My recent ex doesn’t want our baby anymore but i can’t seem to find the courage to get an abortion

[Zilkas98]

 

I’ve been knowing that I’m pregnant for a little over 3 weeks. My boyfriend was the first person i told. He just seemed so excited and we have been talking about the baby. Not much but we have been talking about a baby shower and saving etc. 

Yesterday my boyfriend asked to borrow $20 which isn’t much but i have him a hard conversation about the importance of saving at a time like this. The conversation led to an argument to where he said “you’re doing better than me financially, you have all this money etc”

And he admitted he just wasn’t ready for a baby right now. 

I immediately burst into tears. Because i really want to keep my baby. I couldn’t see me killing it even though I’m only 7 weeks. This might be my only opportunity to have a child so i really want to raise it. 

He argued with me for an hour over the phone and told me we both weren’t ready especially him. He told how i had all these great things going on and how a baby would set me back and that he didn’t have real income and that i should understand 

TL:DR; my boyfriend wants us to have a baby later but I’m already pregnant

[Kwothe28]

Are you ready for the baby? Meaning that you could raise another human being properly without him in the mix?

Because if you are, him getting "cold feet" or just straight up not wanting baby doesnt matter. You are carying a child. Its ultimately your choice, not his. So, go with what you think about it and not what he does. And if you think you are ready for the baby, keep it.

[Zilkas98]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are you ready for the baby? Meaning that you could raise another human being properly without him in the mix?

Because if you are, him getting "cold feet" or just straight up not wanting baby doesnt matter. You are carying a child. Its ultimately your choice, not his. So, go with what you think about it and not what he does. And if you think you are ready for the baby, keep it.

I think i could handle it but asking my circle for advice i feel terrible. They tell me I’m forcing him into fatherhood, I’m being selfish, it’s his child too, you’re setting the baby up for failure,etc and i don’t wanna cause that 

[Andrina]

There are so many types of families that you can form without biology being required. You're not forcing him into fatherhood. He was intimate with you and there's always a possibility of pregnancy. That's a risk he took. Your child can have other male mentors, and loving male figures in his/her life--a support system you create with relatives, friends, and eventually a new longterm partner.

Unfortunately, most therapists have a long waiting list, but if you can get in with one ASAP, you will get more beneficial support and guidance from an impartial professional versus "friends" who sound like they are doing more harm than good. Can you talk to your parents about this?

[boltnrun]

I'm a little confused. You refer to him as your boyfriend in your post but your title calls him your "recent ex". 

Are you two together as a couple?

[Zilkas98]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

I'm a little confused. You refer to him as your boyfriend in your post but your title calls him your "recent ex". 

Are you to together as a couple?

I’m sorry he just broke up with me today

[boltnrun]

Just now, Zilkas98 said:

I’m sorry he just broke up with me today

Did he say your hesitance to have an abortion is the reason why he broke up with you?

[Zilkas98]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Did he say your hesitance to have an abortion is the reason why he broke up with you?

No I’m pretty sure he left because he knew i wasn’t going for it without thinking about and we were arguing all day long 

[boltnrun]

Just now, Zilkas98 said:

No I’m pretty sure he left because he knew i wasn’t going for it without thinking about and we were arguing all day long 

So he broke up with you because you wouldn't agree to have an abortion right away?

[Zilkas98]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

So he broke up with you because you wouldn't agree to have an abortion right away?

Honestly i don’t know he said he loved me and talked about his finances and how he wasn’t where he needed to be and told me to have a nice life  

[Batya33]

Please don't have an abortion unless you're entirely sure.  There is always the option of adoption later if you truly cannot do this on your own.  I think he was excited at first about the party-the trinkets, the baby shower (I didn't have one or want one -I cannot relate at all to being excited about getting presents as the focus of when you find out you're going to be a parent -so odd at least to me)

I would seek out prenatal care and ask the provider to recommend someone for you to talk to and other single mom resources.  I am pro choice and I could not have aborted except in very extreme circumstances.  I don't think an abortion would be the right option for you given how you are feeling.  I'm sorry he's being such a jerk.  I wish you all the best.

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Zilkas98 said:

Honestly i don’t know he said he loved me and talked about his finances and how he wasn’t where he needed to be and told me to have a nice life  

I'm sorry.

I too became pregnant unexpectedly and the guy responsible walked out on me. He said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Sadly, the baby didn't make it past 9 weeks of pregnancy because I became very sick. 

Do you have emotional support from your family? Can you afford prenatal care? And are you willing to go to court to get a child support order put in place so the baby's father will help financially?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

[Zilkas98]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I'm sorry.

I too became pregnant unexpectedly and the guy responsible walked out on me. He said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Sadly, the baby didn't make it past 9 weeks of pregnancy because I became very sick. 

Do you have emotional support from your family? Can you afford prenatal care? And are you willing to go to court to get a child support order put in place so the baby's father will help financially?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Yea i am just lost right now i thought my baby would have a dad 

[Zilkas98]

15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please don't have an abortion unless you're entirely sure.  There is always the option of adoption later if you truly cannot do this on your own.  I think he was excited at first about the party-the trinkets, the baby shower (I didn't have one or want one -I cannot relate at all to being excited about getting presents as the focus of when you find out you're going to be a parent -so odd at least to me)

I would seek out prenatal care and ask the provider to recommend someone for you to talk to and other single mom resources.  I am pro choice and I could not have aborted except in very extreme circumstances.  I don't think an abortion would be the right option for you given how you are feeling.  I'm sorry he's being such a jerk.  I wish you all the best.

I thought we was excited maybe i was and just blindsided… maybe he really wasn’t he’s been asking and making sure he sees me more since finding out i was pregnant and as soon as the argument hit i asked him did he really want the baby and he said no 

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Zilkas98 said:

Yea i am just lost right now i thought my baby would have a dad 

But were you two planning on trying to conceive? Had you been pregnant before? Your baby may very well have a dad -in the future you might meet someone who wants to be a family with you.  Of course you feel lost and probably exhausted from your first trimester! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. 

[Zilkas98]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But were you two planning on trying to conceive? Had you been pregnant before? Your baby may very well have a dad -in the future you might meet someone who wants to be a family with you.  Of course you feel lost and probably exhausted from your first trimester! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. 

Yeah we were! He actually asked for the baby first. This is my very first time being pregnant. And thanks it’ll get better i know it 

[moodindigo91]

I am sorry you're going through this. I think, at this time, it is very important (although seemingly impossible) to separate your feelings surrounding the baby now growing inside of you and the man who helped conceive it. If you feel very strongly about not wanting to have an abortion, then I would strongly advise against having one. Especially if he isn't willing to pay for the expense. If you really want this child, then you should have the baby, whether or not your boyfriend wants to participate in raising the child or not. Hopefully you have some support in the form of friends and family, and the financial ability to care for yourself and the baby during the pregnancy and thereafter. Those should be the main things to worry about going forward. As others have already said, there's always a possibility that you'll meet a man who will step up and be a father for your child in the future if your boyfriend is unwilling to father his own child. You can also raise it as a single mother. In today's world, this is not all that uncommon and many children are raised in happy healthy single-parent households. In fact, that is preferable to a dysfunctional two-parent household. I hope you find the support you need during this difficult time. 

[Batya33]

51 minutes ago, Zilkas98 said:

Yeah we were! He actually asked for the baby first. This is my very first time being pregnant. And thanks it’ll get better i know it 

I am so sorry about all of this. And yes it will get better because this baby is wanted by you and so when you feel the baby move and kick it won’t be better it will be heavenly. (Unless you are in your 8th month and have to pee badly and in a subway station when your baby kicks you in the bladder but I digress although I’ll never forget that panic of not being sure I’d is make it to my office bathroom lol).  I hope you have a smooth pregnancy. I did for the most part.
You are entering a really hard but really awesome adventure. You want this baby. That’s all you need to know. Ok ?  Please seek out support and resources and take care of yourself. 

[Zilkas98]

53 minutes ago, moodindigo91 said:

I am sorry you're going through this. I think, at this time, it is very important (although seemingly impossible) to separate your feelings surrounding the baby now growing inside of you and the man who helped conceive it. If you feel very strongly about not wanting to have an abortion, then I would strongly advise against having one. Especially if he isn't willing to pay for the expense. If you really want this child, then you should have the baby, whether or not your boyfriend wants to participate in raising the child or not. Hopefully you have some support in the form of friends and family, and the financial ability to care for yourself and the baby during the pregnancy and thereafter. Those should be the main things to worry about going forward. As others have already said, there's always a possibility that you'll meet a man who will step up and be a father for your child in the future if your boyfriend is unwilling to father his own child. You can also raise it as a single mother. In today's world, this is not all that uncommon and many children are raised in happy healthy single-parent households. In fact, that is preferable to a dysfunctional two-parent household. I hope you find the support you need during this difficult time. 

Thank you it’s very hard. I find my self at work can’t keep it together but I’m trying to stay happy and healthy for this baby 🦋

[gamon]

So you both agree you want a child, you intentionally get pregnant, then he changes his mind after borrowing $20 because he's obviously broke, and says neither he nor you is ready for a baby at this time, and since you aren't going to give up the pregnancy, he dumped you and said "have a nice life".

Is that about right?

Do you think he's trying to coerce you into getting an abortion by breaking up with you? In other words if you agreed to an abortion do you think he'd reconcile? If so he's being rather cruel and manipulative especially since he supposedly wanted the pregnancy, but it leaves you in a difficult position for sure, it means you gotta pick between the baby and a guy who walked out on you.

Or you could choose neither but that's entirely up to you.

 

[waffle]

Did you get your $20 back from this loser?

edited to add: no real income I assume means no real job, begging money off his GF, tries to harass her into getting an abortion.  That's a real piece of *excrement* right there.

[Zilkas98]

31 minutes ago, gamon said:

So you both agree you want a child, you intentionally get pregnant, then he changes his mind after borrowing $20 because he's obviously broke, and says neither he nor you is ready for a baby at this time, and since you aren't going to give up the pregnancy, he dumped you and said "have a nice life".

Is that about right?

Do you think he's trying to coerce you into getting an abortion by breaking up with you? In other words if you agreed to an abortion do you think he'd reconcile? If so he's being rather cruel and manipulative especially since he supposedly wanted the pregnancy, but it leaves you in a difficult position for sure, it means you gotta pick between the baby and a guy who walked out on you.

Or you could choose neither but that's entirely up to you.

 

Yeah that story is correct 

[Lambert]

This guy is a real piece of garbage.

And I'm sorry the people you have in your life are telling you about how this is for him! Also real garbage people.

People who are your allies, will be on your side.  Do you have anyone like that? 

If you want the baby, don't abort it. I think that could be something you would regret for the rest of your life. 

Single parenthood is hard.  we can't deny its hard even when you have a partner to share it with. but it possible.

As opinionated as loved ones might be, when the new baby gets here it's a happy thing. 

I think you're seeing your ex bf for who he really is and it's not good.  A child together ties you for life. Even if he doesn't want to be a parent, he will owe child support.

You as the mother, will have to take him to court if he won't pay.  You'll also have to deal with raising the child and helping them cope with the lack of their father's involvement. He may waffle in and out, pay some times, disappear for long stretches and then returning. 

It's not always a cut and dry as he doesn't want and you never hear from him again.  In time you may wish that is what he will do because it's super hard to watch your kid go through this. 

Whatever you decide, you decide what's best for you and don't take this guy back. With him, you truly are better off alone. 

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry, OP. 

I think you need to start planning to raise this child on your own. He clearly doesn't want to be part of this. 

How old are you both? Does he work? 

[Zilkas98]

6 hours ago, waffle said:

Did you get your $20 back from this loser?

edited to add: no real income I assume means no real job, begging money off his GF, tries to harass her into getting an abortion.  That's a real piece of *excrement* right there.

Yes i did