How Do I Stop Her From Wasting My Time?

[Anonymous]

I met a relatively attractive girl (the most attractive one yet for me), 20 years old.

She behaves very much like my first girlfriend from back in 2012: She is  very insecure and a bit needy (or at least makes me believe she is), and if I disappear from whatsapp for a few hours, she'll come back texting me. She even complained when I didn't send her a good morning text. Like my first ever GF did.

At first she didn't seem to want to date me... But I pushed her... and she agreed to meet me.

We scheduled a date for next saturday (starting to see a pattern here with saturdays...)
A roadblock on my side appeared: Me and my family have a road trip scheduled for the weekend. And they only told me about it now.

So I told her I had a road trip and asked if we could meet earlier... Well apparently I'm nowhere near a priority for her, so she thinks it's  fine if we meet on the next saturday... 2 friggin' weeks from now.

She is making absolutely no effort to see me. It's literally just a 25 minute walk for me to meet her.

I have no time or patience for this -- for the first time ever in my life I've grown some balls and started valuing my time and having some self-respect.

She even had the audacity of asking me if I "would wait for her" -- meaning not meet anybody else in these two weeks (***? Seriously?).

[boltnrun]

Are you a lot older than her?

You mentioned a girlfriend from 2012, which leads me to believe you're at least 26-ish?

 If she's acting like this why are you pushing her to date you? Because she's young and attractive, or...?

[greendots]

1 hour ago, Guest Anonymous said:

We scheduled a date for next saturday (starting to see a pattern here with saturdays...)
A roadblock on my side appeared: Me and my family have a road trip scheduled for the weekend. And they only told me about it now.

Look at it from her perspective. You had a date planned for Saturday. Now you cancel on her for a reason that's not an emergency. Could she be understanding that your family just told you about the trip, sure. But you don't have to go on the road trip, do you? You're choosing to go on that family trip and asking her to be accommodating. She's not exactly a priority—your family road trip is that they just told you about.

And as for her impatience when you don't text her right back, or when she doesn't receive a "Good morning" text and so forth, I'd suggest you talk to her about it nicely. I'm sure you guys can work something out.

My two cents. 🙂

 

[Jaunty]

Wait.  You made the original date almost a whole week from now.  That doesn't seem very urgent.   Then, you chose to prioritize a road trip with your family over meeting with her.   Those are both on you, so I don't think you have grounds to complain about her wanting to wait until the following Saturday.

In any case, you knew she wasn't interested in dating you, yet you persisted.   So ...

 

[Anonymous]

4 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

She behaves very much like my first girlfriend from back in 2012.

We scheduled a date for next saturday ... 2 friggin' weeks from now.

So you haven't met yet? What's up with mentioning a GF from 10 years ago? 

If you can't get yourself organized to have time to date, take a break.

How old are you? She's 20 and you're going on and on about a GF from 2012?

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

She even had the audacity of asking me if I "would wait for her" -- meaning not meet anybody else in these two weeks (***? Seriously?).

That is an easy answer. Even if you plan on waiting you just say "I cant promise you anything". She needs reassurances and you dont want her to think you are "too available" so there is your answer. If she can play unavailability, so can you. If she says that is not fine with her just say "OK, goodbye". 

Anyway, if she is really not excited about dating you and you need to push that much, its not really worth it. No matter how pretty the girl is.

 

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I have no time or patience for this -- for the first time ever in my life I've grown some balls and started valuing my time and having some self-respect.

She even had the audacity of asking me if I "would wait for her" -- meaning not meet anybody else in these two weeks (***? Seriously?).

If you're already this annoyed with her and you haven't even met her yet....cancel the date. 

You had to push her to meet you. That should tell you something. Don't waste your time on women who you have to convince to meet you. 

[jazz_lover]

I think you are being unreasonable. 

Why should you be a priority for her? You are practically strangers and she doesn't know you well enough to know if there is any kind of potential and if she is attractive she will have other guys interested in her. 

You should have other options as well so waiting a few weeks to see her shouldn't be a big deal. If you hit it off you will both start making each other more of a priority and future dates will be easier to arrange. 

Also "wait for her" doesn't imply she is banning you from seeing other girls. it just means she wants you to wait two weeks to see her which is a reasonable request if weekends work best for her especially as you cancelled the coming weekend because of your family plans.

I can understand how the constant texting is a drag. Unfortunately some girls and especially young girls are big texters. I do not know why. Maybe they like the attention? Maybe they like feeling connected without having to go out of their comfort zone and actually go on dates? Maybe it allows them to talk to multiple guys at the same time whereas dating multiple guys is exhausting?

And unfortunately you are already in a pattern of daily texting. So she will continue to expect this for the next two weeks and beyond. And WhatsApp is a pain in the butt because they can see if you are online so if you haven't answered a text they assume you are ignoring them or chatting to other girls etc. I think the only way to deal with this is to slow down your responses and if she has a go at you just say that you were busy. And if she continues to press just say you aren't that big on texting and would rather get to know her in person. 

 

[Rose Mosse]

11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

How do I stop her from wasting my time?

Both of you seem incompatible. Take a look at why you’re seeking new partners who are similar to your ex. I think you’re frustrated upon realizing this but your anger is misdirected at the new person you’re dating. She’s not the one who should be bearing the brunt of your anger and frustration. 

Try sorting yourself out before dating anyone else. Avoid the same patterns and look for partners who communicate well with you and don’t play games.

[Jaunty]

I would like to add that you don't "stop her from wasting your time."  She is NOT wasting your time.  YOU are wasting your OWN time if you feel like engaging with her via texts etc is, in fact, time wasting.

If you are enjoying it, keep it up.  If you feel it is potentially a worthwhile investment, you might decide it's worth the potential risk (of a few minutes ... big deal).  If it's a waste of your time, don't do it.   

If you're interested in meeting her in 2 weeks, go ahead.  If you think it's a waste of your time, cancel.

You are 100% responsible for how you choose to spend your time.  Don't waste it.  

[waffle]

SHE isn't wasting your time, you're wasting your own time.  If you don't have the time or patience to participate in this, then don't participate.