Age gap causing problems in my relationships

[Rusaway]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

What's his excuse for this? Are your siblings being rude to him? 

When I talk to family I think it just makes him think about everything and he gets in a bad mood 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Rusaway said:

When I talk to family I think it just makes him think about everything and he gets in a bad mood 

Definitely keep an eye on this tendency. Reflect if all the headaches the relationship is causing you is worth it. While your parents seem a bit overbearing, don't let rebellion blind you to red flags.

[boltnrun]

34 minutes ago, Rusaway said:

When I talk to family I think it just makes him think about everything and he gets in a bad mood 

Is he asking you to stop communicating with your siblings?

[Rusaway]

13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Is he asking you to stop communicating with your siblings?

Not explicitly but it is causing fights. Hopefully it won’t last long.

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Rusaway said:

Not explicitly but it is causing fights. Hopefully it won’t last long.

Well, that's a bad sign. Are you willing to give up your family for him?

[Rusaway]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Well, that's a bad sign. Are you willing to give up your family for him?

I would agree but it seems to be a one issue problem. I feel like my parents are the ones causing these problems but I am not going to stop talking to my siblings, they have done nothing wrong

[Andrina]

So do you have a personal timeline of how long you will allow emotional abuse, being punished for a crime you're not committing? Either it's a dealbreaker or it's not. Self-worth or a lack of it usually determines that.

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, Andrina said:

You have more right to be angry than her, that she used you as a stepping stone out of her failing marriage. She saw you as easy prey with your low self-esteem, and then just as easily as she leaped on, she quickly leaped off. Although anger is meant to be temporary, because it will eat away at you if you keep feeding it.

And this is all so immature-- interactions of he said/she said. People passing along gossip of what is hurtful and the opposite of being constructive. 

The best use of your time now is to work on building your self-esteem by reading about skills to do this, or going to therapy. Because people who possess a healthy self-worth will tend to have better success in vetting prospective partners. 

Take care.

@Andrina, I think you meant this to be posted on another thread. 

[Andrina]

34 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I think you meant this to be posted on another thread. 

Yes, oops.

[smackie9]

On 4/27/2023 at 10:21 AM, redswim30 said:

Hard disagree with the first statement.  He doesn't need to respect them when they've treated him so shamefully.  Had they treated him half decently, maybe- but they didn't.  You can't treat someone like garbage and then expect them to respect YOU, no matter their relationship.  The fact that they didn't consider how their actions would impact their daughter's feelings or create problems for her speaks volumes.  In his shoes, I wouldn't like them or like when they called either.   Being her parents didn't give them the right to treat him that way.  Nor does he owe them respect. 

Second statement I agree with.  They feel how they feel.  She needs to decide if she cares more about their feelings than her own. 

I said he needs to respect THAT not THEM. They are HER parents...he needs to respect that fact.

[SooSad33]

It's been 6 months and already seems really unsettling 😕 .

These are your parents.  Turn the table in this, how would he feel if YOU were getting upset with him when he's talks to his parents? He shouldn't be acting this way! You are allowed to talk to your parents/ sibling etc.  IF i had a bf acting out like this, he wouldn't be around long, unless he smartened up & backed off about it.

I suggest, if he doesn't stop hounding you, be done with all of this nonsense!  No reason for YOU to be suffering & in the middle of this silliness.

And by sounds of it, I'd say it's his behaviour causing an issue with your relationship, not a big deal on the age difference.

[lostandhurt]

I can see how your bf would feel uncomfortable when you talk to your family. He has been rejected and been told he is not good enough for you.  Each phone call is a reminder of that.  If your siblings are okay with him then help forge a bond there and leave your parents out of it.

As far as your parents cutting you off goes.  That is totally wrong and is financial blackmail.  When they agreed to help with schooling did they give you a list of do' s and don't s ?  They are trying to control your life but since you are about to graduate they are losing control.

 Either they will come around or they will not but that is their choice to make.  You will resent them if you dump this guy just to make them happy but what happens when you date another older guy?  Might as well get the unpleasantness out of the way now.

 Lost