity to quiet my ticking biological clock and get a shot at conceiving a child. So as many many others have written on this thread your clarion call of you just don’t get it because —- fill in the blank - with all due respect you could not be more writing. 

[TheLambOfDeth]

I remembered that during the after-party she invited me to a dance party that was going to be the next day. I said I'd considered it, but never really responded. So I did text her yesterday and ask if she wanted to "reschedule" the other place I mentioned before for sometime nxt week. I sent that at 4:00 yesterday...no response yet.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

I remembered that during the after-party she invited me to a dance party that was going to be the next day. I said I'd considered it, but never really responded. So I did text her yesterday and ask if she wanted to "reschedule" the other place I mentioned before for sometime nxt week. I sent that at 4:00 yesterday...no response yet.

So you waited all this time to follow up and now you're keeping score as to when she responds?

[TheLambOfDeth]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So you waited all this time to follow up and now you're keeping score as to when she responds???

You're right...I'm trying to be better. I should've said something, but I have a thing about not wanting to be a bother. That's what prevents me from replying sooner. And I'm just anxious when I don't get a quick reply. But I'm not going to assume the worst this time.

[Batya33]

5 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

You're right...I'm trying to be better. I should've said something, but I have a thing about not wanting to be a bother. That's what prevents me from replying sooner. And I'm just anxious when I don't get a quick reply. But I'm not going to assume the worst this time.

In this case don't "try" -do it -meaning own your choices "I chose not to follow up within an appropriate period of time so therefore I won't focus on how long she takes to respond-if ever." 

I chose not to follow up with a woman who wants to meet me in person - she texted me 3 months after I suggested we should meet up "can you meet this week?" I told her I couldn't but gave her two dates the following week where- work permitting -I could.  Her response was not to pick either but said I could text her after the weekend. I did one more time - told her now those dates were no longer workable and to let me know if she'd be in my neighborhood and I might be able to meet last minute, otherwise I'd know more in about a week. 

She replied "no worries" and also didn't respond to my inquiry as to where she lived.  So I dropped it -overall I find her responses lukewarm and therefore I weigh that as far as whether I'm putting in more effort. In a different situation I might have reached out one more time.  I'm a busy person -no time for lukewarm with rare exception.  Your person is very busy too and she's made a big effort to get to know you better. 

I do this fairly often since I do try to meet new people in my city since I spent my first 43 years straight in the city I grew up in.  But I don't waste my time on lukewarm.  Your follow up IMO is lukewarm/disinterest so please don't fault her if she chooses not to respond at all or responds at her convenience.  

[TheLambOfDeth]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

In this case don't "try" -do it -meaning own your choices "I chose not to follow up within an appropriate period of time so therefore I won't focus on how long she takes to respond-if ever." 

I chose not to follow up with a woman who wants to meet me in person - she texted me 3 months after I suggested we should meet up "can you meet this week?" I told her I couldn't but gave her two dates the following week where- work permitting -I could.  Her response was not to pick either but said I could text her after the weekend. I did one more time - told her now those dates were no longer workable and to let me know if she'd be in my neighborhood and I might be able to meet last minute, otherwise I'd know more in about a week. 

She replied "no worries" and also didn't respond to my inquiry as to where she lived.  So I dropped it -overall I find her responses lukewarm and therefore I weigh that as far as whether I'm putting in more effort. In a different situation I might have reached out one more time.  I'm a busy person -no time for lukewarm with rare exception.  Your person is very busy too and she's made a big effort to get to know you better. 

I do this fairly often since I do try to meet new people in my city since I spent my first 43 years straight in the city I grew up in.  But I don't waste my time on lukewarm.  Your follow up IMO is lukewarm/disinterest so please don't fault her if she chooses not to respond at all or responds at her convenience.  

Perhaps...but I replied later out of respect, not disinterest. If was was someone I met on a dating app, I've be more attentive bc I'd know she was interested and the dynamic is different, but I'm trying to respect puesdo work boundaries. I've never been lukewarm to any time she's texted me or asked or mentioned something.

[Batya33]

Just now, TheLambOfDeth said:

Perhaps...but I replied later out of respect, not disinterest. If was was someone I met on a dating app, I've be more attentive, but I'm trying to respect puesdo work boundaries. I've never been lukewarm to any time she's texted me or asked or mentioned something.

It's disrespectful IMO to not respond to an invitation -and then expect the person to respond promptly to you - certainly there are instances where you tell the person if it's unusual "I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner.  It seemed like you were going to be very busy in the coming weeks so I figured I should wait."

People aren't mind readers especially with typing.  I recently set up two friends virtually -he travels to our city regularly and she was fine with the long distance component.  I regularly introduce people and I will not be the go between after. He told me they spoke and as a "gentleman" he gave her his contact info and said she should call him and he'd love to talk again -he didn't ask for hers as he is a "gentleman."  He didn't tell her this was why.  He then told me after a couple of days he hadn't heard from her (they are in their 60s). 

I told him if it were me I'd never call.  With rare exception especially since there was no plan to meet. I would expect the man to call me to talk again and perhaps talk about when meeting up could be possible -when he is traveling again to our city.  I suggested he message her on Linkedin again when he is making plans to visit our city and reach out to see if she is interested in meeting.  But to him the ball is in her court and he would find it pushy/intrusive to ask for her cell number.

This defies common sense from my perspective but since I don't wish to be involved I told him to do what he feels comfortable with.  She's a spunky, smart, independent, professional woman and when it comes to dating my sense is she would react same as me. 

Just like your person - she's obviously a leader type, and social and a good communicator and I would suspect when it comes to dating or getting to know a man she is accustomed to the man stepping up and stepping up reliably. And she has already shown so much effort to get to know you -she's no wallflower. 

You don't want to be a "bother" but then you turn around and get judgey of the person you are so adamant about being "appropriate with".  I'm glad you notice that.