I feel like I can't be myself outside of work because of my career

[beachgirl97]

I'm 25F, I've been fortunate enough to land an amazing career in the community I'm from and live in. I work actually for my town, and am in the "spotlight" all the time. Because of this, I feel like I can't be myself when outside of work because of perceived judgment from those that see me. I had an issue about two years ago at a bar and it took a long time for that drama to be put to rest. 

I don't feel comfortable going to the local lake because I don't want to get judgment and looks from my swimsuit, I'm afraid to dress how I want because it wouldn't be considered 'professional.' 

I'm really tired of having to travel out of town to 'be myself' but I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, beachgirl97 said:

I work actually for my town, and am in the "spotlight" all the time. Because of this, I feel like I can't be myself when outside of work because of perceived judgment from those that see me.

How high profile is your job, exactly?  Are you frequently in the media, for example? Are paparazzi following you for instance? Keep a professional profile on ALL your social media and keep it completely private. As far as bars and bathing suits. Don't hang out at local bars. As far as bathing suits, who cares?

[beachgirl97]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

How high profile is your job, exactly?  Are you frequently in the media, for example? Are paparazzi following you for instance? Keep a professional profile on ALL your social media and keep it completely private. As far as bars and bathing suits. Don't hang out at local bars. As far as bathing suits, who cares?

I wouldn't say it's 'high profile' but I'm frequently in media and deal with businesses in our town. I attend a lot of events and there are photographers and many people attending. I actually don't have much social media, I have a very very very private instagram that I have just a select few of my closest friends on. I don't go out and party anymore. My bathing suits are, slightly revealing, mostly because that's what I'm comfortable in, but afraid of what others will think, say, talk about it, etc. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, beachgirl97 said:

I'm frequently in media and deal with businesses in our town. I attend a lot of events and there are photographers and many people attending.. My bathing suits are, slightly revealing, mostly because that's what I'm comfortable in, but afraid of what others will think, say, talk about it, etc. 

You'll have to reconcile that some public scrutiny comes with the turf and get a thicker skin. If it upsets you that much, wear more modest swimwear. Or have a 'who cares?' attitude.

[beachgirl97]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You'll have to reconcile that some public scrutiny comes with the turf and get a thicker skin. If it upsets you that much, wear more modest swimwear. Or have a 'who cares?' attitude.

I get what you're saying, it's difficult for me but appreciate it. I just tired of not being myself and wearing what I want, especially in the summer because of this, so I do need to work on that who cares attitude. 

[greendots]

Your story reminded me of a resent headline. The Finnish PM, Sanna Marin, was scolded by some citizens for partying one night. A debate ensued as to why due to her job role she has to publicly behave in a certain way.

Is there a happy medium you could strike?

Sadly, some people will always judge you as apparently they've got nothing better to do.

 

[tattoobunnie]

You have to play the game to get ahead.  Unless you build your credibility, as a women, you will always find someone trying to shame you.  Just the way the world is.  Think of Serena Williams who paved away how women are forced to dress and behave in tennis...she is a Mega star, and she still has people saying what she should wear and say and do and behave.  

Men who want you, but can't have you, and women who want  your body will always stir sh*t up.  Either you say, "F-Em" or build up your career not making waves.  Then, make waves with the power you amassed.

[Batya33]

Is it really that important to your sense of self to wear a particular type of swimsuit in public? If so my opinion is consider whether your job is the right fit for you.  

[Kwothe28]

Can I just point out the irony of OP name "Beach Girl" and thread where she complains how she cant wear swimsuit. 

Anyway, people rarely understand a scrutiny of public position. For example female teachers have the same thing. Where you do need to dress appropriately or else you do get bad comments from students or parents. Some New Jersey teacher got under scrutiny lately for having "too tight" clothes. Her figure is very curvy and she is some Instagram model so more eyes means somebody would notice and take offense even on stuff like that. In my old school teacher I worked with, got under scrutiny because she enforced the rules by the government and had kids wear masks(Covid rules here where like that for some time). So one kid antivax parents(particulary mother) got offended. To the point that even teacher dressing habits came under attack. And she is older and wears a skirt(and not one of those mini tiny ones but regular "to knees" one). Is it fair? No. But its something that people in public position need to be extra careful with.

Anyway, my point is, I am sorry, but yes, you would need to be careful with stuff like that. If you are "under public eye" they would watch even stuff like that. Dont think it warrants that level of attention that you cant even wear swimsuit at the beach(or lake in this case). As many are more then appropriate for public. But you mentioned the incident from few years ago so maybe that trauma still haunts you. What was the incident about?

[Cherylyn]

Since you have a higher profile job than most, you'll have to be more discreet.  Dress modestly locally and when you're out of town, you can be 'more yourself.'

Unfortunately, you have to be self conscious in this day and age.  Keep in mind, people do what they do in this electronic age such as texting, taking pics with their cell phones, etc.  It's the way the world is and you have to always protect your reputation.

[catfeeder]

5 hours ago, beachgirl97 said:

I'm really tired of having to travel out of town to 'be myself' but I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. 

Does your job require that you live in the same town?

[beachgirl97]

24 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Does your job require that you live in the same town?

No, but there’s really no where else to go in a reasonable distance 

[catfeeder]

Just now, beachgirl97 said:

24 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Does your job require that you live in the same town?

No, but there’s really no where else to go in a reasonable distance 

Ah, I understand. When you had to clean up after the public incident at the club, do you feel as though your employer and peers were supportive of you, or do you feel as though your fight was more against retribution from them?

[RelaxByWater84]

I have been dealing with this all my life.  I grew up in a pastor's household.  It sucked but it helped me grow a thick skin.  There were a lot of outfits I could not wear however it helped me develop a sense of style that is mine.  As far as the bathing suits go you could go for some vintage style ones.  There are some people I know that have made it their own like they are harkening back to that old Hollywood vibe.

[Tinydance]

Well my thoughts are if you'd like to stay in this job, you may need to just allow yourself to be more free. I don't think there is anything wrong with being at the beach in a swimsuit unless maybe you were actually topless or you were being a nudist lol Unfortunately being any kind of well known person can be difficult because there are trolls and haters out there. I think you have to have a thick skin and not really care what people think unless they're your friends and family. Or you can adopt the attitude some celebrities have that "bad publicity is better than no publicity" lol

[beachgirl97]

49 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well my thoughts are if you'd like to stay in this job, you may need to just allow yourself to be more free. I don't think there is anything wrong with being at the beach in a swimsuit unless maybe you were actually topless or you were being a nudist lol Unfortunately being any kind of well known person can be difficult because there are trolls and haters out there. I think you have to have a thick skin and not really care what people think unless they're your friends and family. Or you can adopt the attitude some celebrities have that "bad publicity is better than no publicity" lol

I really love my job, which makes it difficult! For me at the beach, it’s just overall the presentation of me and how I’m dressed, which isn’t an image I want, but am tired of covering up. (I’m low key very much a nudist so that doesn’t help 😅) 

I just need to figure out how I want to go about this possible transformation of appearance since I care so much about how I’m viewed. 

[Tinydance]

5 minutes ago, beachgirl97 said:

I really love my job, which makes it difficult! For me at the beach, it’s just overall the presentation of me and how I’m dressed, which isn’t an image I want, but am tired of covering up. (I’m low key very much a nudist so that doesn’t help 😅) 

I just need to figure out how I want to go about this possible transformation of appearance since I care so much about how I’m viewed. 

Hey no judgement, I actually like being a nudist as well but don't have any opportunity except going to the designated nude beach only in summer when it's warm. That's actually not a joke, I actually do that sometimes.

I mean, it's about I guess embracing your life and accepting it is what it is. I know there are social media influencers who are posing in a bikini constantly and they love the attention. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, beachgirl97 said:

I’m low key very much a nudist so that doesn’t help 😅

Ok. Go to nudist resorts but don't expect to prance around a small town lake like that.

This seems like you are rebelling against ultraconservative parents.

Do you still live at home? Why is this even an issue?

It's not like you're the vice president and the tabloids are taking pics of you topless is it?

Try not to let family drama and rebelling make this a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

Try not to take yourself so seriously. There's plenty of nudist resorts to accommodate you. 

 

[Tinydance]

Hey if I was famous I'd totally want a photo of my hot body in a bikini I'm the papers 🤣 My chubby body but it's still hot!

[Batya33]

I had a friend who wanted to be a judge.  While she was trying to be elected where she lived she had to go to many events of course.  She doesn't drink - I mean a glass of wine with dinner maybe.  There was a photo of her on social media -dressed impeccably standing with two other professional people at an event -and she was holding a glass of wine.  She got a call from a colleague the next day cautioning her not to let that happen again.  Obviously it's totally fine to enjoy wine at an event where wine is served -but if she wanted to be a judge that was not a good look.

If you don't want to make sacrifices for this awesome job and if being nudist/wearing revealing swimsuits on a town beach is that important to you choose a different job - it's fine to do that -your priorities are your business.  But you chose this job and this job does affect your personal life and preferences because it is that kind of job.  Figure out what is important to you?  I make personal sacrifices for my job on social media to a minor extent.  As do many people I know. It's fine with me.  Maybe it wouldn't be fine for everyone. It's an individual choice. 

[Cherylyn]

16 hours ago, beachgirl97 said:

I just need to figure out how I want to go about this possible transformation of appearance since I care so much about how I’m viewed. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  If you care so much about how you are viewed and judged, then do what you have to do in order to retain your job and maintain your professional image.  This is your livelihood so protect it preciously or obtain employment elsewhere. 

[mylolita]

On 9/8/2022 at 12:14 PM, Batya33 said:

I had a friend who wanted to be a judge.  While she was trying to be elected where she lived she had to go to many events of course.  She doesn't drink - I mean a glass of wine with dinner maybe.  There was a photo of her on social media -dressed impeccably standing with two other professional people at an event -and she was holding a glass of wine.  She got a call from a colleague the next day cautioning her not to let that happen again.  Obviously it's totally fine to enjoy wine at an event where wine is served -but if she wanted to be a judge that was not a good look.

If you don't want to make sacrifices for this awesome job and if being nudist/wearing revealing swimsuits on a town beach is that important to you choose a different job - it's fine to do that -your priorities are your business.  But you chose this job and this job does affect your personal life and preferences because it is that kind of job.  Figure out what is important to you?  I make personal sacrifices for my job on social media to a minor extent.  As do many people I know. It's fine with me.  Maybe it wouldn't be fine for everyone. It's an individual choice. 

Hahaha Batya this made me giggle!

 

My Uncle is a retired tribunal judge (employment law) and all the judges he knew drank like fish! It was part of the job almost! His big thing was whisky! And red wine!

 

Maybe it’s different in the US! Anyone working in law here in the UK seem to hit the bar after horrible long hours! 🤣 

 

x

[Batya33]

40 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Hahaha Batya this made me giggle!

 

My Uncle is a retired tribunal judge (employment law) and all the judges he knew drank like fish! It was part of the job almost! His big thing was whisky! And red wine!

 

Maybe it’s different in the US! Anyone working in law here in the UK seem to hit the bar after horrible long hours! 🤣 

 

x

The issue was this was during her campaign to be elected -so all eyes were on her at a professional event, etc. I know of people who drink a lot after work - not as much anymore but way back when.  Was never my thing!

OP the career you chose doesn't have a strict "outside of work" boundary like other jobs. For example, teachers I know refrain from friending parents on social media even if they're actually friends already because it could give the wrong impression.  So their outside of work social media is affected by what they do during the day.