I made things pretty awkward.. how do i carry forward?

[SanAntonioGuy]

a few weeks back I (24M) had three girls with a joint account send me the special heart on hinge. They were looking to group date, but I reluctantly explained that I’m new in town and didn’t have anyone to bring. i have now been hanging out with them for the last 4-5 weeks as friends. every time we go out, I get “stuck" with one of them (Ivy). Needless to say I’ve grown very close to her since were always left together. We’ve become good friends over the weeks. I’m fairly confident there are no feelings between us, but whenever Ivy isn’t around, her other friends have been asking me what’s going between us, or what I think of her. ive even had secondary friends and strangers ask me if I’m dating her. I always just assumed they just don’t know what they’re talking about. I know this would all normally be a sign she’s into me but I really don't get that impression anywhere else.

Anyway, a few days ago she asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with several of her friends the next day, so I said yes. The next morning i sent her a text asking what the name of the place is. She didn’t respond till after the lunch was supposed to have started and she claimed she had just woken up (it was a long weekend). I said it was fine and we spoke for 2-3 hours with a slow text back and forth, and then I finally responded immediately and asked her to come with me on a hike I’m doing later in the week. I didn’t think anything of it, but that was the first time I’ve asked her to hangout alone. so about 3 hours went by and then I remembered she never responded and quickly realized she probably thought I was asking her on a date. at this point I reached out again and just said i recognized how my text seemed, but a date wasn’t my intent. She responded immediately now saying "bro, I just woke up from the deepest nap" and saying she wanted to go.

So she totally ignored the comment I made about not intending for it to be a date. Me, feeling awkward about the situation suggested we postpone fo another time, and then feeling bad, I told her I thought she was awesome but dating just wasn’t in the cards for me right now. She laughed over text and told me I was overthinking, followed by telling me she likes being friends.

so now I feel awkward about the whole situation. was she lying about the nap because I made her feel uncomfortable by asking her to hang out, or did I just shut down this poor girl, my friend, without even giving her the opportunity to respond in time? And on top of all of that, now all of a sudden I can’t get her out of my head. So how should i carry forward? she never addressed me wanting to cancel so should I still follow through on the plans? do I go back on what I said and address that I think I actually may have feelings or do I hold on to the awesome friendship we’ve made?

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, SanAntonioGuy said:

 three girls with a joint account send me the special heart on hinge. i have now been hanging out with them for the last 4-5 weeks as friends. every time we go out, I get “stuck" with one of them (Ivy). 

What is a "joint account" on a dating app?

Why not get a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women one on one for a brief coffee or drink?

This group thing sounds like a mismatched mess.

If you want to make friends, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses. 

Why have you started a bunch of threads on the same topic?

Maybe it's time to use your phone and apps more appropriately?

[Kwothe28]

Why do 3 of them need the same account? How does that even functions lol

Anyway, its such a mess. You are now contemplating about her because she said you to relax and how she doesnt think about it on that way. Even though it was you who suggested "one on one" hangout. And needed to specify it was not a date. Its such a childish thing to do. 

You both need better boundaries. If you are friends then you are friends. Go to hike together and have fun. If any of you wants more then dont hang out together in hopes something would happen. 

[Lambert]

sounds like you created this weird situation and she found a way to smooth it over.  And you're still making it weird! 

Why are you using dating apps for friends? 

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, Lambert said:

sounds like you created this weird situation and she found a way to smooth it over.  And you're still making it weird! 

Why are you using dating apps for friends? 

Yep. She said don't overthink it, but now you're doing that on steroids. Go for the hike. Give her the time and place. If she meets you, great--talk about your typical stuff and don't point this back to your own awkwardness. That just compounds a non-problem by creating one.

This woman appears to enjoy you at face value. Why make it difficult?

Head high, and enjOy!

[Cherylyn]

Tell her friends,  "We're just friends."  Repeat until they're bored with your same answer.

Don't assume she was lying about sleeping.  It could very well been the truth.  Whatever she does at home is her business,  not yours.  Don't care about her sleep.  It's none of your concern.

Focus on friendship.  Don't over think nor create unnecessary drama.  She said she'll hike with you so proceed with hiking.  It would be nice to break for lunch.  Follow through with the plans.  She said she likes being friends so be friends.  Take it one day at a time.  Don't overthink.  Go with the flow.  Act natural.  Be very well mannered and respectful.  Hold onto being awesome friends. 

[MissCanuck]

Wait, she asked you to have lunch with her and her friends, and then basically blew you off the day of? 

I wouldn't worry about rejecting her when she essentially beat you to the punch by not following up about the lunch plans, unless I'm missing something. 

19 hours ago, SanAntonioGuy said:

had three girls with a joint account send me the special heart on hinge. They were looking to group date

Also, this is weird. How old are all of you? I would focus on meeting a woman who doesn't need to bring her wing-women on dates. 

[smackie9]

Stop projecting your insecurities with text messages and just relax/go with the flow. If they don't respond, or you get the excuses, break it off with them. Nothing else to do about it. 

[Andrina]

On 10/11/2022 at 5:51 AM, SanAntonioGuy said:

I get “stuck" with one of them (Ivy)

Reading the psychology of that word "stuck," if I were Ivy, I'd prefer the friendship fade if that's what the guy thought.

On 10/11/2022 at 5:51 AM, SanAntonioGuy said:

I told her I thought she was awesome but dating just wasn’t in the cards for me right now.

You were on hinge as of 5 weeks ago, so what has changed that you wanted to date then, but no longer at this time? Or are you lying to her to try to soften a blow in case she is into you that way, and you're just not into her as dating material?

On 10/11/2022 at 5:51 AM, SanAntonioGuy said:

i have now been hanging out with them for the last 4-5 weeks as friends.

What exactly is your biggest priority right now? If it's to date to find a girlfriend, hanging as much as you're doing with these women is taking up the time you could be going on one-on-one dates with single women from hinge or elsewhere.

On 10/11/2022 at 5:51 AM, SanAntonioGuy said:

ive even had secondary friends and strangers ask me if I’m dating her. I

Going along with what I've typed above, if your goal is to find a gf more than anything else, when you're hanging with these women and others perceive you're a couple, this prevents other women at the club from seeing you as a single man. Good opportunities could be passing you by. And if your dynamic with this woman appears to others as being more than platonic, this would be a red flag to any new woman you've asked to date, when she sees this vibe between you and Ivy that everyone is noticing.

 

Just some comments to help you clarify where you really want the direction of your life going, so you can plan your life accordingly.