Need help

[Andyj84]

I’m 37 .About 3 months ago I met this girl online and we met a couple of times at hers, we were constantly texting and calling flirting,unfortunately I was working nights and three weeks into talking I became unemployed. She was ok with it but I was so desperate to get back into work so I could take out for the day. The night before we were supposed to go out no answer or replies, the day were due to go out nothing either and I was worried so went to hers she answered and yeh she looked I’ll tbh didn’t say that though. Next two days no answer again until one night we spoke she said we are all good etc. Five mins later she txt she wants to be friends at the moment, now my confession is I’ve only seen one girl in my life for a few months who dumped me by text and saw her with another man next day. This one however I really felt for, I sort freaked out and we spoke again next couple days and said the same but I kept telling her my feelings.Now I haven’t been in this situation before in my life, I kept calling messaging see how she was etc. Few days later I became really low like crying, all kept thinking about was her. I told her few days later she said you’ll find happiness and to go out for a drink with my best friend who asked me to. He didn’t turn up, I got low had a few, messaged her no reply called no reply messaged her on Facebook and she said she had her daughter and call tomorrow. I did no answer and left a voice note, she replied best I leave her alone. Replied ok and I’m sorry for what caused this,quick message after she blocked me on WhatsApp. Left it a few days and messaged her on Facebook messaged she blocked me there. She still had me as friend on Facebook but I went out with a good friend of mine telling her about this girl and showed her on my phone her Facebook, she grabbed my phone unfriended her and said move on. I freaked out after and texted the girl wasn’t me that done that but no reply. So want to speak to her, can’t stop thinking about her it’s always in my mind. Don’t want to text or call because could seem as harassment if I do. Just don’t know what to do. Am so low right now.

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Andyj84 said:

she txt she wants to be friends at the moment. she replied best I leave her alone.  she blocked me on WhatsApp. Facebook messaged she blocked me there. Don’t want to text or call because could seem as harassment if I do. 

Sorry this happened. Yes, you need to let her be. Focus on friends and family and most of all searching for work. You only knew her 12 weeks so you need to get your life in better order and address the drinking, depression and anxiety.

[Andyj84]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Yes, you need to let her be. Focus on friends and family and most of all searching for work. You only knew her 12 weeks so you need to get your life in better order and address the drinking, depression and anxiety.

Thank you. The drinking situation is ok, not much of one tbh. Just handled the anxiety and depression wrong I suppose. But thanks again.

[catfeeder]

I'm very sorry you're hurting, and I wish there was something one of us could say to make it better. Unfortunately, breakups are not a democracy. When one person wants out, the other doesn't get a vote.

Nobody 'owes' us a conversation. No response to a contact IS a response that says, "I don't want to talk with you, do NOT try again."

If you keep trying, you could be met with contact from your local police, so please STOP.

You mention having limited experience with dating, so you'll need to learn that rejections DO come with the territory, and we ALL must develop the emotional strength and the resilience to deal with those.

It might be helpful to throw your focus into a job search. You might also contact the Human Services department of your local hospital to ask for an appointment with a social worker who can help you to find resources for emotional support during this difficult time.

Head high. Dating is always a gamble, and we just keep trying until we find the right match. This woman is not that person for you. 

 

[wealthydior]

Of course you can feel bad and want to talk to her but if she doesn’t want the same thing then you can’t do anything about it. Try to focus on other thing in your life I know it’s easier said than done but that’s the only thing to do right now. Apparently you are not meant to be.

[Rose Mosse]

Don't contact her anymore. This will pass. Just give yourself time and let this one go. The problem was you kept trying to contact her multiple times even though she didn't want to be reached. She said she'd call and she didn't call. That's a hint. 

You need more time to put this behind you and accept it wasn't going to work. Did you find work again? How's things with your new job?

[Andyj84]

5 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Don't contact her anymore. This will pass. Just give yourself time and let this one go. The problem was you kept trying to contact her multiple times even though she didn't want to be reached. She said she'd call and she didn't call. That's a hint. 

You need more time to put this behind you and accept it wasn't going to work. Did you find work again? How's things with your new job?

Hi. Yea I got a few weeks work to help me out but I’m still applying for permanent work. Thanks

[Rose Mosse]

9 minutes ago, Andyj84 said:

Hi. Yea I got a few weeks work to help me out but I’m still applying for permanent work. Thanks

That's good news. Keep up the search. Take care of your mental and physical health. Fall outs and break ups are difficult but we get through it. You'll be ok. 

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Andyj84 said:

I went out with a good friend of mine telling her about this girl and showed her on my phone her Facebook, she grabbed my phone unfriended her and said move on.

Clever girl. I mean a friend lol

She stood you up for a date. After that, you should be the one blocking and deleting her off everything. Never be afraid to express yourself even on that way. Somebody who does stuff like that doesnt deserve your attention. And you should appropriately let them know that. 

Instead, you were being clingy. And she blocked you after that. You are 37 but dont have a lot of experience so you are maybe needy for a relationship. But you shouldnt be afraid to discard people like that.

[smackie9]

When you are in an emotional slump, take up running. Nothing helps better to clear the cobwebs from your brain than some good old fresh air, and getting that heart pumpin/blood flowin. All it costs you is a pair of runners and time. 

[Tinydance]

I understand you liked her and you don't have much experience but unfortunately this was just a very typical online dating situation. I've been in it myself many times and I'm sure so have a lot of other people. It's pretty common to go on a couple or a few dates with someone from online and then either you or them realises that they're just not feeling it and/or there is something incompatible, or find someone else you/them likes better. It doesn't mean there's anything actually wrong with you but it's just what's called lack of chemistry or spark (for this girl). 

If the person  isn't acting interested in you, doesn't show up for the date, you just need to leave them and don't contact them anymore. You acted very clingy and really over the top and pushy. When she didn't reply, you actually went to her house. You don't do that, it's a very bad look. Then you kept messaging and messaging and just not taking no for an answer. She blocked you but you still kept messaging on other social media. That person BLOCKED you. You know what this means, they don't want to hear from you. 

Yes it really sucks and it hurts but unfortunately you need to accept that no means no. You can't force someone's feelings and you probably wouldn't want someone to try to force you either.