My ex came back

[RosieJ]

From my previous post- I was dating a guy for nearly a year and I broke up with him 3 months ago because he didn’t want to commit to being a boyfriend. After 2 months of no contact he came back asking  for me to come back and he promise he will take our relationship serious. I was reluctant but gave it a try because I felt he was sincere. And Also still had feelings for him. He’s vague about our relationship. Meaning he doesn’t talk about future plans for us. We are both in our early  30’s and I would like to be sure about where we are heading because I would like to settle down and start a family. He makes an effort for us to see each other more than before but still he’s behavior hasn’t changed. He barely  takes me out on dates, I never met any friends/family, (his mom died and doesn’t have a good relationship with his father, and his siblings are out of state.) still never met his friends.all he wants for me to do is Come over when he gets off work late night and hangout until it’s time for me to work. That’s 3-4 nights a week ans I work the night shift on other days. Both Our work schedule is odd. The problem is he’s still very cold. I know he cares about me but he doesn’t talk about feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me, no reassurance. I don’t feel emotionally supported. 2 weeks after we got back together His best friend got killed. And his attitude has gotten worst. He blames his attitude because of his friends death but he was cold before that and his friends death only heightened his bad attitude. I don’t want to try working on the relationship anymore  i want to know when Is it a right time to break it up. I know he’s going through a tough time but I’m cheating myself out of finding real love and can’t stand to be around him anymore. I try to let him know it’s not working out but he accuse me leaving him when he’s down. It makes me feel bad because I recently lost a parent and he was somewhat supportive  and I know how it feels when you need a friend and he barely has family around and I don’t want him to feel worst. I wake up and pray to God for answers on how to move forward. I’m tired of being pushed away and I’m not even getting my emotional needs met. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard when I tell him I’m not happy, he says we’re adults now and happiness isn’t relevant: I don’t know how to feel about it. I feel stuck supporting him when I’m emotionally exhausted myself. I want out and want to know when is it a good time to cut communication. 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, RosieJ said:

he’s behavior hasn’t changed.  he wants for me to do is Come over when he gets off work late night and hangout until it’s time for me to work.  can’t stand to be around him anymore.

Cut your losses if you want a satisfying committed relationship. He is still looking for hookups and acting like a drain.

This time delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

 Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men who want what you want.

[Batya33]

It's hard to do but simple at the same time.  He's not that into you.  You took him back without him being 100% sure and excited about wanting to plan a life with you.  He missed you, maybe he wasn't cool being on his own so he figured you'll do.  That's how he's acting, and he never promised you what you wanted - a serious long term relationship with serious potential for marriage and family.  But you took him back. That was a mistake.  Rectify the mistake by telling him without drama "I made a mistake getting back together. We want different things.  I'm going to move on and please don't contact me."

I wouldn't have the condition "contact me if you change your mind" because the chances of him all of a sudden having an epiphany that NOW he's "ready" is extremely remote and not worth the risk.

Do not -please please do not -waste your 30s this way. I got in my own way for too much of my 30s with men who I wasn't sure were "the one" for me.  I got married and had a baby in the nick of time and did not settle -the opposite -I became the right person to find the right person.  Had I been in a go-nowhere relationship I am positive I wouldn't be happily married now because of how the timing worked.

Good luck.

[DarkCh0c0]

15 minutes ago, RosieJ said:

I want out and want to know when is it a good time to cut communication. 

Now. Literally.

You deserve better and can do better. This man had clearly shown you who he is before and he can't change. Why settle for this mediocrity? You obviously are not satisfied and your needs are not met. And he sounds like he came back to you cause it's harder to find women and start anew.

Free yourself to find men who will treat you right and make you feel more than special. Don't settle and don't go desperate. Comon' girl, take charge of your happiness! 30s are the gold time for empowerment and sexy confidence. Say no. Love and respect yourself more than any relationship and any man. You got it. You can do it! 

[Rose Mosse]

24 minutes ago, RosieJ said:

From my previous post- I was dating a guy for nearly a year and I broke up with him 3 months ago because he didn’t want to commit to being a boyfriend. After 2 months of no contact he came back asking  for me to come back and he promise he will take our relationship serious. I was reluctant but gave it a try because I felt he was sincere. And Also still had feelings for him. He’s vague about our relationship. Meaning he doesn’t talk about future plans for us. We are both in our early  30’s and I would like to be sure about where we are heading because I would like to settle down and start a family. He makes an effort for us to see each other more than before but still he’s behavior hasn’t changed. He barely  takes me out on dates, I never met any friends/family, (his mom died and doesn’t have a good relationship with his father, and his siblings are out of state.) still never met his friends.all he wants for me to do is Come over when he gets off work late night and hangout until it’s time for me to work. That’s 3-4 nights a week ans I work the night shift on other days. Both Our work schedule is odd. The problem is he’s still very cold. I know he cares about me but he doesn’t talk about feelings. He doesn’t tell me he loves me, no reassurance. I don’t feel emotionally supported. 2 weeks after we got back together His best friend got killed. And his attitude has gotten worst. He blames his attitude because of his friends death but he was cold before that and his friends death only heightened his bad attitude. I don’t want to try working on the relationship anymore  i want to know when Is it a right time to break it up. I know he’s going through a tough time but I’m cheating myself out of finding real love and can’t stand to be around him anymore. I try to let him know it’s not working out but he accuse me leaving him when he’s down. It makes me feel bad because I recently lost a parent and he was somewhat supportive  and I know how it feels when you need a friend and he barely has family around and I don’t want him to feel worst. I wake up and pray to God for answers on how to move forward. I’m tired of being pushed away and I’m not even getting my emotional needs met. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard when I tell him I’m not happy, he says we’re adults now and happiness isn’t relevant: I don’t know how to feel about it. I feel stuck supporting him when I’m emotionally exhausted myself. I want out and want to know when is it a good time to cut communication. 

 

 

Do you have other support? Try counselling for the loss of your loved one and be more focused on what you need. 

I wouldn’t stay for one second with a person who belittles, guilts or makes me feel bad for his poor attitude about life and unable to see his blessings or be grateful for what he does have. 

He couldn’t get it together back then. What makes you think he will ever get it together? 

Go find people who love you and care about you instead of just saying it without meaning it.

[reinventmyself]

There really isn't any ideal time to end a relationship.  It's never easy and you may just be focusing on the current circumstances to delay the inevitable.  Wait a month and it will be something different.  Life has its way of throwing roadblocks. 

You just do it because it's necessary. 

Think of it this way.  If a guy no longer wanted to be with you, would you want him to only stick around because the timing wasn't good.  Or would you want to know?

[smackie9]

Girrrrrrlllll just boot him to the curb and be done with it. 

[catfeeder]

12 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Rectify the mistake by telling him without drama "I made a mistake getting back together. We want different things.  I'm going to move on and please don't contact me."

This. ^^^^

We never get any wasted time back to live over again. Your time is valuable. Don't waste it on anyone who doesn't recognize and appreciate your unique value.

Head high, and tell him the above next time he contacts you to go over there. You will thank yourself sooner rather than later.

[Kwothe28]

Never take them back. Because as you can see, nothing changes. Because if he wouldnt commit, nothing could change about that in 2 months. I mean sure, he missed you in his own way, but doesnt mean he would suuddenly give you anything you want just because of that. So you should have never taken him back in the first place. He didnt came back, you took him back. 

Just break up again. I read the previous thread and about biological clock and everything. That is no reason to trap yourself with someone who would never commit. 

[ADnrewwDied]

You have to go to extreme measures if you feel unhappy. This is the most important thing we can get in this life