Am I the one that's selfish?....

[mike3610]

So I left my car keys on the train and because of that I had no way to get home. I Called me gf and told her what happened and asked her if she could pick me up. She said sure and was on the way. While she was driving to get me her and I were on the phone and I told her that I wasn't sure how I would get to LA the next day if I didn't have my car to drive there. She told me that I could just take the train to LA the next day. I said ok, Ill need you to take me to the train station tomorrow morning (4:40 am) she said um.. I'll probably be tired, so you'll just have to take an Uber. I was taken back by that statement because I really didn't think she would say that. I felt like that was a little selfish. I appreciate all she does for me, but I thought... wow, its like that?.. I told her that if the roles were reversed and she told her dad that I made that statement he would be upset. She doesn't care, she feels that because she had a long day and was going to have a long night her safety comes first... am I in the wrong to feel the way I do?

[bluecastle]

This is a situation where my gut response is: What’s really going on here, between you two? If you and I had an honest chat a week ago, before all this, would you tell me you were content in the relationship or nursing some lingering resentments?

I mean, there’s a whole day until tomorrow. Can’t you call a locksmith and get your keys back and that’s that? If not, 4 am is pretty dang early, Ubers are easy, so to make this molehill a hill to die on seems a curious choice. 

Don’t get me wrong. I get how a ride to the station would be nice, and feel nice, and that not getting that is a little bruise. My question is why is a little bruise being experienced as a deep wound?

[Kwothe28]

14 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

am I in the wrong to feel the way I do?

Well, I wouldnt say selfish "per se". But a bit unreasonable, sure. She isnt required to be your personal driver. Just because you lost your car keys. You need to try to find them or somehow make a reserve if possible. Until then she isnt required to drive you around and you would have to maybe pay Uber or go with train or a bus. It would be nice of her and you should be more appreciative if she drives you sometimes. But she maybe cant do it all the time. You need to realize that as well.

[mike3610]

I am appreciative of her. I tell her that a lot. When I view relationships I see it as a team. Could I have gotten an Uber? Sure. Could I have gotten a locksmith? sure, but one would think that in a time where I needed a little help my gf would be there for me. It's just like when my sister asked me.." Can you do me a favor and cut the grass?" I'm not going to respond.. I'm tired.. Cant you do it? can't you get someone else to cut the grass?.. that would be rude. As her big brother my sister expects me to be there for her.. (that's just an example)

[bluecastle]

2 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

I view relationships I see it as a team.

Me too. And I see this as good teamwork. You made a human error and she helped out, picking you up. Sure, it would be super generous to also take you to the station, but I don't think it's wildly selfish for her not to want to get up at 3am to do something Uber can do. 

4 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

It's just like when my sister asked me.." Can you do me a favor and cut the grass?" I'm not going to respond.. I'm tired.

Does your sister ask you to cut the grass at 3 am? If she did, I'd imagine you'd say something like, "Happy to help, but noon on Saturday is best for me." 

In this situation you have to be at the station, ostensibly for work, so it's kind of on you to also chip in here as a team member in dealing with this little snafu. That's how I see it, at least, in terms of this situation in a vacuum.

If there is something else going on—a little itch inside of you, say, that you do more than her as a team member—that's another story. 

[Starlight925]

The answer to this is…it depends. 
 

Was this a one-time thing, your forgetfulness?  If so, then yeah, she’s being selfish. 
 

If things like this happen more often, then she’s getting tired of having to step in and “mom” you. 

[mike3610]

29 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

The answer to this is…it depends. 
 

Was this a one-time thing, your forgetfulness?  If so, then yeah, she’s being selfish. 
 

If things like this happen more often, then she’s getting tired of having to step in and “mom” you. 

yes, it was a one time thing, but then again who knows... it may happen again in the future.. I just want someone that is there for me, and if they can be in the moment, then come up with another solution. If she said.. I'm to tired, but hey.. take an Uber ill pay for it... then that would go a long way..

 

[gamon]

 You messed up x 4.

1- Left your keys on the train. Who does this? You take them out of your pocket for reasons I can't even comprehend, you put them BACK in your pocket.

2- Cars come with 2 sets of keys for a reason. You lost your spare set? Replace them.

3- You failed to own your mistakes and figure she'll just struggle through a long day after having to get up at the wee hours of the morning

4- You think she's being unreasonable. And you compare her bailing you out from your numerous mistakes to you being asked to perform a house chore as if they're anywhere near the same thing. Damn.

What's the big deal about an Uber anyway? Probably cost you about $10 and she gets a good nights sleep rather than suffering for your numerous mistakes that led to this problem.

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

.. I'm to tired, but hey.. take an Uber ill pay for it... then that would go a long way..

Did you find a way to get your keys back? Where is the car and what would it entail to get into it? Do you have to go to the dealership? Do you have a roadside assistance plan? It would be best to figure out (depending on the vehicle and where it's located) how to get back into the car. I don't think her driving you at 4am or paying for your ride is required.

[bluecastle]

12 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

If she said.. I'm to tired, but hey.. take an Uber ill pay for it... then that would go a long way..

Sorry, but this wish here is verging on selfish. 

Personal story: In the doldrums of Covid I left our garage open by mistake. What happened? My girlfriend's bike, along with mine, got stolen. It would have been really nice if she was all, "No biggie, things happen, here's $500 for a new bike."

Nice because it would have abdicated me of any responsibility.

In reality she was all, "No biggie, things happen," and I was all, "I found a shop with two bikes, will have them this afternoon, and will be better about the garage." Because I messed up and I was grateful she wasn't a pill about it. 

 

[gamon]

25 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

If she said.. I'm to tired, but hey.. take an Uber ill pay for it... then that would go a long way..

 That's completely off the charts unreasonable. You screw up and expect HER to pay for it?

 

[Lambert]

it's nice when someone is able to help me out. I don't take it personally when they can't.  4 am is super early and there is another option.

Sounds to me like you're focused on the wrong things.  How did you leave your keys on the train? Why weren't they in your pocket or bag. It's foolish to leave anything laying around on public transportation. And as others have said, the first order is to get the keys resolved. Or what you're just going to abandon your car? buy a new one?

 

[mike3610]

haha. You guys are focusing on the wrong things. It doesn't matter why I lost my keys. I just did, it was a mistake. All of us have made mistakes, or lost something.

[bluecastle]

1 minute ago, mike3610 said:

You guys are focusing on the wrong things.

Do you mean that we are not agreeing with your interpretation?

Just break it down: You left your keys on the train and your girlfriend chipped in, picking you up. Now she is being selfish  for not driving you to the train and/or paying for your Uber? 

Analogy: I drop an expensive wine glass on the floor while doing the dishes. My girlfriend comes in, helps me pick up the glass. Should I be upset that she is not also taking the trash bag to the curb and splitting the costs of the new glass with me? 

[gamon]

You shoulda learned how to fix the breaks.

 

[mike3610]

5 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

Do you mean that we are not agreeing with your interpretation?

Just break it down: You left your keys on the train and your girlfriend chipped in, picking you up. Now she is being selfish  for not driving you to the train and/or paying for your Uber? 

Analogy: I drop an expensive wine glass on the floor while doing the dishes. My girlfriend comes in, helps me pick up the glass. Should I be upset that she is not also taking the trash bag to the curb and splitting the costs of the new glass with me? 

your missing the point bro. Its about asking someone for a favor when your in need for a little help and the person that is supposed to hold you down doesn't come through because they are "to tired" or " don't feel like it" or " Its to early" or "you cant do it yourself?" or " my safety comes first"... that's like someone breaking into our house and i say..."cant you go check it out?''.. "I'm to tired"...... that would never fly..

 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

. I just did, it was a mistake. All of us have made mistakes, or lost something.

Exactly. That's why you need to think about what you would do if you didn't have a GF rather than be angry at her for not fixing the problem. For example, roadside service. Spare keys.  Uber installed. A friend or family who could give you a hand.  Try to view what you would do if she didn't exist.

[mike3610]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Exactly. That's why you need to think about what you would do if you didn't have a GF rather than be angry at her for not fixing the problem. For example, roadside service. Spare keys.  Uber installed. A friend or family who could give you a hand.  Try to view what you would do if she didn't exist.

Have you ever asked for a favor before, or do you do everything by yourself?

[SooSad33]

You asked ' Am I the one who's selfish'.

In this kind of situation, I can't see myself asking a bf to get up & take me somewhere at 4 am.  I'd realize the situation I put them in already, with having to come pick me up because I was in a challenging situation.

Was great she did that much for you .. right? 😉 

Not sure the distance either of you had to go - or how far she had to drive to get you, then bring you back to her place? ( is this where you stayed?). And then again, to get to a bus station for 4 am..?

Yes, you were in a rough spot and she helped you out there.  If it's not too far for her, good!  But there were other options as well. eg. stay at a hotel or something for the night, close to the train and get yourself there on your own, etc.

 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

Have you ever asked for a favor before, or do you do everything by yourself?

Both. But there should be more than one person you could ask and not hold a grudge if they can't.

[bluecastle]

21 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

your missing the point bro. Its about asking someone for a favor when your in need for a little help and the person that is supposed to hold you down doesn't come through because they are "to tired" or " don't feel like it" or " Its to early" or "you cant do it yourself?" or " my safety comes first"... that's like someone breaking into our house and i say..."cant you go check it out?''.. "I'm to tired"...... that would never fly..

This is where I circle back to my original q: What's really going on here?

Because you are looking hard for a reason to be upset with her, which often happens when deeper wiring is on the fritz. I just can't take this scenario and jump to one where she leaves you high and dry when you're house is vandalized. That math doesn't compute to this mind.

 

 

[gamon]

42 minutes ago, mike3610 said:

your missing the point bro.

Nah, you're the one missing the point.

You messed up and you expect your girlfriend to fix it for you, even to the point of paying for your mistake.

What's probably worse is you won't even consider that the replies on this thread which are contrary to what you expected to hear, make a whole lot of sense. If you would, there would be room for growth and improvement in your life. Sadly that is clearly not the case here. Bro.

[Cherylyn]

Yes,  you're selfish.  You're the one who left your keys on the train.  She drove in most likely heavy traffic to pick you up from the rail station.  Then you asked her to chauffeur you to the train station at 4:30AM which is extremely early considering she'll have to wake up even earlier to make sure you arrive on time before the roosters crow.  🐔 🐓   ⏰  She told you that it will be a late night for her and do you want her to drive drowsy endangering not only her life but yours, too as a passenger?  Not smart.  Think of the consequences.  Be considerate.  I agree with her, get an Uber and in the future,  be more careful with your belongings such as your keys.  Even if the roles were reversed,  it is an imposition. 

It's a different situation with my husband and me because we own multiple cars so if there's a problem,  there's always a spare car for him to drive an optional car.  In your case,  you should get an Uber.  Hopefully,  this inconvenience will teach you to hang onto your keys and other valuables in the future. 

 

[gamon]

5 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

 In your case,  you should get an Uber. 

He's more than willing to get an Uber. He thinks she should pay for it.

[Cherylyn]

4 minutes ago, gamon said:

He's more than willing to get an Uber. He thinks she should pay for it.

This is laughable.  🤣  He should be responsible for paying for his own Uber.   He's the one who lost his keys by leaving them on the train.  Time to pay up and lesson learned?  🙄