Double Standards

[Alex39]

7 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Don’t commit to things that make you resentful. 

I was fine and excited to go on this bachelorette trip. But now, I don't feel like a valued friend. Why should I spend my money and time to go away with someone that doesn't respect our friendship? I didn't care if she attended the birthday, but the fact that she said she would, then is now avoiding me. That's so immature. I'd rather you say. Oh sorry I can't go, from the get go. 

[Seraphim]

Don’t go. Period. 

[boltnrun]

I don't understand how you are a bridesmaid but aren't attending the wedding. How does that even work?

You can tell her you're sorry but you're no longer able to attend. If she blasts you, you'll just have more confirmation this friendship has run its course.

[Alex39]

25 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't understand how you are a bridesmaid but aren't attending the wedding. How does that even work?

You can tell her you're sorry but you're no longer able to attend. If she blasts you, you'll just have more confirmation this friendship has run its course.

She asked me and others to be bridesmaids. We accepted. But then she told us her wedding was in another country. 7 hour plane flight. My friend and I pondered the cost and expense, then broke it to her that we cannot attend. She understood but I know she's bummed. 

So I still consider myself a bridesmaid in a sense. 

[Jaunty]

3 minutes ago, Alex39 said:

 So I still consider myself a bridesmaid in a sense. 

Sorry, but it seems like you're all in with claiming to be a bridesmaid when it supports your grievances.  But in reality you are not functioning as a bridesmaid at all.

You need to excuse yourself from all aspects of this person's celebration.  You dislike the person, have nothing but disdain for her and all of her wedding (post wedding, whatever) plans, do not wish to participate, do not support any of it.  Step away.  Including mentally.  Not your circus not your monkeys.   It's none of your business.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Alex39 said:

She asked me and others to be bridesmaids. We accepted. But then she told us her wedding was in another country. 7 hour plane flight. My friend and I pondered the cost and expense, then broke it to her that we cannot attend. She understood but I know she's bummed. 

So I still consider myself a bridesmaid in a sense. 

But a bridesmaid attends the wedding and stands with the bride during the ceremony. It seems like all you're doing is attending the pre-wedding parties and you're even on the fence about those.

I had to cancel out of being a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding because I had been admitted to the hospital. I don't continue to say I was a bridesmaid. I wasn't. 

I would just bow out of everything with an apology. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Alex39 said:

So I still consider myself a bridesmaid in a sense.

You are not a bridesmaid. 

It is a stretch that you consider yourself as such when you (understandably) pulled out. That was the moment your role as bridemaid evaporated. 

2 hours ago, Jaunty said:

You need to excuse yourself from all aspects of this person's celebration.  You dislike the person, have nothing but disdain for her and all of her wedding (post wedding, whatever) plans, do not wish to participate, do not support any of it.  Step away.  Including mentally.

I agree. There is no reason for you to have any part of this wedding, Alex. 

[Jaunty]

13 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

There is no reason for you to have any part of this wedding, Alex. 

Further, there is no reason for you to be spending even one speck more of your mental energy disparaging how she is going about putting together her celebration.  So much negativity.   You don't have to like / approve of it.  IT'S NOT YOUR STUFF.   You dislike it (and her), okay.  Next.

[Cherylyn]

Since this friend is not the type of friend who treats you with respect, then reconsider if this is the type of friend you desire in your life. 

The wedding is too faraway and requires expensive travel arrangements.  If is you wish, send a modest wedding gift or don't send a gift.  However, don't feel guilty.  If you feel this friendship isn't worth maintaining, then perhaps you need to eliminate this friendship.  She may be reduced to a social media friend or less than that.  Determine if you want to eventually block and delete this friend because both of you don't share mutual values. 

Whittle down your friends list.  Afford to become very picky and choosy.  I like a lot of people but not everyone qualifies as my friend.  It's better to have a few select people in your life than quantity of subpar people who are nothing but a waste of your time, energy, resources and patience. 

There are people who've tested me sorely and my simple answer is to lead separate lives or enforce strong, adamant, healthy boundaries.

[JustMeMyselfI]

This friend of yours is not for keeps. You can just cut ties with her.