We are back together but already have an issue

[irka000]

Me and my ex just got back together. He initiated the reconnection after 7 months.

He did say he booked holiday for xmass period- 10 days in hot country. He did say, he would love me to join and told me the cost. This is more than I can afford. I am so happy to have him back but this has already tainted my joy.

What to do?

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, irka000 said:

This is more than I can afford

So, dont go?

Do you want him to pay for you? Or just dont go to pre-planned holiday? Its kinda silly to hold it over his head and make an issue out of this. Because he already planned and paid for holiday before you were back together. If you cant go from whatever reason, just dont go.

[irka000]

But I would love to and it breaks my heart he could go alone

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, irka000 said:

Me and my ex just got back together. He initiated the reconnection after 7 months.

What prompted the reconciliation? Who contacted whom? How long were you broken up for? What was the breakup about?

Were the issues that caused the breakup resolved? How long have you been back together?

How old is he? Who is he vacationing with?

[Rose Mosse]

Did he book it before you both got back together? 

[MissCanuck]

33 minutes ago, irka000 said:

But I would love to and it breaks my heart he could go alone

It's a short holiday. What is heart-breaking about being apart for 10 days? 

 

[Batya33]

If he booked it before getting back together then please understand especially now that travel is hard to book and expensive. You have time to save up $ if you like. To go. Why does ten days apart break your heart ? That sounds odd. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, irka000 said:

But I would love to and it breaks my heart he could go alone

I dont doubt that. However, its not realistic for you to go. Only other alternative is for him to pay for you or for him to cancel the trip just because you cant go. Both of those are not really good solutions and make you selfish girlfriend. Who cant let him go to 10 day holiday alone.

I would have understanding if the trip was booked after reconciliation. Couples usually talk about stuff like that and book trips together. So he would maybe choose more cheaper solution so you both can go. However, in a situation where he already booked the trip before relationship, there is nothing realistic you can hold over him. Just let the guy go on holiday.

[Rose Mosse]

I think this issue is only as irritating and frustrating as you'll let it be. Unfortunately if the person you're reconciling with has once hurt you or broken some trust in the relationship, both of you will be putting pieces of a glass vase back together. It's painstaking and patience is required. 

Is he worth reconciling with? 

Do you know what you're getting yourself into? 

Everything will seem raw and an issue to you if your previous resentments and problems in the relationship were never resolved.

 

[irka000]

Thank you All.

I broke up with him after heated argument. He booked when he was single and paid for it partially. It is a honeymoon destination, beach and all inclusive! I cant afford it. I dont want to make him feel guilty but I will be gutted alone in cold country alone while he is enjoying cocktails by himself.

[Rose Mosse]

37 minutes ago, irka000 said:

Thank you All.

I broke up with him after heated argument. He booked when he was single and paid for it partially. It is a honeymoon destination, beach and all inclusive! I cant afford it. I dont want to make him feel guilty but I will be gutted alone in cold country alone while he is enjoying cocktails by himself.

What was the argument about? Did you overreact?

Maybe you're jealous that he gets to go and you can't make it. Do you expect him to pay for you or are you just venting?

[Batya33]

49 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

What was the argument about? Did you overreact?

Maybe you're jealous that he gets to go and you can't make it. Do you expect him to pay for you or are you just venting?

Put on your Big Girl Swimsuit and find a warm climate to go to that you can afford on your own or know that you can handle the fact that life isn't always "fair" in your definition of 'fair."

[SooSad33]

13 hours ago, irka000 said:

Me and my ex just got back together. He initiated the reconnection after 7 months.

I'm not sure how long you two had been dating before you broke things off?

But, maybe first things first and that is to see IF you two can make it that long....

As for this planned trip of his, you be honest.  If you cant afford it, you admit it.  Is up to him to decide IF he truly wants to keep his plans.

Why would this 'taint you joy'?  

Anyways, like I said.. one thing at a time.  See if you two get that far.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, irka000 said:

 I will be gutted alone in cold country alone while he is enjoying cocktails by himself.

He won't be by himself. Don't kid yourself.

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities. Just like this.

End it. It wasn't a good idea to get back together. You know that.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

I'm not sure how long you two had been dating before you broke things off?

But, maybe first things first and that is to see IF you two can make it that long....

As for this planned trip of his, you be honest.  If you cant afford it, you admit it.  Is up to him to decide IF he truly wants to keep his plans.

If you don't trust that he's going himself then that's another issue. Maybe he made the plans with someone else and is keeping his plan and ended things with her while you were apart. None of your business.  And yes it's months away anything can happen.  This also might be a wake up call for you -if you crave expensive vacations this much then what can you do to either budget better and/or improve your salary?