Pissing of the wrong people

[Rosestorm]

In drama I am paired with two extremely popular sporty get everything they want boys. In our play I didn't want to buy costumes for the play because our school had an attic full of them. I found shirts for them and they fit the play perfectly. But they thought they were ugly and wanted to buy brand new ones to wear for literally 5 minutes of their life which is how long our play is. I can't pay for a new shirt and neither can one other person. When they refused I talked to a teacher and he said that to tell them we had to where them or they would get an F in the class. When I told them they were pissed and turned on me throwing insults at me. Hyped up and pissed too I also engaged in the argument and insulted them too. I said a lot of rude things but they said way more. Just because they had to wear a new shirt. I told the other group members besides them that I was sorry for the outburst but have not approached the two guys. I don't know what to do. I am afraid of them because of their social status and their size. I am sorry but they gave insults to me too. Also they were the most upset. I'm afraid they will just get pissed again and make fun of me for apologizing. But I also feel like getting back at them for the things they said and because they are popular. What do I  do? Apologize sepertly like I did with the others or not? Why am I apologizing? Shirts aren't a big deal! Why should I be sorry! Yes, I made them wear them and engaged in a fight but WHY? What do I do. There Popular!

[DarkCh0c0]

If they are "popular", it doesn't mean they get away by acting like entitled spoiled pr!cks.

Please consult your teacher again and let them know what happened. If your teacher doesn't help, tell a supervisor. It's their job as adults to handle those kids.

And, it's good you stood up to yourself. No need to apologize unless a teacher brings them in and gets them to apologize to you first.

In the meanwhile, keep contact to a minimum with these kids. Avoid them where possible.

[Rosestorm]

I am supposed to have an all group meeting with them today and I am terrified to face them. Should I apolgize beforhand to soften the blow?
?

[Coily]

Personally I wouldn't apologize at all. But that's easy for me to say, being a long way out of your situation (and a cantankerous old man).

So, if you still want to apologize for the sake of keeping peace, I would do so individually. Otherwise they could play off of each other and twist your words. But I would keep it very tongue in cheek, like "sorry you looked stupid in that shirt."

Again I would just ignore the whole thing if this was me, because if they wanted a "new shirt" they should bought one for everyone.

[Lambert]

I wouldn't apologize straight away. Just go and face them. See what happens... they probably regret things getting nasty just as much as you do. 

Try to just be cool and relaxed. Don't say too much... see how it goes...

If they're being cool, be cool back. if it's tense and quiet, just go with it and leave a soon as you can. 

Let it be for a bit. 

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't apologize directly for what you said. I would say something like "Hey, sorry things got a little heated the other day. It's just shirts so why do we need to fight about it? Let's just all do a good job so we can get an A."

[DarkCh0c0]

1 hour ago, Rosestorm said:

Should I apolgize beforhand to soften the blow?

Nope.

See if they'll bring up the disagreement. If they do so, they have to apologize first. If they don't bring it up, then just pretend nothing happened and keep your distance with them.

Alternatively, you can do as Boltnrun mentioned:

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

I would say something like "Hey, sorry things got a little heated the other day. It's just shirts so why do we need to fight about it? Let's just all do a good job so we can get an A.

Whatever you do, don't apologize for standing up to yourself unless they apologize for treating you poorly. That's key.

[catfeeder]

I guess I don’t understand what would be wrong with those who want to buy new shirts can do so, and those who don’t can wear existing ones?

Also, why take on the role of delivering bad news to others, when it’s up to the instructor to deliver his own policies to the class?

At this point, what’s done is done, and it’s up to you to decide whether your apology would be sincere. If not, do you believe that it would be in your best interests to make one anyway?

There are no wrong answers, it’s about using your own best judgment, and that’s something we all need to learn.

For instance, what might have been the outcome if you took the kinder of the two aside and told him, “I want the best for us, but I can’t afford to buy a new costume?”

[Kwothe28]

I also dont understand. Can just they buy the new shirts or it has to be everybody?

Also it really depends what you want to accomplish there. Apology could work if you would be working with somebody who would also be willing to apologize and to see your side. Those two are not that, they would never apologize to you, let alone see your side. So you are in a very difficult situation where you would need to "command things" and order them if you want them to wear those shirts. Since they dont want that, nore they would probably respond good to that, most easiest solution for you is to cut them off from the group if its possible. If its not, I am sorry, but somebody would have to cave in if you want grades. In this situation, probably you. They probably wot respond well to anything you say and if  you are stuck with them and have no means to make them wear shirts you want, you would have to cave in if you want a good grade. Sorry, maybe something you dont want to hear.

[Rosestorm]

Thanks guys. I apologized to the others in the group for my outburst but not the boys. They left before drama started for a basketball game. There is a group meeting tomorrow but I will not be there for it. 

[Jaunty]

Do you want to apologize for your part in this problem, or do you want to "get back at them" because they are popular and want new shirts?  

I vote for option #1.   

It seems that you need to put on a play with these other students.  This means that you will need to collaborate.   It will probably be good practice for you to try to work together.  

I must admit some confusion about why you insisted that they need to wear the old costumes.   Why not just let them buy new shirts while you and whomever else doesn't care to do that wear the existing ones.  

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Rosestorm said:

. In our play I didn't want to buy costumes for the play because our school had an attic full of them. 

How old are they?  Discuss this with the teacher or drama coach. You need to go to adults and those in charge, when there are disputes about roles in school projects.

[MissCanuck]

I don't get why you intervened about the costumes. 

Unless I am misunderstanding something, I don't see why you made it your business to stop them from buying their own new shirts if they wanted to. You could still have chosen from the school supply, no? 

Anyway, they reacted very poorly and I wouldn't apologize. They had no reason to be total jerks about it. 

 

[boltnrun]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I don't get why you intervened about the costumes. 

Unless I am misunderstanding something, I don't see why you made it your business to stop them from buying their own new shirts if they wanted to. You could still have chosen from the school supply, no? 

Anyway, they reacted very poorly and I wouldn't apologize. They had no reason to be total jerks about it. 

 

I'm wondering if they all had to wear the same shirt.

I got into a dispute in HS when I was on the cheerleading squad and we were picking out cheer camp outfits. I went to a private school that my mother struggled to pay the tuition for and it was really hard for her to keep up. The other girls on the squad came from upper middle class families. They were picking out outfits that cost $25 apiece for a total of over $100. My mother called the captain of the varsity squad to complain about the cost. That didn't go over well, to say the least. I was told if my family was too poor to afford it I should quit. Super embarrassing and awkward.

So I get it from a money perspective, but shouting and name calling doesn't solve anything.

I hope it all settles down and you can work together to get a good grade 

[Rosestorm]

On 12/8/2022 at 11:03 PM, Jaunty said:

Do you want to apologize for your part in this problem, or do you want to "get back at them" because they are popular and want new shirts?  

I vote for option #1.   

It seems that you need to put on a play with these other students.  This means that you will need to collaborate.   It will probably be good practice for you to try to work together.  

I must admit some confusion about why you insisted that they need to wear the old costumes.   Why not just let them buy new shirts while you and whomever else doesn't care to do that wear the existing ones.  

We all have to wear the same shirts. Plus number 1 is what I ended going with. Thank You!

[Rosestorm]

Thank you guys!😀