First meet tonight, should I go?

[Sindy_0311]

26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

All this person is showing you is that he enjoys texting with you and you're showing him you're ok with him mentioning a wish to get together and not following through for what -over a week now? So he knows you're available to chat away because apparently you're not busy meeting your friends, meeting potential dates, etc.  That's again my interpretation.  You're comfortable with your approach and you see it differently as far as the impression you are making. I respect that! 

In fact I do not meet other potential dates this week as I'm saying home with my son every night after work, which also makes me more available to chat or text new potential ones. One exception on Wednesday, I always finish work too late and the kids stays at my moms for the night. Yesterday night, after work I went for a drink with a friend. That evening he asked if I had 5 minutes later to talk a bit. To which I replied one hour later that I was out.(I guess he felt asleep meanwhile) This morning 6am he asked why I didn't tell him to come see me (and he meant it seriously) 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

You'd mentioned wanting to get together again.  When you have an idea of when you're free please do let me know and we'll figure out a mutually convenient time to meet.  Looking forward!"

We met 4 days ago (on Sunday) and he didn't make plan yet, but said more than once, "I hope you will be willing to see me again" or "I'm looking forward to see you again" or "I hope someday you will tell me you want to see me again" This makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'd rather he proposing a day or plan something or asking straight forward "when can I see you again"... What do you think? 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

This morning 6am he asked why I didn't tell him to come see me  What do you think? 

It sounds almost suffocating. Is he aware you have your son this week? Is he aware you're not big on texting? 

Inviting himself over rather than asking when you're free to go out next is as cheap and lazy as trying to conduct a relationship via texting.

As you mentioned, it's one date and you'll have to decide if this is lame in your opinion or whether you want to keep him around for whatever reason.

[Jaunty]

23 hours ago, Batya33 said:

And, Attraction doesn't mean the person wants to date you or sees potential for a relationship.

This gets completely lost in forums like this one.  

People spending untold hours trying to decipher eye contact, arm brushing, hair twirling, etc.  What does it mean? 

The answer might as well be 100% the same straight across the board:

They are attracted and / or being flirty. 

And that is the ONLY answer.  If they want  (or are in any position) to move forward in any way whether it's towards dating or having a hookup, it won't be known because of eye contact, arm brushing or any of these "signs."  No future implied at all. Somebody has to actually make moves and try to progress.

These texting marathons are safe, because it never comes to that point.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

We met 4 days ago (on Sunday) and he didn't make plan yet, but said more than once, "I hope you will be willing to see me again" or "I'm looking forward to see you again" or "I hope someday you will tell me you want to see me again" This makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'd rather he proposing a day or plan something or asking straight forward "when can I see you again"... What do you think? 

I wrote what I thought above and how to approach this sort of thing where the person is not asking you out on a date -watch the feet -what he does to make sure he can see you in person -not the lips -sweet nothings about "hoping" to see you again.  You and I disagree about how to approach this and you're an adult and can decide what works for you and totally fine that mine doesn't work for you.

It's not about straightforward -what he's saying is flattering and is not asking you out on a date he plans in advance.  Has little to do with that. People who want to see people make a plan.

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 

We met 4 days ago (on Sunday) and he didn't make plan yet, but said more than once, "I hope you will be willing to see me again" or "I'm looking forward to see you again" or "I hope someday you will tell me you want to see me again" This makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'd rather he proposing a day or plan something or asking straight forward "when can I see you again"... What do you think? 

What's the problem with you telling him "I'm looking forward to seeing you again"?  This whole thing sounds very controlling, to be frank.  You are looking for him to demonstrate that he's completely prepared to be your man before you even take a step in his direction. 

The risk needs to be shared.  He said "I hope someday you will tell me you want to see me again."  Your choice was NOT to tell him that.  If I were the guy I would absolutely take that as you are NOT interested in another real life encounter, at least not anytime soon.  I would not participate in anything like this.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

This morning 6am he asked why I didn't tell him to come see me (and he meant it seriously) 

I would have written "because you said  you wanted to go on another date so if you do suggest a plan and I'll see if I'm free then."

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

What's the problem with you telling him "I'm looking forward to seeing you again"?  This whole thing sounds very controlling, to be frank.  You are looking for him to demonstrate that he's completely prepared to be your man before you even take a step in his direction. 

The risk needs to be shared.  He said "I hope someday you will tell me you want to see me again."  Your choice was NOT to tell him that.  If I were the guy I would absolutely take that as you are NOT interested in another real life encounter, at least not anytime soon.  I would not participate in anything like this.

Oh -I didn't get that -so when I was dating if the man expressed interest in seeing me again I'd say "that sounds great -I'd love that."  Then the man would follow up and ask me out if he wanted to see me again.

[Coily]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Oh -I didn't get that -so when I was dating if the man expressed interest in seeing me again I'd say "that sounds great -I'd love that."  Then the man would follow up and ask me out if he wanted to see me again.

The problem seems to be there are a lot of people who have no compunction about just lying.  I have many a time, followed up either at the end of the date or the next day expressing interest. Recieved as "Yes that would be nice,"  and then dead silence. ignored follow ups. I don't mind a no, but for some reason it's acceptable to not even give recognition to the question.

[Sindy_0311]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It sounds almost suffocating. Is he aware you have your son this week? Is he aware you're not big on texting? 

 

He is aware, he knows both things 

[Sindy_0311]

2 hours ago, Jaunty said:

What's the problem with you telling him "I'm looking forward to seeing you again"?  This whole thing sounds very controlling, to be frank.  You are looking for him to demonstrate that he's completely prepared to be your man before you even take a step in his direction. 

The risk needs to be shared. 

I don’t think so, I already told him i would like it, to see him again. Maybe he’s just waiting some days as he knows I won’t be available before next week. I’m being nice, gentle, showed him interest by giving his kiss back, I won’t do more. Also I remind what he said about not be willing to share anything right now, even if that was an excuse, I will remain cautious about him because of that. He is still texting consistently, replying to my texts in the minute but I will not give him more benefits for the moment. If he wants to see me he will arrange smth. If he does great, if not, I will just go on with my life.

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

This morning 6am he asked why I didn't tell him to come see me (and he meant it seriously) 

That would put me off. How did you respond?

[Sindy_0311]

20 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That would put me off. How did you respond?

I just said I don’t do last minute… 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Coily said:

The problem seems to be there are a lot of people who have no compunction about just lying.  I have many a time, followed up either at the end of the date or the next day expressing interest. Recieved as "Yes that would be nice,"  and then dead silence. ignored follow ups. I don't mind a no, but for some reason it's acceptable to not even give recognition to the question.

I've lied when it was unsafe for me to say no.  A number of times when I was honest it resulted in being harassed by phone/email.  No fun.  Kind of scary too.  I always preferred to hear nothing after a date then some ridiculous "you're so amazing but____"  Also some people change their minds.  So when men would tell me they wanted to see me again -even sometimes 'hey I'll call you -there's this movie ___ coming out next weekend and we should go!" - and never call -I just figured they meant it at the time then changed their minds.  Not necessarily a lie.  

 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I don’t think so, I already told him i would like it, to see him again. Maybe he’s just waiting some days as he knows I won’t be available before next week. I’m being nice, gentle, showed him interest by giving his kiss back, I won’t do more. Also I remind what he said about not be willing to share anything right now, even if that was an excuse, I will remain cautious about him because of that. He is still texting consistently, replying to my texts in the minute but I will not give him more benefits for the moment. If he wants to see me he will arrange smth. If he does great, if not, I will just go on with my life.

Why should he when you're available to chat regularly and every time you respond it confirms for him you're not with another guy.  He has no opportunity to miss you, to be intrigued by what layers of you he can unwrap on a date as he gets to know you (I mean layers as in knowing you as a person, not sexually lol), to wonder whether as he waits to ask you out you're being snapped up by some other man.  What -he can't make a plan two weeks or less even in advance? Why? 

[Jaunty]

9 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Also I remind what he said about not be willing to share anything right now, even if that was an excuse, I will remain cautious about him because of that.

I think that it's wrong for you to remind him of what he said before you had met, and hold that against him now. 

YOU are the one who decided it was fine to go out with a guy who changed his mind about meeting you because he was "not willing to share anything right now."  You accepted that.

Reminding him of it and using this as leverage of some kind now is not playing fair.   

I understand that this is an activity you enjoy.  I can't even fathom why.  It sounds like the most time-wasting game playing imaginable.  It's not going anywhere, that seems obvious.

[Sindy_0311]

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I think that it's wrong for you to remind him of what he said before you had met, and hold that against him now. 

I didn't say I would remind him of that. I AM the one reminding me. 

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I understand that this is an activity you enjoy.  I can't even fathom why.  It sounds like the most time-wasting game playing imaginable.  It's not going anywhere, that seems obvious.

Who is playing game? and who is waisting time?? I'm not waisting my time, I just give it a chance to see if there is some potential. This is how dating goes. you meet people, see them once, twice or more and decide whether there is something to expect from it. So you mean dating is a waste of time... then I'd rather stay home with my cat and don't loose my time meeting all these guys. 

It might not go anywhere, but it also might... who knows? 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I just said I don’t do last minute… 

That's a fine response. Eventually you'll have to decide if the communication and dating style are compatible. So far he's into in-house dates, last minute dates, texting a lot and other things that almost seem annoying to you .

 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Who is playing game? and who is waisting time?? I'm not waisting my time, I just give it a chance to see if there is some potential. This is how dating goes. you meet people, see them once, twice or more and decide whether there is something to expect from it.

You have to know to avoid "time wasters". Lots of people would just want some form of attention and somebody to be there. Lots of people(especially men) would want one thing only. Lots of people would just hold you there if anything else better not show up in meantime. Lots of them would just be polite and say how they want to see you while the truth is just far from it. They are all "time wasters". You falling in line with any of the cases like that would just waste your time. Time that could be spent on somebody else who would maybe want to date you properly. Without excuses and cop outs how he isnt ready to share anything with you. 

[Sindy_0311]

10 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You have to know to avoid "time wasters". Lots of people would just want some form of attention and somebody to be there. Lots of people(especially men) would want one thing only. Lots of people would just hold you there if anything else better not show up in meantime. Lots of them would just be polite and say how they want to see you while the truth is just far from it. They are all "time wasters". You falling in line with any of the cases like that would just waste your time. Time that could be spent on somebody else who would maybe want to date you properly. Without excuses and cop outs how he isnt ready to share anything with you. 

Maybe I’m being naive ( i don’t think so) but I can’t make my idea on someone’s intention if I see them only once… he has been texting, and showing interest consistently this week, asked me out for next week and for the next weekend, saying he didn’t want to wait until next weekend to see me, that’s why he suggested we see each other also during the week. Wen I don’t text back immediately, he tries to reengage the conversation, which I assume would not be the case if interest was low. As I said, I don’t know him yet, and I will figure out his intentions when we meet in person. But so far, it seems ok. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

he has been texting, and showing interest consistently this week, asked me out for next week and for the next weekend, saying he didn’t want to wait until next weekend to see me, that’s why he suggested we see each other also during the week.

I didn't realize he asked you out for a date - I'd still avoid texting too much -be a little more of a mystery -a package to unwrap layer by layer -but that's good that he planned a proper date for you two!

[Jaunty]

Have a good time on your date.  You have two dates planned now?

[Sindy_0311]

16 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Have a good time on your date.  You have two dates planned now?

I have one during the week and he then asked if I had plans for the coming weekend, said if I also wanted to, he would love see me during the weekend.
He said he wasn’t willing to wait until weekend to see me again.

I said ok for the coming date and said we will talk about the weekend when we meet. I still need to make my opinion about him and see whether there is real attraction from my side. 

[MissCanuck]

4 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He said he wasn’t willing to wait until weekend to see me again.

For a guy who initially bailed, he's become strangely pushy and demanding. 

[Sindy_0311]

19 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

For a guy who initially bailed, he's become strangely pushy and demanding. 

So I guess this is bad also… 

[MissCanuck]

On 2/9/2023 at 2:52 PM, Sindy_0311 said:

 That evening he asked if I had 5 minutes later to talk a bit. To which I replied one hour later that I was out.(I guess he felt asleep meanwhile) This morning 6am he asked why I didn't tell him to come see me (and he meant it seriously) 

41 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He said he wasn’t willing to wait until weekend to see me again.

Taking the above two points together with the fact that he first said he didn't want to meet and wasn't ready to share? And then changed his mind overnight? 

Yeah, I would say it's bad. I would be too turned off to continue, but I also know myself and know I wouldn't have bothered meeting him to begin with. It's up to you to decide where your comfort level is with this behaviour.