Alone on a weekend, modern society problems

[Jibralta]

13 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

That feeling goes away eventually ?

Oh yes. Absolutely.

13 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

Maybe it’s not about changing myself to fit society’s framework. Maybe it’s about changing my perception of there being something wrong with me, just because I don’t buy into the typical understanding of fun or subscribe to what the life of a typical twenty-something girl should be like, look like, feel like.

I think so. You describe it as "society's framework," but it's really just the anxiety of a particular age group. You'll develop more confidence in yourself as you get older, and this anxiety will eventually disappear altogether.

[Batya33]

My niece is mid 20s.  Today is her second son's birthday.  Her youngest son was born last fall I think.  Then she has an older son and a 28 year old husband -they married around 8 years ago.  She nurses her baby.  They do take trips and she has friends and she does not party as you describe and hasn't I think for many years (maybe as a teen she hung out and "partied" without alcohol, I hope!).  

So she's not typical either and she lives in an area where I can tell you there are many 20-somethings partying.  

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

what you are saying about social media is true

What you can do is go through your devices and apps and disable notifications from social media. This way the faux "cool lifestyle" pics won't be in your face.

Everyone want to look like a commercial for alcohol to look like they have "fun" 24/7 with a cool glass of trendy drinks or wine in their hand? But where are the pics of them over the toilet from a night out partying?

You can also review any dead weight and not have old acquaintances and people you've outgrown on there. Just mute them so if you want to view it fine, but it's not in your face. 

 As far as being new in your town, that's always difficult, so you'll have to just keep doing what you're doing as far as meeting people.

[Tinydance]

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I'm 37 so I've actually found that as I was getting older, people I associate with around my age weren't into drinking and partying anymore. I understand amongst young people it's more common but still not with everyone. Even in my late teens and early 20's, I was the one that liked to party but some of my girl friends actually didn't. They hardly drank and they never went clubbing or anything like that. One of my close friends is a big bookworm and has worked as a librarian her whole life.

Also if you don't mind some age difference, you could try being friends with older people. I always had friends of different ages. For example I met one of my close girl friends when I was about 20- 21 but she's 7 years older. So she was like 28 but we got along really well.

I think maybe you need to put yourself into environments where people actually want to make new friends. For example, I mentioned the friendship apps Patook and Bumble BFF. People make a profile there and they are there specifically to make friends. 

Also at Meetup often there are foreigners who just moved and don't know many people yet.

Another thing you could do is ask acquaintances to go to events with you. For example, I love going to events like markets, festivals, exhibitions. I'll usually ask someone to come with me and I'll just keep asking different people until someone agrees to go. 

I think your main aim is just to start spending one-on-one time with people which is what helps build the friendships. If someone isn't very responsive, just leave it and try with other people. It's a numbers game sometimes and the more people you know, the higher your chances of making friends.

[catfeeder]

8 hours ago, Daisy Brown said:

Yes you are right! I do meet people regularly. And have nice conversations. But it’s all so superficial. For a while it was enough. But now I miss to have someone to call a close friend.

Superficiality is the basic layer. It’s not bad, it’s just where most people feel comfortable with strangers. If you try to convert acquaintances too early, it makes people uncomfortable, and they’ll steer clear. It’s over sharing, and it signals a neediness that most are not willing to take on.

Learn from people how to enjoy the superficial and allowing things to evolve into more intimacy over time.

[SooSad33]

On 10/22/2022 at 5:17 PM, Daisy Brown said:

But after starting to say no to what doesn’t resonate with me (drinking myself to the point of blackout every weekend) and cutting off people who are either toxic or the relationship is very one sided, I end up here, alone.

And I can’t help but wonder, is there something wrong with me?

Nooo, nothing wrong with you!  Is good that you know your own thing.  Drinking isn't it!  

How about trying a 'local singles group' in your own local?  I joined one a few yrs ago and found a few decent friends there- who had no use for alcy.

We'd go walk around the lake, go for coffee & chat or to the movie's etc.  I also joined a local sport and craft group.

There's all kinds of things to do, if you want to get out of the house. 🙂 

 

[Daisy Brown]

3 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Nooo, nothing wrong with you!  Is good that you know your own thing.  Drinking isn't it!  

How about trying a 'local singles group' in your own local?  I joined one a few yrs ago and found a few decent friends there- who had no use for alcy.

We'd go walk around the lake, go for coffee & chat or to the movie's etc.  I also joined a local sport and craft group.

There's all kinds of things to do, if you want to get out of the house. 🙂 

 

Thank you!

[Cherylyn]

I don't drink, never did drugs, didn't engage in foul language, never went clubbing nor partied.  (Same with my husband.)  Be evenly yoked.  I agree with others.  "Birds of a feather flock together."  Be with people who are similar to you.  Check MeetUps in your area, if you're faith based, join your local church, if you're into fitness, join a local sports organization or a hobby group.  There are a lot of people like you.  Narrow your search according to specifications.  Live a clean cut lifestyle.  There is nothing wrong with it.  It is surprisingly refreshing and rewarding.

[jul-els]

On 10/22/2022 at 2:17 PM, Daisy Brown said:

 I would rather spend time doing activities I find meaning and that add to my life.

But then I go to social media 

 

You have contradicted yourself here. Social media is not something that will proactively add meaning to your life. It is a passive time waster. Find the activities that add meaning to your life and spend your time enjoying them. The vast majority of social media is simply a toxic digital dumping ground that will give you no return on time invested. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree with @jul-elsComputer time,  cell phones,  TV,  social media,  the Internet,  texting, messages,  emails, etc. are all huge time traps.  😟  You can't get anything done.  I've gone weeks of shutting all of that out and it was amazing how industrious and productive I became when I stepped away from all of those time wasting distractions.