Was she just being nice or...

[TheLambOfDeth]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

She didn’t cancel. She wanted to reschedule. What you wrote is my point. It’s all about perspective and mindset. Not just with dating. 

People who actually want to reschedule, actually offer an alternative day/time.

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Whirling D said:

Well, there is a bit of a difference, and I hope Lamb is still reading… (although he may be turned off by a lot of the comments… And I wouldn’t blame him).

The biggest part that is different between our stories, is that I took the shots. That’s what he needs to do. I still agree with much of his philosophy, because I’ve lived it, just like he has.

I gave you guys anecdote after anecdote as to why I believed what I did, and most of it is unrefutable. So, in that regard, I can completely relate to what he’s talking about.

but if he doesn’t take the shot, how can he land any kind of possibility with this lady? I didn’t think it was possible that I would meet somebody that I like. I still scratch my head and feel like saying things to her to question why in the world she says she likes me, and to beg her not to break my heart. Because that’s been the way the world has been for me for most of my adult life. 

I’m guessing lamb has already conceded his defeat, although I certainly hope that’s not the case.

Great! You can split those hairs with Lamb all you want, and I hope it’s truly helpful to both of you.

This doesn’t come from someone who is ‘against’ either of you. I sincerely hope for best outcomes for both of you, and I look forward to celebrating any and all stepping stones as you can each prove yourselves to be far more resilient and open minded than either of you would have fathomed.

Great work so far, I’m on your side. I just want to avoid the kind of support that only gets rejected in favor of doubling down on talking yourselves out of your real capabilities.

EnjOy!

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

People who actually want to reschedule, actually offer an alternative day/time.

She invited you to a party. As an alternative.  

[Jaunty]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

OP lose the attitude that “everyone” else has it “easier “ when if comes to finding dates, a relationship, let alone “the one”.  

It's actually deeply offensive.  All it speaks to, in reality, is a profound sense of entitlement.  There can't possibly be anything they could do.  The odds are stacked against them, the world is unfair, other men are ***s, women are superficial beasts, the poor fellows are faultless. Any suggestions are rudely dismissed. 

Meanwhile, some of these suggestions are being offered by people who are sitting in a wheelchair, are recovering from a bereavement, etc.   People who really are dealing with something profound that is fully beyond their control.

[TheLambOfDeth]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

She invited you to a party. As an alternative.  

She invited me to an after party, that was work related, that she was already going to, anyway. It wasn't an alternative it was being polite.

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

She invited me to an after party, that was work related, that she was already going to, anyway. It wasn't an alternative it was being polite.

Why not allow for the possibility that you don't know what is going on in another person's mind?  

[WaywardKiwi]

11 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

In the same way she didn't owe me honestly by just saying she wasn't interested in coffee in the first place, or she didn't owe me her time to get coffee, I don't owe her an explanation about not going back there

I think you misunderstood my advice. It wasnt about what you owe her, but rather you living up to your own standards. Unless Im mistaken, and you think ghosting is acceptable. 

[TheLambOfDeth]

14 minutes ago, WaywardKiwi said:

I think you misunderstood my advice. It wasnt about what you owe her, but rather you living up to your own standards. Unless Im mistaken, and you think ghosting is acceptable. 

It doesn't matter if it's acceptable, it happens regardless. If women ghost me, then its only fair I do the same. And it's not even ghosting in this instance. It's just taking a hint.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Nah, you're not understanding..  You're misreading . You're crating a narrative in your head.You're doing way too much projecting and assuming here. The only consistent theme is I'm never going to date, whether I want to or not. 

It would probably help to detox from the the incels rhetoric and propaganda. You seem deeply entrenched in their style of combativeness  and skewed logic.  You could set yourself free from this cycle of self-defeating thoughts.

 

[WaywardKiwi]

1 hour ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

It doesn't matter if it's acceptable, it happens regardless. If women ghost me, then its only fair I do the same. And it's not even ghosting in this instance. It's just taking a hint.

Perhaps I misread your thread, did this woman not invite you to an event? If you stop contacting her doesnt that constitute ghosting?

[Kwothe28]

Sorry, been busy a lot to respond in a long form, so will do it now

On 6/1/2023 at 7:29 PM, TheLambOfDeth said:

Well then if they don't understand, don't pretend to. Don't give me advice meant for other people when you can't even comprehend my issue, then get mad at me and make assumptions, and gaslight me when your incorrect advice doesn't work. Literally, all it does is frustrates, It doesn't help.

And the difference is: I don't do that. I don't go into threads made by women and attempt to give them advice. Ever. I don't pretend to understand, and I'm self-aware enough to not project and gaslight them based on my own experiences, like many people who want to "give advice" about things they don't understand wind up doing. So I avoid those threads.

 I dont think you understand most people here are here to help. Maybe their advice doesnt resonate with you or you think its not helpful. But they are not here to gaslight you. Most of advices you received are helpful. Just because you refuse them, doesnt mean they are not helpful and useful.

On 6/1/2023 at 7:29 PM, TheLambOfDeth said:

But those women are single bc they keep making the same shallow, decisions, I'm single bc I wasn't born hot enough and I don't make enough money...even though I'm not even going after hot or beautiful women. It's like comparing the "problem" of not choosing the perfect restaurant for dinner to literal starvation. One is your own fault, the other is a real problem.

That's toxic, shallow behavior, and the choice is in their hand. And those women have an easy solution: don't be vapid. It's their own fault for being shallow and only going after the most hot and charismatic men, and not giving anyone else a chance. If you're a woman, maybe don't exclusively choose the Zac Effron lookalikes that has dozens of women lusting over him. At least don't expect him to settle down and only date you, when you know he won't bc you only date men that look like that, and this has already happened dozens of times and you know those men have all the options and yet you wonder why every man you choose, uses you. Maybe don't blame "all men" when you only consider the top 10% and aren't even giving other guys a second look...Just say "all the hot ones bc I'm too shallow to give other men a shot".

Maybe don't ignore the legions of other guys who wouldn't cheat and would actually be decent just bc they don't look like a supermodel? No, but instead just blame all men bc you're addicted to chasing only the top 10% and expecting them to be different. It's literal insanity. Sure it's a "problem" but a self-inflicted one, and not a REAL problem such as literally having NO OPTIONS AT ALL.

But there is no difference. At the end of the day you are both single. By your own choices. They engage with players and end up single and you dont engage with anyone because you believe its futile. So at the end of the day you both are single. Also, you are acting like only those 10% exist. Those 10% maybe attract more women based on looks, stature and everything else. But there are plenty of men who get into relationships and get married. And most of them are just average. Not everybody can be pretty, rich, have stature etc. That is reserved for top percent. You will maybe never have a bundle of women drooling over you. But you can attract some women. That should be more then enough if they are the right match for you.

On 6/1/2023 at 7:29 PM, TheLambOfDeth said:

I've literally had the discussion with a friend before. They're the only ones who get what they want. Yes, it's women that give them the power, bc they're literally the only men women consider. They perpetuate the cycle. Men get ignored or ghosted by women bc they have too many options and they bolt once Chad comes along, and women get ghosted by the Richard Madden looking guy bc she thinks she can "change him" and doesn't want anyone who doesn't look as good. Please tell me how these problems are fair? Or even comparable? lol. But somehow we're supposed to pretend they are...

That is what I mean by you not understanding the other side either. They have their own problems and you have yours. Just because you think your own struggles are tougher, doesnt mean theirs are not. Also you need to be way less bitter toward the other side. Just as those women shouldnt hate all men you need to not hate all women just because some woman decided for somebody else. It doesnt do you any favors and it lead you to bitterness you are experiencing now. If you want to date you need to look at it in a way healthier ways. Just say "Its OK, some other woman would appreciate what I offer". 

On 6/1/2023 at 7:29 PM, TheLambOfDeth said:

Dude, I'm not asking for as many opportunities as anyone else, let alone a Chad. I'm not asking for hot women, or gorgeous beautiful women or anything. I'm not asking for women to compliment me or hit on me or ask me out or any of that. I'm just asking for opportunities with women that aren't grotesquely ugly. That's all. And that wasn't a "little try".  After volunteering multiple times at a woman's venue, after trying to just meet for casual drinks, all I got was a pity invite to her event party, that she was already going to. So the best I can get is a pity invite, not even casual drinks, with a semi-work acquaintance......yeah. I have no shot at a woman ever being remotely into me. Maybe if I start trying now I can get a real date by the close of the decade. It's just hopeless tbh.

I think you are looking at it the wrong way. If she didnt wanted to see you, she would say "No" to date and not even offer the alternatie. Its not a pity invite, if you are so repulsive to her, you wouldnt even get invited at all. She wanted you there. And you should have used that opportunity to get to know her better and maybe get some 1on1 time with her. Sadly, you took her invite so tragically that you cant see that she wouldnt be inviting you if she doesnt like you at least in some sense. 

Also, I am sorry but you are suppose to do what you did with her, only in way bigger scales. Meaning meeting new people, hanging out, calling on dates if there is something there etc. That is how you would maybe get some woman to see you as "boyfriend material". Do you know how many times me or any other man here or in real life, got unaswered messages, turning down dates invitations, even disasterous situations about the dates? More then you can count probably. Because what are you suppose to do? You just roll with the punches and move on. And next time some woman will answer your message, say yes to a date and be with you eventually.

On 6/1/2023 at 7:29 PM, TheLambOfDeth said:

More than likely there's nothing to say...it kinda is what is it and at some point, you have to accept that. Everyone has some anecdotal person they know like that but, at the end of the day, I can't do what those people do, and women don't react to me in the same way. It's different. I don't get chances I don't get opportunities...ever. I can't spontaneously conjure confidence out of nowhere when they're never a semblance of reason to. It's a nice mantra to have, but if none of them ever seem remotely interested, it's kinda hard to think otherwise.

But that is the thing, you can and must if you want to attract somebody. You are suppose to approach women, take their number, call on date etc. You need to be willing to do all that stuff in order for you to date. Is it exhausting? Sure. Will you be rejected sometimes? Sure. But it is what you are suppose to be doing. You cant know if some of them are interested when you didnt put yourself into spotlight and at least try. Not everybody will get opportunities and chances out of the blue. Most of us had to fight for ours. And you should be willing to fight for yours.

On 6/1/2023 at 7:29 PM, TheLambOfDeth said:

I don't think those women exist tbh...

You literally had woman say "yes" to your date invite. And even calling you to an afterparty. But you still refuse to believe there are women in the world, even close to you, that can like you. You need to believe that you have something to offer out there. If you dont believe that, then women wont believe that either. All of that comes from you, not from those women. If you believe that you have something to offer and present yourself in that way, they would believe it too. Its sad that you bought into doomer rethoric and think that you dont have something to offer and that there isnt somebody out there who would appreciate you. It really hinders your growth overall.

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

Perhaps I misread your thread, did this woman not invite you to an event? If you stop contacting her doesnt that constitute ghosting?

I think in the Cult of Incel, "ghosting" is perfectly fine if a man does it to a woman.   

According to that  crew, we are supposedly entitled to women as our birthright.  

Also women aren't really individual humans, so if one of them caused us some type of discomfort, the entire population is liable for our bitter revenge.

It's very convenient to never need to take personal responsibility for anything.  Unfortunately these guys are potentially dangerous.

 

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

13 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I think in the Cult of Incel, "ghosting" is perfectly fine if a man does it to a woman.   

According to that  crew, we are supposedly entitled to women as our birthright.  

Also women aren't really individual humans, so if one of them caused us some type of discomfort, the entire population is liable for our bitter revenge.

It's very convenient to never need to take personal responsibility for anything. 

It's pretty hilarious that, unironically someone can basically say incels shouldn't treat all women the same or whatever, yet THEY'RE ALL assumed to do that, and ALL of them are referred to as some sick, demented evil hivemind. A biiiit hypocritical. No good can come from mentioning incels bc they're all men, and people are comfortable denigrating, insulting, and patronizing them while never even attempting to understand their viewpoint or consider they're not all a monolith. It's pretty sad bc if women had the problem incels did, people would be much more emphatic, listen and not just judge them without even interacting with them. It's just sad.

Quote

Unfortunately these guys are potentially dangerous.

Yeah, bc all the violent abusers, serial killers, wife beaters, manipulators, exploiters, assaulters, and killers of women are usually incels. Oh, wait, its usually high-status, attractive, socially calibrated, good-looking men actually with connections. Yet the incels who never leave the house and are afraid to even look at woman's general direction are somehow the "dangerous" ones who get all the blame. Not only never listened to, misunderstood, stereotyped, forgotten about by society, made the but of all jokes, but also blamed for things they almost literally never even do. And people wonder why incels are bitter...lol

[Jaunty]

7 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

It's pretty hilarious that, unironically someone can basically say incels shouldn't treat all women the same pr whatever, yet THEY'RE ALL referred to as some sick, demted evil hivemind. A biiiit hypocritical.  

Sorry, bruh, but no.  "Women" is a word that refers to group of humans comparable to "men." Those are designations of sex.   That has nothing to do with what the individual men and / or women think or believe.

"Incel" is a social / cultural designation.  Similar to a religion or a political affiliation.  Any of these groups have a common core of beliefs to which all members adhere to one extent or another.  

Unlike "men" or "women."  

Thanks for the opportunity to shine a little crack of light into the rancid darkness of the Incel dungeon.  You should try some more of it sometime. 

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

1 minute ago, Jaunty said:

Sorry, bruh, but no.  "Women" are a group of humans comparable to "men." Those are designations of sex.   That has nothing to do with what the individual men and / or women think or believe.

"Incel" is a social / cultural designation.  Similar to a religion or a political affiliation.  Any of these groups have a common core of beliefs to which all members adhere to one extent or another.  

Unlike "men" or "women."  

Thanks for the opportunity to shine a little crack of light into the rancid darkness of the Incel dungeon.  You should try some more of it sometime. 

lol this is so wrong it's not really work replying to.  But this is what happens when you get your information about people you don't even interact with from biased, hateful Reddit posts and misandric clickbait soapbox articles. So telling how cool and accepted it is to hate some people you don't even know for arbitrary reasons. 

[TheLambOfDeth]

3 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

Perhaps I misread your thread, did this woman not invite you to an event? If you stop contacting her doesnt that constitute ghosting?

She canceled the plans I made and told me about some after-party event the next day, last minute. 

Ghosting constitutes a lack of contact after someone else reaches out, when there was some semblance of a relationship or understand prior. She didn't reach out, it was just part of her cancellation.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Ghosting constitutes a lack of contact after someone else reaches out, when there was some semblance of a relationship or understand prior. She didn't reach out, it was just part of her cancellation.

I don't see it that way.  I see it when someone reaches out that requires a response and there is a longstanding friendship or relationship.  I'm not required to respond to an invitation from someone I don't know or know well -silence =lack of interest.  But if I arrange a plan with someone and then don't show up or follow up as promised to me that is akin to "ghosting" -or when a longstanding friend simply stops responding to messages that were routine -ends the friendship or dating relationship that way.

I think ghosting is incredibly overused and for bad reasons.

[WaywardKiwi]

9 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

She canceled the plans I made and told me about some after-party event the next day, last minute. 

Ghosting constitutes a lack of contact after someone else reaches out, when there was some semblance of a relationship or understand prior. She didn't reach out, it was just part of her cancellation.

If she only intended to cancel, why mention the after party at all? Didn't you say you think she intends to continue contact, even if only as friends or in a purely volunteer/supervisor capacity? If there is an expectation or intention of a continued friendship and you stop replying, that must be ghosting correct?

Also, I thought you liked this woman? From what I read, she seemed kind, friendly and has shared interest in art, and most importantly has been very understanding of your anxiety to date. In terms of negatives, perhaps she has not been direct with rejecting your offer (on your analysis), although she does seem to want to continue some form of contact. In other words, I would have thought, is if she suddenly message today and asked you out on a date, you would say yes. That being the case, if you treat her poorly or think less of her based on the rejection, that is intellectually dishonest. 

[Jaunty]

10 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

lol this is so wrong it's not really work replying to.  But this is what happens when you get your information about people you don't even interact with from biased, hateful Reddit posts and misandric clickbait soapbox articles. So telling how cool and accepted it is to hate some people you don't even know for arbitrary reasons. 

Do you have some compelling positive things to share about the Incel movement?  

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

 I dont think you understand most people here are here to help. Maybe their advice doesnt resonate with you or you think its not helpful. But they are not here to gaslight you. Most of advices you received are helpful. Just because you refuse them, doesnt mean they are not helpful and useful.

Good intentions + unapplicable advice still equates to bad advice.

Quote

But there is no difference. At the end of the day you are both single. By your own choices. They engage with players and end up single and you dont engage with anyone because you believe its futile. So at the end of the day you both are single. Also, you are acting like only those 10% exist. Those 10% maybe attract more women based on looks, stature and everything else. But there are plenty of men who get into relationships and get married. And most of them are just average. Not everybody can be pretty, rich, have stature etc. That is reserved for top percent. You will maybe never have a bundle of women drooling over you. But you can attract some women. That should be more then enough if they are the right match for you.

There is a massive difference. Firstly, those women are never single, they're just in a perpetual loop of being used by Chad and ignoring everyone else. But they're always seeing people and always have options. Thousands if they have access to a phone. I'm involuntaryily single. I have no choice. My only choice is to basically force myself to find women I'm not attracted to, attractive...and that's asking a lot as my standards are already low af. There is no choice for me. Again, choosing which 5* restaurant you prefer is a choice. That's basically the situation those women are in. I'm basically a vagabond not allowed into any restaurant. There is no choice, and there is a massive difference.

And 80% of women go for 20% of men. These days bc of the bloated standards and unreasonably high standards many women have (even many average women) to them, only those 10% of men exist. I'm not asking for or expecting the treatment the top-tier men get. I've said that numerous times, I'm not delusional. And I'm not asking for hot, gorgeous woman, either. I don't want, deserve, or have any delusions that I'd ever get that. All I want is chances with average, regular women. Just chances...but I might as well be asking for a date with a supermodel considering how difficult it seems.

Quote

That is what I mean by you not understanding the other side either. They have their own problems and you have yours. Just because you think your own struggles are tougher, doesnt mean theirs are not. Also you need to be way less bitter toward the other side. Just as those women shouldnt hate all men you need to not hate all women just because some woman decided for somebody else. It doesnt do you any favors and it lead you to bitterness you are experiencing now. If you want to date you need to look at it in a way healthier ways. Just say "Its OK, some other woman would appreciate what I offer". 

Literally everyone has problems, but problems aren't created equal. To someone having to choose between their Rolls Royce, Bently or Ferrari is a problem, for someone else just affording an Impala is a problem. They're both problems but they're not equal. Having too many options is always better than having none. Ask any woman complaining about how all her hot guys and why they won't commit if she would rather just be alone and never have any suitors, and literally none of them would choose that. No one would. I don't think my problems are worse, they objectively are. And it's hard not to be bitter with women, when none of them give you a chance. Not even consideration. It's very hard. How can you have the mindset that "some women" will appreciate what I have to offer, when literally none of them seem to, and virtually all women want the exact same thing these days? Things that aren't even possible for me to provide.

Quote

I think you are looking at it the wrong way. If she didnt wanted to see you, she would say "No" to date and not even offer the alternatie. Its not a pity invite, if you are so repulsive to her, you wouldnt even get invited at all. She wanted you there. And you should have used that opportunity to get to know her better and maybe get some 1on1 time with her. Sadly, you took her invite so tragically that you cant see that she wouldnt be inviting you if she doesnt like you at least in some sense. 

That's not how women are. I'm a 6'3 black dude who knows where she works. In her mind, I could be some crazed psycho stalker, so she's not going to outright just say no. Her "rescheduling" was a way to be polite in case I was an angry dude looking to hurt her bc she rejected me.

Quote

Also, I am sorry but you are suppose to do what you did with her, only in way bigger scales. Meaning meeting new people, hanging out, calling on dates if there is something there etc. That is how you would maybe get some woman to see you as "boyfriend material". Do you know how many times me or any other man here or in real life, got unaswered messages, turning down dates invitations, even disasterous situations about the dates? More then you can count probably. Because what are you suppose to do? You just roll with the punches and move on. And next time some woman will answer your message, say yes to a date and be with you eventually.

I'm 30 and an introvert. it's very difficult to just meet new groups of people and have them welcome me into the fold. It's not easy. I'm not a 22 YO at college who is around thousands of kids and people trying to make friends. It's a process and takes a lot just to find these sects of people willing to hang out with you that you have things in common with, let alone hope other single women among them, let alone they're actually remotely interested. 

Quote

But that is the thing, you can and must if you want to attract somebody. You are suppose to approach women, take their number, call on date etc. You need to be willing to do all that stuff in order for you to date. Is it exhausting? Sure. Will you be rejected sometimes? Sure. But it is what you are suppose to be doing. You cant know if some of them are interested when you didnt put yourself into spotlight and at least try. Not everybody will get opportunities and chances out of the blue. Most of us had to fight for ours. And you should be willing to fight for yours.

I'm ugly and uncharismatic, I cannot go up to random women and ask for their number. It's just not logistical. Approaching women is deemed rude or "creepy" these days if you don't look like Andrew Garfield. It's no longer socially acceptable. Not to mention you don't even know if she's single if she's attracted to you, if there's anything in common...anything. It's a shot in the dark. You have to look amazing, be super charming and confident, and establish an instant connection otherwise you're just going to get a fake # while she goes out with one of the thousands of guys on her phone she's actually interested in. I'd literally have better odds of purchasing a lottery ticket.

Quote

You literally had woman say "yes" to your date invite. And even calling you to an afterparty. But you still refuse to believe there are women in the world, even close to you, that can like you. You need to believe that you have something to offer out there. If you dont believe that, then women wont believe that either. All of that comes from you, not from those women. If you believe that you have something to offer and present yourself in that way, they would believe it too. Its sad that you bought into doomer rethoric and think that you dont have something to offer and that there isnt somebody out there who would appreciate you. It really hinders your growth overall.

She agreed and canceled. I can't even get a work acquaintance to get coffee with me. How could I believe I have anything any woman would be interested in when none of them are giving even the slightest of indications that that's true?? You cannot randomly believe something with no merit or goodwill, when women are constantly disproving this. If women were interested in anything I had, there would some indication. Some subtle hint of...something. I have things about myself I objectively appreciate, and have for a while, and no matter how much I do, women clearly don't agree and they keep demonstrating this. You keep talking about all this doomer stuff, doomer this, doomer that. No, it's simply me looking at my situation objectively. Women aren't interested in what I have to offer, and they let me know this time and time again. That's what hinders my growth.  Lack of interest, lack of options, lack of opportunity, lack of anything from women in any capacity.

[TheLambOfDeth]

2 hours ago, WaywardKiwi said:

If she only intended to cancel, why mention the after party at all? Didn't you say you think she intends to continue contact, even if only as friends or in a purely volunteer/supervisor capacity? If there is an expectation or intention of a continued friendship and you stop replying, that must be ghosting correct?

Also, I thought you liked this woman? From what I read, she seemed kind, friendly and has shared interest in art, and most importantly has been very understanding of your anxiety to date. In terms of negatives, perhaps she has not been direct with rejecting your offer (on your analysis), although she does seem to want to continue some form of contact. In other words, I would have thought, is if she suddenly message today and asked you out on a date, you would say yes. That being the case, if you treat her poorly or think less of her based on the rejection, that is intellectually dishonest. 

For full disclosure, I did wind up going to the after party as I had nothing better to do.. And it wasn't awful and I don't intended on ceasing contact with her

[lostandhurt]

6 pages and a 145+ posts on this thread and I cannot believe you all are still beating this dead horse.  This is all very cyclical.  I really don't see anyone getting through to the OP and yet just like his twin brother on the other extremely similar thread 🤔 somehow someway a woman has shown interest in him despite it all. 

 I don't know if any of this has helped or is enabling them.

 It may be entertaining on some level for some people but I find it sad.

 Lost

[Whirling D]

1 hour ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

For full disclosure, I did wind up going to the after party as I had nothing better to do.. And it wasn't awful and I don't intended on ceasing contact with her

What the heck? Good for you!

is “not intending to cease contact“ your roundabout way of saying that you would like to see her again, and could possibly be hopeful that you can see her again?

Tell us what happened!

[Whirling D]

4 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

6 pages and a 145+ posts on this thread and I cannot believe you all are still beating this dead horse.  This is all very cyclical.  I really don't see anyone getting through to the OP and yet just like his twin brother on the other extremely similar thread 🤔 somehow someway a woman has shown interest in him despite it all. 

 I don't know if any of this has helped or is enabling them.

 It may be entertaining on some level for some people but I find it sad.

 Lost

Somehow I don’t think we are twin brothers… He is 6 feet three black dude, and I am 5ft 8” feminine looking white dude… 😂

I agree with most of what he is saying… With the singular exception of whether he should continue to take his shot with this lady, which I believe he should. It may or may not pan out, but there’s nothing really to lose, because if he doesn’t take his shot, it will probably feel worse in the long run than at least trying.  Lady luck often favors the bold, but it is sometimes very hard to see it that way when lady luck hasn’t been anywhere to be found for a long time, which is what I can relate to very closely to what he has been saying all along.

his logic is fairly much spot on also. It’s hard for many of you to really understand what he’s been saying unless you’ve been directly in his kind of shoes, which I suspect many of you haven’t. You would have to be a guy that has been by himself for a while, has been lonely, and can’t find any kind of female attention if your life depends on it. I’ve had extended periods of time where my life reflected just that. So I get it, and I know exactly what he’s talking about. 

[WaywardKiwi]

45 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

For full disclosure, I did wind up going to the after party as I had nothing better to do.. And it wasn't awful and I don't intended on ceasing contact with her

Im glad to hear it, as the volunteering and social exposure seems to be a positive for you in working with anxiety, quite apart from any impact on your romantic situation. 

If you do intend to maintain contact and volunteering, I suggest you decide up front whether you would like to pursue something with this woman, or its better to develop a friendship. Neither path is right or wrong, however in my experience, harboring secret hope while navigating the so-called "friendzone" is not a healthy experience for anxiety sufferers. Thus, if you want to keep that door open, I would tell her directly that you like her a lot, and that if she is ever interested in a date to see if there is anything there, youd be keen, but you dont think its the best idea for you to hang out socially as friends. Alternatively, if you can let go of her as a romantic interest, and embrace true friendship, then it is a good chance to expand your social circle through her, and possible meet other women you may be interested in. You could even mention it, half jokingly, that if she has any great single friends to point them your way. 

In any case, move forward not backward and you will continue to get somewhere.