I think we will end soon

[sweetlady]

I met my current partner 5 years ago and you could say it was doomed from start. He was honest about his situation and did decide to stay with him. I feel like he doesn't really love me in the way I want him too. I have had trust issues with him about other he hasn't cheated but spoke to many online. I caught him out and by then suppose we had ceremonies but we not legally married. We had problems trying for a baby and I was very insecure because thought he find someone else have a baby. I was feel damaged couldn't give him what he wanted. But had an op it's all sorted and now expecting. I knew being pregnant wouldn't change much with us. But had from the start prepared myself for me and him splitting up. I must of cried so much to the point now I don't this situation not great and it's heading that way. We are getting on at the moment for the baby and we are close because of that. But for me it won't change this situation. I thought he would do temporary job working away but he said he wants a job like this. I wasn't happy told him you need to move out. He said today about something else so think he realized not happy about this.

The whole situation I am in is a mess and all I am thinking about about is my baby and teenager. 

Do I just leave this until baby born? I will need him then after that I know once he sorted out and working it's only a matter of time before we break up. 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, scorpiomum26 said:

all I am thinking about about is my baby and teenager. 

Where is the father of your teenager? Do you have shared  custody? Does he pay child support? 

Does your current BF work or not? It's unclear. Does your current BF live in your house or is it co-owned/co-leased?

It's also unclear what yo mean by "doomed from the start"? Does he actually cheat  or flirt with women online?

 It doesn't matter if he is there or not, he will have to pay child support. Just curious why you decided to have a child with him when it was "doomed to start"?

[SooSad33]

So you have a baby on the way and a teenager?

Yes, sadly it does sound like you're miserable with him 😕 .

Why will you need him after baby is born?  If you feel you'll need him then, why move out until then?  How about you just leave and be done with it? 

 

[moodindigo91]

I think you recognize that you've made a series of bad decisions here that landed you in the situation you're in, where you're pregnant with the child of a man you (seemingly) despise. I'm not sure what caused you to remain with him for all this time and attempt to have children with him when you were so clearly unhappy from the beginning. It's very unfortunate that it has gotten this far. 

You should just leave the relationship entirely. A plan of leaving for now and getting back after the baby is born really makes no sense logically and probably won't pan out the way you'd want it to. For your sake and the baby's sake, it's probably best to leave the relationship for good, and maybe contact an attorney to help you figure out parentage and custody issues that may arise later on once the baby is born. I'm sorry that the situation has gotten this messy 😞 but now you just need to do what's best for you and the baby. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, scorpiomum26 said:

He was honest about his situation

What situation would this be? 

1 hour ago, scorpiomum26 said:

I thought he would do temporary job working away but he said he wants a job like this.

A job like what? 

[sweetlady]

36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Where is the father of your teenager? Do you have shared  custody? Does he pay child support? 

Does your current BF work or not? It's unclear. Does your current BF live in your house or is it co-owned/co-leased?

It's also unclear what yo mean by "doomed from the start"? Does he actually cheat  or flirt with women online?

 It doesn't matter if he is there or not, he will have to pay child support. Just curious why you decided to have a child with him when it was "doomed to start"?

Father of my teenager not around but my DP now has stepped up and been there. He pays maintenance but they have no relationship.

He is not doing jobs here and there which suppose has been helpful. 

I don't really want to say why I feel it was doomed from start. I got to help him sort this out or he may not be around anyway. But it's like I am feel anger why should I help you. You been on sites talking to other women. He has a female friend and they had a thing with each other she married he knows that makes me uncomfortable too. He still in contact and I did look through conversations he had with other females. We have moved past it.

He led me to believe also he was happy not having another child. He got one and I have one. So when it came clear was worried he leave. I didn't get pregnant because of him I just thought would I regret it if I didn't have this op and not having a child as my teen always wanted a little brother or sister. In one way despite being in this situation I am actually happy to be having another baby too. My DP family are nice so my baby would be looked after.

I just feel like we are living together as friends sometimes not married and I am helping him out and he helping me out. 

 

[sweetlady]

47 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

So you have a baby on the way and a teenager?

Yes, sadly it does sound like you're miserable with him 😕 .

Why will you need him after baby is born?  If you feel you'll need him then, why move out until then?  How about you just leave and be done with it? 

 

If anyone was to leave it be him not me.

[Batya33]

If you are not legally married I'd do the work now to establish paternity and make sure you can file for child support in the future.  I'm sorry you're so unhappy and I hope you have a smooth pregnancy. 

[sweetlady]

41 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

I think you recognize that you've made a series of bad decisions here that landed you in the situation you're in, where you're pregnant with the child of a man you (seemingly) despise. I'm not sure what caused you to remain with him for all this time and attempt to have children with him when you were so clearly unhappy from the beginning. It's very unfortunate that it has gotten this far. 

You should just leave the relationship entirely. A plan of leaving for now and getting back after the baby is born really makes no sense logically and probably won't pan out the way you'd want it to. For your sake and the baby's sake, it's probably best to leave the relationship for good, and maybe contact an attorney to help you figure out parentage and custody issues that may arise later on once the baby is born. I'm sorry that the situation has gotten this messy 😞 but now you just need to do what's best for you and the baby. 

It's like the decision of him not being around could be taken out my hands. He really hasn't got any legs to stand on if I decided it's over. My baby would never see him.

The questions yes it's got so far wouldn't say I hate him but have calculated everything he done and should I let it go try for the baby. As sometimes we get on so well we are like a happily married couple. Try to see if things change because sometimes he shocks me and I think maybe he not using me to help him out. He knows I have done so much for him. I didn't only have the baby for him I thought not getting any younger and well even if it was to end my chances of finding someone else are slim. Well don't think I would want too. I be single a long time before finding someone then be too late to have another.

I am taking steps so I am secure especially if he likes a job where he works away. I didn't like that at first but got use to him not being around me. I know men work away all the time bring good money but in our case think because of trust issues it would break us up. I could be wrong and he could have changed since I got pregnant but just feel like I am still not enough for him. 

Not to say we don't have good times together we do. We have over the 5 years we had some really great moments. We have overcome a lot and I won't even bother go through his phone now. I kind of don't care no more.

I have myself, teen and unborn baby and if we work out we don't just feel like I be okay.

I think because of the baby we need to try but I know it sounds bad give it 2 years and we could be done that's if we last that long. He acts like he single. Well to me feels like he not ready for marriage. We meant to get married but don't want too. 

It is a mess 

 

[SooSad33]

20 minutes ago, scorpiomum26 said:

I think because of the baby we need to try but I know it sounds bad give it 2 years and we could be done that's if we last that long. He acts like he single. Well to me feels like he not ready for marriage. We meant to get married but don't want too. 

With your ongoing issue's a baby really wont make things better... ( never have a baby for someone else, only if you do).

Noo, in no way would I marry someone I do not enjoy being with.

He acts like he's single ( sounds like my first ex), I say, if he wants to be single, let him be 😉 .

Believe me, you don't need a man around to raise your child. ( option is, they can have visitation).

 

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, scorpiomum26 said:

Father of my teenager pays maintenance but they have no relationship.

He is not doing jobs here and there . You been on sites talking to other women. 

He led me to believe also he was happy not having another child. He got one and I have one. I am actually happy to be having another baby too.

I just feel like we are living together as friends sometimes not married

So what is it you want to see happen, exactly? That he stops chatting with women? Works more? Leaves? What is DP?

Why have you painted such a gloomy picture and at the same time state he helps you, is like a step dad and his family is good to you?

What exactly bothers you? You have not stated why. Does he work or not work or work part time? That he runs around with women? Has he always done that? Is your romance/sex life dead because of that or other things?

[Kwothe28]

So let me get this straight:

- You are in a 5 year relationship with someone

- You have trust issues and apparently he messages other girls and might be cheating you

- You still decide to have a baby with somebody like that

- You still think you will broke up

- He wants to leave to work away from you so he can support you

- You want to throw him out so he would never even see the baby

You are right, its a mess. Mostly because you are not having a baby because you think he is the right guy there but because 

45 minutes ago, scorpiomum26 said:

I thought not getting any younger and well even if it was to end my chances of finding someone else are slim. Well don't think I would want too. I be single a long time before finding someone then be too late to have another.

you thought it was your last chance to have the other baby. So, no wonder you want him out, he is basically a sperm donor in your mind lol

I am sorry but it doesnt work like that. He still has the rights as the father should he wish to exercise them. Maybe your first one didnt but its not a solution to collect kids without their dads wanting to be involved like they are Infinity Stones. 

Anyway, its a mess because you made it a mess. You should have thought better before you cconceived with someone like that. But hey, biological clock, amiright lol

[sweetlady]

4 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

So let me get this straight:

- You are in a 5 year relationship with someone

- You have trust issues and apparently he messages other girls and might be cheating you

- You still decide to have a baby with somebody like that

- You still think you will broke up

- He wants to leave to work away from you so he can support you

- You want to throw him out so he would never even see the baby

You are right, its a mess. Mostly because you are not having a baby because you think he is the right guy there but because 

you thought it was your last chance to have the other baby. So, no wonder you want him out, he is basically a sperm donor in your mind lol

I am sorry but it doesnt work like that. He still has the rights as the father should he wish to exercise them. Maybe your first one didnt but its not a solution to collect kids without their dads wanting to be involved like they are Infinity Stones. 

Anyway, its a mess because you made it a mess. You should have thought better before you cconceived with someone like that. But hey, biological clock, amiright lol

I am not stopping him from being apart of the babies life. I don't think he cheating physically but have come across messages in the past on his phone. I have stopped looking in the phone. I have warned him about doing this last time he knew he crossed a line. He tried to lie but he couldn't as I described the girl on phone etc. I don't know if he does it now think before my pregnancy. Because he wanted a baby I wasn't so keen but like I said I thought would I regret it if I didn't. So just went ahead although after an op surprised how quickly I fell pregnant it was too quickly. Up until that point my insecurities were based around my fertility issues. It's strange how it changed around. Even he said it felt strange so not sure if he stopped. I think he flirty online he just was away working. Even though he rang me as I use to call him a lot. I thought leave he will call and he did. Sometimes avoided him too. But do I believe he sat there not talking the one female friend that he knows I have good reason to uncomfortable with. I believe he spoke to that person again probably more than me who knows. He will say she insecure, jealous etc but he made me this way.

We get a long at the moment but there's a big thing happening which I need to help him with. I just don't know if even me helping him will work. It may be the case that decision taken away from me to stay with me anyway he made that mistake. 

My eldest really taken to him but suppose we would survive if worst comes to the worst. I have helped him and he has helped me. It doesn't feel like he loves me and feel my love for him fading too. 

I feel I been used but at same time glad I am pregnant. Especially if last chance I get. Whatever happens from now I have to live with.

I have cried and felt bad for such a long time the baby and eldest only keep me going. My anxiety been bad and in all of this I had got close to man I known years ago. Suppose if he doing it so basically I did. Not physically cheat maybe emotionally cheated. I know this person will always be there for me. Although this person backed don't blame him now. He also has a situation too. I do blame my guy he pushed me towards this person..I even joined a dating site just to talk to other men recently. But I deleted my account couldn't do it all the guys seems idiots there.

I taken one child left the father gone homeless before on financial abuse. But this time my place so he would need to go. Before I get to the point we move need to decide if I want to continue he won't change. Won't give up my place for him. I am not sure if I will marry him and he not mentioned it. It's complicated we can't anyway for now. It's like things have taken a turn although for me happy now I can get pregnant that's about it couldn't care about him too much.

He helps with stuff and I just keep a close eye on him.. sometimes I know what he doing which another habit he got into. It's not cheating and have told him he getting addicted to this too. 

I honestly have no idea forward from now or if I should tell him how he being an he will expect me to help him next week. What he doesn't know is that I feel like just disappearing and leaving him it the mess to solve himself. 

Sounds bad can't lie to people so he mess is solved. It might not go out way and I may never see him again. Like I said prepared for this too. I been on my own before and I know I be okay.

I just feel completely stupid yes letting it get this far. But it's like you get to a point when your done whatever happens now I go with it. It's like clock ticking and he only one apart from my baby and my eldest that will suffer. 

 

[sweetlady]

5 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

With your ongoing issue's a baby really wont make things better... ( never have a baby for someone else, only if you do).

Noo, in no way would I marry someone I do not enjoy being with.

He acts like he's single ( sounds like my first ex), I say, if he wants to be single, let him be 😉 .

Believe me, you don't need a man around to raise your child. ( option is, they can have visitation).

 

That's what I am saying when we got together told him look not sure if I can have kids. I never got with anyone really that serious. I knew something was wrong didn't lie to him. He told me another long story someone had said to him she got one you have one if baby come or it doesn't it don't matter. For a long time I had gone doctors to solve the problem I made him wait. If I did sooner probably end up more than 1 baby with with him. I am glad I waited etc. But had to think would I regret being close to 40 not having a baby so had the op and now pregnant. I am happy for that and it's a mess yes.

 

[sweetlady]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

So what is it you want to see happen, exactly? That he stops chatting with women? Works more? Leaves? What is DP?

Why have you painted such a gloomy picture and at the same time state he helps you, is like a step dad and his family is good to you?

What exactly bothers you? You have not stated why. Does he work or not work or work part time? That he runs around with women? Has he always done that? Is your romance/sex life dead because of that or other things?

He will do odd jobs here and there can't complain on that part nothing set though. His fault why.

Once he sorted out things can move ahead. I feel used but at the same time I want to not help him now. I feel angry at him but he has helped me a lot can't lie but if all sorted out. He stable then I feel he leave he got what he wanted if not won't see him again he taken from me because of the mistake he made.

So yes right now in limbo. It's not just him talking to other women which talking is maybe only thing he doing. He is mostly with me but his intentions are let me wait until I get sorted probably then he definitely act up and I can't stop him. His life I can't but before then torn weather to help him or not. I feel evil at this point but I could really mess him up. Do I overlook certain things? It's serious matter we dealing with here for our babies sake or say you done this and that I you think I don't know. You have no care to my feelings not saying he has physically cheated. Just he trying to be a good guy with this guy until this issue resolved. I feel like saying I know this baby won't make a difference although didn't get pregnant just for him done it for myself too. Otherwise I wouldn't have got myself sorted. I just feeling like threatening him at this point based on everything he has done. I don't know why I feel so angry at him. Suppose it's the comment about him deciding he wants to work away maybe shooting movies etc. I wasn't happy what he doesn't know is he was doing a job that he shouldn't of been doing and I ended that for him without him knowing. They found out something but it was me who slyly caused this job to end. I contacted the people basically giving them information and he was pulled up he doesn't know it was me he loved that job working away but in some ways I helped him before he got himself in deeper trouble. He could of ended up being jailed. 

I told him if you were sorted out you can do this job nothing I can say it was cruel to be kind moment. It's very complicated.

I just don't know what next he realized how sly I can be that's why he keeping me sweet. I am literally like on the verge of leaving the day he needs my help to go away a couple of days. I can't face it but I know I will have too. I won't go way over in this help it's out of my hands this. Trust that what happens next is the best outcome. For my baby worried but for myself it's like I come to terms with this already. 

 

[DarkCh0c0]

11 hours ago, scorpiomum26 said:

Try to see if things change because sometimes he shocks me and I think maybe he not using me to help him out.

They don't and won't. You've had 5 years to see this.

Honestly, you are NOT a victim. You have all the power to leave him and raise your child on your own until you find a man whom you enjoy his company and who treats you like a queen. What happens to him if you leave him is NONE of your business. He's an adult and will figure things out on his own. You're not his mother.

The longer you stay with this guy, the more miserable you will be. The longer you stay with this guy, the longer you miss out on better men who treat you right, make you feel special, and step up when it comes to your child.

You are stopping yourself. Don't. You can leave. You can make a plan and leave. Start reflecting on your better judgment laid out in this post and make better decisions for your life. You need to start living a more happy life, even if you'll be a single mom for a while. It'll be a short term adaptation for long term gain.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, scorpiomum26 said:

 They found out something but it was me who slyly caused this job to end. . He could of ended up being jailed. 

What exactly are you talking about?  Jail? "Slyly" undermining his job?  Are you hoping he's unemployed or in jail?

You keep saying you helped him then you say you need to "get sorted".

Keep in mind he will have to pay child support unless you make sure he's in jail or undermine his job search.

Decide what you want and what's actually wrong. You still haven't been clear on if he is fully employed and can support a child or if he is cheating. So what exactly is the problem?

[smackie9]

Not sure what we can do for you. You do whatever you think is right and take it from there. I guess you can start with a conversation with him and make plans.