What do I do 😭😭

[GemLou]

So I have been with my bf just over 2 years. We don't live together. We are amazing and he treats me well. We don't really have much of a sex life maybe 1-2 times every month which was a problem for me at first but we have discussed this and he says he has a low sex drive and not really confident with his body. I am kinda fine with this now and we always kiss and cuddle in bed. He's recently admitted to me that he wanks over porn when he's at home. I don't know how to feel about this? I feel upset cos we don't have much sex but am I overthinking things?? Do guys wank when on their own when they have a gf? I'm confused. Please help me x

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. How old is he? Unfortunately you are wasting your time on someone who shuts you out of affection and intimacy. If he wants to masturbate all day long, fine, but end it so you can find a decent man with a healthy sex drive. Stop trying to fix and change him.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, GemLou said:

Do guys wank when on their own when they have a gf?

Yes we do. Its not really some sort of cardinal sin as lots of girls find it is, even girls masturbate  when they are in a relationship and its quite normal. There is a good movie regarding that called "Don Jon". Guy had Scarlet Johannson and still wanked to porn. Though he really had unhealthy obsession with porn.

Anyway, I would more be worried that he claims he has a low sex drive. But still has the need to masturbate. Which means that, um, he doesnt really has a low sex drive. He just doesnt want to do it with you from some reason. Which in turn bothers you as you said that its a problem for you.

[smackie9]

he has a problem, either gets help with his porn addiction or you dump him. 

[reinventmyself]

If you have a fulfilling sex life, then his private time is a non issue.

If those few times he pleasures himself could otherwise be spent with you, then that's a problem.  He doesn't really have that low of a libido if he's pleasuring himself when you aren't around.

[Lambert]

sacrificing your own needs for someone else only leads to dissatisfaction and resentment.

 

[SooSad33]

Is not like he's at a huge distance away, right?

Then I'm not sure if he really has a low sex drive, if he's getting off with porn...

Do you see him regularly ( even tho sex is only a cpl times a month).  I'd be a bit concerned he's addicted to that, to a point it's almost like a preference 😕 

[catfeeder]

The attraction to the porn is that he doesn't need to 'perform' with it, while with another human being he does.

This doesn't make him a villain, but it's also not likely to improve, so if you want a loving, intimate sex life, this is not your guy.

[SherrySher]

2 hours ago, GemLou said:

So I have been with my bf just over 2 years. We don't live together. We are amazing and he treats me well. We don't really have much of a sex life maybe 1-2 times every month which was a problem for me at first but we have discussed this and he says he has a low sex drive and not really confident with his body. I am fine with this now and we always kiss and cuddle in bed. He's recently admitted to me that he wanks over porn when he's at home. I don't know how to feel about this? I feel upset cos we don't have much sex but am I overthinking things?? Do guys wank when on their own when they have a gf? I'm confused. Please help me x 

Also I was playing with his *** the other night and he was just more interested in the tele. It's soo upsetting. What do I do 😭😭

It sounds like he is being very lazy with his efforts and would rather sit back masturbating over porn, then to have an actual sex life.

It's truly up to you on what you will accept, but this sounds like it's going to be a very empty relationship in terms of intimacy, as well as a bit of a confidence killer with how he doesn't seem as interested as you would like him to be.

Are you willing to stay with him if it continues on like this?

[Batya33]

You're very specific about the sex life and porn and really vague about "amazing" and "treats me well" How specifically does he treat you well and are those upsides worth the downsides to you of the preferences he seems to have for porn over having sex more frequently as you would like to (meaning some couples would be thrilled to have sex twice a month -that would satisfy them -but you are not happy with that frequency).

Yes many people pleasure themselves whether they're in a sexual relationship or otherwise.  As part of your amazing relationship are you on the same page about future goals? Do you plan to keep things status quo where you are boyfriend/girlfriend and live separately? Are there plans for any kind of long term commitment which would include living together?

[Wiseman2]

On 7/25/2022 at 5:13 AM, GemLou said:

 I feel upset cos we don't have much sex but am I overthinking things?? Do guys wank when on their own when they have a gf? 

You're both in your 30s and live with parents? Do either of you work?

This doesn't seem to be going anywhere. You're not intimate, you're not moving toward commitment, you're not making plans for a future.

You're annoyed he drinks. You're annoyed he goes to weddings. You're annoyed he shuts you out in favor of masturbating.

What, exactly, do you want to see happening in the future with someone like this?

Time is not standing still. If you want marriage or family it's not going to happen with this man.

Does he have a drinking problem? Sure sounds like it.

[jul-els]

Him being into porn is something you have to decide if you can accept or not. The bigger issue here is he’s not being honest with you. His actions don’t match his words. He’s in a relationship, claims to have a low sex drive, but uses porn. He is being dishonest. This is a red flag you need to pay attention to and address.